Beginning with You (25 page)

Jim nodded, allowing his hand to slide off her shoulder. He felt her pain, her vulnerability. “And since then?”

“Eighteen months learning how to be a damn good Coast Guard helicopter pilot didn’t leave me any time to myself.” She risked a look at him, some of her anger and fear dissolving. “Eighteen months of pure hell, where you busted your ass on a daily basis and you weren’t sure whether the Navy instructor pilots were going to wash you out one day or the next. No, I didn’t have time for a relationship, as you call it.”

“I understand.”

Rook shook her head, wrapping her arms about herself. “No, you don’t. Ever since I can remember, men and I have been at odds with one another.” She gestured in the direction of the station. “God knows, I’m having to learn how to get along with them as never before. All my experiences with men, up until recently, have been disappointing or bad, Jim.”

He stepped forward, gently cradling her face between his large hands. Her mouth and eyes broadcast her pain, her unsureness. “I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you, Rook, because I’m human, but what I can promise is to always be honest with you. We can talk, explore and find out about each other in many ways. And, yes, sharing ourselves in bed can be a part of that, too. We don’t have to rush into anything. One of the many things I like about you is your honesty. You don’t pull any punches.”

Tears blurred her vision, and Rook fought them. His hands were callused and roughened against her face, but they sent a protective, good feeling through her. “I’m not such a hot deal.”

“I don’t want a hot deal. I want you.”

Rook shut her eyes and laid her hands against his arms, suddenly dizzy with fear. “I’m so afraid, Jim.” Her voice wobbled.

“So am I,” he whispered, leaning over, brushing her parted lips. “Let’s be frightened together.” And he gently drew Rook to him, kissing her as if she were fragile glass. This woman, who put her life on the line on almost a daily basis, who had nerves like a steel cable behind the stick of a helicopter, was hauntingly human through his heart’s eyes.

Rook tried to pull away, tearing her mouth from his.

“No,” Jim whispered hoarsely, holding on to her arms. “If you’re going to run, run to me, not away from me, Rook.”

Tears glittered in her eyes. The fear shot up through her, and she struggled.

“Listen to me,” Jim ordered, pulling her against him. “You might as well stop fighting me. We’re going back to your apartment and hash all of this out—right now.”

Miserably, Rook looked away. Without a word, Jim tucked her under his arm and walked her back to the Corvette.

Jim switched on the lamp in the living room of Rook’s apartment. He saw her slip off her shoes and sit dejectedly on the couch. Grimly, he joined her, taking her clenched hands out of her lap and holding them.

“I’m going to tell you why you’re afraid of me, Rook,” he began unevenly. “You care for me, don’t you?”

His voice was deep, soothing to her chaotic state. “Y-yes.”

“How much?”

“A lot.”

“More than any man in your life?”

She nodded, biting her lower lip. “This isn’t your fault, Jim. It’s mine. I’m treating you the way I was treated. That isn’t right.” She lifted her eyes, forcing herself to hold his compassionate gaze. “So much has happened in the last month. I-I’ve tried to figure out why I wanted to leave you.”

He gripped her fingers more firmly. “Rook, this is important. In your heart, do you want a long-term relationship with me? Don’t listen to your head, just your heart. Please….”

The silence throbbed around them. Rook’s shoulders fell, and after an agonizing minute she whispered, “Yes.”

Jim wanted to embrace her, but he didn’t dare—not yet.

“I feel the same way about you,” he began unsteadily, watching her lashes rise, those gray eyes filled with hope instead of fear, as before. “Rook, we can surmount this problem—together.”

Giving a jerky nod of her head, Rook rasped, “This is my fault. You never did anything to me. I—it’s all from the past.”

“I know that. Tell me about these two affairs. I don’t need the sordid details, but how did they end up?”

With a little laugh of embarrassment, Rook looked away. “In my senior year of high school I was terribly lonely for some kind of social life. I worked my newspaper route morning and evening in order to bring in extra money for Mom and me to survive on, so I never had time for boys. Then, this guy, Frank Helman, asked me to the senior prom. I’d never had a boyfriend, never been to a dance before, so I accepted.”

“Anyone in your shoes would have to want some form of companionship in a situation like that,” Jim said, keeping his voice low. How lonely Rook must have really been as a teenager, forced to grow up long before she should have, and shoulder adult responsibilities.

“Yes.” Rook glanced over at him. ‘To make a miserable story short, I ended up going to the dance. Afterward, Frank took me to a secluded spot outside town.” Her voice lowered. “The next morning, it was all oóver school that Frank had slept with me. He’d made a bet with his friends that he could do it.”

“The bastard,” Jim hissed. Gently, he forced Rook to sit and face him, his hands remaining on her slumped shoulders. “And the second time?”

“Just as stupid and foolish. I was a junior at college. Same kind of thing, working day and night, and every summer. I got lonely. A senior, John Trevor, asked me out. I accepted. Only this time, I got drunk. I wasn’t into drugs or the drinking scene. He’d brought along rum and Coke. The next thing I knew, I was back in the attic room where I lived, in this old house not far from the campus. It was over in minutes. John got up and left without a word. When I saw him on campus after, he just ignored me.” Rook closed her eyes, unable to stand the look of suffering on Jim’s features. “I felt as if every time I tried to get close to a man, it turned sour—just like the relationship with my father.”

Sliding his hand along the line of her jaw, Jim whispered, “Look at me, Rook.” As her eyes met and held his, he leaned over, barely brushing her lips, wanting to ease all her pain. Pulling inches away, Jim framed her face with his hands. “I think you see the pattern that was set up from your past.”

It hurt to swallow and Rook choked out, “Yes….” A ragged sigh came from deep within her. “For the last month, I’ve thought a lot about why I ran from you, why I wrote that note begging you not to contact me.”

“When I came along, that wounded part of you wanted nothing to do with me because I was a man. I was capable of abusing you and then walking away, just like those two jerks did.”

For the first time, Rook took the initiative, some of her panic dissolving beneath their searching conversation. She slid her hands up Jim’s arms, allowing them to rest on his broad, capable shoulders. “Exactly.” There was such undeniable love in Jim’s eyes. “After I figured out what I’d done, I thought I’d lost you—lost whatever we might have.”

“And because of your inexperience with relationships, you didn’t know how to approach me or tell me that,” Jim guessed, caressing her flushed cheeks with his thumbs. Her skin was incredibly pliant. His breath snagged as she laid her cheek against his palm, an unmistakable sign of trust.

“You mean more to me than any other person in my life, except for Mom and Noah. I-I’ve never felt like this with anyone before, and that scared the hell out of me, too.” Rook closed her eyes as he threaded his fingers through her hair, stroking her as if she were a beautiful woman to be worshiped.

Whispering her name, Jim eased Rook into his arms. She came without a fight, her gray eyes filled with adoration. “It takes courage to admit that,” he said huskily, smoothing strands of hair from her cheek, placing them behind her small, delicate ear. “I was waiting—hoping that you’d realize what happened after that night we’ made love. I knew you were running again, Rook, and I was helpless to stop you.”

“I know.”

“We have something special, Wild Rose—something that sets my heart pounding every time I think of you, talk to you or touch you. Only you can give us the time we need to explore it—together.”

Together. Rook looked into Jim’s eyes and found incredible warmth lingering in them. “This is all so new to me, Jim.”

“And you’re scared.”

“Very.”

“So am I.” A slight smile tugged at his mouth—a smile of self-deprecation. Rook wasn’t ready to admit she loved him, any more than she was ready to hear from him that he loved her.

“Feel like exploring this new territory of our relationship?”

“Yes….” Her nerves tingled as Jim kissed her ear, her neck and then the base of her throat. Automatically, her fingers curved around his powerful neck. As he kissed her cheek and brushed her lips lightly, she looked into his burning blue eyes.

“This time,” Jim murmured, rising to his feet, “we’re going to make slow, passionate love with each other. I want to show you how much you mean to me and how beautiful you really are.”

Dazed by the catch of his lowered voice, Rook allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. Within seconds, Jim had picked her up in his arms and walked to her bedroom. As he laid her on the bed and removed each of her shoes, he came and sat down beside her. Rook gave him a look of tenderness.

“What is it?” he asked, sliding his hands beneath her blazer, easing it off her shoulders.

Rook marveled that he was able to know that she had made a discovery about herself. “The panic’s gone. I don’t feel it anymore.” He set the blazer on the cedar chest at the end of the bed. In the shadowy darkness of die room, Jim’s features were rugged-looking, filled with an intense longing that made her pulse leap raggedly.

“That’s because you had the courage to stop running from your past and face a much better future.” He smiled, kissing her parted lips with great restraint. “A very happy one—with me.” The blouse was next, and Jim began to patiently unbutton each button, holding her shimmering gaze while he did so.

Rook’s eyes shuttered closed as the blouse fell away, exposing her lacy pink bra. She felt his fingers trace her neck and shoulders, sliding the material away.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful,” he quavered, tracing her prominent collarbones, feeling her unfettered reaction to his exploration. “Undressing you is like unfolding layers of beautiful petals from a flower….”

A whisper of need rushed from her as the bra was freed. Oddly, Rook felt no shame as she opened her eyes, sitting exposed before Jim. As his callused hands cupped each of her straining breasts, tremors of heat flooded her, anticipation beginning a slow, throbbing beat through her.

“A flower,” Rook murmured unsteadily, her hands coming to rest on his muscular arms. She had missed Jim’s way of seeing the world. He saw it in a far less harsh light than she, teaching her how to see beauty instead of always darkness. His eyes were hooded and smoldering with hunger. Just the way he worshiped her breasts, holding them as if they were priceless treasures, she felt what it was like to be loved completely as a woman, not an object to be used and then cast aside.

Jim marveled at the firm, rounded beauty of her breasts. He ached to lean down and taste each of those taut, pink, beckoning nipples. There was time, he reminded himself, gently releasing them. Holding her warm gray eyes, he began to undress before her. First, his shirt came off, exposing his powerful chest that had a dusting of dark hair across it. Could she hear the beat of his heart? He felt it pounding through him. Jim was aware of the ache centered below. His erection was obvious. As he stood up, unbuckling his belt and opening his slacks, he watched Rook intently.

“Tonight,” he told her in a deep voice, as he placed the slacks on the cedar chest, “is for us. The last time we came together was for different reasons.” He approached Rook, tunneling his fingers through her hair, watching her lashes drop to her fiery cheeks, her lips parting. “We belong together, Rook. You and I.” And he cradled the back of her head, guiding her down upon the bright quilt on the queen-sized bed.

A sigh of anticipation stole through Rook as she felt Jim loosen her skirt and pull it down the length of her legs. His large hand settled on her hip, then moved slowly, provocatively down her thigh. Each touch, whether firm or feathery, sent prickles of expectation racing through her. Her womb clenched. She felt dampness coating her inner thighs.

Jim absorbed her glowing features as he brought the half-slip downward. And last, her silky pink panties. The shadowy light caressed Rook’s naked form, reminding him once again of her wonderful figure. Moving to her side after he disrobed, he lay above her, his hand cupping one breast. Rook inhaled sharply as he moved his thumb across her taut nipple. Her arms lifted, resting on his shoulders, her eyes dazed with arousal.

“My Wild Rose,” he whispered, claiming the nipple, drawing it gently between his lips.

A wild, jagged heat raced through her. Rook moaned, feeling the hot moistness of his mouth closing over her nipple, suckling gently upon it. Mindlessly, she moaned in her throat and pressed her hips against his naked form. Her hip came in contact with his erection, sending more shafts of molten fire through her. His roughened fingers skimmed her spine, following it all the way down, capturing her hips solidly against his own.

“Sweet…my God, you’re sweet….” Jim rasped, sampling the other nipple reverently. She was writhing within his arms, delicious sounds caught in her exposed throat, her fingers alternately digging and restless upon his shoulders. Humbled by Rook’s naive response, Jim felt an overwhelming sense of love toward her. She hadn’t allowed the cruelty that men had played upon her to repress her own femininity. As she arched willingly into his arms, it took every bit of control not to take her as he had before.

A gasp of pleasure escaped Rook as she felt his mouth trail a path of building fire down across her belly until, finally, his callused fingers slid between her taut thighs, asking her to part them for him. Breath coming in gulps, wild with hunger, Rook curled fingers into the quilt as she felt his tongue explore the most secret parts of her. Her head thrashed from side to side, and a pleading cry tore from her as molten heat built violently within her core, the ache heavy and throbbing.