Before I Let Go (14 page)

I asked her if I had discussed a salary with her yet. When she said no, I told her it would be about forty-five thousand dollars.

“That is so awesome,” she said, growing more delighted, if that was possible.

As we rode the elevator I asked her if she would like a ride to her car, since it was dark out, and I was sure she had parked a fair distance away. She accepted my offer and rode the elevator down to the parking garage with me. As we approached my car I activated the remote to the alarm, then opened her door.

“Thanks,” she said.

“It’s freezing out here tonight,” I said, as I got in on my side.

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” she said. “I’m from Maine originally, and this is nothing to me.”

“Well, I’m from here originally, but I just moved back from Atlanta last month, and I am nowhere near used to this weather yet.”

As we pulled out of the garage, she complimented me on the smooth ride of my car.

“This is a BMW right?” she asked.

“Yes, it is,” I said, trying not to sound too impressed with myself. I had broken down after my first day at work at HE. I had taken a look at all the cars parked in the reserved spots next to the one given to me. My poor Maxima looked so out of place next to the Jaguars, Mercedes, Range Rovers, and Lexus’s that populated the executive row. I had headed straight to Passport BMW in Marlow Heights and leased a brand-new X5, silver with black interior. Nate had been so thrilled that I had gotten a new ride. All he could say was, “Watch how much pussy these bitches are gonna start throwing at you now.”

I had given the Maxima to my niece, Tory, who had just gotten her learner’s permit. She was going to need a car now that I had convinced my sister to let me pay to send her to private school for her last two years of high school. The Maxima was parked in my mother’s garage for the time being, and Tory brought all of her friends by just to sit in it with her and make big plans now that she and her crew would have wheels the following summer.

I pulled up to Heather’s car and she got out and thanked me again. She told me that she would see me bright and early on Wednesday morning. Then she smiled and told me how wonderful I had made her Christmas. I was sure that I had. As I pulled off I hoped that I wouldn’t ruin Mrs. Vance’s New Year’s celebration when I told her I had given the job that she deserved to someone else.

I
was tired as hell, and the last thing I felt like doing was going into anyone’s mall, but the Christmas lights and decorations that I saw as I exited the Beltway onto Rockville Pike reminded me that I had to. Since the malls were open until eleven, I decided to get the last few gifts that I needed to complete my shopping. I had done well getting the majority of it over with during the two weeks I was off when I moved. I had, however, forgotten to pick up gifts for Brendan’s little brother, and for some reason I was feeling compelled to buy something for Nina.

Though I hadn’t spoken to her for almost two weeks, she was on my mind. I had only seen her once since we went to the movies. We’d met for a Sunday brunch at Hogate’s Restaurant on the waterfront. During that brunch we had had a chance to really get to talk and catch up. Without my asking she had told me everything that Shelly had been up to since we had parted ways.

Shelly was doing well for herself, according to Nina. She was a guidance counselor at a middle school in Takoma Park, Maryland, a largely Hispanic community in Maryland that is located just outside the D.C. line, and was preparing to work on her Ph.D. Shelly’s relationship with her daughter’s father, Eric, was up and down, as Nina put it. Eric didn’t seem to have the goals and motivation to match Shelly’s drive, she said, and it had become a constant source of friction between them. They had been dating for five years now and hadn’t gotten married yet. Shelly had her own townhouse in Wheaton and Eric was living at home with his mother. Knowing Shelly the way I did, I found that a little odd. When we were together all she ever talked about was being married. It was her dream to have a husband, three kids, and a nice home, she would always tell me. Now it seemed as if most of her dreams were centered around her career.

I had told Nina all about my relationship with Paula and how it had ended with my move. I didn’t bother to mention Darlene, who I had also been seeing pretty regularly on the side. She had been a great friend and a reliable sex partner. We had the kind of “no strings attached” relationship that most men long for. When I had told Darlene about my move she showed up at my house with three brand-new white dress shirts and three silk ties as a congratulatory and going away present. She had shown the kind of support that Paula hadn’t, and I had been really impressed. That was precisely the reason why Darlene would be coming up to spend a few days with me after the football season ended.

As for Nina’s situation, it appeared she was in a strained relationship that sounded like it was in trouble. The guy she was dating was separated from his wife and trying desperately to remain close to his children. His wife had become very adept at holding the children over his head as leverage, and Nina felt that his actions were indicating that he wouldn’t be able to handle a divorce, a custody battle, and a relationship with her as well.

Once she told me about her situation I had decided to back off a bit. I wasn’t sure where I would, or whether I should, fit into her life, anyway. Too much time had passed for me to try to come back and play the big brother routine. To be totally honest, though, Nina was just too damned fine. She reminded me of everything that Shelly had been, and then some. Brendan had told me in a long-distance conversation in the fall that he had bumped into Nina at the Taste of DC on Columbus Day weekend downtown, and that she was finer than Shelly had ever been at that age. I hadn’t believed him then, but now I’d seen for myself. After seeing her, I had to be honest with myself. I knew full well that if I spent much time with her, the physical attraction would surface, and who knew what kind of uncomfortable feelings might come from that scenario. I couldn’t bear the thought of hearing that she didn’t see me that way. I wasn’t quite sure of the proper way to bring up something that was basically improper: “Hey Nina, I know that I was nearly engaged to your sister back in the day, but I was wondering if maybe now you and I could…” I don’t think so. That was some Jerry Springer–type drama.

At any rate, I had planned to call her on Christmas Day to wish her a merry one and invite her to stop by and pick up the gift I had gotten for her. As I exited the car and walked hurriedly toward the mall entrance, I laughed at myself for the changes that I was going through just to have an excuse to see Nina again.

Christmas Morning

M
erry Christmas, Paula,” I said, as I answered the phone. I’d paged her just fifteen minutes earlier. We hadn’t spoken in more than a month, and I was curious how I would be received. Getting established at work had kept me really busy, and I had also been caught up in the excitement of being home. In the previous month I had done a lot. I knew that none of this would be legitimate justifications to Paula for not contacting her, and I was prepared for a tongue lashing, and maybe even a little cursing. Paula was in Atlanta, but she was from Chicago’s South Side and had never lost that edge, which was available for show to anyone who got her wrong. I figured that I had most definitely fallen into that category, so I was shocked when she replied softly.

“Merry Christmas to you too, stranger.” There was a pause, then she went on. “So how has everything been going for you and your family?”

“Well, very well thanks, and what about you?” I replied, still a little off balance.

“Cory, do you need to know how things are with me? Do you even need to ask?” Her tone was beginning to change a little, into more of what I had expected. She breathed deeply, and then added, “Cory, you hurt me when you left, and also by your lack of remorse for hurting me, but like I said before, I knew that you’d leave me someday…I always knew. But if you want to know the truth, I don’t regret loving you one bit. As a matter of fact, your leaving helped me realize something that I wouldn’t have had you never left.”

“What’s that?” I asked, bracing myself for a sharp answer.

“I realized that only because I had you in my life was I able to stay with Marvin as long as I did. I know now that my happiness has to come first, and having all of the material things like this house, these cars, and the clothes, none of them have been able to make me truly happy. They do take your attention off being unhappy for the moment, but in no way are they the answer. That’s why I’m leaving Marvin. Not for you, but for me.”

“You’re leaving him?”

“Yes. After the holidays I’ll be out of here.”

“So you’ve told him?” I asked.

“No, not yet. I didn’t want to ruin the holiday season. His mother is staying at the house through New Year’s Eve, but I’ve already gotten my divorce papers drawn up. They will be served on the third of January.”

“I’m stunned, Paula. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Cory. You can tell me that you still love me, though.”

“Of course I do.”

“Then say it, Cory. I need to hear you say it.”

Her tone had me feeling extremely pressured, but I pushed the words effortlessly out of my mouth: “I do still love you, Paula.” What was strange, though, was that when the words came out of my mouth, the image of Nina’s face popped into my mind.

“Well, seeing is believing, Cory, but I gotta run. We can talk later. Now, where can I reach you?”

I gave her my numbers, and she quickly wrote them down. After quick good-byes she blew a kiss through the line, and we hung up.

Things had gone better than I had imagined. There had been no hysterical ranting, and I was off the line, having been allowed to enjoy the rest of my Christmas Day without guilt.

I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Nina’s apartment.

The phone rang once and a male voice answered it. “Hello, I mean, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas. Is Nina available?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t be causing a big fuss if this was her friend. If it was, he needed to be home with his kids, not babysitting Nina on Christmas morning.

“Nina just ran to the store to get some batteries. She’ll be back soon. Can I tell her who called?”

“Yeah, tell her that Cory called.”

“Cory? Okay. I’ll have her call you as soon as she gets back. Does she have your number? Well, it’s on the caller ID if she doesn’t have it,” he said, being as polite as possible. Then I heard someone in the background saying, “C. Dandridge? Is that Cory Dandridge? Let me see that telephone.” I heard a voice in the background ask, “Cory, is this Cory Dandridge?”

I knew the voice. It was Shelly. My heart dropped completely into my stomach this time. “Yeah, this is me. Shelly?” I said, trying to sound unsure if it was her voice, but I was sure she knew I had recognized it. She was my first love, the one that was supposed to last a lifetime, and everyone knows you don’t forget that voice—ever.

“Cory, what are you doing calling Nina to wish her Merry Christmas? She hasn’t heard from you in years, and neither have I, for that matter? And the caller ID has you listed with a Maryland phone number. Have you moved back to the area?” she asked, in a voice that indicated a lot of wonder. Nina obviously hadn’t mentioned that she’d seen me, let alone been out with me twice. I was glad she had kept our secret, but now I had to think on my toes and come up with something.

“Actually, Shelly, I have moved back to the area. Nina must have forgotten that she gave me her number. I told her I was going to call some time ago. I saw her probably…let me see, it must have been sometime around Thanksgiving or sometime close to then.” I closed my little cover-up with, “I told her that I would catch up with her sooner or later to see how you guys were doing, and what better day than Christmas, ya know what I’m saying?” It was the best I could do.

She just said, “Oh, uh huh. Well, that’s nice of you to think of
us
, Cory.” She was suspicious. I smelled disaster, and I knew why. Shelly knew me well. She knew that when I’m nervous or lying I always say “Ya know what I’m saying?” Then she said, “It has been a long time, Cory. Many Christmases have gone past, but it’s nice to hear from you. You and your family are doing well, I hope.”

“Most definitely, everyone is wonderful, and I am doing well. I can’t complain.” I wanted to say “Does a hundred grand–plus a year sound like I’m doing well? I’m pushing a Beemer with TVs in it. I’m in better shape than you would ever remember. I’m doing damn good, and when you see me you will know that you made the biggest mistake of your life by walking out on me. Now look at that broke nigga you got.” But of course I couldn’t say that. “So, you came to visit Nina this morning. That’s nice.”

“No, actually she transferred her calls to my house. When she got here I wasn’t dressed and Amani needed some batteries for her Roller Baby doll’s RollerBlades, wouldn’t you know. She also needed some for Amani’s V-Tech laptop, so she ran to the 7–11 for us.”

“Did you say laptop, as in computer?”

“Yes. It is for kids, though. It has spelling and math drills on it. It even has a mouse to go with it. It’s really cute.” Shelly laughed. Then I heard someone in the background talking to her. Shelly said, “Hey, I need to run now. Duty calls, but I’ll tell Nina that you called us. We’re all doing fine as well, so take care of yourself and tell your mom and sister that I wished them a Merry Christmas, okay?”

“Okay, sure thing. You take care, too.” After we hung up, I thought about how Shelly had basically said that there was no need for me to call back now that I had spoken to her. At least, that’s what I got out of it. It’s not that she had to come right out and say it. It was just the attitude I had detected when she said that I had called
them
, and that
they
were doing fine. Shelly still had enough nerve for two women, and the reasons why we eventually fell out began to come back to me.

Two hours passed,
and I was just about to get dressed to go to my sister’s house and take all of their gifts to them, when Nina called back from her cellphone. She sounded really upset.

“What’s wrong? Did I mess up by calling you?” I asked, feeling as though I had made a big mistake.

“It’s not your fault, Cory.” She was upset, and just like her sister it made her accent more pronounced.

“What happened? Did she accuse you of something?”

I heard her sniffle before she spoke, and I didn’t want to believe that I had caused her a bunch of strife. “Cory, when I came back from the store she pulled me back into the kitchen and started talking casually. She was setting me up. She started asking me about my ex-boyfriends. She was saying shit like ‘Don’t the holidays make you kind of remember old times, like when you dated Jonathan or Manuel?’”

“I was like, yeah, sort of. Then she asked me if I ever wondered how any of them were doing. I told her that I talk to Manuel’s aunt sometimes when I go to the dentist’s office. She’s, like, the receptionist at my dentist’s office.” Nina was talking so fast, I had to tell her to slow down. She did, and kept talking. “Cory, the bitch is so slick. She was setting me up, because after I talked about Manuel for a few moments, she came out of the blue and made a comment about wondering what you were up to. I had no idea that you’d just called or even would call today. I had transferred my calls to her house, and I never would have done that. Shit, Cory, I haven’t heard from you in two weeks, and when I left messages, you didn’t call back. I figured that after we went to brunch and you didn’t give me your home number then, that you obviously didn’t want me to call. So anyway, when she said that she wondered what you were up to, I slipped up and said, ‘Me, too.’”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did.” Nina went on to describe how Shelly had just nailed her by announcing that she had heard that I was back in the area. Nina said that when her response was “Really?” as if she had no idea, Shelly’s expression had turned ice cold. Then she had led Nina to the caller ID and told her I had called. She had played her little sister like a drum. Shelly drilled Nina for ten minutes straight. She wanted to know why she had lied and acted as if she didn’t know anything about my being back, and about seeing me. When Nina had produced no answers, Shelly accused her of always having had a crush on me, and lit into her about her motives. When Eric came up the stairs and heard the two of them arguing, he’d asked why they were arguing. Nina, in her rage and defensive stance, told him that she and Shelley were arguing over my call.