Before I Let Go (27 page)

“What you want, baby?” Nate asked, making sure he heard her correctly.

“Choke the bitch, Nate. Don’t be scared, baby. That’s what she wants,” Sahleen said, with a devilish look on her face. She kept pulling at Shawn’s nipples, and at the same time she was masturbating watching them.

Shawn’s head was thrashing back and forth as Nate wrapped both hands around her neck and began to choke her. Her eyes rolled up in her head and her body began to shake like she had been electrocuted as she came with flaming intensity. She passed out for a few moments, but it didn’t stop Nate from punishing the punany until he came. In the bedroom, both women rubbed and kissed his body. They sucked him until he came once more, then they all sucked and fucked some more. It was every man’s fantasy, and at the same time, his worst nightmare.

Finding out the woman you love is freak is a defining moment for a man. If you don’t embrace it, it will repulse you. Nate had always held such high regard for Sahleen. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that she would go out like this. While he was recovering from reaching his climax he watched as Sahleen went down on Shawn. He thought about meeting Sahleen at that gay party and realized that she had probably been lying about her sexual preferences all along.
It all makes sense,
he thought.
Both times that I’ve seen Trish there is some gay shit going on. Trish is gay, and she is the common thread between Sahleen and Shawn…that has to be it
. Then he wondered how Sahleen would have taken it had she walked in while he was fucking some dude up the ass. Though he never would do anything like that, she hadn’t given a damn how he felt about walking in as he had. She had lied all along, then just sprung her gayness on him. What a bitch.

Sahleen and Shawn finally fell asleep. Nate got up to use the bathroom, and decided to take a shower. He then threw on some clothes, gathered up his belongings, and started to leave. He sat down in the easy chair instead and let it vibrate. It shook him asleep, and when he woke up it was Sunday morning and Shawn was gone. Sahleen was getting dressed and had her bags together. They both seemed to be pretending that nothing had happened, and Nate was fighting the repulsion, jealousy, and pain.

The Shark Bar is famous for its food and atmosphere. The Sunday brunch was out of this world. Nate had three plates. One was piled high with waffles. Another had the freshest, sweetest red grapes he had ever tasted, along with melon slices and cantaloupe. His third plate had grits, eggs, bacon, and home-fried potatoes on it. The syrup was served piping hot, and Nate’s mind was temporarily focused only on food. Sahleen, Franco, and the two models that they had signed were eating, too.

After leaving the Shark Bar everyone headed out to the Hamptons to finish the video. Nate was no longer in the mood but didn’t want to let on to either Shawn or Sahleen how shaken he had been by what had transpired. He shot his scenes and was handed a check by Gus when he was preparing to leave. “Twenty-seven hundred dollars,” Nate said, shocked to be getting paid so handsomely to frolic in a bed with Shawn. Most men would have paid that for the privilege.

Gus misinterpreted Nate’s look of surprise, and said, “Oh, you’ll get another check for at least twice that when the video is released. The nude stuff was great. Sign right here, Nate.” Nate signed. “Oh, and I need your address, so I can mail your check. Who’s your agent? Because if you need…”

“I told you, Gus…” Nate was about to tell Gus again that he was not a model. Franco butted in. “Mobley represents this young man, thank you,” he said, as he patted Gus on the shoulder. The two walked off.

“Thanks again, Nate,” Gus yelled. “You got the goods, baby. Indeed you do.”

Nate turned around to see Shawn standing there. She was so hot, but he hated her at that moment. She had stolen his woman. It wasn’t that he feared she and Sahleen would run off together. She had stolen her in the sense that he would never be able to view Sahleen as perfect anymore. Before this incident, he had felt as though he had found the perfect combination of beauty, class, and intelligence in Sahleen. Secretly he had wondered what their kids might look like. Now it would be impossible for him to trust her as a wife and mother to his unborn children. She was just another whore, albeit for another woman, but a whore nonetheless. Nate cracked a phony half smile and made an excuse to walk off.

Nate went to Sahleen and told her that he was about to leave. He didn’t ask her if she was ready. “Nate, what’s the rush? I need to tie up some loose ends here.”

“Well, you do that. I’m gone,” Nate said, as he walked out the door.

As he headed toward the car, Sahleen caught up to him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell do you think?” Nate said, as he got into his car. Sahleen stood there while he rolled down the window.

“I know you’re not talking about last night.”

“You know damn well that is what I am talking about,” Nate said, glaring angrily.

Sahleen saw the pained look on his face and her demeanor changed. “But I thought that was what you wanted. I heard about what happened at the shoot on Friday. I heard that you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other.”

“That’s bullshit. You’ve been lying to me all of this time. You told me when I met you that you weren’t gay.”

“I’m not gay,” Sahleen said, clenching her fists.

“Well, I sure as hell couldn’t tell last night. Shit, you lick pussy better than me,” Nate huffed.

“Are you jealous?” Sahleen was getting defensive. “Look, Shawn has done a lot to help me and my career. I just…”

“Look. Fuck it, okay. I…” Nate paused. There was an unfamiliar lump in his throat. He swallowed hard to get it out, but it wasn’t going anywhere. “I don’t need this shit,” Nate forced it out. “I thought you were the one. I thought you were perfect. I, I…” Nate stuttered out. “I felt like…like we were in love and shit.”

Sahleen had a tear in her eye. “I’m sorry, Nate.”

“I thought that we were going to be together, maybe have some kids one day.” A tear welled up in the corner of his eye. Nate felt it, but prayed it wouldn’t fall. Crying in front of women was for the weak.

Sahleen shook her head. “Nate, I didn’t know you felt like that. If I did I would have been totally honest with you. I swear I didn’t know. But hell, you knew that with my career and business in its prime that I wasn’t ready for a commitment.”

Nate erupted. “Well, what do you call what we’ve been doing for the last five months?”

Sahleen didn’t answer. She just stood there staring at Nate. He stared back. After a few seconds Sahleen said in a loud whisper. “I’m sorry. I really am, but I’m not in love with you, Nate. I thought we were just having a good time, taking things as they came.”

Nate shook his head and gripped his steering wheel. “Yeah, we were, but things changed. I thought we were on the same page.”

“I must’ve missed out on something. If I sent you mixed signals or led you on…”

“Led me on? The time we spent together, all the love we made? And how could you be carrying on with Shawn like that?”

“Who are you to judge me? I guess if you had set the whole thing up it would have been fine. I’m sorry, Nate, but I’m just not the type to be led around by the nose. My career comes first. In case you’re wondering, I don’t have feelings for Shawn, but if she gets what she wants then I get what I want. That’s simply how it works in the industry.”

“Just tell me one thing,” Nate shot back.

“What’s that?”

“Did you even care for me?”

“Of course I did. I still do. Obviously, not the same way you do for me.” Sahleen paused. “I’m just not ready to be tied down or judged by a man for doing what I have to do. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.”

The tear fell and burned Nate’s pride. And at the same time his stomach began to churn. He felt every emotion that he owned swirling about inside of him. Before he totally lost his composure he yelled out, “Okay, well then fuck you, Sahleen, you slut.” Then he drove off. At the end of the driveway he jumped out of the car and placed Sahleen’s bags in the grass, and just as quickly jumped back in and drove down the road with her watching.

Nate sped down the turnpike, trying to get as far away from Sahleen as possible. His thoughts soon turned to India. His baby, the one he should have been with the entire time. The one he should have done right by from the start. He began thinking about how wonderful she was, how he had taken her for granted the entire time, all because he had met Sahleen the very same night. He was glad that he hadn’t broke things off with her and that she cared so much about him. He thanked his lucky stars that it wasn’t too late for the two of them.

N
ate stood knocking at India’s door. She wasn’t answering, though her car was parked out in front of her duplex. He saw her Club still on the steering wheel, which to Nate meant that her car probably hadn’t been moved the entire day. It was nearly four in the afternoon, and by this time India had usually been to church, done her grocery shopping for the week, and more often than not, started her laundry. He knocked some more and rang the bell before he leaned over and looked into the bay window through the draperies.

“Shit,” Nate exclaimed as he huffed. “Where the hell is she?” he said, as he backed away from the door. He walked to his car, which was parked in a visitor’s space across the lot, and sat in the seat with one foot on the ground. He reached into his glove compartment to get a piece of paper so that he could write a note. He started the note with: “Honey bun, I missed you, so I came straight over. I have a couple of surprises for you, so call me as soon as you get…” but before he could finish, he got a surprise of his own.

A gray jeep pulled up and stopped right in front of India’s door. Nate immediately spotted India in the passenger seat. He also noticed the pleasant look on her face as she laughed with the driver. He was a light-skinned brother wearing a pair of shades. Nate was instantly jealous and was about to run up to India and her date. He then decided to chill and wait and see what was going on. Nate watched as the driver leaned over and kissed India on the cheek before she stepped out of the jeep. She had what looked like a doggie bag in her hand; she laughed some more.
This guy must have been a real comedian
, Nate was thinking. India was taking her time walking away; she stood beside his jeep. The next thing Nate knew, the brother was looking at his watch and nodding his head.

Within seconds, the brother put his vehicle in reverse and parked on the island near the mailboxes. Nate realized that India had invited him in, and that was it. Nate stood and got out of his car as he and the guy slammed their doors simultaneously. India was watching her date, still grinning. She had on a yellow and blue sundress that was showing off her pretty legs. Nate noticed as well that her hair had been freshly done. Nate was ten feet away from her when she turned and saw him walking toward her.

India’s mouth fell open when she saw Nate. Shock was her first reaction. She was only thinking about the embarrassment she assumed was coming for everyone. She wasn’t focused on her anger at Nate, which had come to a boil a few nights earlier. She wasn’t thinking about how she had been ready to stab him in the parking lot of that woman’s apartment complex, or how she’d driven back over there each day this weekend to see if she would find his car there. She had planned to slash every tire and bust each window. She knew how much Nate adored his car, and she had planned to make him pay the best way she knew how. The fact that she had cried all day Friday, and that her best friend, Lynn, had come over to spend the night with her because she had been so worried about her wasn’t on her mind.

India’s date walked up to her with a puzzled look when he saw Nate standing there. The look on her face gave away the only question that she had at the moment, which was, “Why?” Why had Nate shown up now after not calling all weekend? India had left at least fifteen messages on his machine, some cursing and some crying. Some were threatening, but the last one, which India had left on his machine that morning, had taken the cake. But Nate had yet to check any of them. He had no idea what was waiting for him on his answer-call service.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” Nate asked, nodding his head toward the stranger. India cringed when Nate touched her arm. She pulled back. She actually thought that Nate had come to hit her.

“Get off of me, Nate.”

Nate’s face showed confusion. He had no idea what was going on. He had no idea that she had busted him. He also had no idea that she had left a message on his voice mail giving him a step-by-step description of how she had gotten herself together after he had devastated her. Her message described how she and Lynn had gotten up on Saturday morning and gone to the hair salon. How they had gotten manicures, pedicures, and massages. It went on to describe how she had gone on a date with the guy in the jeep the previous night and how he had spent the night with her. She had gone on to describe every detail of the kissing, sucking, and fucking she had done with her date. Finally, she had said that what she had thought was going to be payback sex, a little “wham, bam, thank you ma’am,” had turned out to be the fuck of a lifetime for her, and that she had found a replacement for Nate’s sorry ass.

Nate stood there, shocked. “What’s going on? Who the hell is this?”

The stranger said, “I’m Cooper. Who are you?” He poked his chest out.

“I’m her motherfucking boyfriend and an ass-whooping waiting to happen, nigga. I sure as hell hope that you are her cousin or some shit,” Nate said, pointing a finger in Cooper’s face.

“Hold up, man. You need to calm the fuck down. She didn’t say nothing about no boyfriend to me.”

“Nate, you need to leave,” India said.

“What?” Nate said, with a stunned look on his face.

“You heard me. Nigga, you need to go.” India was starting to focus on her pain. “You didn’t call me all fucking weekend when you were off with that bitch.” Nate’s eyes gave away his guilt. “Yeah, motherfucker. I followed your ass on Thursday night. When you were spitting all those lies about your grandmother being in the car, and taking her out of town and shit…I was right behind you on my cellphone. I had just left Union Station and had come straight to your apartment. I saw you pulling out of the gate, and I was going to pull up next to you, but you were driving too fast. By the time I got close enough to you to honk my horn you had called me. The next thing I know…you were telling me all of these fucking lies. When you said your grandmother was in the car, I thought that you were just playing with me, and that you had seen my car. When you kept on lying, though, I decided to follow your ass…and…”

Cooper cut her off. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this shit. India, you two obviously need to talk. You can just call me later, okay?”

“No, Cooper, you stay. He’s about to leave. Here.” She handed Cooper the keys. “The alarm isn’t on. Go in and wait. I’ll be right in.”

“Are you sure?” Cooper asked. India nodded. “Are you alright out here?”

“Nigga, go on in the house before I fuck around and whip your ass out here,” Nate yelled.

Cooper shot a nasty glance at Nate, but the one Nate shot back was meaner and more threatening. The shit was getting too real for Cooper, so he walked into the house. “I thought so,” Nate said.

“Look, I don’t know what gave you the nerve to come around here after the shit you pulled, Nate. I know that you’ve probably been fooling around with other women the whole time. I should have left you alone a long time ago. I saw the signs a long time ago…I just didn’t listen to them.”

“India, you don’t know what’s really going on.”

“Oh, but I do. And you know what?” India’s big eyes looked straight at Nate. “It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ve had enough.”

“So you been fucking around on me the whole time, huh?” Nate asked. He was hurting. He was talking to India, but he was seeing Sahleen’s face in front of him.

“No, I swear. I’m not like that. I’m not like you.”

“So who the hell is this faggot?”

“Cooper is a friend.”

Nate interrupted with “How long have you known this nigga?”

“A month, two months, what difference does it make? Bye, Nate.”

“So you been screwing this nigga?”

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have left that message. It was tacky and beneath me. I’m sorry. But it was the truth. Last night was the first time I was with Cooper.”

Nate’s heart dropped. For the second time in twenty-four hours he had been the victim of a bomb dropping on his head. “What the fuck did you say? You left a message on my machine. You left a message on my machine telling me that you sexed that nigga?”

Nate put his hand on his mouth and then moved it up his face, massaging his mouth first and then his temples. He was seeing Sahleen’s face again. India was backing away when Nate reached out and grabbed her neck. “Bitch, you must be fucking crazy. How are you going to do some shit like that to me? Just because I was gone for the weekend, you go and fuck somebody else.”

Nate was oblivious to how hard he was choking India. “Girl…I was about to make everything right between us. But you went and did this dumb shit.”

“Let me go,” she tried to mumble out, as she started to scratch Nate’s hands. His grip was secure, though. Tears were running out of India’s eyes.

“I bet you like women, too,” Nate growled out. Then he realized what he was doing and let her go.

India was coughing and crying. Nate was about to apologize when he saw India’s front door open and Cooper come running out of the house with a bat. Nate saw him and ran toward his car. “Cooper, noooo, please don’t,” she yelled, as he ran past her with the bat, toward Nate’s car. By the time he got to Nate’s car, the top half of Nate’s body had reappeared out of the car. He was holding a black nine-millimeter in his hand. It was pointed in Cooper’s face. Nate was standing still, his face was like ice. Cooper stood with the bat cocked over his shoulder.

“Do it,” Nate said in a low voice. “Give me a reason.” Nate saw fear in Cooper’s face. His bottom lip was trembling.

India was screaming in the background, begging Cooper to come back and go into the house. Just then India’s neighbor pulled through the lot and parked. India was frantic and ran to the door of the Cadillac to ask Mr. Watkins, who was at least sixty years old, for help.

Meanwhile, Nate had eased his body from behind the door of his Lexus and was separated from Cooper by only a few feet. “Bitch-ass nigga, once you put that bat down, I’m gonna whip your ass, and I mean bad,” Nate said, as he moved threateningly toward Cooper. “After I beat the shit out of you, I’m going to give her the gifts that I have in my trunk, make up to her, and then go in the house and fuck the shit out of her.”

Cooper’s face tightened as he rocked his body back slightly to keep his balance and said, “Like I did last night…and this morning.”

A sudden flash of anger shot through his body at Cooper’s mocking words. Nate instinctively cocked the pistol, and out of fear Cooper swung the bat. India and Mr. Watkins’s bodies both shook when they heard the deafening crack of Nate’s pistol followed by crashing glass. India ran toward Cooper as Nate went into his car and was pulling off within seconds. Mr. Watkins dropped his bowling bag and sprinted toward his door. India called out to him, but Mr. Watkins ignored her and nearly broke his screen door trying to get into his house.

India was hysterical when she reached Cooper, who was trying to get up. He was holding the side of his head, especially his ear, which was ringing loudly.

He stood and removed his hand from his head. He stared at his hands, which revealed no blood. India inspected him thoroughly and assured him that he hadn’t been hit. Although he couldn’t hear out of his left ear, he was fine. He was shaking and his pants were wet, which he didn’t realize until India pointed it out to him. She offered to drive him to the hospital to get his ear checked out, but he refused and headed toward his jeep.

India didn’t put up a fuss as she watched him pull off even faster than Nate had. She was still a wreck herself and barely made it to the house. As she walked toward her door she could see Mr. Watkins on the phone, staring out of his bay window. She walked into her house, grabbed her keys, and prepared to leave. She suspected that he was talking to the police, so she left a note on her door that read “Angie, I am running to the mall. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. 4:15.”

Never mind that she didn’t know anyone named Angie; the note was for the police, whom she didn’t feel like dealing with. She passed the cops and their flashing lights as she drove out onto Ritchie Road. She silently prayed that her note would keep them from bursting through her door in search of survivors. Although she was through with him, she wasn’t mentally prepared to turn Nate in to the police, nor was she ready to be berated by detectives. It probably wasn’t a good idea for her to leave the scene of the crime, but she hadn’t committed one. She had been the victim…in more ways than one. On top of it all she felt as though she had provoked Nate by leaving the nasty messages on his voice mail.

So India just drove and thought. She came to the conclusion that Nate was crazy, as well as a dog. There was no way that she would ever have anything else to do with him. She did enjoy Cooper’s company, and even hoped that they might start something, but she doubted that he was ever coming back around.

At around six India wound up at her cousin Monique’s house in Clinton, where she found Monique and her live-in boyfriend cooking outside on the grill. There was another couple there, and India spoke to them before she pulled her cousin to the side. She chose not to confide in Monique about the events of the weekend. She only told her that she needed somewhere to stay for a night or two. Knowing that India had her own place, Monique found her request a little strange, and though Monique was a little worried, she quickly agreed without asking questions. The two of them had been close since childhood, and Monique knew that if India wanted to talk about something she would. So she went on about her business entertaining and didn’t think twice about bothering India when she went into the guest room and closed the door behind her.