Before Sunrise (33 page)

He wiped his hand down his face. “Is there a
chance I will change your heart?”

“
No,” she said softly. “Just
like there is no chance I will change yours.”

Phil nodded. “Well, I plan to try. I can’t
give up on us Kennedy. I don’t know how to give up. Not after the
year I’ve shared with you. It’s hell, you know? Loving a woman who
doesn’t love you back.”

“
I love you, Phil. I do. I’m
just not…not in love with you. And you deserve more than anything
I’ve ever given you.”

He approached her. “What I deserve is a
chance to be heard, to be really seen in your eyes. Baby or no
baby, I deserve a fair shot. I’ve earned it.”

Kennedy dropped her head, shaking it. This
would be harder than she thought. And the fear of a baby in the
midst of all this confusion had her weak and indecisive. Phil
embraced her. She didn’t really feel him. Her heart had gone numb.
She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. Slowly her arms
lifted and she returned his embrace.

***

Liam hung up the phone. Eric had left his
services on at the house. He needed to get them switched over as
soon as possible. Problem was, Kennedy wasn’t answering. He pushed
his hands down in his front pockets, eyes fixed on the phone.
Everyone seemed to have cell phones, now. If he had his mother’s
cellular number, he’d try it next. Kennedy freezing him out would
make his Christmas plans all the more difficult to pull off. It was
rare that Kennedy gave him the silent treatment. She knew how much
he hated it, so it was always that final secret weapon to bend him
to her way of thinking. Liam ran his hand back through his hair and
gripped the hairs at his nape tight. “Come on Kennedy, talk to me,
babe.”

He picked up the phone and dialed again.
This time his mother answered.

“
Mom?”

“
Liam? Morning! You coming
for breakfast?”

“
Where’s Kay?”

“
Upstairs with her other
husband.” Sally snorted.

Liam closed his eyes. “Oh, um, can you do me
a favor?”

“
You really need to come for
breakfast. She was up cleaning away that glass and crying all last
night, blaming you, as if you could help it. After everything you
been through, she blames you. Always knew she was a little too
pampered to deal with life. Never wanted to tell you that, but she
could barely stand on her own when you died, and then married that
man ’cause she is one of those women that need a man. I heard her,
upstairs crying and sniveling. She wouldn’t let me help either.
She’s going to blame you, you know. She’s the type of wife that
will blame you for being human. She can’t put up with stuff like
that. Now if you want Mackenzie, I can help you. She’s your kid,
Liam. They have good schools in Chicago, and I got an extra
bedroom. Kennedy never let her come visit. She was selfish. I can
help you, though. That black man wants to raise your kid, Liam,
make her forget she’s a Flanagan. Come over for breakfast, I’ll let
you in. They can’t keep you out, they—”

“
Ma! Shut the hell up!” he
shouted.

Sally did as she was told.

“
Just tell Kay I will be
coming to pick up Mac in an hour. Can you do that?”

“
Ah, sure. I’m sorry Liam,
don’t be mad at me.”

He ended the call. He really did screw
everything up. On top of acting like a madman, he left his mother
there with Kennedy? Part of him wondered if he’d done so on
purpose. He would need to get Sally to go back to Chicago. Liam
walked out of the kitchen, through the empty rooms of his new home.
The heater worked, so it was nice and warm. Maybe he’d light a fire
tonight in the fireplace.

Liam eased open the back patio door. He
stepped out on the small terrace and searched the side of the house
for wood and found it. He limped out on his cane to check the bin
to see how usable the supply was. Most planks were dry. When Liam
turned, his gaze naturally went to his feet, watching his steps.
Immediately he noticed a thatch of thinned grass, moist with soil.
There were fresh tracks, none of which were made by him. Liam
lowered the wood. He knelt and touched the soil and considered the
pattern. A man’s sneaker print size eleven. Liam straightened. He
searched for the direction the person had traveled. From the
pattern of flattened grass, he assessed the person had come in from
the side gate. And it hadn’t been too long ago.

Liam’s ears pricked. Suddenly he became
aware of everything. From the soft rays of the winter sun on his
face to the distinct odors of morning dew and chirps from birds on
power lines, nothing appeared out of the ordinary.

The mystery of the tracks, however,
tightened his chest and made his breathing labored. He’d only been
there since last night. Who was on him? He stepped back and decided
to resist the urge to track. His head was fucked up and everything
read conspiracy. He scanned the perimeter of the small lawn and
remained alert as he headed back into the house. Liam ran down the
possibilities. Place had been empty. Could have been kids or
something looking for their favorite place to squat. He’d done it
as a kid. It was possible with the weather the tracks were from
Eric opening up the place for him last night when he dropped him
off drunk. Yes. All of it was plausible. Once inside, he decided to
set aside that caged fear that made him want to react. Last night,
he’d given into his emotions and scared the hell out of his family.
A few tracks in the grass shouldn’t send him over the edge. It was
nothing. Nothing.

The new place was cool upstairs despite the
warmth on the lower level. There would be much work to be done. The
upstairs plumbing was busted. Faucets didn’t run hot water but the
toilets did flush. A trip to the hardware store would top the list
of things he needed to accomplish. Liam had always been handy
enough for this kind of work. He definitely needed a distraction.
The fix-and-repair projects would give him something positive to
focus on. Maybe therapeutic home repair had been Eric’s intent?.
His friend was wiser than he ever gave him credit for.

Liam surveyed the place he’d turn into a
home for his sweet Kay and little girl. The small living room space
with chipping eggshell-white walls and hardwood floors faced the
door. There was only one new addition to his home: a nine foot tall
Fraser-fir Christmas tree he’d bought at first sunlight. He called
a cab to take him to where he left the rental car at the bar, and
then set out on a mission. The Christmas tree filled the corner,
with branches that extended at least four feet. It had been a bitch
to drag inside with his bum leg. The cold weather made the pain
stretch like a heated rod from his knee to his hipbone. Still, he
filled with pride when he looked at it.

Kennedy loved Christmas. They had a
Christmas baby. This plan would work.

Halfway through the nursery in search of the
perfect tree, he spotted Phil Freeman, without the aid of a cane,
making a similar purchase. Liam stepped behind a cluster of Douglas
firs and watched men tie down an average size tree to the roof
Phil’s car. He could hear Phil’s voice carry through the lot as he
joked about his little girl loving to decorate. Liam kept his cool.
It wouldn’t be a bad thing for Mackenzie to have two Christmases,
he reasoned. He’d just make sure that the one with him was the most
memorable. So he bought the fattest, tallest tree the man had.

In the past, Kennedy had always done the
tree trimming and decorating while he complained over putting up
the outside lights. He missed that. He missed a lot of things. Liam
smiled. This Christmas would be different for them all.

***

Kennedy didn’t really know
what to say. Her daughter danced around the Christmas tree. She
clapped and sang
happy birthday to
me
. It was a big shift in her behavior
after the tears and hollering over her kidnapped goldfish. With all
the drama, Kennedy not only forgot the traditions with Mackenzie
since she’d been a baby, but she forgot how much Mac loved the
holiday.

“
See mommy! See my birthday
tree?”

Phil came off the last step. She could sense
him drawing close behind her. “Surprise. I thought we could do some
tree-trimming today. I know how much you love the holiday. It’s
just around the corner.”

“
Look at it, Grandma. It’s
my birthday tree!” Mackenzie grabbed Sally’s hand and pulled her
over to the tree. “We will decorate it, and you can put all the
presents you buy me under it. See?”

Kennedy wondered how Liam spent the past
five years on Christmas morning, while she and Mac celebrated
without him.

“
Mac, come darling. You need
to get dressed.” Kennedy wanted to escape the damn tree.

“
Mama? I wanna decorate
it.”

“
Let her stay,” Phil said.
“He can see her tomorrow. We should decorate and make things a
little normal for her today.”

“
She’s going with Liam. You
wanted to talk to me so we’ll talk.” Kennedy took her daughter by
the hand and dragged a complaining Mackenzie back up the stairs.
She ignored the stares of Sally and Phil.

“
Mama?”

“
What, Mac?” she answered in
a brisk tone.

“
Did you ever have Christmas
with daddy from heaven? Have your own tree?”

Kennedy stopped in the hall. She looked down
at her daughter. She saw Liam’s smile beaming up at her and
couldn’t speak. There, shining deep in her daughter’s eyes, was a
flash of a memory of her very first Christmas with Liam. The very
first, before her mother and father caught them in the boathouse
and their world fell apart. Before he enlisted in the military and
they had to celebrate Christmas over the phone. Before a war came
between them.

“
Huh, mommy? Did
you?”

She saw that special time again when they
stole away for two days and talked about their future, where she
wished for a little girl she would name Mackenzie and a life as a
wife in the ’burbs, driving a mini-van. “Yes, baby, we had a
Christmas tree, and we both couldn’t wait until we got to decorate
one with you.”

“
Really?”

“
Maybe this Christmas we’ll
get another chance.”

“
I can’t wait!” Mackenzie
announced. Kennedy softened.

“
Me either,” she
said.

Chapter Fourteen

December 1994

“
Liam? What’s taking so
long?” Kennedy shivered under the pale blue light of a full moon.
The night had a creepy feel to it. She glanced to the left at the
whispered rustle of tree branches. She let her gaze sweep their
isolation, while hearing the hollow sound of the nearby ocean waves
break over the shore. Normally she’d wait inside, but curiosity got
the best of her. So she hugged herself tight to trap the sheepskin
warmth of her brown suede Christmas coat around her shivering body
and braved the night winds for him. Sure, they were in Montauk,
where it all began, alone and completely isolated. Most of the
vacation homes were locked tight during the winter months.
Isolation had been the beauty of her plan—hers and Sierra’s. The
Schoenstein place was exclusively located in the bottom cove in a
secluded community at the west end of the beach. You had to travel
a mile through dense foliage on a single-lane road to drive in.
They made it just at sunset.

Kennedy stood at the door. She stared down
the long wooden steps that led out to the cobblestone driveway.
Liam shared the light of the same moon but from the back of his
car. She caught glimpses of his baseball cap as he struggled to
lift something from the trunk. Liam slammed the gate down and
stepped away. The driveway security light blinked on. Kennedy
strained to make out the purpose of the four foot long rectangular
box.

“
What’s that?” She
pointed.

“
Go back inside, Kay. It’s
cold out.”

Ugh
! She hated when he ordered her around. Kennedy crossed her
arms in a huff, holding the door open with her backside. Liam
carried the box in one hand and two large Target shopping bags in
the other. Now she was tickled with curiosity. She loved surprises.
Earlier, when he picked her up from Sierra’s parents’ Manhattan
penthouse, he had her gift in his hand. He had been so cute, too,
nervously peeking in as if her parents were going to jump out and
grab him. The present was wrapped in white satin gift paper with
the sweetest blue bow. Department store wrapping, probably. Liam
wasn’t that kind of creative.

This would be their first Christmas.

December
25
^th
had
come and gone with her stealing away to call him every chance she
got. She hated that he spent the holiday alone with his dweeb
cousin. Kennedy had a great time with her family. She and her mama
baked pies, dressed and cooked Gail’s famous pomegranate-glazed
turkey, while singing Kennedy’s favorite Christmas songs. Andrew
Washington had gotten out his video camera and filmed several of
Harper’s tantrums through the day. Her sister was so impatient over
the holiday she’d taken to stomping through the house. Kennedy
turned the camera on her parents kissing in the kitchen by the
stove when they didn’t know she was there. Her parents’ love always
made her want a soulmate of her own. Later, after dinner, they all
piled on the sofa and watched
A Christmas
Carol
while her dad snored through the
ending. She loved her family. And she loved the holiday. The only
person missing was Liam.