Becoming Maddie (The Casterhouse series Book 1) (19 page)

The word ‘ever’ came out with so much feeling behind it that Aiden tightened his arms around Maddie as if he could feel the pain. She was so glad that he never would know that level of fear and hurt but understood that would also mean that he would never fully understand her life before.

“So it went on for 4 years. I lived each day scared to wake up because I didn’t know what mood he would be in. I had lost my relationship with Jean because I couldn’t share anymore, I had forgotten how to laugh and didn’t have time to do crafty things. It didn’t help that every time she looked at me she tried not to flinch at new bruises or felt only guilt. In the end I couldn’t do it anymore and quit. We just cried and held each other. Then I walked out that door and never saw her again.” Maddie’s voice had started out strong but ended in a painful, horse whisper.

“Ruby, you can stop.” Aiden said holding her so tight she was surprised she could breath.

But there was no way she would ask him to loosen his grip. It was the only thing keeping her going, the only thing keeping her up. Maddie needed Aiden’s warmth right then and maybe for much longer.

“Then I found out I was pregnant and my heart actually broke because I knew I loved that baby so much and I needed to get us free of Charles so that we could live safe together.” Maddie surprised Aiden with this, so much so that he flinched and she heard him suck in breath. That breath didn’t come out again for a good long while as she kept talking. “I had to tell him of course. I had to stop the beatings. Charles was over the moon. So proud that his seed had made a baby even in a worthless womb like mine. The beatings stopped and he was almost nice to me like he had been before we got married.”

Pausing Maddie tried to find more strength to finish the story that was taking her to the here and now.

“Ruby.” Aiden said softly in her ear.

Maddie almost flinched from the sound, not because it was bad but because it was actually so sweet that it felt wrong to be hearing it when such bad things were being talked about.

“You can stop.” He said just as softly.

Maddie nodded not because she wanted to stop but because she knew he thought she should.

“I have to finish it now I have started.” Maddie stated hoping he would understand.

Aiden nodded then took her by surprise by picking her up and taking her back to the bed. He lay her down, got in behind her and pulled the covers over them both. Maddie hadn’t even realised she had started shivering due to the cold but Aiden had and he was taking care of her like he always did. He lay behind Maddie tucking his leg between hers and wrapping an arm around her waist holding her body tight to his. Aiden put his elbow in the pillow so that he could look down at her face as she talked. He had also laid them so that she could still look at the night sky as they talked. Somehow he knew she needed to not feel trapped right now.

Held and warm, but not trapped.

Something about that struck her deep and she could feel wetness fill her eyes.

“Charles used to keep my passport in a locked drawer in the kitchen. The night before I planned to leave I broke into the drawer and got it. My thinking was he had a shift early in the morning so wouldn’t be back in that room before he got home in the early afternoon. By which point I was hoping to be long gone. Really long gone. But, ironically, considering my first punch was for a changed shift at work my last beating was too.”

“His shift got cancelled.” Aiden guessed when Maddie had stopped.  

“Yup.” She said sarcastically. “Charles’s shift was cancelled. This, of course, meant he saw the drawer and worked out what I was planning on doing. He beat me so bad he thought he had killed me but was actually more worried about the baby after he calmed down. The ambulance came and took me in while Charles hid in the pub. When the police came to my bed asking me what happened I told them everything. They found me somewhere safe to stay, it went to court and he got put away for ten and a half years. I never saw his face though because I was long gone.”

As she finished her whole body was trembling and the tears poured out of her eyes.

“He killed the baby and I had to find a way to go on living.” Maddie shuddered.

“Thank God you did Ruby.” Aiden said tucking his head into her neck. “Thank God you did.”

Aiden held while she cried and through her pain. Maddie realised that she would have to stop doing this to him. No man liked having to comfort a weeping woman all the time.

After the tears had stopped and Maddie stared to feel sleepy. She hadn’t told him about the call but she had told him more than she had ever told anybody ever before. It had taken a lot of her but she was worried that if she closed her eyes the bad dreams would take a hold of her.

“Go to sleep Maddie.” Aiden whispered.

“I can’t.” She whispered back. “I will dream.”

He kissed her neck then whispered into her ear.

“Close your eyes and just listen to my voice.” Aiden order gently.

When she didn’t do it straight away Aiden asked the biggest thing of her.

“Trust me.”

Shockingly she did. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do or maybe it was the right but she did it either way. There was something in Aiden that made her soul feel at ease. As if his spirit had spoken to hers and told her she would never be hurt by him and her spirit believed it.

Closing her eyes she put herself in his hands. Knowing what that had cost her, Aiden gave her a squeeze and kissed her neck again.

“I want you to think about your little coffee table in the living room. How long you had worked on it and how you felt when it was finished.” He started. “Then think about walking through the flat door and seeing Marvin rushing forward to greet you. Sarah, Ethan and Rosie laughing over ice cream and you all cheering Ethan on while he played football.”

Slowly Maddie started to smile as the happy pictures he was creating seeped into her body and warmed her bones. Listening to the soothing tone of his voice and his blessed words she found her eyes wanting to stay shut. She could feel her body start to get heavy with sleep.

“Think about curling up with me on the sofa tomorrow night while we watch some trashy movie and stuff our faces with take-out.” Maddie could hear the smile in Aiden’s words. “I might even let you pick the trashy movie. Thinking about going out to tea with Fiona and Eddie with me at your side.”

Maddie was struggling to stay awake to hear his words. That last she managed to catch were…

“That’s where I plan on staying, by your side.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Aiden knew when Maddie dropped off to sleep. Her weight had gone heavy against his body and her breath had settled and evened.

Her past was swimming around inside his head and there were images that his imagination had come up with to go with the words. They were horrific and somehow Aiden knew they were probably nothing compared to living it.

There was also a strong feeling in his gut that told him this was not over yet. Not only did he think that Maddie had more to tell him yet but also that there would be more hard times till this part of Maddie’s (and now his) life was really over.

Holding his Ruby while she got some much needed shut eye, and hopefully sweet dreams, Aiden lay there till the early hours of the morning not sleeping a wink.

When it came to time to get up he still had not slept but he knew one thing for sure.

Aiden was going to get Maddie breathing easy and he
would
be by her side. For as long as they both had on this planet.

He was going to give her a good life, a house full of laughing babies and playing dogs!

Chapter 16

Maddie lay in bed watching the light come in through the window and shine on the bed. Smiling softly she remembered when she last did this. She had been laid in Aiden’s bed wasting time because she hadn’t wanted to go through and see him. Now was totally different.

Totally
different.

Maddie was watching the sun land on her Husky, who was still sound asleep, and on half her body. She could feel the warmth through the covers and she smiled again. See Maddie was already toasty warm under the covers. She had Aiden laying behind her.

Maddie was pretty sure he was still fast asleep. He had an arm wrapped tightly around her just under her breasts. His leg were pinning hers to the bed and Maddie was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to move an inch. Not that she was going to try.

In that moment Maddie felt content.

Waking to have him still there made her whole body freeze before instantly relaxing again. Aiden had not been even a little freaked out by how damaged she was and didn’t want to be as far away from her as he could. Instead he wanted to be as close to her as he could.

Maddie loved that.

The smile on her lips got bigger and she had to bit her lip to stop herself from giving an out of control giggle. Never before had she felt this kind of crazy happiness inside her. It was so strong and out of control she didn’t know how to keep it inside of herself. Her belly was just so giddy.

The one thing he had not done during her whole twisted story was take pity on her. Aiden just asked for the information or tried to stop it when he thought Maddie was struggling. But he never once treated her like she was dirty or that it was her fault in anyway. Realistically she knew it wasn’t really her fault that Charles decided to use her as a punch bag, to take all his anger about life out on her and that there was probably something very wrong inside Charles’s head.

That didn’t stop that ever present nagging and niggling thought that she should have done better. That somehow Maddie should have been more.

Last night when she shared her tale with Aiden he made her feel like that nagging and niggling thought should be removed. Charles was the one in the wrong and that had nothing to do with Maddie and right in that moment she was snuggled up in bed with Aiden.

Held and warm but not trapped.

Last night she had been right on the money when she thought that. Having it again right now made Maddie know she was ready to fight for it.

“You’re quiet Maddie.” Aiden said gently into her ear.

Aiden was awake? How long had he known she was awake? For that matter how long had he been awake?

“I was just thinking.” She replied. “Have you been awake long?”

Aiden moved a little in the bed but didn’t let go or loosen his hold on her in anyway.

“Didn’t get much sleep.” He muttered into her neck.

As soon as those innocent little words left Aiden’s lips any form of contentedness or happiness left Maddie in a whoosh!

Here she was thinking she had finally found someone that might be safe for her, who might look after her and might be the one to help her find out who she was!

That was the problem though, Maddie had only been thinking about herself. What she hadn’t taken into account was how her words and her messed up life would affect the people around her. In this case Aiden. Last night she had listened to his happy whispers in her ear and fell asleep. Not for one second did she think about Aiden and what he might be thinking and feeling. Then when Maddie had woken up all she had thought about was how pleased she was that he hadn’t made her feel his pity. What Maddie again didn’t think about was Aiden. She needed to start thinking of others.

Maddie sucked big time.

“Aiden.” She breathed. “I am so sorry.”

Going up on one elbow Aiden looked down at Maddie and frowned. She on the other hand didn’t take her eyes off the window at all.

“Why in God’s name are you sorry?” Aiden asked both surprised and annoyed. “In this whole thing I don’t see one thing that you need to be sorry for Maddie.”

Blinking slowly she thought about what she was feeling and how to make him understand.

“I didn’t think about how what I had to say would affect you.” Maddie tried to make him see her thinking. “I bet you have been up all night suffering because of my words.”

Aiden took a hold of her shoulder and moved her so that she was laying on her back then he put his body on top of hers. Maddie loved the feel of his weight resting on her. The warmth of his skin and the areas that were now touching brought a blush to her cheeks and tingles from head to toe.

Marvin jumped off the bed, circled on the spot then lay down with a huff, clearly annoyed that he had lost his spot on the bed.

Before she could really take that all in Maddie was caught by the look in his eyes, the determination and anger.

“I want you to listen to me and make sure that every word I am about to say sinks in and stays in.” He ordered, Maddie could do nothing but nod because there was no way she would not remember what he said next. “You have nothing to be sorry for Maddie. You married an asshole and he kept that from you till you could do very little about it. He treated you like fucking shit and you lived that for way too long.” He paused and put one had to the side of her face and softened his tone. “He took something precious from you that you can never, ever get back. So me losing one bloody night’s sleep is nothing compared to what has been your life so far. From now on I never want to hear you apologise for one fucking bit of your past. It happened we will deal with it and move on. There will be times when something reminds you of that asshole but I will be here to work it through with you. Let’s not let that wanker take anything else from you.”

Aiden stopped talking and stared at her face. Maddie didn’t know if he was wanting a response or not. She was reminded that Aiden said it like it was and he didn’t always soften the truth but when all he was showering her with was sweetness and the truth Maddie would never feel anything but looked after and honoured to have him. Even if she didn’t know in what way she had him exactly.

Maddie would never say she was sorry for her past again.

Thanks to Aiden.

“Nod and tell me you get me Maddie.” Aiden ordered.

Feeling a smile lift her lips Maddie pushed her face into his hand and nodded at him. She got to watch his face soften and his lips turn up in return.

“How did you feel when you woke up?” He asked her softly.

Maddie frowned gently at him.

She knew exactly what mood she was in when she woke up. Content.

“It was…well…” Maddie stuttered. “I…”

She just didn’t know how to put what she feeling into words. No maybe that wasn’t quite right. Maddie could, she just wasn’t sure she was ready to tell him so early in their relationship, or whatever they had, that she had woken up in peace because he was there. Surely it broke all the rules of dating?

“Maddie.” Aiden said smiling at her.

He knew. Aiden always knew.

“Happy.” She whispered. “Happy and like a weight had been lifted.”

Aiden smiled at her and tenderly kissed her on the lips making her suck in a breath. Again she felt the giddiness in her belly and just like that her mood was back to how it had been when she first woke up.

“I know that you have more to tell me about that waste of fucking space but I just don’t want that to ruin this just now. You can tell me all about it while you make me breakfast afterwards.” Aiden stated moving himself into a better position on top of her.

He reached down and separated her legs so that his hips could fall between them. Aiden and Maddie lay chest to chest and crotch to crotch.

Maddie could barely breath she was feeling some many tingles and sparks.

“Afterwards?” She asked breathlessly.

Aiden gave her a full blown heart stopping grin and leaned down so he was just a breath away from kissing her.

“Yeah, afterwards.” Aiden whispered.

Before Maddie could let the giggle out, Aiden closed the tiny gap between them and kissed her.

The heat that she had always felt in her whenever he was close to her exploded inside her and zinged down every nerve ending. Aiden seduced her without doing anything but kissing her.

Looking up at the activity starting on the bed, Marvin stood and quietly made his way out of the room. He loved his Mistress but he knew Maddie and Aiden were needing some alone time.

Running her hands from his shoulders up his neck to tangle them in his hair Maddie lost herself completely in the sensation of kissing him. Even his lips seemed to hold a warmth that spread through her.

“Fuck.” Aiden said pulling away from her.

Maddie blinked looking up at him totally not understanding what he could possibly have to say that would be more important than what they were doing.

“I have never meant a woman that I fucking loved kissing as much as I do you.” Aiden growled before swooping down and starting the kissing all over again.

In the moment before she lost her self to the sensations Maddie realised two things. One, Aiden swore generally but always way more when he was passionate about something. In anger, defence or plain old sexual passion.

Maddie loved it, she had made him swear.

Two, although she hadn’t thought so, it did turn out he did have a good reason to break up the kissing.

Maddie thought she would explode if he didn’t start touching her somewhere, anywhere but hopefully in the good places.

She hooked her legs around his waist and gently thrust herself up against him.

That was all it took.

Straight away Aiden moved his hands up and down her sides. Then one slipped up to stroke the side of her breast while the other went under her to cup her ass and grind himself into her. Maddie could feel straight away that he wanted her and was really ready for this. Feeling his hard on against her made Maddie just as ready.

Maddie moaned into his mouth as he squeezed her bum and ground into her in just the right place. Breaking the kiss her head fell back against the pillow. She was already panting hard and trying to catch her breath.

This didn’t deter Aiden in anyway. His mouth just made its way down her neck as his hands came round the front to flick her overly sensitive, hard nipple just once. In reaction her neck arched and Maddie pushed her breast deeper into his hand. He took advantage and started to play.

Aiden pulled down the top of her strappy PJ vest till her right breast was free and his mouth landed on the nipple like he was a man dying of thirst. Gasping Maddie moaned loud as he sucked her deep and teased her with his tongue. A rush of moisture went straight to her pussy.

“Aiden.” Maddie almost cried as her hands pulled on his hair to release her nipple.

He took his time though and didn’t stop playing with her till he had had enough. Slowly, Aiden’s eyes looked into her lust filled ones, he let her nipple pop out of his mouth and gave her the sexiest half grin Maddie had ever seen in her entire life. Pulling on his head she brought it back up to him and kissed him to show just how much she loved what he had been doing to her.

That and to make sure he knew to carry on.

Going up on he was on his knee, Aiden pulled Maddie up to be sitting so that he could pull her top off altogether to free her other breast.

Feeling exposed considering he still had his top on and bottoms on, Maddie wanted to cover herself. Bringing her hands up to cover herself Aiden groaned and cupped her chest before she could get there.

“You are fucking stunning.” Aiden groaned and proceeded to show her how much he liked her breasts with his mouth.

Maddie smiled, he was swearing again, then she moaned because he was showing his appreciation really,
really
well.

Enough! She wanted to touch and taste too. Maddie wanted to see and feel the chest that she had been thinking about since she first met him.

Reaching down she caught the bottom of his top and tried to pull it up over his chest. It was hindered by his activities and she didn’t have it in her to stop him. Tucking her hands under his top Maddie ran her hands over his mouth watering six pack. It felt so good Maddie clenched her thighs to try and relieve the very persistent ache that was building between them.

“Aiden.” She whimpered needing him to know that it felt good what he was doing, that she wanted to make him feel the same, that she wanted his top off, that she wanted more and that if she didn’t lie back down she was going to melt into a puddle right there.

Once again, showing how amazing he is, Aiden leaned back with one hand on her waist keeping her steady and pulled off his top before lowering her back down whilst kissing her again.

Running her hands up and down his muscled back, Maddie took in the smooth skin that covered strong, powerful muscles and felt another rush of moisture. There was no way that she could stop herself from running her nails up his back and shoving her fingers into his hair again.

Aiden growled and reached down to tug her PJ shorts off so that he had free range to put his hands on her right where Maddie wanted them. That was what he did and wasted no time doing.