Beginning with You (32 page)

He squeezed Rook gently. “Yes, he does. Noah is one hell of a man.”

Gil Logan waited impatiently at the entrance to the cemetery. He’d seen Rook and Jim drive away right after the ceremony was over. No one had told him where they were going, but he knew. Gil laughed, remembering how insensitive Eve had accused him of being. He paced near his car, still in uniform. They’d been up on that hill for about twenty minutes. Gil tried to remember what it had been like when he and Eye had fallen in love—that intense, breathtaking emotion that had hurled them into each other’s arms.

He frowned, leaning against his car, staring moodily out at the straits. He felt Rook and Jim’s relationship was more stable, more enduring than his and Eve’s had been. They had real love. All he and Eve had shared was a set of rose-colored glasses. Gil laughed derisively. What was left after the romantic love faded from their marriage wasn’t worth one brick, much less a foundation. Maybe that was the reason for the divorce. His family was still distraught over his decision—and so was he for their sake.

Logan took off the garrison cap he was wearing, setting it on the roof of the car. He hated to wear the thing. Running his fingers through his short hair, he tried to still his own inner restlessness. He hadn’t realized Eve was on the ferry until he’d seen the list of survivors the next day at the office. He closed his eyes, allowing the sunlight to warm him. He was so damned cold and empty inside. Memory of that final confrontation between them came sharply back into focus. He’d found out she was at the same hospital that Rook and Jim had been taken to.

“What are you doing here?” Eve had whispered as he entered the room.

Gil stood there, dressed in civilian clothes, staring over at his wife. Eve was in a wrinkled white cotton hospital gown. Her face was devoid of makeup, and she looked waxen. He saw the bruises on her forehead and right cheek. Her right arm was in a cast and sling.

“I didn’t know you were on board or I’d have come sooner,” he began haltingly.

“You wouldn’t care even if you had known,” she muttered, refusing to look at him. “Just get out of here, Gil! I’ve had enough shock and trauma the past few days to last me a lifetime. I don’t need you here, too.”

He opened his hand, palm outward, as he walked over to her bed. Eve looked so helpless. “But—”

She whirled toward him, her lips contorted with anguish.

“I said, get out of here! I hate you! I hate what you did to us!”

His eyes widened. Pain twisted through his heart. It took long moments for him to collect his thoughts and get his emotions back under tight control. “How long have you hated me, Eve?” The words came out in a naked whisper.

She sobbed and blurted out, “I thought when I married a Coast Guard officer that life would be great. I’d get out of that dirty little Southern town and get respect. I’d be important. I’d be somebody.” Eve’s eyes veiled with fresh tears. “Instead of somebody, I became a nobody again. You might have been married to me, Gil Logan, but the Coast Guard was your real wife. All I was to you was a mistress—someone to come home to when the Coast Guard felt like releasing you.”

“That’s not true, Eve! Nothing could be further from the damn truth!”

“Don’t you start shouting at me!”

His breath was coming in uneven gulps and he knotted his fists. “I love you, Eve. I never stopped loving you. I can’t help it if I have long hours. That’s the way it is, and you knew that before you married me!”

Her eyes flashed with resentment. “You ruined this marriage. You and your real wife, your beloved Coast Guard.” Clumsily, Eve worked the wedding ring off her left hand. “That ferry disaster jelled a lot of things for me, Gil. I found out how much I wanted to live, really live—not just be some secondhand castoff. Oh, sure, we were great in bed together, but that was all. It’s not enough!” Eve threw the ring at him with all her strength. It bounced harmlessly off his chest, clattering to the tile floor and rolling toward the door, where it finally tinkled to a stop.

Gil stared openmouthed at her, grief tearing at him. “Eve,” he rasped, taking a step forward.

Eve cowered and screamed, “Get out of here! Get out of my life! I never want to see you again!”

He reined in his escaping feelings. He wanted to talk, to try and figure out where they had gone wrong. But just as he stood there, Gil realized she wasn’t going to cooperate. Could he blame her? No. “Get those divorce papers over to me,” he rasped thickly, his voice unsteady.

“Good!”

Gil turned and stalked toward the door. He picked up the wedding ring and jerked the door open, stepping out into the hall and out of Eve’s life. Forever.

Gil roused himself from his thoughts when he heard a Corvette coming down the hill. He turned. It was Jim and Rook. Swallowing hard, realizing that he was probably doing the wrong thing at the wrong time by being here, he waited until they drove up alongside his vehicle.

Jim rolled down the window. “Gil?”

Gil leaned over so he could see both of them and forced a tight smile. “Hi. I—uh, just thought I’d come up here. There was something I needed to say to Rook, and I thought the time might as well be now.”

Jim saw the anxiety and unsureness in his eyes. He looked over at Rook. She was pale and silent. “Rook?”

“It’s all right, Jim. Meet us at the bottom of the hill. I’ll walk down with Gil.”

“Are you sure?” What did Gil have to tell her? He didn’t want her any more upset than she was already.

Rook reached over, touching his arm. “I’ll be all right.”

Relief fled through Gil. He saw Jim start to scowl and sensed his concern. “Look, I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry,” Gil assured him in a low voice.

“She’s fragile, Gil. Don’t do anything else to push her toward the edge. She needs to heal.”

“I understand. Or, at least, I think I do.” Gil patted the door. “See you later.”

Gil waited until Jim’s Corvette had disappeared down the winding road before going over to Rook. She stood there, ashen, looking as though she felt abandoned. He swallowed hard, trying to hide his own nervousness. Giving Rook a game smile, he walked up to her.

“Hell of a day, wasn’t it?”

She nodded, her emotions numb after the weeping earlier.

“Hell of a day,” Rook agreed scratchily. She searched Gil’s face. “A-are you okay?” She reached out to rest her hand on the sleeve of his jacket.

How like Rook, even when she was hurting herself, to ask about others. Trying to hold his smile, Gil came to her side, slipping his arm around her shoulders. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Liar. “Come on, let’s go for a little walk. You look like you need to get some color back in those cheeks.”

Rook slid her arm around Gil’s waist. She leaned against his strong frame, grateful for his care. They walked along a small asphalt path that encircled the lower part of the cemetery.

“You were smart to escape when you did,” Gil said brightly, trying to maintain a lightness he didn’t feel. “You should have seen all those reporters try and get to you and Jim.”

She looked up at him. “I’m afraid I didn’t notice.” Her voice was raw.

“Yup.” Gil winked down at her. “Only, Reno, Tag and I used a classic football tactic and provided pass protection for you.” He chuckled, pleased with himself. “You know how much of a clown Reno can be?”

“Yes, he’s always in hot water.”

“Well, he ran up to this network reporter and grabbed his microphone, begging to be interviewed. He made a complete ass out of himself. And then Tag grabbed another reporter. By that time, the cameramen, cables and equipment were entangled and they were tripping all over themselves. I tackled a cameraman and we stopped them cold.” He chuckled again. “You’d have been proud of us, Rook.”

Rook managed a strained laugh, giving him a hug. “What would I do without you guys? You’re all like big brothers to me.” She slowed to a stop and turned, somberly studying him. “For a long time, I didn’t have a brother. Then, Noah and I patched things up between ourselves.” Rook reached up, picking a piece of lint from his uniform. “I was so afraid when I came to this station. I thought the other pilots were going to be against me because I was a woman.” Rook took a deep breath and continued. “I was wrong. You guys have taken me under your wing and been like the brothers I’d always daydreamed about, but never had. Now, with Noah surviving…”

“We can’t replace Noah entirely, Rook, until he recovers,” Gil began awkwardly, “but we are your brothers in another sense. You’re a part of our Coast Guard family.” Gil placed his hands on her slumped shoulders. “We think you’re kinda special, too.”

Rook winced. Those were Noah’s words. She rallied, searching Gil’s suffering features. “Gil, what’s wrong? You’re nervous and jumpy. That’s not like you. Is it Eve again?”

He rubbed her shoulders in a nervous gesture. “No, that part of my life’s behind me now.” That wasn’t the complete truth. The divorce haunted him daily, but he knew it had been the only answer. Gil cleared his throat. “Look, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time.” He looked up at the sky. “Eve always accused me of being insensitive, saying I never had a good sense of timing on much of anything.” Gil lowered his gaze, holding her dove-gray eyes, which were now velvety with spent tears. “Jesus, Rook, I hope I haven’t screwed up with you—with what I had to tell you. At first, Ì didn’t want to because you were in the hurt locker there at the hospital. And when you got out and came back to the base, you looked awful.” He compressed his lips, the words coming hard. “Sometimes, I’d see you in your office crying. And then I’d back off again, afraid it might not be the right time. I know how much you love Noah, how worried you are for him and I felt terrible for you.”

Gently, Rook reached up, touching his cheek. “Gil, it’s all right. Just tell me. I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. We’re all human, for God’s sake. We bumble around, fall down, make mistakes and then get back up again. I’ve never seen you like this before. Just tell me and get it over with….”

Gil dropped his hands, shoving them into his pockets. A tidal wave of emotions threatened him, and he wrestled with it before speaking. Looking down at his highly polished shoes, he began, his voice low and tortured. “When we first got to the hospital to see how the three of you were doing, we cornered Dr. Marhefka and we squeezed the info out of him about your condition.” Logan cleared his throat, risking a look up at Rook. She had clasped her hands, as if holding herself rigid, waiting. Unable to stand seeing her suffer anymore, Gil blurted out the rest. “I buttonholed him about Noah. I asked him if he had regained consciousness at any point.”

Rook gripped his arm to steady herself. “Did he?”

Gil nodded, holding her anxious gaze. “Yeah, and that’s what I’ve been waiting to tell you. Christ, I’m sorry, Rook. I probably should have told you sooner, but I thought it might hurt you even more.”

Her fingers tightened on his arm. “Gil, what did Noah say? I have to know….”

“He was calling out for you. And when the nurse leaned over, she heard him say, ‘love frees.’” Gil glanced up at her. “That’s all he said. After that, he lost consciousness and they wheeled him into surgery.” Automatically, Gil placed his hand on Rook’s arm. Was she going to faint? Cry? God knew, he was a lousy one to be around when tears started to fall. Eve always said he was like a bull in a china shop around emotional women and didn’t know how to comfort them.

Love frees….

Rook closed her eyes, leaning on Gil for support. Her heart suddenly exploded and an inexplicable number of emotions rushed through her—consuming her, releasing her. For a long moment, she wasn’t aware that Gil was holding her as if she were a fragile egg that might shatter in his arms. Tears scaled her eyes, but they were tears of happiness this time, not sadness.

Gil saw Rook’s tears and dug unsuccessfully for the handkerchief in his pocket. Cursing, he transferred her beneath his left arm and started digging again.

“I got a handkerchief here somewhere,” he muttered apologetically.

Rook caught his arm. “No, it’s all right, Gil.” And she smiled through her tears at his distraught features.

Perplexed, he asked, “It is?” Rook was smiling, and she was crying. Was she happy or sad? What the hell was going on? He’d never forgive himself if he’d wounded Rook even more. She didn’t deserve that kind of pain, and misery was all he seemed capable of giving to women lately.

Choking back a sob, Rook threw her arms around Gil, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Gil,” she whispered. “Thank you for telling me that. It means so much to me…so much….”

“It does?” He scowled, holding her at arm’s length. Tears ran freely down her flushed cheeks. “How? I mean, it’s none of my business, but I don’t understand.”

Taking a well-used tissue from her pocket, Rook dabbed at her reddened eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t,” she whispered. “Noah used to call me his little cocoon, promising me that one day I’d hatch into a beautiful butterfly and fly free, and we’d have a new beginning between us, as brother and sister.” Rook sobbed, still smiling. “I—I never told him I loved him, Gil before the disaster. I was holding back saying it until I felt strong enough to mean it.” She sniffed. “He said that when I left my cocoon we’d be able to express our love for each other freely.” She shook her head, gripping Gil’s arm. “Don’t you see? Noah was telling me he knew I loved him, even though I’d never admitted it at that point. I did get to tell him I loved him in ICU, later.” She smiled gently up at Gl “Thank you. Oh, thanks so much. You’ll never know how good this makes me feel….”

Logan stood there, stunned. “You mean, you’re not sad?”

Rook shook her head. “This is a gift, Gil. A beautiful one. I don’t even know if Noah remembers saying it to you. But you heard him, and now I know.” She turned back and held Gil’s wavering gaze. He looked like a lost little boy in that moment, so unsure of himself, of her. Wiping her eyes one last time, Rook murmured, “I’ve got my brother back in my life and I loved him so very much….”

“They say,” Gil began awkwardly, “that time heals everything, Rook.” And then he shrugged. “Well, I’ve got a divorce to get over and so does Eve. Maybe I’ll find out if that saying is true.”