Beautiful Mess (12 page)

Bri
leaned against the door and felt the sting of tears in her eyes.  How was
he still doing this to her?  How was he still able to jack with her
emotions like this?  She was over him.   He was nothing but a
lying, conceited, self-absorbed jerk.  But the pain, the sadness, in his
eyes had been real.  He genuinely regretted the way things had turned out
between them.  But he was the one who caused the rift between them in the
first place, so why would he be so upset?  Nothing made sense.  Cole
was a confounding dichotomy, and Bri didn’t know if she had the energy to
figure him out.

Things
continued in much the same way for the next few weeks.  To her great
horror, Trey asked Bri to the Homecoming dance, which she emphatically
rejected.  Layla had offered to find her a date, like she had for Maddie,
but Bri gracefully declined.  She really didn’t feel like going to the
dance at all, and stayed home with the six hour miniseries of Pride and
Prejudice instead.

After
Homecoming, the bet the football players had about Bri seemed to be forgotten,
and she was able to sink back into relative obscurity at school.  Serena,
her BFF Natalie, and the rest of her cheerleader minions continued to give Bri
dirty looks, and Serena was known to offer the occasional snide comment. 
But for the most part, people quit paying attention to her, which was just the
way she liked it.

The
girls on the Dance Team even mellowed out a little, with the exception of
Natalie and Erica.  But for Bri, not having the rest of the team despise
her was a nice change of pace. 

She
and Cole continued to ignore each other at school, even in ceramics.  But
he never once missed their tutoring sessions.  He was always on time and
very attentive.  They didn’t talk about anything but math, as per her
rule, but Bri was reminded how much she’d enjoyed spending time with him,
before he’d turned into a prick.  That was one mystery that still consumed
her.  She knew she’d never be able to move on until she figured it
out.  So, as the days and weeks passed, Bri watched Cole, covertly of
course, trying to figure out what his deal was.  At school, he was always
the arrogant, apathetic ass, who only cared about himself.  Surrounded by
his popular, superficial friends, he fit in seamlessly.  But during their
tutoring sessions, she saw none of that.  Cole was respectful and
considerate, engaging, and even grateful.  More like the Cole she’d known
before.  It was like he was two polar opposite people.  It all
depended on who was, or wasn’t, around.

Much
to her dismay, she found herself liking the Cole that came to her house on
Tuesdays, and began looking forward to it.  It made her miss her friend,
the boy she’d grown to care about.  She had forgotten how much fun he was,
how nice it was to be near him.  How his eyes lit up when he smiled. 
How he melted her heart with that smile.  And over time, her anger began
to diminish, and she felt herself softening.

Bri
didn’t realize it, but by doing what she’d asked him, Cole was slowly breaking
her down.

It
was the second week of October, and Bri was doing some homework while waiting
for Cole to come by for his weekly tutoring.  The past few weeks had begun
to wear on her.  Keeping Cole at a distance was taking more out of her
than she’d like to admit.  But she couldn’t complain; he’d done exactly
what she’d asked and given her the space she’d wanted.  The problem was
that now she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted anymore.  She was more
confused and confounded than ever.

There
was a knock on the door at 5:30 sharp.  Bri had to admit, she’d been
impressed.  Cole hadn’t been late or blown her off once.  When he was
there, he listened and paid attention to her explanations and examples. 
He seemed to be making some real progress.

Bri
rose and went to answer the door.  She had the house to herself, as she
did every Tuesday.  Her brothers had soccer on Tuesday nights, and her dad
was never home before 7:00.  It was about the only quiet time she had.

She
opened the door to a beaming Cole.  Unable to help smiling in return, she
asked, “Hey, what has you so happy tonight?”

He
didn’t say anything, but held up a piece of paper.  Curious, Bri took it
and looked it over.

“95%! 
Cole that’s awesome!”  She smiled as she handed him back his math
test.  She motioned for him to come inside, and he walked in, in full
swagger mode.

“Yep,
I’m pretty amazing!” he joked.  “I don’t think I’ve ever done that well on
a math test before.”  He dropped his bag by the table as Bri went to the
kitchen and grabbed a couple of sodas out of the fridge.  “Wow! 
Refreshments?  This is a first,” he shot at her as she handed him a Mountain
Dew.

“Well,”
she shrugged, “you acing your first math test is cause for celebration. 
Well, a small celebration, anyway.”  She nodded at the sodas.

“Small? 
Are you kidding?  Coming from you, this is huge!” he teased.  “I
remember when you used to do stuff like this for me all the time,” he said
softly.  “It’s been a while.”

“That’s
because I used to like you back then,” Bri gave Cole a look before sitting down
at the table next to him.  She picked up his test and looked at it
again.  She didn’t really feel like getting down to math business, and so
she decided to break her no- non-math-related-conversation rule.  To be
honest, she was tired of pushing Cole away.

“Well,
this ought to help your GPA,” she set the test back down.  “So, where are
you thinking about going to college?”  She tried to sound casual, but the
stunned look on Cole’s face told her he realized what she’d just done.

“I’m
sorry,” he shook his head, dazed.  “Was that a non-math related question I
just heard?”

“Not
exactly.  You said you needed my help to maintain your eligibility. 
I’m just wondering where it is you want to be eligible for.”

“Um,
okay,” he seemed taken aback, but quickly continued.  “Well, I’d love to
go somewhere out of state, but my dad wants me to stay closer to home. 
I’ve already gotten some football scholarship offers from some local Pac 12 and
Mountain West schools.  So, I’m looking at UCLA or Cal,” he shrugged.

“You
don’t sound too excited about that.  Don’t you want to play football?”

“Well,
given the choice, I’d prefer to play basketball.  But my dad was a
football player in college, and he wants me to follow in his footsteps, I
guess.  Plus, I’m not too thrilled about staying in state.”

“Oh?” 
This surprised Bri.  “Why not?”

“I’ve
lived here my whole life.  I’d kind of like to go somewhere else, see
someplace new.  But, like I said, my dad wants me to stay close.  So,
I’m just trying to keep all of my options open.”  Looking like he knew he
was taking a calculated risk, he asked “So, what about you, Bri?  How’s
the Stanford prepping going?”

“Good,
I guess,” Bri smiled.  “Although, I must have been insane, or going
through a serious bout of self-punishment, when I signed up for my
classes.  I swear, the homework alone is going to kill me.”

“That
bad, huh?”

“Yes,
and dance on top of that.  Though, I might break down and kill a couple of
those girls and get kicked off the team.  They’re driving me crazy!”

“Let
me guess, Natalie and Erica?”

“How
did you know?”

“They’re
Serena’s friends.  They love to gossip and bitch.  They don’t like
you much, by the way!”

“Yeah,
thanks, I hadn’t picked up on that,” Bri laughed.  She looked up at the
clock.  “Well, we should probably get to work.”

Nodding,
Cole pulled out his book and they started.  At the end of the hour, Cole
packed up his things and Bri followed him to the door.  He grabbed the
doorknob and paused.

“Ambria,”
he began hesitantly.  He looked like there was something he wanted to say,
but he just shook his head and looked away.

“What?”
Bri pressed.

He
turned back and smiled at her sadly.

“Nothing. 
It’s just... I really enjoyed talking to you again tonight.  I’ve missed
you, that’s all,” he shrugged.  “Goodnight, Bri.”

“Goodnight.” 
Bri slowly closed the door, watching Cole walk away.

Over
the next few days, Cole and Bri didn’t talk again, but when she would see him
in the halls or at lunch, she didn’t avert her eyes and pretend he wasn’t
there.  She was tired of ignoring him, and decided to save herself some
energy.  Cole seemed a bit confused at first, but it didn’t take him long
to hold her gaze in return.  He would even smile at her, if Serena wasn’t
around.

Unfortunately,
there were very few times when Serena wasn’t physically attached to Cole in
some way.  She was on him like a bad rash, but he didn’t seem to mind in
the least.  It was all over the school that the two of them were
officially dating again, and Bri tried to tell herself she didn’t care. 
But when she saw them kissing in the hall one day, the rush of pain and jealousy
that engulfed her made it impossible to deny any longer.  She still had
some sort of feelings for Cole, she hadn’t been able to banish them
completely.  She wanted to cry, or hit something.

Unable
to help herself, Bri began sneaking looks at Cole in History, when he wasn’t
looking.  She was desperate to figure out what exactly it was she felt for
him, so she could move on.  Trey caught her staring a couple of times, and
flashed her a smug grin, but luckily Cole hadn’t noticed her sudden interest in
him.  In Ceramics it was easier to watch him unnoticed, because of all the
activity always going on.  She watched him while he was at the wheel one
day for almost the entire class.  He was so focused on his piece that he
didn’t look up once.  Staring at the toned muscles in his arms made Bri
remember how they felt when they were wrapped around her.  And her fingers
longed to brush back the dark hair that had fallen in his eyes. 

The
football team had an away game that week, and after much begging and pleading
from Layla, Bri agreed to go.  She sat in the stands next to her friends,
ignoring the bouncing cheerleaders in front of her, and watched Cole.  It
didn’t take long for Cole to notice her, and every once in a while he’d turn
and look at her.  Instead of dropping her eyes like she used to, Bri held
his gaze until he turned away.  She was trying to puzzle something out in
her head.  The more time she spent with him, the more she thought that
maybe the Cole she’d know that summer, the Cole that came to her house every
Tuesday, wasn’t just a ruse.  He hadn’t once pushed her or tried to
manipulate her to do something he wanted.  He’d respected and complied
with her requests, never once complaining.  He’d given her the time and
the space she’d needed, getting nothing promised in return.  And, he
seemed happy.  At school, he was closed off, not letting anything affect
him, keeping everything he was feeling inside.  Bri would sometimes see a
flash of emotion in his eyes, but it was quickly smothered and replaced by his
usual indifference.  But, when it was just the two of them, he was more
open and engaging, genuinely seeming to care about her.  Anything but
indifferent.  Those things couldn’t be faked, could they?  It was a
dangerous assumption to make.  And, if her Cole was real and not just a
front, why would he feel the need to keep himself hidden from his friends and
everyone at school?  Why the whole jerk facade?  Shouldn’t his
friends like him no matter what?  One question always led to another with
that boy.

Bri
noticed Cole watching her a lot more during the second half of the game. 
She couldn’t quite decipher his expression, but he seemed to be trying to
figure her out as well.

There
was a giant roar from the crowd around her as the game ended and the Tigers
won.  After a brief celebration on the field with the team, Bri watched in
shock as Cole walked over to the stands, stopping right in front of her. 
He looked up at her and smiled.  Her breath caught as he went to jump the
guard rail and climb into the stands.  Just then, a blond head appeared
behind him.  Serena grabbed Cole’s arm, turning him towards her.  She
let out an excited shriek before she wrapped her arms around his neck and
kissed him passionately.  Feeling suddenly sick, Bri quickly turned to
follow Layla out of the stadium.  A moment later, Serena’s voice caused
her to pause.

“Hey
CJ, what are you looking at?”

Bri
turned her head to find Cole watching her, a sad expression on his face.
 It was only there for a moment before he turned to Serena and grinned.

“Nothing. 
Come on, let’s go celebrate!” Cole wrapped his arm around Serena’s waist and
they walked off.

Bri,
completely confused once again, turned and left the stadium without another
glance behind her.  Yep, assuming there was something more to Cole was a
dangerous assumption indeed.

Bri
spent the rest of the weekend thinking about Cole, even though she tried not
to.  Every time she thought she’d figured him out, he did something to
totally throw her.  And every time she thought she’d figured out how she
felt about him, he’d do something to send her emotions spinning again. 
But, as she tossed and turned Sunday night, she came to a realization.  No
matter how much she hated it, there was a part of her that missed Cole, and
wanted him in her life.  Despite how he treated her at school, she’d had
glimpses of her friend enough times to know that he was still there, inside
Cole somewhere, and she wanted him back.  She missed spending time with
him.  She missed how much fun he was, and how good he made her feel. 
She wanted her Cole back.

What
this meant for her, or what exactly she wanted from Cole, she still wasn’t
sure.  But she knew that ignoring him was no longer an option.

When
Tuesday came around, Bri still hadn’t decided what to do about Cole, and she
was dreading their tutoring session that night.  She sat at the table, her
leg bouncing nervously, waiting for him.  The doorbell startled her, and
with great trepidation, she answered the door.

Cole
stood on the porch, hands in his pockets. 

“Hey,”
he smiled nervously before walking in and sitting at the table.  “So,
there’s something I kind of wanted to talk to you about before we get
started.  If that’s okay with you?”  Cole’s nervousness was making
Bri even more nervous.

“Okay,”
she replied warily.  “What do you want to talk about?”

“Okay,”
he took a deep breath.  “I meant what I said last week, Bri.  I miss
you.  I miss talking to you.  I miss the way you make me laugh. 
I miss being friends with you.  I miss the way I feel when I’m around
you.”  He looked her right in the eyes.  “And judging from the way
you’ve been watching me lately, I think you miss me, too.”

Bri’s
cheeks began to burn.  Apparently she hadn’t been as stealthy as she’d
thought. 

“Yes,”
she answered honestly after a moment.  “I miss you.  But the problem
is, I don’t know if the Cole I knew is real, or if the jerk I see at school
every day is who you really are.  It’s like you’re two entirely
contradictory people stuffed into the same body.  I never know which Cole
I’m going to get.”

Cole
dropped his eyes.  “Ambria,” he began softly, “I could tell you that you
know
the real me.  That the person you see at school is nothing but a
front.  That when I’m with you, I can finally be myself.”  He looked
up at her sadly.  “But I don’t think you’re going to believe anything I
say.  And I don’t blame you.”

Bri
opened her mouth to say something cutting, but she closed it.  She was
tired of having the same fight with Cole.  So, instead she waited for him
to finish.  When he realized he wasn’t going to be bashed verbally or
physically, he continued.

“I
want us to be friends again.  The truth is, I like you, Bri.  I still
care about you.  And I’ll do anything I can to prove that to you.”

Her
breath caught, and her mind instantly flashed back to the night they went
dancing and he almost kissed her.  It seemed like forever ago.  She’d
known then that he truly felt something for her.  Could he possibly still
have those feelings for her?  Did she want to find out?

“I
don’t know, Cole...”