Beautiful Goodbye (29 page)

Halfway
through dinner Larkin broke the silence when he said, “Jenna, I
love you and I always will. Hopefully before it’s too late you
realize how much I love you and how much you love me.”

“
Larkin, I don’t even know why you love me. I’m a complete
mess,” I was exasperated and threw my hands up.

Larkin stood,
walking to me and placed his hands on my cheeks, pulling me forward
to kiss my forehead. “Jenna, you are absolutely insane. You’re
beautiful, you speak your mind, and you made me happy again. And,
because you’re perfect for me. I had to let go of my past to
realize how right we are for each other. I know you don’t want
someone to save you, but that’s exactly what you did for me, you
saved me.”

Staring into
his dark brown eyes I could see all the love he had for me. “I
can’t. I’m with Gage, and I love him.”

Larkin sighed
and dropped his eyes to my twisted hands on my lap. “Why, Jenna?
Why him? I know you don’t love him like you love me, fuck, even he
knows that. You’re not being fair to anyone by being with him. I
guess in some way I don’t want to give up because somewhere in my
heart I think there’s still a small chance you will pick
me.”

Fighting my
tears, I chewed on my bottom lip. “No one understands me like he
does. I love him, I choose him. Please, just go.”

Standing,
Larkin walked to the door before stopping to look at me. “This
isn’t me walking away. This is you letting me go. Just remember
that.” And then…he was gone.

I sat staring
at my closed door. I just let the one guy I was in love with walk
out of my life, again. All because I’m too damn scared to let go of
my past.

CHAPTER 32

I was woken up
by the ringing of my phone. Grabbing it before it woke Evie up I
saw it was my mom. Glancing around I saw that it was three in the
morning.

“
Mom? Are you ok?”

I heard my mom
sniff before attempting to talk. “It’s your dad. He’s
gone.”

Blinking a few
times trying to figure out what my mom was talking about I stood
from the couch. I walked over to check on Evie who was still
sleeping and asked, “What do you mean dad’s gone? Like went to the
store or he left you?”

“
No Jenna. Your dad is dead.”

My world
stopped. Collapsing on the chair, I dropped my phone. I stared
blankly at the wall. I’m not sure how long I sat there but I was
pulled back to Earth when I had two strong arms wrapping around
me.

“
Shh. It’s ok, I’m here.”

Larkin. He was
here and pulling me into his arms.

“
He’s gone, Larkin. My dad’s gone.”

“
I
know baby. Your mom called me and wanted me to check on you and
Evie. I’m going to book the first flight possible. Are you able to
pack your things? I can get Evie’s stuff gathered up.”

Without saying
anything I nodded as I stood and walked to my room. I was in auto
pilot mode while I packed. Grabbing clothes that I didn’t care
about, all I wanted was to fly home and see my dad sitting in his
office or in his recliner watching football. I never even asked my
mom what happened, how he died.

Once I had my
stuff packed, I hope I had what I needed, I walked back to the
living room to find Larkin and Evie snuggled on the couch. It
looked like absolute perfection. My daughter and her daddy, those I
loved the most.

Larkin cracked
his eyes open, staring at me for a few seconds before asking,
“Ready?”

Pointing to my
suitcase I said, “Yes.”

Larkin rubbed
Evie’s back as she squirmed around. “Do you want me to go with you?
I know Gage is in New York.”

“
You don’t have to go but thanks.”

Larkin stood
up and walked to my side and handed Evie to me. Pulling her close I
placed a few soft kisses on her head.

“
Jenna, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you. I
can fly down with you until Gage can get there. I just don’t want
you to have to face this alone.”

Chewing on my
bottom lip I felt my tears finally building up. Unable to control
them they spilled over and ran down my cheeks. Larkin reached up
and ran his thumbs under my eyes. He placed both his hands on the
sides of my face and pulled my head to him, kissing my forehead.
“Shh baby, don’t cry. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Your dad
wouldn’t want you upset.”

Closing my
eyes I nodded and barely spoke above a whisper, “Thank you for
everything. What time do we leave?”

Larkin pulled
back and smiled. “We leave at six thirty. Let me grab your bags and
I will stop at my place to pack then we can go to the
airport.”

**********

Once we were
in the car I pulled my phone from my purse to call Gage.

Gage’s sleepy
voice came through the phone, “J? What time is it? Is everything
ok?”

Fighting my
tears back I replied, “It’s a little after four in the morning. I’m
on my way to the airport. My dad…He’s um…”

Larkin grabbed
my phone and spoke into it, “Gage, we are on our way to Alabama.
Jenna’s dad died.”…Fuck man, I don’t know. Doesn’t look good…Ya,
when we land I will have her call…Ok, bye.”

Larkin handed
me my phone and wrapped his large hand around my tiny hand.
Thankfully there was no traffic since it was so early and we made
it to the airport with time to spare.

After we went
through security and Larkin got us coffee, we sat down to wait for
our flight. Larkin rubbed my arm and said, “Jenna I know how it
feels. If you want to talk, I’m here. I understand.”

Blinking my
eyes to keep the tears away I looked to Larkin. “I’m not ready. I
still don’t believe it’s true. I don’t want to think my dad is
gone, that he won’t be there when I get married, or to watch Evie
grow up. Not to mention my brother and sister, they are both too
young for this.

Larkin used
his foot to rock Evie’s carseat as he said, “Trust me, I know. I
was only twelve when I lost my dad. I felt like I had no one. When
you’re ready, I’m here.”

I looked down
at our sleeping daughter. “Thank you, for everything.”

**********

When our plane
landed Larkin rented a car for us and loaded our things into the
trunk. As I gave him directions to my childhood home it seemed a
bit surreal, especially for the reason I was home.

Pulling into
my driveway I saw cars everywhere. It was only a little after ten
in the morning, but it looked like there was a party going on.
Gathering all my strength, I unhooked my seatbelt and opened my
door. Even though it was only mid-May the southern Alabama humidity
made it hard to breath, or maybe it was reality finally setting
in.

Larkin got
Evie from the back and came around to stand beside me. He used his
free hand to hold mine as we slowly to the front door. We were just
walking up the steps when the front door swung open and my sister
and brother came running out. They both slammed into me as we all
hugged and cried.

When we made
it inside I finally asked, “Where’s mom?”

Mac stammered
out, “The funeral home making arrangements. She should be home
soon.”

“
Oh. Well I think I’m going to lay down with Evie, I don’t
feel like dealing with all these people. Larkin, you should try to
get some sleep to,” I said and ran my hand down his arm.

Larkin shook
his head and said, “I’m ok. Evie will be waking up soon to eat so I
will take care of her. You try to sleep.”

“
I
want Evie by me right now. Why don’t you just come with me, we will
figure it out.” I grabbed Evie and started up the
stairs.

“
I’m going to get our bags then I’ll be up. Where will you
be?” Larkin asked as he walked toward the front door.

Pausing, I
turned to face Larkin and answered, “My room is the third door on
the left.”

Larkin nodded
once then walked out the front door.

CHAPTER 33

I had just
gotten dressed when there was a knock on my door. “Come
in.”

As soon as my
mom was in the door she had me in a hug. Through tears she said, “I
love you. I don’t know what to do.”

Letting my
tears fall, I hugged my mom tight. Sobbing I asked, “What happened,
mom?”

My mom let go
and sat on my bed, rubbing her face. She looked out the window when
she spoke, “I had noticed your dad had been tired a lot and seemed
weaker but I figured it was from working so much. If I would have
just asked maybe things would be different. He knew he was going to
die but didn’t tell anyone. He had an inoperable tumor on his
brain. According to the letter he left me he found out about six
months ago. He left a letter for you, too. Dr. Bartlett thinks he
had a Grand Mal Seizure, and that’s what killed him.” Shaking, my
mom reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope with my name
of the front and handed it to me.

I took it from
her and before I opened it she held my hands and kissed my cheek.
As I opened it she walked out my door, shutting it behind
her.

My
dear Jenna,

If
you’re reading this I’m gone. But know that I am always with you
and watching over you.

From the first time I met you I knew how special you were.
Watching you grow and being your father has been the best
blessing.

I
want you to know how proud I am to be your father. You have brought
me so much joy, none greater than Evie. Becoming a Papa was the
most amazing gift. I hope your beautiful little girl grows up to be
just like her wonderful mom. She is so lucky to have
you.

Jenna, I want you to listen closely to the next part. Never
give up. Never stop dreaming. Never settle. Now, I know you think
Gage is right for you but after my talk with Larkin I can see the
love he has for you and Evie. Don’t settle for Gage because he’s
safe. Go for Larkin because he scares you. You can’t hold on to
your past forever, baby. Jacob is gone and never coming back.
Larkin isn’t Jacob, so don’t push him away for something he can’t
control. Trust him. I like him.

I’m
so sorry I’m going to miss everything in your life and Evie’s life.
Make sure she knows how much her Papa loved her and wishes he could
be there to watch her grow up. I love you both so much.

Never forget to do what makes you happy and be with who makes
your heart skip a beat..

Love, Dad

I held my hand
over my mouth as my sobs escaped me. How could my dad be gone? He
was only forty three years old, he had so much left to do and see.
I needed to get out of this house. I needed the one place that
always brought peace. The ocean.

Running down
the stairs I yelled to Larkin, “Please watch Evie, I need air.” Not
waiting for his reply I flew out the door and didn’t stop running
until I felt sand under my feet and smelled the salty
air.

One thing I
loved about our small beach town was the beaches were more private
and there weren’t many tourists, giving me the privacy I needed.
Sitting on the edge of the tide, I let the water kiss my toes as my
tears fell. Larkin came and sat down beside me and he wrapped his
arms around me. We just sat in silence as the water covered our
feet then pulled away only to come back again.

When the sun
was starting to set Larkin asked, “Do you think we should head
back? Gage said he would be here tonight.”

I shrugged,
letting out a deep breath before saying, “Ya. I need to check on
Evie anyway.”

Walking back
Larkin held my hand and for the first time in a long time, I felt
safe. Larkin was who I wanted and needed. I loved Gage but not like
Larkin. Gage had always been there and he held my past. However,
Larkin was the one holding my future. He was the one who made my
heart skip a beat. I had to talk to Gage before I could say
anything to Larkin.

When we opened
the front door Gage rushed to me and pulled me to him. He wrapped
his arms around me and said, “I’m so sorry baby. I got here as soon
as I could.”

“
It’s ok, Gage.
My dad knew he was
dying. He wrote me a letter and after reading it, I have done a lot
of thinking. C
an
we go for a walk?”

Gage looked at
me with confusion and slowly nodded as he said, “Sure.”

“
Let me check on Evie before we go. Larkin do you mind
watching her so we can talk?”

Larkin shook
his head. “I love spending time with my princess.”

After checking
on Evie, Gage and I started walking toward the beach. The walk was
silent as we made our way to the beach. Sitting on the shoreline I
turned to Gage and finally said, “I love you, I will always love
you. After reading the letter from my dad and thinking about my
life I realize that I can’t marry you. You’re my best friend and
you have always been there for me, this relationship isn’t fair to
either of us. I don’t love you the way you deserve. I want you to
be happy and marry the girl that can’t live without. I’m not that
girl. I love Larkin and I’m ready to tell him, and give him
everything. I’m facing my past and I won’t let Jacob destroy me
anymore.”