bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug (16 page)

I grimaced, climbing to my feet. Rubbing my behind, I frowned. “I think I broke my sacroiliac.

Mx. Claus patted my arm. “I’m so sorry, dear. I’m afraid time is of the essence. Shall we go to the control room?”

I followed her through the long interior of the thick-bodied ship. We passed through room after room filled with molded plastic furniture in bright colors. Although red and green featured predominantly in the color scheme of the ship, nowhere was there a single Christmas decoration or tree.

Unless you counted the life-sized poster of a beautifully decorated tree with pretty presents under it...and darts sticking out of its branches.

Mx. Claus shook her head at that, her shiny gray-blonde ringlets dancing perkily with the movement. “I can see I’ll have to have another talk with Grinchy.”

“What are we doing in the Grinch’s airship, Mx. Claus?”

She lifted a slim blonde eyebrow. “I’d think that would be obvious, Mx. Phelps.”

“I mean, I know we’re going to rescue Santa. But the Grinch created this mess, didn’t he? It seems like you’d want to stay as far away from him as possible.”

She shrugged plump shoulders. “Grinchy didn’t mean to cause Santa harm. He just can’t help himself when it comes to Christmas. I’m afraid he’s a Holiday Hater.”

We entered a large room filled with buttons, dials and levers. The entire front of the space was viewport, showing bright blue sky with frothy white trails where clouds flashed past. There were at least a dozen elves in that room, all of them turning, pushing or adjusting something.

The room smelled like sugar cookies.

My gaze caught on a large platter of the things, sitting on a table near the biggest Christmas tree I’d ever seen. The branches fell in vibrant green waves over several brightly colored packages. Walking over, I lifted the tag on one of them and grinned. It said, “To Grinchy, from Mx. and Santa Claus. Merry Christmas!”

I chuckled. When I looked at Mx. Claus she winked. “We’re almost there, dear. I’m afraid your sister is about to grab my dear Santa.”

“We need to get there first.”

She gave me a
der
look. “That
is
the idea, Mx. Phelps.”

I frowned, chewing nervously on my cheek as the sky flashed by in front of me. “What if we don’t get there before Darma grabs him?”

“I’ll do what’s necessary, dear.” She lowered a suddenly hard blue gaze on me. “You’d best make peace with that now, Mx. Phelps.”

I stared at the rosy cheeked Mother of Christmas turned scary predator and felt my stomach twist with nerves. In that moment I knew she wasn’t lying. She’d do whatever was necessary to save Santa. And I’d do whatever was necessary to save my sister. I shuffled my mental drawers.
Tadpole?

Yes, Mother halfling?

Where are you?”

We’re over Hawaii. Darma just overtook Santa’s sleigh and I’m afraid it doesn’t look good. She has Santa in a choke hold.

Panic clawed my chest. I glanced toward Mx. Claus. Her soft, pudgy form and dimples no longer looked kind. I fully expected to see fangs when she opened her lips to speak to her elves.

Send me a picture, Tadpole. Hurry!

A moment later I was seeing what Glynus was seeing and she was right. It wasn’t good at all. Darma had Santa around the throat and was leading him toward the bright blue water of the ocean. I closed my eyes, said a little prayer, and sent myself to the place in Glynus’ vision.

My feet touched down into hot, moist sand and I stumbled forward. The roar of the surf was the only sound I heard, but magic prickled on the air as I shoved to my feet and started running. In the distance Darma stood with Santa in her grip, a blade held against his fleshy throat. A shout had me turning my head and Bob hurtled out of the darkness, flying at Darma. With a ninja type shriek, Bob landed on my sister’s back, his pudgy hands reaching for the knife.

I shot into movement, praying I would be in time to save Santa. My calves burned from running in the thick sand. The surf roared again, sending foamy waves to beat against the beach and pull at Darma’s legs.

Darma shrugged Bob off with very little trouble and he hit the sand with flailing limbs. She turned slowly toward me. I stopped dead in my tracks as her hard blue gaze seemed to shimmer in the moonlight.

Dread twisted painfully in my belly. “Darma, don’t do this. You need to fight the mask.”

She grinned. “You’re too late, Astra. This imposter needs to die.”

I shook my head. “That’s not an imposter, Darma. You’re about to kill the real Santa.”

I scanned Santa a look and was shocked to see a sparkle in his small black eyes. Amazingly, he winked at me.

The man might as well tattoo the word
Victim
on his forehead.

Tadpole I need a distraction.

You got it. But there’s something you need to know...

The night erupted in a blood-curdling scream.

—there are more ninjas coming,
Glynus finished.

I risked a glance toward the sound and swore as dozens of masked rodents hurtled down the beach toward us. The orange flame from the fiery torches they carried flashed across the shiny surfaces of their blades.

Now would be a good time for that distraction, Tadpole.

Yes, Mother halfling.

The sky exploded into flame, piercing downward from a blackened sky that I soon realized was the underbelly of dozens of dragons dropping toward the ground. The giant reptiles fired the ground between my sister and the approaching ninja elves, driving them back and holding them away from their evil...and cranky...leader.

The dragons circled the ninjas, sending sand flying into the air under the force of their fiery attack. The elves cringed together into a wad at the center of the circle. They lifted their blades, screeching in impotent rage as the dragons continued to encircle them in flame.

Something exploded behind me, reminding me I had another problem to deal with. I jerked around just as a geyser of sand blasted upward next to Darma. My gaze flew skyward, finding a blimp-like airship hovering overhead, the Grinch’s ugly mug painted on its side. Behind the glass of the wide viewport, Mx. Claus’s beady blue gaze was harder than flint as her hand slashed downward, ordering another blast that sent my sister and Santa flying through the air. Santa tucked and rolled and started to run. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough. Darma lifted her hand and energy sizzled in her palm.

That was when I realized she was far enough away from Santa to be vulnerable.

I looked up into a hard pair of determined blue eyes.

As I shook my head, Mx. Claus lifted a pudgy arm and shoved it downward. Blue energy spun beneath the ship and I saw my sister’s death as it started to flare downward.

I didn’t think. Didn’t consider. I just reacted. I yanked my power forward and, in the blink of an eye, space shifted toward my sister and shoved her away just as the energy sizzled into the spot where she’d been. There was a secondary explosion and energy hit my back with the force of a laser bomb, sending me to my knees as pain ratcheted through me.

I could smell my hair burning and pain sizzled through my body, twisting me into a jerking pile of agony on the wet sand. The world went black but, a moment later doused me in warm, salty water. I sputtered to my knees, realizing, to my amazement, that I was still alive.

Small, grasping hands tugged on my shoulders. “Phelps! Are you okay?”

I looked up into a pale, worried face that slid slowly into focus. “Ralphy?”

He closed his eyes. “Oh thank, Him! I didn’t think I’d get here in time.”

I shoved a hand through my hair. “What just happened?”

“Ralphy diverted the killing power of the airship blast and saved you,” a familiar, jolly voice said.

I looked up at Santa, happy to see him unharmed. “I’m sorry about my sister, sir.”

He clasped his belly and laughed. “She’s under the influence, Mx. Phelps. I don’t blame her.” He glanced toward the mob of screaming ninja elves down the beach. I was happy to see the dragon fire had created a wall of thick glass that the elves were unable to breach. “I don’t blame any of my children.”

I couldn’t resist asking. “Not even the Grinch?”

Though the black button eyes tightened for just a beat, Santa gave another jolly laugh. “Especially Grinchy. He didn’t mean any harm. He’s just a Holiday Hater. Mx. Claus and I are going to put him into therapy as soon as I finish my rounds.” He blinked. “Which reminds me...” He looked up at the airship and motioned it over. The thick-bodied green blimp with the curly nose floated overhead and, in a beam of light, sucked a laughing Santa up into its belly. The last thing I saw before the blimp shot away from the beach was Santa and Mx. Claus, waving gaily from behind the viewport.

Unfortunately for Mx. Claus, I’d never believe she was
that
woman again. I’d seen her ninja side. But I realized with a start that it was okay. I kind of respected her more for her willingness to protect her man.

I looked around for my sister and found her shoving to her feet with a groan a few feet away. The mask was cockeyed on her face but still covered one eye. Reaching into my pocket, I started toward her. “Darma!”

She looked up, shoving her mask straight before I could reach her. Almost immediately her blue gaze turned hard. “I guess I’ll have to deal with you before I can finish my work.”

I shoved the cookie toward her. “I brought you a sugar cookie.”

She eyed the cookie like it was covered in bidgie bugs. “I can’t eat that, I’m watching my weight.”

I expelled air. “Come on. One cookie won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not eating that cookie, Astra. She lifted a hand, deadly energy sizzling in her palm. “Prepare to die, halfling.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” I told her. I lifted my palm too and smiled. “Nighty night, Darma.” Then I blew into it and sent pixie dust from the vial swirling through the warm night air. Into my ninja sister’s face.

CHAPTER 6

Christmas morning was just starting to peak on the horizon when Dialle and I finally got some much needed alone time. The flames in the massive fireplace cast a glow over the surface of the windows and turned my glass of Christmas champagne to gold. I sipped the icy liquid, enjoying the way the bubbles burst against my tongue.

A hot pair of lips trailed down my throat, hungry hands skimming over my belly and engaging an entirely different kind of fire deep in my core. I closed my eyes, resting my head back against Dialle’s firm, golden pecs. “Mmm, I thought Christmas Eve would never end.”

Dialle’s lips curved against my skin. “Yes. At last I can give you my gift.” His hot tongue came out to tantalize the spot where my tear-shaped daemon hickey throbbed with anticipation.

Tiny answering sparks met his delicious touch.

I turned as he kissed my ear, capturing his talented lips in a bone melting kiss. Lost in the intensity of his kiss, my fingers went numb around the champagne flute and only Dialle’s laser quick reflexes kept it from hitting the floor and spilling.

His lips entrapped me in a spiral of need so deep and rich I thought I might never emerge from it again. As our lips pressed and savored, my hands cupped his square, bristly jaw and my thumb traced the sexy dimple in his chin. He groaned softly and I pulled the delightful wine of his breath deep, savoring it.

The previous night’s debacles fled under the sensual onslaught. My sexual core tightened like a bow string beneath the bow master’s agile touch. And my fingers were sliding into the leather waistband of Dialle’s deliciously form fitting leather pants when our sanctuary was disturbed by pounding.

Dialle broke the kiss with a groan.

“No. Let them wait. This is our time.” I wrapped my fingers into the fabric of his chest-baring white shirt and tugged him close, trying to capture his lips again.

The door shuddered under another assault and frustrated air burst through my lips. “Pulling my magic forward, I told myself I’d only stun the intruder into oblivion, but the amount of energy flaring at my fingertips felt like it might be more of an obliteration than a stunning.

Dialle kissed the end of my nose and wrapped his hand around my fist, squelching my lovely power. “It’s Gerch.”

He leaned back on the divan and turned his head to call out. “Come.”

With an unhappy sigh, I tucked myself back under his arm. I fixed a pout on my face as Dialle’s Captain of the Guards entered the room and strode quickly toward us with a smile on his craggy face.

I blinked at the smile, able to count on one hand the number of times I’d seen Gerch smile. “What are you up to, devil?”

He showed me the hand he’d been holding behind his back and I frowned at the badly wrapped package he held. “Your Christmas gift, my queen.”

Eyeing the lumpy, twisted box wrapped in red foil paper with a black bow, I almost forgot to chastise him for the queen thing. “Don’t call me that.”

Gerch handed me the package. “Your sister helped me get you just the right thing.” His grin widened until I was afraid his cheeks might break off.

“Good Him, Gerch! You took Darma’s advice on my Christmas present?”

His smile dimmed and I felt a little bad about that. “I mean....she’s still mighty pissed at me over the pixie dust thing.” I frowned, remembering the Martian-sailor-like language my older sister had assailed me with once she woke up from her pixie dust fog to find her entire form covered in large, red splotches. How in Hades was I supposed to know she was allergic to pixie dust?

But Gerch wasn’t to be distracted from his gift giving pleasure. His black eyes sparkled with happiness. “Go ahead, Astra. Open it.”

Sighing theatrically, I tried to pretend I was opening my present just to please him. But truth be told, though I’d recently passed my twenty-fifth birthday, I was just as much of a sap for gifts in my advanced old age as I’d been as a tiny little ball buster of five.

I tugged the knot of foil paper on one end of the box and looked at the over-taped and malformed white box beneath. “Good Him, Gerch. Did you dance on this box before you wrapped it?”