Becoming Three (17 page)

In the darkness of her bedroom, Sarah drew the art book to her breasts, hugging it as closely as she wanted to do with Jasper right now. She'd been touching the pages and flipping through them for hours since getting home from work, unable to put the book aside. Jasper was about the sweetest, most intuitive man she'd ever met. She'd mentioned wanting this book months ago and had just done it in passing while they were wandering around a bookstore, killing time before the start of a movie. It was so like him to put her comment into his memory and do something about it when he was able to afford it.

Sarah's chest heaved, and wetness burned behind her eyes.
Jas, this wouldn't be so hard if you weren't such a good man.

She picked up her cell for the tenth time, scrolled to his number on the list, and squeezed her eyes shut as she hit the green Send button.
Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up
. He would know it was her by the ringtone and might ignore it.

On the fifth ring, right before it would flip over to voice mail, Jasper's familiar, wonderful voice filled her ear. “Hello?”
“Oh, thank you.” Sarah slumped into her pile of pillows, breathing a sigh of relief. “I was beginning to think you weren't going to answer.”
“Guys are all playing poker in the bunkhouse,” Jasper answered. “Had to get somewhere quiet so I could hear you.”
She knew he wasn't much of a fan of the game. “What were you doing?” On poker night, Sarah normally picked him up, and he spent the evening doing something with her. “You could have come to see me.”
“No, I couldn't. You know why.” Steel forged his words.
Let it go. Don't get into a fight. You don't want him to hang up on you.
Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, she whispered, her voice a little scratchy, “Thank you for the book.” She brushed her fingers across the cover once again. “It's beautiful.”
A rumble, sounding as if it came from Jasper's throat, reached through the phone. “Don't cry, Sarah. I don't want you to cry.”
“I miss you.” She sucked up her unhelpful tears before the third one could fall and forced out a rough chuckle. “It's stupid; I know it has only been a day, but I can't help feeling like I've lost you, and I don't want to lose you. You're not here, and it doesn't feel right to me.”
“I know.” Jasper sounded as miserable as she felt. “I miss you too, but I gotta do this. If somethin' happened to you, I don't know what I'd do.”
“I understand.” And she did, even if she didn't agree with him. “I just wish you were in bed with me right now. If I close my eyes, I can feel your chest against my back and your legs tangled with mine, and you're holding me and keeping me warm. I can smell you fresh from a shower, and then all damp and musky after we've had sex.” Naturally as breathing, Sarah's nipples tightened with the beginnings of arousal, the peaks feeling especially sensitive against the fabric of her robe. She slipped her hand inside the fold and cupped her breast. “I want to feel you making love to me again, Jasper. Your weight shoving me into the bed with every thrust of your hips and the rough texture of your fingers rubbing and squeezing my breasts, making my body tighten on your cock with every touch.” Her legs fell open a bit, and the book slipped to the mattress. She moved her fingers around her puckering nipple, and the first throb of need pulsed in her pussy. “God, I can feel it like you were here doing it right now.”
The rustle of movement and a hint of heavier breathing moved across Sarah's skin like an invisible hand.
“Where are you?” she asked, her voice already turning husky. “Right now. Tell me.”
“Bathroom.” Two clicks registered in Sarah's ear as Jasper said, “I just went into a shower stall and shut the door. You're givin' me a hard-on. Gotta open my pants.”
Sarah closed her eyes and pictured Jasper leaning against a shower wall, his cock hard and jutting. She moaned in response to the visual and moved her hand between her thighs, fingering her slick slit. “I'm already getting wet. Do you have your jeans around your hips now?”
“Yeah. Goddamn, Sarah.” Jasper hissed, and she imagined him beginning to stroke his erection. “I ain't ever known anyone like you. What are you wearin'?”
“Just my robe. I have it open. My legs are spread and drawn up a little.” She dipped a finger into her sex, and she swore she felt a thicker, longer, callused touch force its way into her tight channel. “I'm touching myself and telling myself it's you getting me ready for a hard fuck. I swear it's your finger pushing in until you can't go any deeper. It feels so good, Jas.” She worked in a second digit, just like Jasper did before he sank his cock into her. She fluttered all around the invasion, her cunt worked to hold her inside, and her clit started to fill with blood. “Tell me you can feel it too.”
“You're holdin' my finger so fucking tight, I half think you're comin' already, baby. My cock is already leakin' with excitement for you.” A grunt and the slap of skin on skin worked its way to Sarah. “Won't have to do this dry for long.”
Sarah put her phone on speaker so she could work with both hands. Rubbing back and forth over her tits with one hand, she pulled on the distended tips, sending crazy lines of pleasure to her sex, where the reaction had her channel clenching all around her fingers. “Think about me licking your prick and sucking you up and down, Jas,” she said, lust filling her voice. “I'm opening up as wide as I can, swallowing you until you can feel yourself going down my throat.”
“And then my balls,” Jasper moaned. “Oh yeah.” In her mind, she saw him bowed against the shower wall, alternating between jerking off his cock and fondling his heavy testicles. “Pull on 'em a little bit and make it sting.”
“I'm doing it right now.” She stuck her fingers in her mouth and sucked, mingling slurping noises with her shortened breath, right near her phone. “I'm getting them wet with my tongue first and tugging until I hear you moan.” He did, releasing the sexiest low noise she had ever heard. “How does it feel?” she asked.
“Amazin',” Jasper said. A new noise hit her, popping sounds, and she thought maybe he'd ripped open the snaps on his shirt. “I'm so damn hard right now, Sarah. Everythin' we do together is amazin'.”
“I love everything we do too, Jas, and never want to stop. I want to try new things with you.” She slipped farther down in bed, letting her legs fall wide open like a wanton. “Things I'm nervous to admit, but when I'm with you, you make me feel like anything I want is okay.”
“Ain't nothin' wrong with you. Never,” Jasper assured quickly. “Tell me what you want.”
Falling under the cover of his acceptance, Sarah shared the dreams that had filled so much of her days and nights lately. “I want Jace there with us too, taking me at the same time you do but then also having you too. And you him.” Her ardor cooled as her confession hit her, and she realized she was saying these things about another man to the man she loved. “Does that disgust you?”
Jasper didn't say anything for the longest stretch of heartbeats, and the sounds of any movement ceased on his end of the call.
Sarah rolled to the side and shut her eyes tight.
Please, God, don't let me have ruined what I have with him
. “Jasper?”
“Been thinkin' about stuff like that since we talked about Jace and Caleb a couple of nights ago, if I'm gonna be truthful,” he finally said, his voice hushed. “And then what happened yesterday…”
He spoke, and Sarah started breathing again. “I know,” she whispered back. “Watching you two kiss and then taking me over together… Jas, it was beautiful.”
“I don't know why, but it made me so fuckin' hard, like I am now.” Jasper's voice remained low but thick with passion. “I love you and want you like nothin' I ever felt before, but I can't lie; I liked kissin' Jace too. I liked seein' him help you come. Sharin' it and knowin' what it did to him, because it does the same thing to me.”
Excitement pulsed in Sarah's core once more, and she shifted to her back, letting her legs fall open again. “Ever since you both touched me, since you both had your fingers inside me together, I've been thinking about having your cocks in my pussy.” She bit her lip and admitted, “At the same time.”
He groaned deep, a familiar noise that told her he was back to stroking his cock. “You're so tight, though, baby.”
“I know, but I think I can take it.” Drawing her knees up and folding her legs like a butterfly, Sarah held the swollen folds of her cunt open with one hand and pushed inside her snug, moist sheath with the other, sending the nerve endings in the sensitive tissue into a flurry. “Oh fuck, Jas.” Her toes curled, and she bit back a scream. “I'm getting full with three fingers right now.”
“Jesus, God. Somethin' about you sayin' these things makes me so damn excited. Can you feel it?” Jasper asked, still making sexual noises in between his words. “Both him and me inside you. Right now?”
“I want to.” Sarah fell into a haze of need and let go of herself, ripping into her nightstand to grab a long, slender vibrator. Without turning it on, she used the tip to part her nether lips, working in the first few inches, then kept going, forcing in the rest of the length. “Ohh…ohh my God. You're there. You're fucking me so good.” She pumped the toy in and out of her soaking pussy, releasing more and more slick moisture onto her thighs and the heavy aroma of sex into the air. “Don't stop.”
“You feel so warm and wet, and you're so fuckin' tight, but Jace wants in on some of your sweet honey too. I can feel him nudgin' at your door.” Jasper's breathing hitched and mingled with a long moan. “Oh shit, baby, my balls are killin' me, and I'm so close to shootin'. Can you get him in to play too?”
Sarah scrambled, feeling around on her nightstand until her fingers wrapped around the bristles of her hairbrush. So far gone, wanting to hear Jasper come so badly, she flipped it around without hesitation and lowered the end of the barrel handle to her slit. Her channel rippled with denial as she withdrew the vibrator. Quickly, she lined up the tips of the vibe and the hairbrush handle and started to sink them into her body as one. “Mnn…mmm…oh yeah, yeah.” She sucked in a sharp breath, squeezed her eyes shut and saw both men in her mind, and kept forcing the twin lengths into her clenching cunt. “You're pushing in together. Ohhh…take me, take me together.” She pumped her hips off the bed and sank the rest of the too-thick invasion all the way home. Sharp, deep spasms exploded one after another in her core instantly, and her entire body began to shudder with teeth-chattering release. “Jaaaass!”
“Ahhh fuck, fuc…” The clatter of the phone, probably hitting the floor, faded Jasper's words, but his shout of completion still reached Sarah's ears loud and clear. She imagined his body pulled taut in the throes of orgasm, and spurt after spurt of seed hitting the shower wall as he came. Sarah could see his face and sinewy body so clearly, another shiver rolled through her, and then again as she withdrew the objects from her vagina one at a time and set them on her bed.
An extended minute later, Jasper returned to the line. “Sorry.” A breathless, nervous chuckle filled her ear. “I dropped the phone. Damn.” She couldn't see it but just knew his cheeks were filling with red as he spoke. “I came so much, I'm gonna have to run the shower and clean up my mess.”
Her chest constricting, Sarah ordered herself not to tear up again. “I love your honesty as much as I love your heart and body. You weren't faking,” she said, already knowing his answer. “You really are aroused by the idea of being with a woman and man.”
He sighed, and she pictured him digging his hand into his hair. “I just know I get hard when I think about gettin' with you and Jace. I don't know why.”
“Please come back, Jas.” Sarah couldn't help it, even though she promised herself she wouldn't push him. “We could have this, together, in real life.”
“No. I won't wave you in front of my brother like some flag in front of a bull.” His voice caught, but he finished. “You like Jace. You need to go ahead and be with him now.”
“It's not right with him, without you here with us too.”
Jasper hesitated for the longest series of beats. With her breath held, Sarah thought she had him. Then he said, “I can't. I'm sorry. Good night.” He hung up without letting her say another word.
Dragging her feet, Sarah got up and went to the bathroom to wash up, cleaning herself, the vibe, and her hairbrush handle by rote, her mind still with Jasper and his determination to stay away. She knew—she had to believe, or it would crush her—that he would come around, but he held such strong convictions, she didn't know what would eventually make him change his mind.
After finishing up, Sarah paused to flip on the hallway night-light, and then trudged back to her room. She tossed the vibe and hairbrush on her dresser, and had her robe halfway down her back, when the clicks of the front door locks let her know Jace was finally home. Shrugging back into the terry cloth cover-up, she tied the knot at her waist and moved to her doorway, leaning there while she waited for Jace to remove his belts and everything else he always left by the front door.
Jace moved down the hallway, exhaustion riding every step he took. He paused three feet away from her and looked into her eyes. Whether he meant to or not, he let her see all the turmoil and weariness and anger this job imprinted on his soul. His body barely seemed to contain the mass of muscles that roped his frame, and he looked dangerous enough to do damage to a person.
“Jace” and “I need you” came out of her and him, respectively, on top of each other, and suddenly Jace was on her in a shot, forcing her head back and taking her mouth. His kiss tasted of hunger and desperation, and Sarah responded to the need with a flood of her own, kissing him back with equal passion. Jace yanked on the belt of her robe, forcing it open, and then pushed the fabric aside, skimming his hand down her side to clutch her bare hip in his big, bruising hand. Her sex clenched with renewed arousal, and the tenderness of what she'd just done to herself— with Jasper—brought images of the other man screaming into her mind.
Jace pulled on her hair, angling her head for a deeper taking. As much as Sarah wanted to spread her legs and let him devour her in every way, she forced her mouth closed and him out. “Please.” She turned her head, breaking his lips from hers before she drove herself to madness. “Don't do this to me.” Jasper filled her head, making her ache for that loss. “You know how I feel.”
“Right.” Jace's eyes turned dull, deadened, as he cloaked the lapse of control. She felt the stab of rejection she'd delivered him knife deeply in her own heart. “I understand,” he said. His breathing uneven, he backed up to his bedroom across the hall and opened the door. “I apologize. Good night.” He clenched his jaw and disappeared inside.
Sarah slid to the floor on shaky legs, covering her face with her hands as she once again fought tears.
Don't cry; pull yourself together. This is about more than just you. He's hurting; he needs someone for more than just sex but doesn't know how to ask.
Glancing to Jace's half-open door, Sarah listened to the rustle of fabric as the man inside readied for bed. She knew he had trouble sleeping, just as she did. On some nights over the last years, she'd had to hold herself to her own bed, so she didn't walk across the hallway to comfort him…and herself in the process. Why had she never done it? Fear of rejection? The thought sliced through her as she pushed to her feet and made the move this time, even as her heart beat a furious rhythm against her breast.