Been Here All Along (12 page)

“Everything's fine between us.”

“But you left my house so fast yesterday. And I wanted to bring it up at school today, but I wasn't sure how personal it was, and I didn't want to bring up bad news. I should have texted you. I'm such a terrible friend.”

“Gideon, it's fine. If it was a big deal, don't you think I would have told you about it?”

“I guess,” I say, taking a step back and stumbling into the wall.

“How much did you drink, Gid?”

“Two National Velvets. And Ezra gave me a shot. How much did you drink?”

“Just your beer.”

“You should drink more, Kyle. It's delicious.”

“I'll take that into consideration.”

He walks away before I have a chance to say what I wanted to say. Which is not a bad thing, since I can't remember what I wanted to tell him in the first place. Alcohol makes my brain very mixed up.

I sit down in Maddie's kitchen and watch the clock tick away minutes for a little while, trying to remember what I wanted to tell Kyle. When I go back out onto the porch, everyone seems almost as drunk as I feel.

“Hey, hey,” I say when I get back out there. “Were you guys talking about me while I was gone?”

“Nope,” Lauren says. “But you look like you want another drink.”

“I think I do. I think I really do.”

Ruby

Gideon seems well on his way to drunk, and Kyle is catching up slowly on beer.

I'm mostly pretending to be drunk, because it's fun that way. And I didn't want to be drunk for what I'm about to propose.

“Oh my God,” I say, standing up to get everyone's attention. “I have the best idea, guys. It is the best idea ever!”

“What?” Maddie asks, sipping something pink with a straw.

“Truth or dare. We should totally play truth or dare.”

“That is such a good idea, Ruby,” Lilah says, crunching on a pretzel stick and then accidentally biting her finger.

“Oh, oh!” Sawyer says. “I know how we should play. My cousin taught me this way where each round, everyone writes down one truth and one dare and then you put them in two bowls and people pick.”

This is not going the way I expected it to. I was going to have all the control of the game as the only sober person playing, but now there's this other element. I can't manipulate the game, or drunk Gideon. I really want him to get all his secrets out in the open. The whole situation is starting to bore me—in part because Gideon's too smart to really play around with.

I consider vetoing this idea.

Oh, screw it. Truth or dare will be fun no matter what.

“Is it better that way?” Lauren asks.

“Well, yeah. Because you might end up getting your truth or dare, but no one will know if you put in a really hard one. There's strategery,” Sawyer says.

“Strategery?” Maddie asks, snorting.

“Oh, you know what I mean.”

“I'll go get some bowls,” Maddie says.

“And some paper and some pens!” Sawyer calls after her.

Maddie comes back a minute later, and we all gather around the table to write down our truths and dares.

“All right, Buster goes first, and we'll move around the table this way,” I announce as we settle down for our game.

Buster picks up the dare bowl. I don't think anyone is all that surprised.

“‘Lick the floor,'” he reads. “Cool.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Lauren says as Buster's about to lick the all-weather tile on the porch. “What happens if we don't accept the dare or the truth? What's the punishment?”

“I was going to accept the dare!” Buster says.

“I know, I know, honey,” she says, patting his butt. “But this is stuff we need to work out before we get into the game.”

“Okay, well,” I say, since apparently I'm the master of ceremonies tonight. “If you don't take the dare or you won't answer the question truthfully, you have to let Buster put makeup on you.”

“That sounds awful,” Lilah says.

“That's the point.”

“I want to put makeup all over all your faces,” Buster says from the floor. He takes a big old lick and then gets back into his chair. Then he pours himself a shot of amaretto and takes it back. “That stuff is awesome. It tastes like delicious cough medicine.”

“I know, man,” Gideon says, smiling with all his teeth. Gideon has been in a particularly good mood this evening. I think he was slightly drunk when he showed up. He doesn't even look scared of me anymore.

“Lilah, you're up.”

She grabs for the dare bowl, too. These people are crazy. Always go with truth.

“‘Sniff everyone's armpits,'” she reads. “That's gross. But you guys all look pretty clean.”

“Both arms,” I tell her for good measure.

She starts with her own and then works her way around the table, pausing longest at Maddie.

“Hmm. What is that? I like that,” Lilah says.

“According to Secret, that's what Australia smells like, because that's what the scent is called.”

“Where'd you get it?”

“Walgreens.”

“Nice, nice,” Lilah says as she drifts around the circle, giving everyone's armpits a hearty sniff before getting back to her seat. “I would like to thank you all for being good-smelling, clean people. Especially Maddie. And you too, Gideon. You got a good thing happening over there. You smell like my dad.”

“Is that really a good thing?” he asks, his voice a little hard to understand since he's chewing determinedly on a straw.

“I like it,” Lilah says with a smile. She passes the bowls to Lauren, who reinforces the fact that we're kindred spirits by grabbing for a truth.

“‘If you were the opposite sex for a day, what is the first thing you would do?'” she reads. “That's easy: pee standing up.”

“Wow, you were really prepared for that question,” Sawyer says.

“I have five brothers,” she says simply. “It's always been a dream of mine.”

“Moving on,” I say, passing the bowls to Maddie.

Maddie studies both of them for a moment and then, in the surprise of the night, reaches for a dare.

“Either way it's terrifying, but I think I'd rather
do
something than confess something.” She sucks in a breath and unfolds the slip of paper. “‘Dump glitter over your head while singing “Glitter in the Air” by Pink.'”

“Oh man, that's mine,” Buster says delightedly.

“I'm sorry. I can't do that. It's just way too much of a mess. My parents are going to be home in, like, two hours and glitter lasts forever. I'll take my punishment.”

“Actually, I think you have the power of veto on this,” I say. “We should have laid out that rule beforehand, but I can't force you to make a mess when you've been supercool. You okay with that, Buster?”

He nods. “I didn't think about how hard it would be to clean up. I just thought it sounded really funny. And I like that song.”

“No worries,” Maddie says. “I really will let you do my makeup.”

“Nah, just take another dare.”

Maddie reads the next one. “‘Take a shot of vodka with Tabasco in it.' That is terrifying. But I'll do it.”

A few minutes later there's a shot glass in front of her.

“This is going to set my mouth on fire,” she says. “Like, instead of internal bleeding, won't I have internal burns? I should chase it with milk.”

“I've done it,” I tell her, but I run to pour her a glass of milk anyway. “You'll be fine.”

She sucks it down and then slams the glass back on the table. “Oh God, the vodka is so much worse than the Tabasco.”

Everyone laughs, and then it's Sawyer's turn. He picks truth because he's smart and just has to answer the longest he's gone without showering. “This is, like, such a not-fun answer, but three days while I was camping last summer. I feel like I should take another one.”

“No worries, there will be plenty of rounds to come,” I say, reaching to take a truth and reading it out loud. “‘What's the last lie you told?'”

I look around the table.

“I'm sorry, Maddie, but I've never taken a Tabasco shot. I just didn't want you to be nervous.”

She looks exultant. “O-M-G! I can't believe this. I feel like the coolest kid ever now for taking that shot.” She gets up to hug me. “Thanks for lying. I feel like that time Pam Beesly walked on hot coals on that episode of
The Office
.”

“You are totally like Pam Beesly,” Sawyer says, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

It's hard not to smile around those two.

And then it's Kyle's turn. He grabs for a dare, shocking the hell out of me.

“A dare?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. “I feel like I don't even know you anymore.”

“I'm a whole new man,” he says, unfolding the paper.

Kyle

I read the dare through several times, making sure that it isn't just my poor reading skills trying to fool me.

Kiss the person you want to kiss the most in this room.

“I'll take the punishment,” I say, shoving the slip of paper into my pocket.

“Seriously?” Ruby asks, her eyes bugging out of her face.

“Yeah, I don't want to do that dare. I'm not comfortable with it.”

“What is it?” Buster asks.

“I don't think there's a rule that I have to tell the group what the dare is. I'm just allowed to skip it.”

Ruby studies me closely, and I'm worried that she knows what the dare is. Maybe it was her dare and she was trying to check on my loyalties. Maybe she knows I like Gideon. Maybe she knows that lately I've been thinking about breaking up with her to date him. Because I kind of can't stop thinking about him.

Maddie gets some makeup for Buster to put on me, and then it's Gideon's turn.

He grabs a truth and reads it out loud. “‘What is the biggest secret you're currently keeping?'”

Buster is having a really good time with the eye shadow and then starts in on some lipstick.

“Um,” Gideon says. He wraps his fingers around the arms of his chair. “Um. Well. Um. You guys are my friends, right?”

Everyone nods, including me. It's harder than you might expect, because Buster has my head in a vise grip.

“Stop fidgeting,” Buster says. “You're going to mess up your face.”

“You're already messing up my face,” I mutter.

“So, I'm gay.”

“You're what?” I ask, leaning out of Buster's grip and getting a long line of lipstick across my cheek.

“Gay,” Gideon repeats. “I am gay. And I've never actually told anyone before, except my brother, Ezra, but apparently amaretto makes me chatty.”

“Thanks for telling us, Gid,” Ruby says, patting his arm. She looks almost as relieved as Gideon does.

“Yeah, I'm sorry it had to come from a dumb game, but we're all happy for you,” Maddie says.

Sawyer pats him on the back, and Buster practically tackle-hugs him.

“Woo-hoo,” Lilah says, but I'm not sure she even knows what's really going on at this point. I'm pretty sure she was taking a nap.

“To Gideon,” Lauren says, raising her mostly empty glass.

He's smiling so hard, and they all look so happy for him. Everyone raises their glass and we knock them all together. Except me.

This should be good news. I should be happy for Gideon, too. He's a good guy. He's my best friend. But I can't shake this terrible feeling in my gut, like he's been hiding this from me for some reason.

I get up without a word and go out the front door, leaving it open a crack because I don't want it to lock behind me. I just need a minute to sit by myself on the front steps and collect my thoughts. Drinking four beers was a bad idea. My brain is mushy and refuses to focus. It's kind of how I feel when I have to read in class.

Feet shuffle behind me, and I know it's Gideon. There's no way anyone else would have the balls to follow me. Not right now. Not even Ruby.

Gideon hands me some tissues.

“I'm not crying.”

“No, but you do have lipstick all over your face.”

“Oh, right,” I say, as I start wiping away whatever Buster did to me.

“What's wrong?” Gideon asks after several minutes of quiet. He sits next to me but leans far away, taking up as little room as possible on the other end of the step. He crosses his arms and folds at the waist, huddling over his legs and not looking at me.

I shake my head. I don't know where to start. “Nothing. Everything.”

“I'd kind of hoped we'd bond over this,” he says. “You know, you're bi, I'm gay. They could make a reality show about us on Bravo or something.”

He's still not looking at me, and I don't know if I want him to. I close my eyes and try to chase down a coherent thought in my muddled brain.

“Why didn't you trust me?” I ask.

“I trust you,” he says, looking over at me. His eyes are startled in the harsh glow of the front porch light.

I clear my throat and level my gaze at him. “It kind of seems like you don't, since you didn't tell me about being gay.”

“It seems weird that you of all people would say that, considering the hard time Ruby gave you when you came out to her.”

He's kind of got me there. “Oh right,” I say, staring at the sidewalk.

“I didn't tell anyone. Except Ezra.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe I'm not as comfortable in my own skin as you are. We can't all be as lucky as bisexual poster child Kyle Kaminsky.”

“I'm not that comfortable,” I say, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

“I just wasn't ready,” he says. “I was waiting for something. A moment where I felt like everything was clear.”

“How long have you known?”