Beautiful Innocence (10 page)

“Ava, look at me right now,” I demand, still inside of her, because frankly I’m not about to pull out of total paradise right now. I just need her to tell me to keep going. “Ava, have you ever done this before?

“What do you mean?” She feigns innocence.

“Sex, baby, have you ever had sex?” I don’t even know why I’m asking. I already know the answer. I guess I’m just looking for confirmation.

“Umm, well, you see…”

“Fuck, are you telling me I’m right? I just fucked a virgin up against my truck in the back parking lot of a Piggly fucking Wiggly?”

“Why do you have to curse so much?”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

She doesn’t answer me, which should piss me off, but I’m still rock hard and haven’t pulled out, and damn it, I don’t want to.

“Ava?”

“What?” She finally looks into my eyes.

“ Just tell me why and I’ll keep going if it’s what you want.”

“Cause when I look at you I feel something.”

“Like what?”

“Safe,” she says. She wraps her arms around my neck and begins to grind on top of me and I stop thinking. I stop breathing. I force myself to slow down when she whispers, nuzzling my ear. “Please keep going. I want you.”

There’s nothing else to do, so I lose myself in those eyes, watching her lose control and realize there’s no coming back from what I just experienced. Nothing will ever top that feeling for the rest of my life.

I find an old blanket that I lay out in the bed of my truck and lie down. She scoots up as I dangle her panties from my finger, twirling them around. Maybe I should’ve thought twice about reminding her. They would’ve made a nice souvenir. She slips them on as I hold my hand out for her to join me. She lies down on my outstretched arm next to me so I can curl her to my chest. This isn’t my normal MO, but since it’s been about fourteen years since I’ve done a virgin, I welcome it.

We lie there in silence. I rub her arm up and down as she plays with the hair on my chest. As much as I want to sit here and ignore the giant elephant, there are too many questions burning inside of my head that I need to ask. “Ava, I need to ask you something.”

She moans as she keeps making tiny circles on my chest.

“Why did you pick me?”

“I told you. You make me feel safe.”

I nod and wrap strands of hair around my finger. “Have you heard any rumors about me?”

“Sure did. My aunt, Sam, and a few others told me to stay clear of you.”

“Why didn’t you listen then?”

She props herself up onto her elbow. “Because I needed something from you and I knew you were the one to give it to me.”

I just lie there silently, listening.

“I couldn’t be a virgin anymore,” she says blankly, like it’s no big deal.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” I’m racking my brain, trying to figure out what she means. Does she want to go for round two, or did she get what she wanted and is now done with me?

“I’m too old to be one, anyway.” She lies back down and resumes touching me. “How about you?”

“Me? What about me?” I ask.

“Why do you sleep around?”

“Guess cause I can. It’s fun and feels good.”

I can feel the flutter of her lashes against my chest as she closes her eyes and reopens them. “So, you don’t love anyone?”

“I love plenty of people, just not one lady. There hasn’t been anyone special enough.”

“How come?”

I sigh loudly and drop her hair down and smooth it out. “I was in love with the most beautiful girl in high school. We were fifteen when we started dating. Melanie was my first and I really loved her.”

Her hand freezes at my declaration. “What happened?”

“I’m getting there. It was prom night and she disappeared right before the king and queen were announced, so I went off to find her. One of my friends and her were going at it like rabbits in the damn bathroom. I could hear her from the hallway. I couldn’t believe it.”

“That’s awful.” She sits up and throws her leg over my thigh until she settles on top of me. My hands immediately grab her hips and situate her. She leans down, her long blonde hair tickling my face as she kisses me quickly. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t stick around. I went back in, grabbed his girl who happened to be Mel’s best friend and fucked her.”

“Oh,” she mumbles sliding off me.

I pull her back on and hold her hips down. “Yeah, oh.” She goes to move again, but I shake my head. “Stay put.” I wait for a few seconds until she seems to be content and not moving. “I was devastated and pissed. I just didn’t think.” I take a deep breath and then let it out. “Anyway, after that I didn’t want my heart to feel like that ever again, so I try not to let anyone in enough, to prevent it from happening again. That girl caused enough damage to last a lifetime.”

“Does she still live here?”

“Nah, she went off to college, married some dude and moved out to Kentucky.”

“Wow! So you haven’t loved anyone since you were like what, sixteen?”

“Seventeen. We dated two years.” I yank her down and place a kiss on her mouth, but pull back when I feel a tear drop onto my cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just so sad.”

“It’s not sad, it’s just who I am. I’m not really the hearts and flowers kind of guy. You have to forgive me. I’m usually gone at this point.”

“I know you can be sweet. I’ve seen you with those kids.”

“Those kids are my life. I love them like they’re mine.”

“So what we just did is the last time?” She grins down at me and I can tell she’s hoping for the same thing I am--round two. I feel that safe I keep my heart hiding in crack open a little, and even though it’s scary, I welcome it.

“Well, maybe just one more time.”

AVA

The next morning comes way too quickly, but I wake up naked in Josh’s bed, and he’s sound asleep next to me, snoring lightly. And it’s the most comforting noise to listen to and I never want to do without it again. Each time I move the soft fabric of his sheets makes my sensitive nipples want more contact. Other parts of me want more, too.

The last thing he said to me before he tucked me close to him and closed his eyes keeps replaying over and over in my head. “Ava, don’t think I forgot how you shot out of that bar like a bat out of hell and then attacked me. I’m not asking right now because I don’t want to ruin this night for you, but when the time comes, I expect answers.” I have no idea what to tell him, but I’ll worry later about coming up with something that will ease his worries. Right now I’m too comfy in the warmth of his protective arms.

Since I feel so cozy and safe it’s hard not to drift off. Each time I go to roll over, he just pulls me back in without even waking. It’s like he can feel me moving away and isn’t having it. I settle in, my back to his front and wrap my hand around his and pull it up to my chin and allow myself to finally close my eyes. Honestly, I expected a quick kick to the curb after he found out and got what he wanted, so it’s a very nice surprise to see he has a heart somewhere inside that massively, beautiful chiseled chest of his.

The sound of a toilet flushing startles me awake, but then I remember where I am. I reach up to stretch, cracking my neck from side to side and settle into his pillow. I take a deep breath, taking Josh’s scent in, making sure it’s real. I consider pinching myself, but I’m too afraid to ruin the moment. I’m lying here in the bed of the hottest man I’ve ever seen grace the Earth, and how he totally took my virginity and my heart all at once. Ever since the pond and the babysitting, I know the feelings he brings out in me are real. Last night proved it beyond my imagination. I know Sam would’ve been the easy, and probably the best choice to help with my gigantic virginity problem, but he doesn’t turn me into a pool of gooey mess every time he looks at me, like Joshua Woods does.

Josh is probably going to leave me in the dust, which’ll probably crush me—hard. Josh is the smart choice. Sam is too sensitive and would probably never forgive me if I did make a wrong decision. Sam has feelings for me. It’s obvious in the way he looks at me. I can’t bring myself to give him what he wants. If I need to run, ever, I won’t feel as bad about taking off on Josh and breaking my own heart in the process. He already told me he doesn’t have one. I’ll have to learn to live with not knowing if he cares about me, too. He doesn’t love and hasn’t since he lost his heart all those years ago. He’s a player, pure and simple. Heck, he even admitted to it. Snuggling deeper into his pillow I feel a touch of regret. I’d hesitate to run away if I thought for a second I was hurting Josh and then I could lose everything, including my own life if they find me.

Josh walks out of his bathroom with a toothbrush dangling from the corner of his mouth and is only wearing his low-slung jeans.

I want to bury my head under the covers, because it’s morning and I’m slightly embarrassed that he’s seen me naked. No one has ever come close to seeing what I tend to keep under wraps most of the time. “Morning.” He leans up against the doorframe, watching me, and I’m a great big ball of tangled nerves. Last night, at least it was dark and I could hide some, but with the way the sun is streaming in, there’s no hiding what I have going on.

“Good morning,” I mumble as I peer around, looking for my clothes. Josh’s eyes follow mine as I spot them clear across the other side of the room in a ball. He grins back at me and crosses his arms like he’s waiting to see what I’m going to do. As I sit up, I take the sheet with me, making sure to cover my chest.

“What are you doing?” he asks as he creeps closer like an animal on the hunt, grinning the whole time.

I chomp down on my bottom lip for a few seconds. “Nothing.”

“Do you want me to get your clothes, or are you gonna be brave enough to get them yourself?”

I throw up my arm and wave him off like it’s not bothering me. “Sure, that’d be great. I mean, if you don’t mind.”

He pivots around and stops for a beat before coming back to me. My panties and bra are dangling from his pinky finger as he swings them back and forth. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll give you one article of clothing for each answer you give me.”

I narrow my eyes and purse my lips, because I know what he’s trying to do and I know he thinks this is the way to get answers from an inexperienced little girl like me.

When I don’t move he tosses my panties on the bed. “So, what happened last night?”

I grab them and shimmy into them without removing the sheet. “It was nothing. I was sad and needed to be cheered up.”

He clicks his tongue several times on his upper teeth, tilting his head as he eyes me. “You’re a shit liar, you know that?” He sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

“Who says I’m lying?” I counter, reaching out for my bra, but he holds it up over his head out of my reach.

“Okay, let’s try this instead. We’ll take baby steps with this one. I’m only asking one question this morning and next time I see you, I’ll ask another and so on. Deal?”

I sit back, thinking.

“Stop with the lip thing and that damn frown. Deal or not?”

I roll my eyes.

“What made you run out of that bar so fast?” His hands go on either side, trapping me in. I pull the sheet snug to my chest, but he gently moves my hands and slips the straps up my arms and over my shoulders, dressing me like a child. Before I can say anything he’s hooking my bra back on, but keeping his eyes trained on mine. Damn he’s sweet.

“Someone came looking for me.”

His head comes up at my admission, and he squints as he thinks about my response. “And you don’t want to be found?”

I’m struggling to breathe with him so close and the gentleness of his touch as his hands run down my back until they stay put on my waist. I swallow. “You said only one question.”

He sighs and then kisses my nose. “I did say that, didn’t I?” He tucks my hair behind my ears, not taking his eyes from mine. “It’s been a real long time since I’ve had someone stay over night, Ava. I usually don’t do this, so I’m asking once and only once for my own sanity.”

“You said only one.”

“Please grant me one more before I take you home?”

I nod, because I’m having a hard time saying no to him when he looks at me like he is right now.

“Are you gonna be scared all by yourself in that apartment with no one watching over you?”

I want to scream yes, please keep me safe, but I refuse to be a burden, or to have him feel like he needs to babysit me after what we just did. I want to act like the adult I’m pretending to be. “Yes, I’m totally fine. I’m safe as a kitten, I promise.”

When he tilts my chin up and studies my face I do my best to hide the fear that I know he’s searching for. “You’d tell me if you are scared, right?”

I throw my arms around his neck, knowing I’m about ready to falter. “Of course.” And then I go in for a quick kiss, but he yanks the sheet off and pulls me onto his lap.

He presses a soft kiss to my nose and then one, long, lazy, sexy kiss on my lips that I won’t soon forget. “Don’t hide your body from me, okay? When I’m with you I don’t want you to be embarrassed—you’re absolutely beautiful and perfect. So much so I don’t even know what the hell I did in this life for you to hand that over to me, but I’m so glad that you did.”

And I melt inside.

I smile, biting down on my bottom lip and undo the bra that he just put back on me, letting it fall to my hips. “Go time.”

Hours later Josh drops me back at the bar and waits in the parking lot until he sees me wave and shut the door of my apartment. The loud rumble of his truck lets me know he’s gone and the coast is clear. I jog back down and head into the bar to find Aunt Angie. “Hey, you got a minute?” I ask her as she’s squirting polish all over the wooden bar.

“What’s up, honey?”

“I was wondering if I could borrow your truck one more time?”

She tosses the keys to me without second-guessing. “Sure. Where you off to?”

“I just need to get some stuff for upstairs. My fridge is practically bare.”

She gives me of her ‘oh, dear’ sighs, but then smiles. “You’re on at four, don’t forget.”