Before the Darkness (Refuge Inc.) (10 page)

and aisles of what was left of putrid food and

other supplies lay crushed under pieces of the

roof that had caved in. Pink iberglass insulation

and glass shards from the windows and light

bulbs covered the entire lot.

"Careful," Adam warned as he made his

way to the shelves that were still upright. It

must've been the bakery section because all he

could reach were various assortments of stale

breads and pastries. He stocked up on as many

packaged cookies and dried fruit as he could it

into his pack.

In the darkness, Elliot crawled over

debris to a nearby case of bottled juice that

looked unblemished. He took a bottle of what

was probably warm orange juice and downed it

entirely in seconds.

Adam shined the lashlight around the lot

and saw small orange papers lying around. At

irst he thought they were store coupons. At

closer look he determined they were lyers. The

bold black letters read: Refuge Inc., A Secure

Future. Encircled around the center of the R was

a silver ring or halo and below that was a local

phone number and website address. It was odd.

He couldn't recall what company it was or why

there were hundreds of their lyers lying

around the Food Plus lot. It was probably

nothing. He was looking too much into it. It may

very well be nothing more than a housing

development or some sort of school or

something. Anything with the word
refuge
on it

perked his interest so he stuffed the lyer in his

pants pocket. He would ask Elliot about the lyer

to see what he knew of it. In the meantime he

continued

rummaging,

peaking

over

his

shoulder at Titan whose head was in a bag of

chips he'd ripped open, eating the contents.

"I don't see any water. But I got these."

Elliot limped toward him carrying several sealed

bags of beef jerky and bottles of orange juice.

He cradled everything in one arm and pulled a

pack of condoms out of his pocket, unblemished

and still enclosed in the foil wrapper. "Found

these too." He shrugged, not making eye contact

as he stuffed them back in his pocket.

"Bag's full. Can you carry all that in a

grocery bag?" Adam knew Elliot was making

sure he knew about the condoms. Even so,

Adam didn't want to acknowledge them. What

was he supposed to say anyway? Whatever he

said would've made the moment more awkward.

Elliot found a grocery bag and stuffed the

jerky and the rest of the orange juice inside.

"Ready?" Adam asked.

"Come on, Titan." Elliot called and

whistled. The dog followed.

Although he had turned down Elliot's

sexual advances, he could see Elliot trying to

move on from that incident. During the walk

from the camp ire to the grocery store he'd

tried to apologize but Elliot wouldn't hear it. He

knew he'd made a mistake the moment he

opened his mouth and said
no
. The mistake was

in hurting Elliot. He'd tried for so long to let go

of that part of his life. Being that guy had done

more harm to him than it did any good. His

relationship with Jena had been affected and he

would never live it down.

Surviving the impact was Adam's second

chance to be the man he truly was, not some

weak, man-loving failure. But he didn't want to

think of his failures, he didn't want to go that

deep. He hated reliving those painful memories.

He wouldn't go back to that place. However, the

knowledge that they now had condoms caused

his stomach to quiver nervously. Butterflies?

Adam wasn't sure where they were

headed. At times it was dif icult to tell what

direction they were going in. His sense of

direction was skewed especially since structures

and landmarks had collapsed in huge mounds of

unrecognizable fragments. Even the stars were

concealed by the darkness. In all of the chaos it

never occurred to him to tuck a compass in his

pack.

As they walked silently in the dark, cool

air, Elliot broke the silence first.

"What time do you think it is?"

Adam shrugged. "Doesn't really matter

now. Time doesn't mean much." He took off his

pack and pulled out a wristwatch. "It's about

ten."

"How long were we walking?"

"Four hours?"

"I wish I had my cell phone." Elliot sighed.

"I miss my cell phone. And hot dogs and

marshmallows too. The camp ire reminded me

of those."

The camp ire. Images of stuf ing his hand

in Elliot's shorts came to mind. Then the

condoms replaced that picture. Adam shook his

head, shaking the images away. "You're right,

you know," he said.

Elliot frowned. "About?"

Adam gulped, building the courage. "I'm a

liar. I lied all my life."

"About being gay?" Elliot nodded and

huffed. "Yeah, I know."

Adam shrugged, head hanging low. "It's

hard for me to let it go. You know?"

"Let what go?" Elliot threw his hands in

the air. "Why don't you tell me what's going on

with you?"

"I can't go too deep."

Elliot stopped walking, anger in his

rapidly blinking brown eyes. "What the hell does

that mean? First you're on, then you're off.

You're warm, then cold. You want me, then you

don't. Why are you afraid to leave the closet?

It's just you and me now, Adam. I accept you."

Adam exhaled, his control slipping

through his fingers. "It's not that."

Elliot crossed his arms across his strong

chest, glaring. "Then what is it?"

He shook his head. "Coming out always

meant suicide to me."

"Oh, get over it." Elliot smacked his lips in

annoyance. "I came out years ago and I'm still

alive. Not even a fucking asteroid can get rid of

me."

"You're stronger than I am." In terms of

being out, proud and self-con ident, Elliot

proved to be much tougher than he.

"I'm so sick of gay guys acting straight

because they're pussies. It's always people like

me who get hurt! Since you're so bad at being

straight, man up and be
you
already."

Adam sighed, bowing his head. He would

have to go there, to that deep, hollowed out cave

within his chest cavity. He'd have to return to

those dark memories and confront them again.

"Jena found proof of…sessions I had online with

other men. Explicit sessions. She called me a liar,

a cheat … a fag. She said my nasty behavior was

what prevented us from getting pregnant. We've

been trying for months. Finally, when the news

came out about the asteroid, she just left me.

She thought I was too weak to keep her safe.

She didn't even want me to go with her. So I

stayed." He sniffed and cleared his throat. After

a few silent seconds he added, "I loved her. I still

love her."

Elliot huffed. "That's pathetic."

Adam's head popped up. "What?"

"You still love her after what she did to

you?" He rolled his eyes.

"It's not so easy to just switch it off after

so many years. Plus, look what I've done to her.

I deserved it."

"You deserve to be called names and be

walked out on? She left you in the middle of a

fucking crisis. What would that make you if

you'd done that to her? A total asshole." He

shook his head and continued walking, leaving

Adam.

It occurred to Adam that Elliot could be

right. However, uneasiness crept inside him

from seeing Elliot turn his back on him. He

followed. "I opened up to you. I told you things

I've never told anyone, and you walk away from

me?"

"I'm still by your side." Elliot glanced over

his shoulder at him. "And even though you're in

your own personal crisis, I'm not Jena. I'm not

gonna leave you. Sidekick, remember?"

Adam's eyebrows pulled together and he

put his hand on Elliot's shoulder, stopping him.

"So you forgive me for earlier, then?" He stared,

pleading with his eyes. The last thing he wanted

to do was cause a rift between him and the only

friend he had.

Elliot looked over to him and could

barely keep eye contact. "I've been rejected

before. I'm a big boy, I'll live." He kept walking.

Adam was more than impressed by

Elliot's strength, he was a bit envious of his

courage to come out and be himself. He wished

he was as courageous. Either way, Elliot was

right about everything. Adam owed him more

than a handful of lies, because he hadn't left him.

Pathetic, he was still in love with someone who

had.

He continued following Elliot, shining the

light as far ahead of them as it would go. Then

he saw it, a huge car insurance ad plastered on a

billboard which had toppled over and now lay

on the side of the road. What caught his eye was

the R with a circle around the center that was

spray painted on the billboard with black spray

paint. He quickly pulled the crumpled lyer out

of his pocket.

"Elliot," he called out, adrenaline rushed

through his veins at the possibility. "Look at

this."

Elliot took the orange lyer out of his

hand. "Yeah? So?"

"Look." He pointed the light to the

downed sign. "It's Refuge Inc. Heard of that? A

secure future?"

"No." Elliot's frowned, examining the

flyer. "What is it?"

Could it be refuge, shelter, and other

people? "Not sure. I found that at Food Plus."

"Yeah, I saw them too. Millions of them

everywhere." He handed it back to Adam, and

stared at the fallen billboard. "I thought they

were just trash and just ignored them."

Adam stared too and noticed a spray

painted arrow on the corner pointing in the

direction they were going. "Look at the arrow.

Let's follow it." He took the lead, his steps

hastened as his adrenaline surged. "Don’t know

what this means. Maybe it's a gathering place for

survivors?"

"You think?" Elliot eyes widened in

excitement, that Adam heard in his voice.

When were the flyers placed at the store?

No one would have printed them and scattered

them around an abandoned and destroyed

grocery store for potential survivors, or would

they? Or worse, someone placed those lyers in

the store long before the impact. But that would

mean they knew about the asteroid much longer

than when news inally broke. Was it possible?

Of course it was. NASA could detect a threat

from space a decade in advance or more.

Probably. If so why didn't they give everyone

adequate warning? What use would it have

done if they couldn't prevent the worst from

happening

anyway?

But

something

else

occurred to him. The thought of some elaborate

government cover-up troubled him, but

government cover-ups and conspiracies were

the last thing he wanted on his mind right now.

The streets were littered with abandoned

cars, trucks and even bright yellow school

busses. The sidewalk was riddled with cracks

and in some places the sidewalk was completely

severed, which Adam igured was dangerous, so

they stuck to the street, weaving in and out of

the cars. Titan followed closely behind, panting

with every limp.

Elliot laughed softly. "If we ind other

people I'm gonna fall down in tears, I'm warning

you."

Adam chuckled, feeling his eyes grow

narrow and the dimples around his mouth

crease with his smile. They were actually

laughing. Adam hadn't laughed in a very long

time.

They walked and walked. Nearly an hour

passed since they cut through a community of

crushed homes, looking for more Refuge Inc.

signs to lead them in the right direction but

instead found nothing.

"Look!" Elliot pointed ahead at a dark

one story house. "You see that?"