Beautifully Unfinished (13 page)

“But I’m scared,” she repeated.

“So am I,” Tucker whispered. “More than I have ever been in my life.”

Tucker stood up, pulled her up from the chair and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed her again, softly at first, but slowly it deepened and became hungrier.

Lucy’s head was spinning. She wanted him, but it was the scariest feeling she had ever felt.

“Please trust me, Lucy,” Tucker whispered.

“I want to,” Lucy replied, but she could barely hear herself over the drumming in her ears. “I want to more than anything in this world, but I am frightened of what I am feeling.”

He reached down and took her hand, then turned slowly and led her down the hallway.

When they reached his bedroom, Lucy thought her heart was going to burst free from inside her chest. She was beyond terrified, but she fought her instinct to run because she wanted this too.

“Don’t be frightened,” Tucker said as he closed the door and turned to face, Lucy. “We can stop whenever you want. Just say the word. You can trust me. I promise I will never hurt you, Lucy. I would never do anything to cause you one moment of pain.”

“I know,” she replied, breathlessly. “I do trust you, Tucker. I would trust you with my life.”

Tucker leaned in and kissed her again as he slowly lifted his hands and slid her cardigan from her shoulder. He broke his lips from hers and met her gaze once more. He knew she was terrified, and he wanted to be sure that he wasn’t pushing her too far, too fast.

But Lucy wanted this. She wanted to feel wanted, to feel normal, even if it was for just one night.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. With trembling hands, she reached for the buttons on his shirt. One by one she eased them open, but it was hard because, with each button, her hands shook more.

“Lucy,” Tucker whispered, as he took her hands and stopped her. He looked into her eyes. “We don’t have to…”

“No! No!” She quickly exclaimed. “I want to. I…”

She stopped, not knowing how to say what she was feeling. She closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath, but she could feel her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Lucy, it’s me,” he whispered. “Talk to me.”

“It’s just, I was a virgin,” she finally said as she opened her eyes and looked up at Tucker. “Before that night I mean. I was waiting, and I have never had sex since that night either, so I don’t know how…”

“Lucy,” he said as he softly touched her face with his hand. Lucy closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “

“Truth is…” she continued, figuring she needed to be completely honest. “I have never even had an orgasm.”

“Look, we don’t have to…” Tucker began to say, but Lucy leaned up and kissed him, stopping him mid-sentence.

“I want to,” she said in a bare whisper, as she pressed her forehead to his. “I want to have more than the memory of that night in my head. I want to know what it is like to feel so lost in another person, that the rest of the world stops existing. Just like it does in every damn book I have ever read. I want more, and I want it with you. I want you.”

“You have me,” he whispered as he drew her closer to him and tenderly claimed her lips with his.

As he kissed her, Tucker reached around to the back of Lucy’s dress and eased the zipper down, then slowly slid the dress from her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor before she quickly kicked it away, along with her shoes.

Lucy could barely breathe, but she wanted him. She had never wanted anything more.

Tucker breathlessly released her mouth from his, as he dropped his lips to the soft, smooth skin of her shoulder. Lucy closed her eyes and let her body respond to his, pushing all other thoughts out of her head. There was just her and Tucker.

He moved slowly along her collarbone, softly kissing her as he did. When his mouth finally found hers again, he nervously reached behind and slowly opened the clasp on her bra. He released it as he broke his lips from hers once more.

Tucker looked straight into Lucy’s eyes, and she knew he was making sure she was okay.

If she was honest, she had to fight hard to resist the urge she had to cover herself. She stood there before him, almost naked, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest, but when she looked into his eyes, she knew that this was right. So she gave him a smile as she nervously reached up, and eased her bra straps down her arms.

Then, with one last deep breath, she dropped the bra to the floor.

Tucker dropped his eyes briefly before he looked back up at Lucy and smiled.

“You are beyond beautiful,” he whispered as he moved closer to her and suddenly claimed her lips with his. This time, his kiss was filled with so much passion and want, it made Lucy’s entire being spin with desire.

She reached for his buttons once more, but this time, her hands didn’t shake. She made short work of his shirt buttons while Tucker slowly moved them both until Lucy could feel the bed against her legs.

He dropped his mouth from hers, kissing along her jawline before he worked his way down her neck, and kissed along her collar bone once more.

Tucker slowly brushed his hands down her side and softly caressed the side of Lucy’s breasts and her breath hitched in the back of her throat. He bent down and kissed her shoulder, his lips pressing against the rough skin of the scar. Lucy’s heart tightened, and she released a small cry from her mouth, but Tucker continued. Next, he pressed his lips against the scar on the curve of her breast.

Lucy could barely breathe. She was always so ashamed of the marks on her body, but Tucker made her see past them.

She cried out as Tucker then dropped his mouth down further and claimed her nipple sucking and teasing it with his tongue. The pleasure was indescribable. He slowly dropped to his knees and pressed his lips to her stomach and reached for the rim on her panties.

Lucy lifted her hands and weaved her fingers through his thick hair as he slowly eased her panties down her legs.

He looked up at Lucy and gave her a smile before he stood up and claimed her mouth once again, as he eased her down onto the bed.

Lucy lay there looking up at Tucker, feeling completely exposed. Her eyes dropped to his hands as he pulled open the buttons on his jeans, then pushed them, along with his boxer shorts, down to the ground, kicking them off along with his shoes.

Lucy’s eye dropped to his swollen penis, and she gasped.

OH SHIT! OH SHIT!
She cried in her head.
You can do this. You can do this!

Tucker slowly climbed onto the bed above Lucy as he leaned down and slammed his mouth to hers.

Lucy’s heart was hammering rapidly in her chest as she tried to focus on Tucker and nothing else. She returned his kissed as all the pain and stress of the last few days finally seemed to disappear. She had never in all her life felt the way she was feeling right at that moment.

She was beyond terrified and yet; she felt so alive and excited for the first time in such a long time.

Tucker breathlessly broke his lips from Lucy’s as he looked down into her eyes before he reached for his bedside table and pulled out a foil packet from the top drawer.

“You don’t need it,” Lucy said quickly, and she could see from Tucker’s face he was surprised, and she understood why he was. The truth was, she had started the pill when she had considered taking things further with Steve, hoping that maybe she would someday reach that point with him. She continued taking them after they broke up out of habit more than anything else.

Tucker stared at her for a moment, then with a small smile he claimed her lips once again, pushing her back on the bed and this time he slipped between her legs.

When Lucy felt the head of Tucker’s swollen erection press against her, the memory of Trent suddenly crashed into her mind. She could remember the smell of cigarettes and beer, the taste of him in her mouth, the feel of him against her skin.

She pinched her eyes closed and tried to push the memories from her mind, but it was no good. She pinched her eyes tighter as her whole body began to tremble.

“Lucy,” Tucker whispered, and she knew he could sense her fear. “Lucy, look at me.”

She opened her eyes and found the same brown eyes that had looked at her that night, staring down at her again, and suddenly she felt calm. She stared at him for a moment, as once more, her body longed for his.

All thoughts of Trent vanished, and all she could think of was Tucker. She gave him a smile and leaned up and pressed her lips to his.

“I want you,” she whispered softly against his lips. “Make love to me.”

Tucker stared back at her for a moment, then smiled. He slowly moved, pushing into her gently. Lucy cried out as he filled her completely, and she held him tighter.

“Lucy,” he breathed against her mouth.

“Tucker,” she cried, unsure of just what she was feeling, as she tried to adjust to him being inside her. She was sure it would feel wrong, terrifying even, but it was anything but that. “I’m okay. Please.”

He watched her for a moment before he finally moved. He pulled out of her slowly before he then pushed back inside her again.

“OH GOD!” Lucy cried out again and once more Tucker stilled.

Finally, he began to move again, but this time, he didn’t stop. He pushed into her over and over, each time slowly, and tenderly, and for the briefest moment, she couldn’t help but compare how tender Tucker was to the cruel, roughness of Trent and there was no comparison.

It was in that exact moment Lucy realised; she had nothing to fear anymore. Sex was not the vile, invasion of her body she once believed it was. What Trent did was not sex, it was not passion. It was nothing more than an assault. It was vile and ugly, but it could no longer control her.

What she felt with Tucker, was exciting, intimate and beautiful. It felt good and right.

As Tucker pushed into her over and over again, she could feel her body begin to tremble once more, but this time, it was different. It was not fear that made her shake; it was pleasure and excitement. She knew she was coming apart.

She wrapped her arms around him tighter, pulling him so close to her that their bodies were almost one, moving in unison, each thrust pushing her higher.

“OH, TUCKER!” She cried out as she held on to him tighter. Her head was spinning, and her entire body felt like it was about to explode.

“Lucy,” Tucker moaned, breathlessly.

She held him even tighter as her orgasm broke inside her, every inch of her body trembling with sheer pleasure as she cried out incoherently. That was all Tucker needed; he could hold back no more. He erupted inside her, as he pulled her body to his and he came hard, before he breathlessly collapsed on top of her, both of them gasping for air. Both completely satisfied.

Lucy closed her eyes, almost unable to process what had just happened. There were no words to describe it.

Suddenly hot tears pooled in her eyes, and Lucy began to cry.

“Oh my God, Lucy,” Tucker said, as he looked down at her, unsure of what he should. “I knew you weren’t ready. I am so sor…”

“No!” Lucy cried, stopping him mid-sentence. “I am not upset. Not like that.”

“Then why are you crying?” Tucker asked, giving her a confused look,

“Because I feel like I have been saved,” she whispered, as she stared up into his eyes. “You have saved me, Tucker. Thank you.”

Tucker didn’t respond. Instead, he pressed his lips to hers because that was all he needed to hear.

Lucy woke with a start and was confused by her surroundings. When she felt someone move next to her, for a split second she froze, but the moment Tucker reached out and touched her, she breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” Tucker asked, as he sat up in the bed and looked at Lucy with concern. She just turned to him and smiled before she leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.

“I couldn’t be better,” she said, looking up into his eyes. “It just still feels weird not to be waking up in my own bed back in New York. For the last six years, I have woken up, looking at the same walls, always on my own. This is all very new to me. It will take a little getting used to.”

“Well,” Tucker said as he leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder. “I could get used to this very easily.”

Tucker suddenly sighed as if he had thought of something.

“What is it?” Lucy asked. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to talk to the chief,” Tucker replied, and Lucy couldn’t help but smile.

“He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” She said as she reached up and touched his face. This was all so new to her; she never imagined she would feel so at ease touching someone, much less them touching her, but she loved to touch Tucker. It was like she had come home.

“The chief is my only real family, Lucy,” Tucker replied honestly. “I don’t even know when the last time I talked to my mom was? I called her on her birthday; I think that was the last time we spoke.”

“Well,” Lucy said leaning in closer to Tucker and pressing her forehead to his. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s her loss because I think you are pretty damn awesome.”

Tucker smiled before he kissed her tenderly on the lips.

“I have to go to the station this morning,” he said, looking into Lucy’s eyes. “But I will stop by the hospital later and talk to your dad, and tell him I am falling for his beautiful daughter.”

Lucy’s smile faded.

“You know, he is as upset about what happened between you two, as you are,” Tucker said, knowing what it was that Lucy was worried about.

“It’s funny,” Lucy sighed. “For the last nine years, everything between us has been perfect. We never argued, never disagreed, but since I came back here, it’s like we have become two different people.”

“That’s not true,” Tucker quickly replied. You are still you, and the Chief is still the Chief. These things have always been there, you finally coming home has just made the both of you face them.”

“Do you think we can get past this?” Lucy asked sadly.

“Of course, you can,” Tucker said, then kissed her bare shoulder. “But you both need to talk honestly to each other.”

“I guess we will,” Lucy smiled, then pressed her lips to his once more.

When Lucy reached the hospital a couple of hours later, she sat in her car for a moment and tried to calm herself down.

Since Tucker had dropped her back to her father’s, she had been going over what she would say to her dad in her mind.

As she stood beneath the hot shower earlier, she tried to clear her mind of everything and figure out what she would say to her dad, but flashes of the night before filled her mind, and it made her smile.

Everything was so easy with Tucker, despite their bumpy start, Lucy felt so comfortable and at ease with him. She wished things could be that simple with her father.

Now she was at the hospital, she knew she couldn’t put it off anymore, she pushed open the car door and got out of the car.

As she walked towards the hospital, she looked up at the trees that lined the pathway to the hospital entrance. They were a mix of greens, reds, and golds and looked so pretty. Lucy wished she had brought her camera with her when she packed to come back here. She normally brought one everywhere she went. Maybe she would have Alison send her some of her stuff; she could take this time away from New York to get some new pictures just for herself, or maybe for the exhibit her friend Shelby was always tormenting her to do.

Lucy had considered doing the exhibit, but she always backed out, afraid she just wasn’t good enough. She knew in her heart; she had what it took; she was a highly regarded, and much sought after photographer. She had bookings almost a year in advance, but having her own exhibition would mean the big time, and it scared Lucy.

She was lost in thought when she reached the elevators as she absentmindedly pressed the call button.

When the door opened, she stepped inside without even looking up. It wasn’t until she was inside that she lifted her head, and her heart dropped when her eyes met Riley’s. She quickly turned to make her escape, but it was too late, the doors had closed, and the elevator had sprung to life.

“Lucy, please,” Riley said, as he moved directly behind her and his familiar scent filled her senses. She closed her eyes and a million memories filled her mind. Memories of all the good times they had together, all the times she had whispered she loved him and he would tell her that he loved her too.

But then she remembered how he looked at her that night, as she lay on the trolley in the hospital. How she felt when he wouldn’t even touch her. He had made her feel broken and dirty. He had let her down.

“Please!” he begged. “You can’t pretend that you don’t have feelings for me, Lucy. I know you do, I know you still love me because I still love you. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. Tell me I am wrong.”

Still she didn’t reply, but inside her heart was hammering so fast she thought it was going to explode.

“Are you just going to ignore me?” He said, leaning in closer to her. “Pretend like I don’t exist? I know you, Lucy. I know you are stubborn, but I know you have a good heart. You can’t hate me.”

He suddenly reached up and brushed her hair back from her ear and brought his lips to it, so close she could feel him breathe against it, but he didn’t touch her.

“I love you, Lucy,” Riley whispered. “I always have. I know I let you down, but if you give me a chance, I will never let you down again.

Suddenly the doors pinged open, and Lucy stepped off the elevator and hurried down the corridor to her father’s room. She didn’t look back, but she didn’t have to. She could feel Riley’s eyes on her; she had always known when he was watching her.

She reached her father’s room and released the breath she had been holding before she took another deep breath, she opened the door and hurried inside.

“Lucy,” her dad said the minute she stepped through the door. Lucy froze, she had been so distracted by Riley; she had completely forgotten about what was going on with her dad. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

“I’m good,” she said, as she forced a smile. She stood next to the door and avoided eye contact with her dad. She knew if she looked at him, she would have cried, so she picked a spot on the wall and stared at that.

“You look like you have seen a ghost,” he said, and she knew he could see right through her. “Has something happened?”

She didn’t reply; she knew if she spoke she would cry, and she refused to give into tears. So she just shook her head.

“Then, you’re still upset over yesterday,” Tom continued. “Or rather about what we discussed yesterday.”

“It’s in the past,” Lucy whispered, as she blinked back the tears that were stinging her eyes.

“But it’s not,” Tom said, and Lucy was surprised when his voice cracked, and she knew he was upset too. “Not if it’s still hurting you.”

Lucy allowed her eyes to meet her father’s as the tears slowly trickled down her face, but she made no move to go to him.

“Lucy, what you heard back then…” Tom began. “I know what it must have sounded like to you, but you have to believe me, it’s not what I felt.”

Lucy didn’t respond. Instead, she just stared at him.

“Yes I was embarrassed,” Tom admitted, and the words felt like a knife in Lucy’s soul. “But I was never embarrassed by you. I am embarrassed and so disappointed by me. I let you down. Every time I looked at you, it was a constant reminder that I let that animal get away with what he did to you.”

Lucy still didn’t speak. She just stood there and watched him as her heart broke. She wanted to hug him and tell him she loved him, but she couldn’t seem to move.

“And I was relieved that you went to stay with Jenny,” he continued. “But not because I wanted you out of the way. It was because I was scared.”

“You were scared?” Lucy asked with a small sob.

“It was my job to keep you safe,” Tom explained, and Lucy was stunned to see the tears trickle down his face. “And I don’t mean as a police officer. I mean as a dad. You were my little girl, and you were hurt. I let you down.”

“You didn’t let me down, Daddy,” Lucy cried as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand.

“But I did,” Tom croaked. “I should have done what Tucker did. I should have gone and beat that…that piece of filth to a bloody pulp. I couldn’t even get that right.”

“And what would that have done?” Lucy asked, as she took a step closer to the bed. “You would have been locked up, and then I would have had no one.”

“Lucy, I have never been ashamed of you,” Tom said, and this time, he didn’t even try to hold back the tears. “I love you more than anything else in this world. You are the one thing I got right. You are the one thing I did in my life that I am proud of.”

“Then why don’t you want me here?” Lucy asked, as she took yet another step closer to her father. “Why would you risk making yourself sicker just to have me leave?”

“It’s not about not wanting you here,” Tom insisted. “Lucy, how could you even think that? This is about keeping you safe. I will not fail you again. I promised your mother as she took her last breaths that I would do everything in my power to make you happy and keep you safe. And I have failed miserably…”

“No you haven’t,” Lucy said, as she finally closed the distance between her and her father. She wrapped her arms around him, held him tightly and cried. “You have been the best father in the world; you are the best father in the world. I would be dead right now if it weren't for you. You know this. You saved me so many times.”

Lucy hugged her dad and cried. She cried for him, and she cried for herself. She knew they were both hurting, and she didn’t know how to make it better.

“Sweetheart,” Tom finally said when their tears stopped. “There is something else troubling you, please talk to me.”

“It’s nothing, I swear,” she replied, but she was lying. She felt so conflicted. She had spent the most perfect night with Tucker, and she knew she was falling for him, and that scared her.

Loving someone was not an option, she couldn’t open herself to someone like that again. She loved Riley, and he had broken her heart.

Then she thought of Riley and the things he had said to her in the elevator. She was so hurt and angry with him, but there was a tiny part, deep inside her, that wanted to believe that he was telling the truth, that he did love her, and she hadn’t been so wrong about him all those years before.

Either way, she knew things were not going to end well, because one way or another, once her father was well enough, she would be going back to New York, and she didn’t know if she had room in her life for love, especially not a long distant romance.