Before I Let Go (28 page)

B
rendan had been at odds for a month. He had been trying hard to regain some type of footing in his life. He was wrestling with issues in his social life as he had never before. He spent so much time envisioning how things would be once they all were smoothed out, but he realized that he had entertained the same vision ten years before. Before, it had been, wait until I get my driver’s license, wait until I graduate high school, wait until I get my own place, or wait until I get a nice car and a good girlfriend. Everything was supposed to signal the change in his life. Instead, every change brought more anxiety, and every woman brought a new set of dilemmas to his world.

He and Renee had been trying to fix the friendship that had made a wrong turn and landed the two of them in bed together. It was almost the Fourth of July, and they had only slept together once in the previous month. He was sleeping in his own room again, and even the one night they had slipped up and wound up in bed together, it was Renee who had come into his room waking him up. Even though neither of them had mentioned it the next day, there was obvious tension.

Brendan feared that the relationship had changed for good. He no longer felt comfortable talking to Renee about other women. Specifically about Laney or Trina, who had started calling him again and talking about their nonexistent future. Around the middle part of June Laney had come back to town after taking care of her nephew for almost two months. Things had been up in the air with them since Brendan had apologized to her for being so judgmental and had started spending time with her again, though only at her apartment. Laney hadn’t questioned not being invited to Brendan’s place.

Laney had been suspicious about Brendan and Renee’s relationship since the night she had paid him the surprise visit and found them both in nightclothes at eight-thirty. It had taken much restraint but Laney had held her tongue on the matter, since she was still trying to weasel her way back into Brendan’s life. She was too tactful to come back into his life and start accusing him of fucking his best friend after all of the things that she’d held from him.

Trina, on the other hand, often came right out and told Brendan that she wanted him back. She didn’t seem to understand the word “no” and continued to push and pressure Brendan to see her. The two had bumped into each other in Miami during Soul Fest on Memorial Day Weekend. Brendan was in shape and looking better than she had ever remembered.

Brendan’s hormones had gotten the best of him while in Miami. The vacation had been coming to a close and Brendan had been frustrated that he had not gotten laid during the trip. On his last night there Brendan had gotten drunk and foolishly begged Trina to come back to his room with him. Trina had been drunk as well and all too willing to oblige him. She knew the effect that her sex had on Brendan. She knew that it always forced him to open up his heart, mind, and sometimes his wallet to her. Miami had been no exception, and Brendan had felt as though he had shot himself in the foot the next morning.

Brendan had no problems confessing that during the past year he had made more than his share of mistakes. He had allowed himself to be crushed by Trina, betrayed by Laney, but worst of all, he had used Renee. He was trying to navigate his way through situations with three women who couldn’t have been more different. Although he’d somehow flipped the script with Trina, and was actually learning to enjoy her begging, he was still dealing with the mistakes he had made with Laney and Renee. He still viewed the situations with them as fixable, though. Laney seemed to be happy that he was spending time with her again, and at times Brendan couldn’t tell who was forgiving whom. It was obvious to him that he had been a tad too harsh in judging her, but she had lied terribly, and getting over those lies wasn’t easy for him. Every now and again images of Laney bending over, showing her ass in a smoke-filled club for tips, flashed through his mind and sickened him. When he was with her he wondered if he would ever be able to get past it all.

What he felt was most important was his hope that sooner or later things would get back to normal between him and Renee. Brendan somehow had not picked up on the fact that for the last couple of months Renee had begun to shut down and hold in her true feelings for him. While he walked around thinking that the sex had merely been a result of the two of them living under the same roof, as if it was some sort of a side effect, Renee was dealing with feelings that ran deeper than merely friendship. Had Brendan actually thought more seriously about the situation, he would have realized that he should have known her better, and that Renee wouldn’t have been the type to screw him simply because he was there. Instead, Brendan walked around in his own world, believing that as rough as things had gotten, they could get no worse.

I
t was way too hot to be outside, but my mother had insisted that we eat outside. “It’s a cookout, everybody, not a cook-in. Now get out of my basement,” she told everybody who kept trying to sneak in and soak up some of the air-conditioning. Even at 6:00
P
.
M
. it still was at least 90 degrees and as muggy as ever outside. It was, in fact, typical D.C. summer weather.

My mother was enjoying her annual Fourth of July gathering. It was the first one that I had made it to in five years. I had never bothered coming home for the Fourth because there had always been too many other dates that I had had to come home for during the rest of the year. I had had to pick and choose. I couldn’t have missed Mother’s Day, Christmas, or Kyle’s birthday, and I had come home each year to accompany my mother to my father’s gravesite on his birthday. He would have been fifty-seven this August. Time was flying.

As I sat in the shade sipping on a Corona, I remembered my father working the grill every Fourth of July and cooking enough food to feed an army. He had been a good cook, too. Nobody could come near his grill when he was working. He was always accusing somebody of trying to steal the recipe for his secret sauce. During his days on the grill he never told anyone how he made it, not even my mother. But the day we went to the reading of his will the lawyer handed Freddie an envelope that contained the deed to their parents’ home in North Carolina and, to everyone’s surprise, the recipe for his secret barbecue sauce. Since that day my uncle Freddie has taken over the grill. Now Freddie guards that recipe with his life. It was almost like having my father back one day a year.

There were at least thirty people at the house this year. Nina, who was helping my mother host, was busy running back and forth to the kitchen until she started to complain about the heat and feeling dizzy. Her allergies hadn’t bothered her in a couple of months, but Moms ended up making her lay down upstairs in the cool confines of my bedroom while Brenda took over. All of my crew was there as usual, plus I had invited a couple of other folks. My barber, Dee, had shown up, accompanied by two honeys, neither of whom looked older than seventeen. My cousin James had come, and he had brought his wife, Gina, and their two boys, James Jr. and Manny. Brendan had come, and he had brought Laney with him.

Nate had shown up with a honey no one had ever seen or heard of before. She was, of course, nice looking, but there didn’t seem to be a lot of chemistry between them. I noticed that she wasn’t much of a conversationalist. She was the type who answered questions with as few words as possible. I knew from the look on Nate’s face that she was driving him crazy. When she went inside for a minute to use the bathroom and left Nate alone, I jumped at the opportunity to ask.

“What’s up with her, Nate? She doesn’t talk a lot, huh?”

“I know. She’s acting all stuck-up and shit. I’m about to run her ass home. I’m not even pressed to crush it now,” Nate said, twisting his lips as he pulled the Corona from them.

Dee heard us talking and leaned back on the bench toward us. “Nate. Is that the broad from South Beach…the one with her belly button pierced?”

“Yeah.”

I remembered her then. “Damn, you’re still talking to her. I thought you said…” Dee joined in with me and we said it at the same time: “What ever happens in South Beach stays in South Beach.” And then we laughed.

“I know, but I didn’t fuck her, though. She was on her period when I met her. And when she left she was still on it. She has been trying to hook up with me ever since we got back.”

“Damn, we been back for a month and you been that busy.” Dee laughed. “She should have given up by now.”

Nate laughed, but I knew better. Nate had been acting strange for the last two months. Ever since he had come back from New York in early May he had been tripping. He hadn’t so much as mentioned Sahleen. When I had tried to ask him about her he just said that she was overseas for the summer working, and he wasn’t going to sit around waiting for her. But knowing Nate the way I did, I sensed something else in his tone and in his eyes, but I hadn’t bothered to question him.

He had told me that he had broken it off with India as well, simply because she kept pressing him for a commitment. That sounded about right. For as much as I had gotten a chance to know her, I did take her to be the serious type who would want a commitment from a man who she was sleeping with.

Nate’s date, Monica, walked back over toward us and sat down next to Nate. It was too hot for the tight jeans she was wearing, and they were black on top of that. Some sisters will do what they must in order to properly flaunt their asses, I guess. I couldn’t help but take a good long look at it before I got up and left to go check on Nina.

I pushed open
the door to my room and peeked inside. My princess was lying on her side, fast asleep it appeared, and I started to slip back out when she spoke: “Cory.” She rolled halfway over and looked up at me.

“Hey, baby, I thought you were asleep. You feeling okay?” I walked over and sat down on the bed next to her.

“I’m fine. I was a little dizzy earlier, but yeah, I’m fine now. It feels so good in here,” she said in a whispery, sleepy voice.

“Do you want something to eat or drink? I’ll bring it up,” I said. I walked over toward the window and I could see into the backyard. I was watching my mother as she sat with a group of her good friends. My aunt Earline was next to my mother, and they were laughing, having a real good time. Mr. Fields was on her other side and was glaring at her.

I had noticed the way he looked at my mom whenever he was around. It was obvious that he had a thing for my mom, but I think he was afraid to pursue it for one reason or another. I had no problem with it. As a matter of fact, I’d mentioned it to Brenda, and we shared a good-natured laugh about the two of them hooking up. I even hoped that he might get up the nerve to finally ask her out.

“No, I’m not really hungry.” Nina paused, as she was now staring right up into my face. “Not for food anyway.” She smiled.

I knew what that meant, and I leaned down to kiss her before I got up and locked the door to my old bedroom. Nina was a perfect match for me. She was the kind of woman every man dreams of having. It wasn’t just about her looks, either. It was about how she complemented me in every way and, just as important, about how she was always in the mood, just like me.

I pulled off my T-shirt and shorts and was naked in seconds. She was almost as fast coming out of her halter top and wraparound miniskirt. My face immediately dove down between her thighs, but she stopped me.

“No, Cory. I’m already wet. I want you inside of me, now,” she said, pulling me up by my ears.

I put up no arguments as I quickly slid my body up hers and slowly worked inside of her. She began to moan and rhythmically lift her hips off the bed to meet my every stroke. My upper body was suspended over the top of her as we looked into each other’s eyes between moments of rapture that made us high off one another. I began to shower her face with kisses. I kissed her eyebrows, her nose, her cheeks, and her lips. I could feel the slight pinch of her fingernails as she squeezed my butt while she attempted to pull me deeper inside of her.

“Oh, Nina,” I heard myself say when I felt her body begin to quiver. “I love you so much. I love you so much, baby.”

“Do I make you feel good? Huh, Cory. Do I?” she said.

“Oh, yeah, you do, baby…” I was cut off when she screamed out.

“Baby, I’m about to come. Ohhhhhh…”

Her body began to buck and her back tightened up as her moans increased. Neither of us seemed to care that there were people out back or possibly in the basement. She flung her head to the side as she reached her peak. I could feel her muscles contracting and the sensation caused me to reach my orgasm as well. We both panted our way through the sensations and tremors, and I collapsed on top of Nina’s golden body.

We weren’t sweating, but there was a light moist shine on our skins. I rolled off Nina and she placed her head on my chest while her hand fondled my manhood. She always did that after we finished.

“You better get up and go back outside with your friends before they come looking for you,” Nina said.

“Or send my mother to do it.” I laughed out as I stood up. I looked at Nina lying naked on the bed, and I knew I would be ready to take her home soon. I wanted to finish what we had started.

She grabbed her clothes and walked out of the room and into the bathroom, after grabbing a washcloth from the linen closet. I didn’t bother washing and just put my clothes back on. I knew that my underwear would be stuck to me later, but I didn’t care. I fixed the covers and looked outside and saw that no one had missed us. Brendan and Laney were sitting across from Nate and Monica, and they were all playing cards. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Nina walked back into the room and took her spot back on the bed. I tied up my tennis shoes and was about to head back outside when Nina said, “I’m going to stay in here. It’s just too hot out there for me.”

I nodded my head and said, “Okay.” I looked at my watch. “It’s almost seven. We can leave in about an hour if we’re going to go watch the fireworks.”

“I’m not really pressed. I enjoyed the best fireworks in town just now.” She smiled.

I smiled back. “I bet you did.”

“Cory.”

“Yeah.”

“If I tell you something…” She paused and tilted her head. “Can we agree not to discuss it any further right now?”

“That depends on what it is.”

“No. It is a yes or no question. So, can I tell you something?”

“And I’m not going to want to discuss it right now?” I asked.

She shifted her body so that she was completely on the bed. “I didn’t say that you weren’t going to want to discuss it.”

“Look. Just spit it out.”

“Who are you talking to like that?”

“Pardon me, Nina. Please just tell me what it is.” She was beginning to irk me. I knew that whatever it was it wasn’t going to be all that important. She just liked to rile me up because she could.

“Okay, that’s better. So you agree that when I say what it is that you will walk out of the room and not bother me about it until at least tomorrow.” Her lips were turned up as she smirked.

“Deal,” I said, as I stood by the door. “You haven’t cheated on me. Because if you have the deal is off.”

She laughed. “No, stupid. I haven’t cheated on you.” Then she was silent and just looked into my eyes.

I looked back. “Well,” I said.

“I’m pregnant.” There was silence. “Now go outside,” she said, and turned back on her side.

I stood there motionless for about fifteen seconds before I walked back over to her. I didn’t say a word. I just kissed her long and hard, held her tight for a long while, and then I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I made love to her once again.

After we finished she kissed me on the forehead and whispered into my ear, “That was the correct response. Congratulations, Cory, you’re going to be a wonderful daddy.”

“And husband,” I added.

“What?” she said, as she leaned her face back to look at me.

“I want you to marry me.” I swallowed. “I mean, will you marry me, Nina?” I corrected myself.

Without hesitation she said, gleaming, “Of course I will marry you, baby, but you’re going to have to propose to me a little better than this.” She laughed.

I nodded my head and responded, “Tomorrow we will go pick out your ring, and I promise that that will take care of the real proposal.”

“Are you sure that you’re ready for that? We don’t have to get married just because of a baby, Cory.”

I shook my head. “You know better than that. You know I love you, and you love me, too. There will never be anybody else for me, and no one is going to love you the way that I do.” She smiled.

She was about to speak when I put my finger on her mouth. “You know I’m right. This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life. This is it.” I got up, put my clothes on, and headed toward the door after having spent the last hour inside with Nina. She called my name and stopped me at the door.

“Cory…”

I stood there looking at her.

“Are you sure that you’re happy about this?” Her big brown eyes were staring into mine. “I mean…really?” she asked.

“Yeah, baby…really.” I smiled, because I truly was pleased at the thought of bringing a life into this world with Nina. Then I turned the knob and walked out of the room.

I had just
walked back to the picnic table where Brendan and Laney were whipping Nate and his date, Monica, in spades.

“Where you been, boy? You missed this clinic in spades,” Brendan said, as I sat down next to him.

“I was inside checking on Nina. She’s not feeling too well. She’s got bad allergies.”

Brendan nodded. Laney said, “Maybe she should take that prescription stuff.”

“Claritin? Yeah, she already does, but sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“That’s a shame,” Laney said.

“C’mon, Nate, throw something out,” Brendan yelled.

“Man, shut up. Don’t tell me how to play my hand,” Nate barked back.

“Is that what you call yourself doing? Monica, I understand if you want to get a new partner.” Brendan laughed.

Nate finally threw out the king of spades, and Laney took the book with the little joker.

“They’re going to renege, Laney.” Brendan laughed out. “They’re going to renege.”

Nate shouted out, “Shit.” But not loud enough for the older peeps to hear. Then he said, “That’s it, then. I quit.” Nate huffed.

“Don’t quit, Nate,” Monica said.

“Look, we were only playing to five hundred. They have four hundred now, and we’ve got…What do we got, Laney?”

“Minus thirty-seven,” she answered.

“A fucking minus thirty-seven.” He shook his head. Then he yelled at Dee, who was sitting on the deck drinking a beer and talking to my cousin James. The two young ladies whom he had brought with him were playing volleyball with James’s two sons. “Dee. It’s your game if you still want to play.”