Becoming Three (13 page)

Christ, she staggered him, and the second, third, and fourth claws of guilt latched onto his conscience. “Are you okay?” he asked. She had to be stiff from the position he had held her in, and likely sore from his aggression.

In answer, she leaned into him and brushed a kiss against his lips, clinging in a gentle, loving way that this time made
him
shake all over. Breaking from his lips, she kissed over his cheek and rose up on her toes to kiss his eyelids and forehead, then repeated the path on the other side of his face.

Stepping back, she looked up at him with those warm brown eyes of hers and settled some of the panic racing in his heart. She offered a smile and simply said, “Take me to bed, Jace.”
Jace had no words to give back. And no voice to speak them right in that moment anyway. He did the only thing he could. He picked her up in his arms, cradled her against his chest, and did her bidding.

Sarah came awake with a start, then glanced at her alarm clock, surprised to see it was still well before the time she needed to get up and start getting ready for work. Heat simmered at her back, and even if she didn't have a full memory of what went down in the kitchen last night, the bulk of the man sleeping with her told her it wasn't Jasper.

Jace. Oh my. I had sex with Jace.
A blush burned down Sarah's chest, turning her breasts a rosy pink. The temperature inside her body mingled with the chilly morning air and her exposed nipples tightened to hard beads of deep red. She put her hand over her heart and brushed the tips of her fingers over the sensitized crest of her tit, but had to bite back a moan as her body rolled into her own touch. She rubbed her breast harder, pulled on the aroused tip, and closed her eyes as she recalled the first time she had taken her bra off for Jasper while parked in the mountains, hidden by a thick line of trees.
Jasper
. Sarah's heart ached as yesterday came back to her in full force.
My gentle cowboy
. She let her hand fall limp to her side. Jasper loved to watch her play with herself; it had been one of the things they did together before they decided they were ready to have sex. He got so turned on when she fondled her breasts or spread her legs open to rub her sex that he inevitably took his cock out of his jeans and jerked off too, which was what Sarah wanted to see just as much as making herself come in front of him.
Now, in just days, she'd gone from having sex for the first time with Jasper, to experimenting with a three-way, to Jasper breaking up with her, to finally having raw, elemental sex on her kitchen table with her brother's best friend. Who just happened to be one of the two people she depended and counted on in this world. Jasper was the other.
Jace rolled over in bed right then, grabbing Sarah's attention. He appeared so harshly hewn that even sleep didn't soften the unforgiving lines of his face and body. This hard man tugged at Sarah's heart and at her long-ago-awakened desire to help him find peace in the rigid codes that ruled his life. The ones where he let himself bend so little that he occasionally broke instead and turned to drink to wash away the fact that he was human and thus occasionally made mistakes. He fiercely looked out for her, though, sometimes to extremes that drove her crazy. At the same time, since her mother died and Hunter had been deployed to the Middle East, Jace had been the one person who was
always
there for her,
always
available when she needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, no matter what.
In the beginning, when she'd been a teenager and jealous of his girlfriends, she would sometimes call him and ask him to come home early from his dates, saying she didn't want to be alone in the house. He always complied, even though, looking back, she must have been so patently obvious. He had to know what she was doing. It didn't matter. She said she needed him, and he came. He never teased her about it either. He just came home and watched TV with her, quietly, without complaint. She'd always loved him for that.
Jasper had a similar quality to him, one that came across differently than Jace's nature but was no less powerful or effective for the gentler way it manifested itself. Jasper anticipated what Sarah might want or need before she sometimes even knew she needed it herself. He had a sweetness and kindness that could not be manufactured; it was ingrained in his very being. He had character that went on for miles and an ability to survive that he didn't talk about but that showed itself in his friendships, work ethic, and sheer determination to better his circumstances, even though Sarah thought he was pretty much perfect from the moment she met him.
And the way he made love to her. God, it was so very personal. How long he'd waited too, and never once did he mock or make her feel inferior for her lack of practical experience. She loved him. That wasn't a lie or girlish infatuation given to the first man to make love to her; it was real. But to watch him walk away, and then turn to Jace so quickly…
I don't know how to handle what's happening to me.
Sarah ached for her mother right now or for her brother serving halfway around the world. Not that she would necessarily feel like she could talk to either one of them about this powerful desire and attraction for two men. But the idea of having kin, family, someone she knew loved her unconditionally and would support her no matter what she did, burrowed into Sarah right where she sat, wrenching her chest so tightly, she almost sobbed.
Jace and Jasper served those needs in her now, and did it very well.
But since this torn feeling inside her actually had to do
with
them… Sarah groaned as the start of a headache tightened a knot behind her left eyebrow. Jace stirred behind her again, and Sarah held her breath until he rolled onto his back, still fast asleep. The shift pushed the sheet down to his thighs, exposing the glorious nakedness of his wide chest, flat stomach, and long, thick cock. Sarah swallowed a moan as she thought about him sinking into her pussy, fucking her with such power and command. Her sex fluttered and creamed, readying itself for another hard ride from this man.
She glanced up to Jace's face, wondering how best to wake him, and noticed a votive candle sitting on her nightstand. Simple and white, no fragrance, it had only been burned once. It came from the table of the first restaurant she and Jasper had sat at together, on their first double date with Ren and Cade. Later on, after she and Jasper had gotten to know each other better, he'd told her he took it when she'd visited the bathroom, cutely assuring her he'd slipped the waiter a couple of bucks, so she knew he hadn't stolen it. It was such a damned sweet thing to do, that if Sarah hadn't already been in love with him by the time he'd told that story and given her the votive, she would have fallen for him right then and there.
Oh, Jasper
. Sarah's heart squeezed, flooding her with renewed loss. The fear in his eyes as he'd told her about Samuel turning up in Quinten manifested before her right where she sat, making her hurt for him…and reinforcing why Jasper had broken up with her in the first place.
For her safety.
Not because he didn't love her.
“Right.”
Sarah got up from bed, gathered her clothes, and went to take a shower.
She needed some alone time to think.

Scooping up the last of the broken glass from the sink into a towel, Sarah then threw it all in the trash, covering the discarded condom she'd picked up from the floor. She'd already put Jace's shirt in the hamper with the dirty clothes and set his wallet and change on the table in the hallway next to his keys. She didn't mind tidying up the place; after all, she had participated equally in what happened in this kitchen in the early hours of the morning. Even if she hadn't, he cleaned up after her nearly as much as she did for him, and he never treated her like his personal maid.

That done, Sarah grabbed a granola bar out of a basket on the counter, just to have something to eat. She didn't have an appetite, and she darn well knew why.
I have to talk to Jace.
Her belly twisted, making her even less hungry than a moment ago. God, she didn't want to hurt anybody, but she felt like she had come to the only decision that was right. She had to talk to Jace about it and had determined to do so as soon as he woke up. There was no point in dragging it out.
She leaned up, standing on her toes to reach for a mug.
Maybe a glass of ginger tea would help.

Jace paused in the archway that led to the kitchen. He zeroed right in on Sarah, her back turned to him, her pretty ass pert, and her legs going on forever as she stood up on her tiptoes and pulled down a cup from the cabinet.

He dropped his focus to the floor and ran his hand through his damp hair and around his neck, holding in place, momentarily frozen. He'd never felt so fucking tongue-tied in his life.
Just say something.
Clearing his throat, Jace took a breath and moved into the kitchen. “Morning.”
Sarah yelped and spun, clutching a Quinten Youth Center mug to her chest as she did it. “Jesus, Jace. You scared me.” Her brown gaze darted over him from top to bottom. “I didn't even know you were awake, and here you are already showered and dressed.”
Jace had beaten the alarm clock by a good twenty minutes and had shut it off before it buzzed. That was the second thing he'd done. The first: curse himself for what had happened last night. Especially after immediately noticing Sarah wasn't in bed with him. He never should have fucked her.
He opened the fridge to grab the orange juice but kept his attention on her from the corner of his eye. “You were up early yourself.”
The edge of her bottom lip slipped right into her mouth, and a familiar chewing started. “I know.”
Jace opened his mouth, but the piles of glass in the full trash can changed the direction of his thoughts. “You shouldn't have cleaned the mess out of the sink.” Guilt for succumbing to the lure of that one beer weighed on his shoulders with nearly as much pressure as what had happened on the table right afterward. Goddamn it, he hated when she saw him drink. “That mess was on me.” He held her stare when everything in him wanted to turn away and hide. “I should have been the one to take care of the cleanup.”
“It's all right. Look.” She put the mug down, picked it back up, and then set it on the counter again. “Can you sit down for a minute? We need to talk.”
“Worst words a man can ever hear.”
Sarah halted midway to the table. “I don't… We have to…” Her pupils dilated, drowning out the brown, and she pulled on the hem of her turquoise cap-sleeve top. “Jace…”
He held up his hand and shook his head. “I was just kidding. I didn't mean anything.” He took a seat and laid his hands flat on the table, affecting calm. Inside, his muscles clenched all over, and he suddenly thought he knew how a suspect under interrogation felt. “Lay it on me.”
Taking her seat next to him, Sarah blurted out, “We can't have sex again. It didn't—”
Jace raised his hand again, stopping her. “It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself or try to make me feel better.” Shit, he needed to get this said without flinching under the blow. “I stepped over a line with you many times yesterday, and I opened a door to ménages that you never should have known about. I was feeling”—he curled his hands into tight fists but forced himself to keep looking at her—“out of control, and I should have been strong enough to walk away from the direction my thoughts were taking me, but I didn't. Then when I came home, you were there, and I needed something, so I took it. It was not appropriate, and it won't happen again.”
“Are you finished, you stubborn jackass mule?”
What?
Jace's pulse suddenly started jumping under his skin. “Yes, I am.” He shot to his feet and made a beeline for the hallway. “We should go.”
“Look at me.” Sarah's voice snapped across the kitchen, wrapping around him like the end of a whip.
Jace had heard defiance in her voice before, but in this moment, it commanded him to obey on instinct, rather than hearing the words, processing them, and complying. The authority in her tone, the maturity, annihilated any hint that she might still be a girl in any way, shape, or form. His cock reacted just as fast, pushing hard against his pants, and he could only thank God he hadn't tucked in his uniform shirt yet.
As he lifted his gaze and faced her, the level, laser focus she had on him sent icy panic washing through his insides.
“What we did was not a mistake,” Sarah told him. She didn't blink, and the truth in her steady stare stole his breath. “It was amazing to finally feel you inside me, and it was more intense than I even imagined it would be. I want you, Jace.” As Sarah got up and crossed the room, the material of her skirt swirled around her sleek thighs as she moved. She stopped in front of him, and her proximity stole the rest of the air from his lungs. “I want
you
. I want you anywhere and everywhere, and now that I've felt the intensity in the way you took me last night, I'm not going to act like I don't. You can fight it and pretend you don't want me again too, but I know you now too, and I'm not going to let you get away with hiding.”
The brightness in her eyes suddenly changed, muted, and most of the color drained from her rosy cheeks. “But as much as I spent half the night dreaming about having you again, I can't do it without Jasper. When I wasn't thinking about you, I was thinking about him, and I can't help feeling like I cheated on him because he wasn't a part of what happened and didn't have any knowledge of it.” She trembled, and a film of wetness formed in her eyes, until she took a breath and blinked it away. “I felt sick inside that what I did might have hurt him, even though he said he wanted you to step in. I don't care that he broke up with me and so it shouldn't matter what I did with you. I still love him, and I know he loves me back, so in my heart, I feel like I was unfaithful to him. I want you, Jace”—her chin wavered for a second, then strength returned to her entire frame—“but I want Jasper too. It's not right if it's not all of us together. What happened in the hallway yesterday afternoon, with the three of us…that felt right.”
“You don't really know what you're asking for, honey.” Jesus Christ, this woman handed him his greatest fantasy on a silver platter, and it was with the one person he should never view as part of his desires to share a man and woman sexually. “And I really need to get going.”
“Go ahead.” She stepped back and swept her arm in the direction of the hall. “Hold on to that stubborn sense of right and wrong you have in your head that tells you to stay far away from acting again on anything sexual you feel for me. I can see in your eyes that you're already looking for excuses.”
I have to get out of here. Now
. His erection no longer an issue, Jace backed up and started tucking his shirt into his pants. The arch of her brow stopped him with his hand shoved into the back midtuck.
“What is it now?” he asked.
“Keep telling yourself I didn't notice that wasn't your first time in a ménage either.” Sarah smiled, a wicked one, and got his goddamn dick pulsing with blood again. “Good luck with that. In the meantime, I'm going to figure out a way to make Jasper see that he should come back to us. I'll see you at the station later.” She pushed past him and walked down the hallway toward her bedroom, waving at him without looking back. “Have a good day.”
She wants Jasper to come back to us. Both of us.
Jace couldn't risk looking down that road.
Couldn't bear how fucking
right
the idea of being one of three felt to him and then having it all go away.
Not again.