Beautiful Things Never Last (13 page)

             
“Absolutely,” I said.
 
 
 
 

             
“So, what’s been going on?”

             
“So much.
For starters, t
he woman that I’m staying with, Amalea, she’s just…I can’t even tell you, Ben. She’s amazing. She took me to this coastal town and this man on the side of the road, he taught me how to make pesto! Not like the crappy kind I make at home where I would always put too much oil, this was something special. Anyway, he taught me right there, on the
street
. And Amalea, she promised she’d show me how to make her famous
sfogliatelle before I leave. She’s never shown anyone outside of her family, but she trusts me. Me! With the recipe.”
Even through the phone, across time zones and thousands of miles, I can feel Quinn glowing in the way that she does when she is genuinely excited about something.

             
“It sounds incredible,” I say. I take a bite of my less-than-mediocre microwavable dinner and try to imagine what she’s experiencing.

             
“I wish you could be here to see it all.”

             
“Me—” There’s a knock at the door. “Hang on, baby. Come in!” I call.

             
The knob turns and Carter peers around the half-open door. “Hey, buddy, Shayna and I are on our way out of town. Last chance
to tag along.”

             
I cover the phone.
“No thanks, man, I’ll be fine here.”

             
“Is that Carter?” Quinn asks on the other end of the phone.

             
“Yep,” I confirm.

             
“Tell him I said hi,” she says.

             
“Your sister says hello,” I say.

             
Carter smiles and yells, “Merry Christmas,
Quinnlette
. Love you!” He turns his attention back to me. “You good then, man?” I nod and he backs out of the door and closes it behind him.

             
“Still haven’t changed your mind about going home?” Quinn asks.

             
“I
am
home. And you’ll be home soon.”
             
“That is true,” Quinn agrees with a laugh.
“We should plan something for New Year’s
Eve.
I get in the day before.”

             
“
Definitely.
I’ll figure something out,” I say. “But you need to get some sleep, baby.”

             
Quinn yawns deeply in response. “You’re right. I miss you.”

             
“You too.
Love you, baby.”

             
I end the call and then toss my dinner into the garbage. I’m not depressed,
exactly
.
I’m just feeling pretty damn useless right now.
And maybe I even regret not going home.
A little.
I don’t even know if I’d be welcome there, but sinking into the sofa in this empty house, it gets me that this is the first holiday that I’ve ever spent completely alone.  Right now, I’d almost welcome the sight of my mom’s precision wrapped presents and strict holiday schedule.
Just something
to take up some space in the hollow feeling spreading inside me.
Normally I dig the independence, but right now, independence feels a lot like loneliness.

Nine

BEN

             
My phone buzzing on my nightstand wakes me up from a deep sleep.

             
“What’d you forget?” I answer assuming it’s Quinn.

             
“Ben?” Caroline’
s voice is completely unchanged from the last time I heard it. Or, since the day I met her,
s
ophomore year
,
when
we were just kids
.
And it’s the familiarity of her voice and sweet southern twang that feels so good right now, it’s like hearing your home language in a foreign country.

             
I rub my palm across my cheek. “Linney? Wow, it’s been a long time.”

             
Three beats pass before either one of us says anything
more
.
Just seconds, but long enough for my mind to go all sorts of directions trying to figure out what it is that Caroline and I have to talk about at this hour, and something else inside me
is
so glad that she called, because at least that means someone needs something from me, even if it’s just a sympathetic ear. 

             
“
I know. I’m sorry to bother you. C
an you talk?”

             
Can
I
isn’t the right question.
Should I
is a better one. Caroline has been calling for weeks,
and
I owe her a
return
phone call.
After all the years we’ve known each other,
to not show her the respect of answering
her
call
s
has been a total dick move.

             
“
Absolutely,
is everything okay?”

             
“Sort of. Not really,” Caroline stumbles over each word. “I mean, it is now.”

             
“Linney, what’s going on?”
There’s something about her voice that makes me think this is much bigger than a bad day or a call to say she misses me.

             
“I’ve been trying to get ahold o
f you for a couple of weeks now.
I didn’t
know what to say on a message. D
id you see my calls?”

             
“No, sorry,” I lie.

             
“Right. I just…”

             
I stretch
my arm across the bed to hit the lamp on the table.
“Linney, you can talk to me.” It’s never been this hard to pull words out of her
.We
always had the communication thing down.

             
“I know, it’s just weird now, I know you’re living with Quinn…”
             
Caroline mentioning Quinn’s name makes me pause. “I am,” I say.
             
“Is she there? Quinn, I mean.”

             
“No, no. She’s out of town for school. Why?”

             
“No reason.
I just didn’t figure she’d be thrilled with you talking with me. I didn’t want to get you into trouble or anything.”

             
“Don’t worry about that, Linney. Quinn and I are doing great.”
Even though she’s halfway around the world, and doesn’t really seem to need me the way she used to.

             
“Good. Okay. Glad to hear it.”
Her words are short like she’s so distracted she’s trying to sound coherent.

             
“What’s going on? Caroline. Talk to me.”
I readjust the pillow under me, still in a bit of a haze after being woken up.

             
“When was the last time you talked to your parents?”
             

             
I pull in a quick breath. “It’s been a while.”
Did they put her up to this?

             
“Okay, so, this is probably really weird, but I was calling because I didn’t know if you’d be coming to see them for Christmas or not—”

             
“No, I’m not. What does that have to do with anything?”
They definitely put her up to this. Mom couldn’t bother calling and inviting me herself, she was likely worried I’d show up with Quinn if I came home.

             
“I’m living with them. I mean, they’ve invited me to live with them for a while, and I moved in last month.”

             
“What? I don’t understand, how did that come about?”

             
“It’s a really long story. Basically, I needed somewhere safe to go, and my mom talked to your mom, who really misses you, by the way, we all do, really—”

             
“Wait, back up. Somewhere safe? Are you okay, Linney?”
I’m now wide awake, sitting up in bed, heart slamming inside my chest. I feel like an asshole of a friend for ignoring her calls.

             
“I am now, like I said.
Things just got a little crazy back home, and I needed to go somewhere new for a while. I hope I’m doing the right thing, I don’t even know anymore…
”

             
“And you’re there, at my parent’s house now?”

             
“Yeah,” she says.

             
“I’ve got to let you go,” I say.
I hoist myself out of bed and grab a pair of jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt off of the floor.

             
“Ben, I’m sorry. Does that
upset you
?
Crap.
”
She sounds embarrassed, and that’s the last thing I want.

             
“No, no,
it’s nothing like that.
I just, I need to see if I can still get a flight out. I’m coming home.”
I let the words tumble out of my mouth
before Ihave the
chance to think them through
. I don’t pause to consider them as I pack,
or as I fork over what little available credit I have on my credit card,
or as I board the plane, or as I step onto the
brick
walkway that leads up to my parents’ house.