becoming us (29 page)

Becoming Us - 147

“Keep your grades up, then, Bryce. And you’ll be joining me in the Thanksgiving charity golf tournament. You need to make some new social contacts. Better ones. I’ll make sure you do.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Bryce wanted to cry. “Thanksgiving. Great, Dad. I always wanted to do that one with you.” Sure, when he was ten. But it was a tiny, tiny price to pay for less stress in his life. “Thanks, Dad.”

“You made a good case. I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.”

Bryce was left with a dead line, staring into the dark. He’d won. It was putting off the inevitable, but maybe he could get on his feet before he got himself disowned. He didn’t feel that great about the winning, but he’d won. Bryce sat there as his feet went numb, drinking his beer.

The thud-creak-thud of the back door sounded behind him. “Hey, man.” Zac’s voice got closer as he continued, “You okay?” Zac circled around in front of Bryce, the light from the back door making his dark skin shine. He nudged Bryce’s leg with one bare foot, looking worried.

“I...” Bryce waved the cellphone. “My dad.” The chair creaked dangerously as Bryce leaned back in it to look up at Zac. God, Zac made his chest ache. Especially with that half-scared, all-worried look on his face. “He says I can stay. I made a good argument. People might connect my moving with popular guys like you and Perry coming out, take it wrong, kill my social network.” That’s what mattered. He’d come up with a way to show that it wasn’t economical -- socially and academically -- to move. “And moving could disrupt my studies.”

“Seriously?” Zac’s whole face lit up as he smiled. “Dude. That’s awesome. You get to
stay
.”

“Yeah. I...” Bryce shoved his phone in his pocket. “I told him you practically live with your boyfriend.” He took a drink of his beer, basking in Zac’s smile. God, that just made everything so much better, to see Zac smile.

“Dude.” Zac laughed and kicked lightly at Bryce’s shin. “I totally do.” His laughter trailed off and he bit his lip, eying Bryce for a moment. “You gotta get up, man. I can’t kiss you down there. That chair’ll fall apart and I’ll break my arm and Coach’ll kill us both. C’mon.” He held out a hand to Bryce, flapping it impatiently.

Bryce slid his hand into Zac’s and got up cautiously. “I better take care of my guy,” he said quietly. He tugged Zac close and ducked his head to kiss Zac’s sweet mouth. So much sweeter when Zac was happy.

Zac deepened the kisses, licking into Bryce’s mouth and making happy little noises. “Come upstairs with me?” he murmured against Bryce’s lips as his hands crept around to stroke the curve of Bryce’s ass. “Gotta celebrate.”

“Got lots to celebrate.” Bryce kissed Zac one more time, his own hand straying down to fit around the slight curve of Zac’s hip. “Let’s go.” He stepped away, offering Zac his hand to hold.

Becoming Us - 148

Zac slipped his hand into Bryce’s. He didn’t wait any longer, turning and heading for the back door, leading Bryce inside. They had so much to celebrate: their tests coming back negative, Bryce beating his dad at his own game, Bryce getting to stay at the swim house... Zac’s room was closest to the stairs and Bryce tugged Zac in as soon as they got there.

“I really thought he was going to make me move,” Bryce said, his voice trembling a little. His head was spinning and everything was finally sinking in.
Oh, God
. He felt a little
hopeful
. “But he just... it was like he didn’t care enough to be shitty about it once I stood up to him.” He cupped Zac’s face in his hands and kissed Zac tenderly again and again. “Maybe I can think of a really good argument for us,” he whispered. “Maybe... maybe he’s changed, I don’t know, but...

maybe it won’t be a disaster. It won’t change my mind, but...”

“Maybe.” Zac smiled for him, such a beautiful smile. “There’s no rush. Whenever you’re ready to tell him. I’m okay with the way things are, you know? It’s all good.”

“It is.” It really was all good. And maybe it might stay good, even after Bryce told his parents about him and Zac. He and Zac made so much sense. “God, I love you.” Bryce kissed Zac hungrily and nudged him toward the bed at the same time.

“Love you, too.” Zac’s knees hit the bed and he fell back, pulling Bryce with him. Their clothes were still on, but Zac didn’t seem to care; he arched up and Bryce could feel Zac’s hardening cock pressing against him through their jeans.

Bryce couldn’t help moaning at that; he loved Zac being hot for him. He ducked his head to get his mouth on Zac’s throat and slid a hand between them to cup Zac’s erection, feeling it swell against his palm.
I am so fucking lucky
. He lavished kisses and bites all over Zac’s soft skin, knowing just how hard to nip and suck to drive Zac crazy.

“Like that,” Zac groaned. “Fuck, I love your hands. And your mouth.” Bryce knew exactly how sensitive Zac’s neck was, how much he loved it when Bryce kissed and touched him there, so when Zac tilted his head, arching his neck, Bryce knew it was an invitation for him to do more.

Bryce slid his free hand under Zac’s neck, cupping it gently and holding Zac still as he bit down with a moan. They could be fucking bareback right now, but that was so not the point. God, the point was how much they turned each other on, how perfect they were together; too perfect to rush. He sucked hard where his teeth sank into Zac’s skin, hard enough to leave a mark that would show even in the soft, brown-black shadows under Zac’s jaw.

“Hey, slowpoke!” Zac’s door popped open and swung back to bounce off of a pair of Zac’s sneakers. Perry caught it on the rebound on the way in. “Came back for my phone and th...” The rest of whatever Perry had to say was lost in a strangled noise.

Bryce jerked back -- his muscles couldn’t move fast enough; he felt paralytic -- and tried to disentangle himself from Zac with only minimal success. He was horrified, even terrified; his voice locked up and he couldn’t think through the alarms shrieking in his head. As he was
Becoming Us - 149

backing away, he was caught on the second wave of impulse: to protect Zac even before he’d worked out exactly what had gone wrong.

“Shit.” Zac’s gaze flickered from Bryce’s face to some spot over Bryce’s shoulder -- the doorway. “Shit, Perry. Bryce. Fuck.” Zac flailed to sitting up and grabbed at Bryce’s shoulder.

“Fucking shit.” His eyes were wide and worried as he focused on Bryce.

“Oh, shit.” Perry suddenly went into reverse. “Oh. Fuck. I am... going.” He backed up and grabbed for the door. “No one tells me anything...”

Bryce’s body finally achieved a little functionality and he shifted to sit on the bed next to where he and Zac had been making out. “I just...” He had no idea what the rest of that sentence was.

“Perry...” Perry could not tell anyone. The first thing Perry would do was blurt something out, thinking that everyone but him knew about Bryce and Zac, and...

“Christ.” Bryce finally focused on Zac. “You have to... you have to go...” Zac could talk to Perry; he could fix it.

“Stay.” Zac’s hands held Bryce’s face, keeping him from even thinking of turning away. “Stay here. Just. Fuck. Stay here. I’ll go... Shit. I’ll fix it. Just stay here.” Zac stared at Bryce for a moment like he could force Bryce to obey just with the power of his mind, and then he got up and headed out, moving fast, the door slamming shut behind him.

Fuck. Bryce couldn’t even move. His hands were cold and he couldn’t breathe. Oh, God. He fell back on Zac’s bed and covered his face with his hands. Fucking Perry. God fucking damn it.

Him and his stupid, goddamn article, and Bryce just fixed that and then walking in like there was any goddamn reason for him to be in Zac’s room.

Oh, God. Bryce couldn’t stay here. Flailing a little, he managed to get to his feet. He didn’t want to get caught in Zac’s room, not by anyone else. Fuck, what the hell was he doing feeling good about things with Zac when he couldn’t even deal with fucking
Perry
knowing about them?

Bryce bumped into his door, then remembered to turn the handle to get inside. He fell back against the door, closing it tight, and leaned there a minute, feeling beyond sick.

You fucking moron
. Pounding his fists against his temples only soothed the roaring in his head a little. Bryce wanted to scream at himself, for all of it. For acting like this. God, Zac deserved a million times better than this. He doubled over, elbows digging into his thighs, hands knotted in his hair. He should have moved out.
Dad was right, Zac should be with people like him, and I’m
not one of them. I’m a fucking coward
. Somewhere, Zac was talking to Perry. Bryce had no fucking idea what Zac would say, just that Zac would protect him and that was so not fair. Not fair to Zac.

Bryce breathed through his nose and his clenched teeth, trying to calm down. After a minute, he pushed himself away from the door and collapsed on his bed, back wedged against the wall and the footboard at once. He pulled up his knees and let his forehead fall on them, wrapping his arms around his shins. It didn’t matter that Perry knew. It didn’t matter because there wasn’t
Becoming Us - 150

anything to know if Bryce couldn’t even deal with this. He’d been so fucking selfish to draw Zac in, let Zac think that someday they’d be like everyone else. He couldn’t even make it better. Hell, he couldn’t even calm down.

Breathe, Bryce
. Getting all fucking wound up wasn’t fair to Zac either. Besides, all the other stuff he’d been so scared about hadn’t happened, not once he’d actually had a chance to live with it. He had to stop reacting and start thinking for himself. He just needed to calm down and wait.

He could do it for Zac, so he wouldn’t be a wreck when Zac came back. Zac deserved better than that.

***

“I’m sorry.” Perry straightened up and waved Zac away. “I just... wow, things sure have changed.” He didn’t just look embarrassed, he looked hurt and pissed.

“It’s not... Shit.” It was like that, and Zac couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t. “I wanted to tell you. I just... couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t tell
me
?” Perry’s expression was incredulous, and he barely kept his voice down; his hands made up for the lack of volume, fluttering around like frantic birds. “Last year, you couldn’t tell
him
. Fuck, Zac, you went on about how weird it was to be around him after I came out, how fucking uncomfortable you were, how you didn’t think he was okay with it.”

“I didn’t get it.” Zac only had himself to blame for that. “I could’ve asked, but I never did. Hell,
you
could’ve asked, but you didn’t either. We just shut him out.” He still felt guilty about that.

He’d been such a shit.

“
He
was avoiding us,” Perry pointed out. “Not the other way around.”

“Yeah, and we never said anything. Some friends we were.” Zac sighed, rubbing the arm he’d slammed into the wall. “It’s not like he wasn’t fucking outnumbered, Perry.”

“What the hell changed here, Zac? Whence the sudden compassion?” Perry leaned against the door and trapped his hands in his pockets. “Was it just because I wasn’t here anymore?”

“Fuck you, man.” Zac dropped down the last couple steps from the short landing and stopped in front of Perry. “That article almost got him cut off by his dad.” That took a second to sink in and then Perry shook his head like shaking off water. “What?”

“His dad threatened to cut off his money, to stop paying for his rent and shit, if he didn’t move out, man.” Zac was still a little stunned that Bryce had managed to win that particular battle.

Becoming Us - 151

“And yet he’s still here.” Perry looked caught between being pissed off and being worried for Bryce. He’d always brushed off Bryce’s quirks -- he was always so damn mature about so many things -- and Zac had never really gotten that it’d actually
hurt
him.

“Because he said no, man. He’s a good person.” Zac reached out, put his hand on Perry’s crossed arms. “He was scared, Perry.”

“The big straight guy is afraid of me?” Perry’s expression didn’t soften much.

“No.” Zac frowned. Was Perry being deliberately dense? Damn it. “Of himself. Don’t be a shit, man. And you can’t tell anyone. Really.
Please
.”

“You’re just so quick to defend him.” Perry pushed away from the door and headed for the kitchen. “God, I need a drink. Did you just forget everything we talked about?” He looked over his shoulder at Zac as he pulled the fridge open and fumbled inside for a beer. “Is this some excuse to stay in the closet? Are you guys happy in there together?” He twisted the cap off the beer and leaned against the fridge, frowning down at Zac. “I guess he is, if he’s getting laid.”

“Fuck you.” Zac trailed Perry into the kitchen and shoved at his shoulder. If it had been anyone but Perry, he’d’ve hit them a lot harder. “Fuck you. It’s not like that. We’re just trying to make it through to graduation, and then we can get jobs, get a place together.” Perry just took a drink of beer, looking angry and miserable. “You’re gonna move in together.

Share a closet like good little roommates. Christ, Zac, I don’t want that for you. How can you want it for yourself?”

“I don’t. No.” Zac shook his head, trying to clear it of Perry’s vision of his future. It wasn’t going to be like that. “No. Not like roommates. Like a couple. Like I love him. He loves me.

Like that.”

Perry drank half the beer at once, then glared at it as though it were at fault. Finally, he looked over at Zac, softening a little. “You’re serious. A couple. Not in the closet.”

“Yeah. I’m serious.” Zac sighed with relief and rubbed his hands over his shaved head. He didn’t want Perry to be hurt, or mad at them, or anything. Perry was a good friend. “We talked about it already. We... Shit. We just got our tests back, man. We were sort of trying to celebrate when you walked in.”