Before Sunrise (54 page)

The car door creaked open, as rusty as his
limbs felt that frigid morning. Liam crossed the icy lawn
carefully. Eric, on the phone, answered his knock and signaled for
him to come inside. Liam did so, closing the door. He walked into
the kitchen, avoiding the living room where he and Eric had fought
just a day earlier.

“
I called you, brother, but
you didn’t answer at the house,” Eric said.

“
I left. I got Kay’s cell
phone. She insisted. What’s going on?”

“
Fuck, nothing.” Eric
sighed. “That’s the problem. Had hoped to hear from the vice
president’s office by now. Good news is that my orders have been
pulled. Alexa can’t get rid of me just yet.” Eric
winked.

That was good news. Liam smiled. He decided
to sit. Well, his body decided for him. He felt like shit. As much
as he loved his sweet Kay, a night of making love to her had put
strain on muscles he hadn’t used in quite some time. He was
exhausted, and his body didn’t recover like it used to. Maybe he’d
see if the VA hospital could sign him up for physical therapy. Of
course, he’d been given the option when he was released, but he’d
been too anxious to find his family to focus on therapy then.

“
What’s up with you,
brother?” Eric asked.

Liam’s eyes lifted to his friend. Back in
the day Eric and Liam had worked off instinct. Most missions
required silence, control, discipline; of the men in their company,
he and Eric in particular had formed the ability to read each
other, even in the dark. It was a weird brotherhood shared by many
soldiers. Liam thought it would have diminished during the years
apart. But looking into Eric’s eyes, he had to smile. Whatever
magic it was, the chemistry between them remained.

“
Just working up the nerve
to go see that doctor. Need you to remind me it’s the best thing. I
mean the right thing.”

“
I get what you mean. I
don’t have to tell you how bad PTSD is. We’ve seen it firsthand.”
He cleared his throat. “You having night terrors?”

“
Every night she isn’t with
me.” Liam heaved a sigh. “When I got her with me, man, in my arms,
right there next to me, I’m fine. She’s what I need. Just her. Not
no fucking head doctor.”

“
You can’t use Kennedy that
way, Liam. You know that.”

“
Loving her isn’t using
her,” he mumbled.

“
It is if you don’t get
better and have a psychotic break on her. Want me to say what could
happen to Kennedy and Mac—”

“
No. No. I get it. Fuck, I
almost hurt her once already.”

“
What happened?”

“
I was having another black
moment.” Liam sighed.

“
Explain.”

“
Sometimes, things get to be
too much. Go dark. Not like I pass out or anything, just dark like
it was in that shithole. Back in the desert, I had no sense of time
and space, just darkness mostly. I was always thinking they were
coming for me, to torture me so I was always….” He heaved a deep
breath. “I was always trying to fight. Even tied up I fought, and
it did no good. It’s like I was already dead and didn’t know it. I
can’t explain it. So I had another one of those moments, when I’m
not asleep but I’m fucked up, caught up in some darkness. Kay was
in the room with me. She touched me and I grabbed her. Scared the
shit out of me, Eric. I saw the way she looked at me. How terrified
she was in that instant. I know I have to go. I just…I hate that
she knows I need a head doctor. That I’m not whole man, not her
husband.”

“
Is that how it went down at
Fun World?”

“
Yes and no. I saw someone,
I thought I did, but things got tough and I kind of lost it.
Slipped into that state of mind. I came out of it and I’m not in
the arcade anymore. I’m in some office, where I’ve wrecked the
place. How Vasquez was able to contain me and keep the incident on
the low, I’ll never know.”

“
You know how he did. We all
know how to control a brother when he’s out of his
head.”

“
This was
different.”

“
You went through some major
shit. You have to get some help.”

There was more to his hesitation. Admitting
weakness was one thing. But turning over his future, his sanity, to
another could be risky. What if the doctor uncovered the truth? It
wasn’t just night terrors. There was rage. Cold and dark and it
lived in him. He liked the anger, because it was the only way he
held on to his sanity. If he was angry, he was fighting.

He could have hurt Kennedy. He attacked Eric
with his cane and he still didn’t remember how it began or how he’d
stopped. What if the doctor wanted to put him away? He couldn’t
take that again. He’d die first before he allowed anyone to lock
him up.

“
Talk to me,
man.”

Liam shrugged. “Guess I have no choice.
How’s your face? You look like shit.”

Eric sighed. “I’ll live. Let me call Ant.
See if he can swing by. We can share a beer and toast to the new
year coming. Sure as hell has to be better than this. You
cool?”

“
Yeah, I—” Liam felt
Kennedy’s phone vibrate in his pocket. He had forgotten he carried
it. Strange, because she’d called him twice already just to make
sure he was still out there. He tugged it out of his pocket. Eric
winked and walked out of the kitchen to give him privacy. The
caller ID number wasn’t familiar. He answered anyway.

“
Hello?”

“
Um, where is Kennedy? I
need to talk to her.”

“
Who is this?” Liam growled,
as if he had to ask.

“
It’s Phil. I want to speak
to Kennedy.”

Liam smirked. “No.”

“
Damn it, I’m in no mood for
this shit—”

Liam ended the call and dropped the phone on
the table. Eric returned with two beers, handing him one and
popping the cap off the one in his hand. “Who was that?”

“
Wrong number.” Liam
shrugged.

***

“
Hi, daddy. Hear from mama
yet?” Kennedy asked. She dumped the laundry into the bin. There
were a few shirts that belonged to Phil. She decided to wash the
entire load; she’d fold Phil’s clothes and give them to him when
she saw him on Christmas day. Maybe she should call and make sure
he was coming for Christmas Eve. She felt bad about him spending
the holiday alone. When her father didn’t answer she, looked up.
Andrew just stood there with a wide grin. Kennedy shook her head.
Her father was such a softy. She knew he was happy for her. She
could see it all over his face.

“
Your mom’s still out
spending my money,” said Andrew.

Kennedy flashed a smile. When she’d arrived,
Phil and Gail were both gone. She had a ton of clean up to do.
First she called Liam to make sure he was okay. Then she called
Liam to make sure he had the house number memorized. After feeling
less guilt over leaving him, she focused on cleaning. Despite all
the takeout she saw stuffed into the fridge, every dish in the
house was in the sink. And Mac was whiny and complaining from the
moment she walked through the door. She bartered peace with a new
coloring book she’d intended to give her for Christmas. “I wish mom
would have waited. We could have done our shopping together,” she
said as she measured the detergent.

“
How’s Liam? Why isn’t he
with you?”

“
Liam’s doing great. But
he’s, well, he had some things to do today.” Kennedy
shrugged.

“
How’s he dealing with you
and Phil?”

Kennedy closed the washer and cranked the
dial for a medium cycle. “What do you mean?”‘

“
Kennedy. How are you and
Liam dealing with Phil? With all of this?” Andrew came closer. She
turned, and smiling at the hug he offered, squeezed her daddy
tightly. “He’s trying to adjust. We’re working it out. I’m just so
glad he’s alive.”

Andrew released her. He touched her face
gently. “I spoke with Phil. Sounds like he’s going to do the right
thing and step aside. Is that what you want?”‘

“
Do you even have to ask,
daddy? This is Liam. He’s home, and all mine.” Kennedy grinned. She
broke from him. “I still feel like this is a dream.”

“
It is a bit surreal. We
should never have doubted you. You said he wasn’t dead.”

“
It was hard to believe he’s
been out there all this time and unable to come back to me. We all
dealt with it the best we could. So you spoke to Phil? What did he
say?”

“
He loves you, he loves Mac,
and he’ll be there for you.”

“
And mama? God, I can just
imagine what she must have said to Phil.”

Kennedy began to separate the colors out for
the next load. It would be a Christmas miracle if her mom and Liam
could become friendly.

“
I’ve spoken to your mother.
She knows we’re here to support you and Liam. She plans to do just
that. She wanted to get him something for Christmas, too.” Andrew
smiled.

A cool wave of relief went through Kennedy.
“Thank God! This is going to be a great Christmas, isn’t it
daddy?”

“
Absolutely it is,
sweetheart.”

***

The veteran’s hospital wasn’t as scary as
he’d thought. Liam wasn’t sure what to expect. There was nothing
out of the ordinary about the clean lobby he waited in. No men in
white suits carrying away GI’s in straitjackets. No nurses with
long needles for sedation. When his name was called, he was led
away by a young woman in service dress. She deposited him in an
office, asked if he wanted coffee, and told him the doctor would be
in soon. Liam scanned the degrees and awards bestowed on Dr.
Abrams. The man had indeed seen combat. Looked like he went into
psychiatry after his tour of duty.

“
Mr. Flanagan?”

Liam tried to rise. However, his awkward
stance put pressure on the wrong leg and he dropped back down in
the chair.

“
Please don’t get up,” the
doctor said. He extended his hand. “I’m Dr. Abrams.”

The doctor stood a foot shorter than him,
and at least thirty years his senior. He had silver-white hair,
glasses, and an almost scholarly face. He didn’t look threatening,
but Liam knew well how appearances could be deceiving.

“
Hi,” Liam said, a bit
embarrassed at his failure to rise until the doctor walked around
to his desk with a similar limp. One Liam couldn’t help but
notice.

“
So I’ve heard great things
about you, Lieutenant. War hero, huh? President pin a medal on you
yet?”

“
I’m no hero, sir. Though
I’m told he wants to meet with me soon.” Liam could deal with his
baby girl thinking of him as a hero. But the idea of wearing the
hero label amongst men who survived just as much horror as he did
didn’t sit well.

“
How long has it
been?”

Liam sighed. “Three months, six days,
forty-eight hours.”

The doctor smiled. “You do know there will
never be a day that you don’t know the minute and hour it all
ended?”

Liam nodded. “I just want a day to come when
I don’t have to feel like I’m still…still there.”

“
Well, those days come after
some hard work. I don’t have to tell you that we will need to start
out aggressively. The moment they pulled you out, you should have
been in treatment.”

“
I know, sir.”

Dr. Abrams managed a smile. Liam imagined he
wasn’t a man who smiled often. “Let’s begin with a physical. Then
we can get acquainted.”

***

“
Grandma!” Mackenzie
squealed. The door to the front of the house closed. Kennedy turned
to see her daughter run from the kitchen. But her father was quick.
He caught her and raised a giggling Mackenzie over his head and
carried her off. Kennedy winked her thanks and went to meet her
mother, certain she would have a load of Christmas gifts. She was
right. Gail struggled with three large shopping bags, and Kennedy
could see the doll toys at the top.

“
Need some help,
mama?”

“
Hi, sweetie. Where is Mac?
I need to get these up to the room.”

“
Daddy has her.” Kennedy
accepted the bags from her mother. Together they quickly darted up
the stairs. Behind a closed door she dropped the load of toys on
the bed. “This is a lot, ma. She has so much stuff from me and Phil
already.”

“
Nonsense. It’s her birthday
and Christmas so she gets double gifts.”

Kennedy clapped her hands together. “Well,
we need to start wrapping. Maybe tonight we can get everything
under the tree.”

“
And the party? Is
everything ready?”

“
Yep, still trying to work
the clown entertainment out. A Christmas clown is a tall order. The
company Angelina gave me may be able to deliver. We’ll see.” In the
mix of toys was a board game that looked vaguely familiar. Kennedy
picked up the Strawberry Shortcake box. “Mama, Mac already has this
one. And this one too. I hope you kept the receipt.”

“
Oh, darn. I was afraid of
that. I shouldn’t buy board games. It’s hard for the baby to play
them without any siblings. Bet she asks you for a little brother or
sister all the time.” Gail smiled.

Kennedy smiled. “Not really. Mac loves being
the center of attention. Don’t worry about the game, mom; I donate
gifts to First Baptist every year. I think a couple of these should
go. If that’s okay with you?”