Beautiful Disaster (21 page)

“Don't tell Travis, okay?”

She huffed. “I won't. What happened?”

“Parker asked me to the date party.”

America tightened her towel. “You're not bailing on Trav, are you?”

“No, and Parker's not happy about it.”

“Understandable,” she said, nodding. “It's also too damn bad.”

America pulled the strands of her long, wet hair over one shoulder, and drops of water trickled down her bare skin. She was a walking contradiction. She
applied to Eastern so we could move together. She was my self-proclaimed conscience, intent on stepping in when I gave in to my imbedded tendencies to fly off track. It went against everything we talked about for me to get involved with Travis, and she had become his overly enthusiastic cheerleader.

I leaned against the wall. “Would you be mad if I didn't go at all?”

“No, I would be unbelievably and irrevocably pissed off. That's grounds for a full-blown cat fight, Abby.”

“Then I guess I'm going,” I said, shoving my key in the lock. My cell phone rang, and a picture of Travis making a funny face appeared on the display. “Hello?”

“You home, yet?”

“Yeah, he dropped me off about five minutes ago.”

“I'll be there in five more.”

“Wait! Travis?” I said after he'd hung up.

America laughed. “You just had a disappointing date with Parker, and you smiled when Travis called. Are you really that dense?”

“I didn't smile,” I protested. “He's coming here. Will you meet him outside and tell him I went to bed?”

“You did too, and no … go tell him yourself.”

“Yes, Mare, me going out there to tell him I'm in bed is so gonna work.” She turned her back to me, walking to her room. I threw up my hands, letting them fall to my thighs. “Mare! Please?”

“Have fun, Abby,” she smiled, disappearing into her room.

I walked down the stairs to see Travis on his motorcycle, parked at the front steps. He wore a white T-shirt with black artwork, setting off the tattoos on his arms.

“Aren't you cold?” I asked, tugging my jacket tighter.

“You look nice. Did you have a good time?”

“Uh … yeah, thanks,” I said, distracted. “What are you doing here?”

He pulled back the throttle, and the engine snarled. “I was going to take a ride to clear my head. I want you to come with me.”

“It's cold, Trav.”

“You want me to go get Shep's car?”

“We're going bowling tomorrow. Can't you wait until then?”

“I went from being with you every second of the day to seeing you for ten minutes if I'm lucky.”

I smiled and shook my head. “It's only been two days, Trav.”

“I miss you. Get your ass on the seat and let's go.”

I couldn't argue. I missed him, too. More than I would ever admit to him. I zipped up my jacket and climbed on behind him, slipping my fingers through the belt loops of his jeans. He pulled my wrists to his chest and then folded them across one another. Once he was satisfied that I was holding him tightly enough, he took off, racing down the road.

I rested my cheek against his back and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. It reminded me of his apartment and his sheets and the way he smelled when he walked around with a towel around his waist. The city blurred past us, and I didn't care how fast he was driving or how cold the wind was as it whipped across my skin; I wasn't even paying attention to where we were. The only thing I could think about was his body against mine. We had no destination or time frame, and we drove the streets long after they had been abandoned by everyone but us.

Travis pulled into a gas station and parked. “You want anything?” he asked.

I shook my head, climbing off the bike to stretch my legs. He watched me rake my fingers through the tangles in my hair and smiled.

“Quit it. You're fucking beautiful.”

“Just point me to the nearest eighties rock video,” I said.

He laughed and then yawned, swatting at the moths that buzzed around him. The nozzle clicked, sounding louder than it should in the quiet night. We seemed to be the only two people on earth.

I pulled out my cell phone to check the time. “Oh my God, Trav. It's three in the morning.”

“You wanna go back?” he asked, his face shadowed with disappointment.

I pressed my lips together. “We better.”

“We're still going bowling tonight?”

“I told you I would.”

“And you're still going to Sig Tau with me in a couple weeks, right?”

“Are you insinuating that I don't follow through? I find that a little insulting.”

He pulled the nozzle from his tank and hooked it on its base. “I just never know what you're going to do anymore.”

He sat on his bike and helped me to climb on behind him. I hooked my fingers in his belt loops and then thought better of it, wrapping my arms around him.

He sighed and leaned the bike upright, reluctant to start the engine. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the handlebars. He took a breath, beginning to speak, and then shook his head.

“You're important to me, you know,” I said, squeezing him.

“I don't understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you're so fucking confusing I don't know which way is up.”

“I don't understand you, either. You're supposed to be Eastern's ladies' man. I'm not getting the full freshmen experience they promised in the brochure,” I teased.

“Well, that's a first. I've never had a girl sleep with me to get me to leave her alone,” he said, keeping his back to me.

“That's not what it was, Travis,” I lied, ashamed that he had guessed my intentions without realizing how right he was.

He shook his head and started the engine, pulling out onto the street. He drove uncharacteristically slow, stopping at all the yellow lights, taking the long way to campus.

When we pulled in front of the entrance of Morgan Hall, the same sadness I felt the night I left the apartment consumed me. It was ridiculous to be so emotional, but each time I did something to push him away, I was terrified it would work.

He walked me to the door, and I pulled out my keys, avoiding his eyes. As I fumbled with the metal in my hand, his hand was suddenly at my chin, his thumb softly touching my lips.

“Did he kiss you?” he asked.

I pulled away, surprised that his fingers caused a burning feeling that seared every nerve from my mouth to my toes. “You really know how to screw up a perfect night, don't you?”

“You thought it was perfect, huh? Does that mean you had a good time?”

“I always do when I'm with you.”

He looked to the ground and his eyebrows pulled together. “Did he kiss you?”

“Yes,” I sighed, irritated.

His eyes closed tight. “Is that all?”

“That is none of your business!” I said, yanking open the door.

Travis pushed it closed and stood in my way, his expression apologetic. “I need to know.”

“No you don't! Move, Travis!”

“Pigeon … ,”

“You think because I'm no longer a virgin, I'll screw anyone that'll have me? Thanks!” I said, shoving him.

“I didn't say that, damn it! Is it too much to ask for a little peace of mind?”

“Why would it give you peace of mind to know if I'm sleeping with Parker?”

“How can you not know? It's obvious to everyone else but you!” he said, exasperated.

“I guess I'm just an idiot, then. You're on a roll tonight, Trav,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

He gripped my shoulders. “The way I feel about you … it's crazy.”

“You got the crazy part right,” I snapped, pulling away from him.

“I practiced this in my head the whole time we were on the bike, so just hear me out,” he said.

“Travis—”

“I know we're fucked up, all right? I'm impulsive and hot-tempered, and you get under my skin like no one else. You act like you hate me one minute, and then you need me the next. I never get anything right, and I don't deserve you … but I fucking love you, Abby. I love you more than I've loved anyone or anything, ever. When you're around, I don't need booze or money or the fighting or the one-night stands … all I need is you. You're all I think about. You're all I dream about. You're all I want.”

My plan to feign ignorance was an epic fail. I couldn't pretend to be impervious when he had laid all of his cards on the table. When we met, something inside both of us had changed, and whatever that was, it made us need each other. For reasons unknown to me, I was his exception, and as much as I had tried to fight my feelings, he was mine.

He shook his head, cupped each side of my face, and looked into my eyes. “Did you sleep with him?”

Hot tears filled my eyes as I shook my head no. He slammed his lips against mine, and his tongue entered my mouth without hesitation. Unable to control myself, I gripped his shirt in my fists, and pulled him to me. He hummed in his amazing deep voice and gripped me so tight that it was difficult to breathe.

He pulled back, breathless. “Call Parker. Tell him you don't wanna see him anymore. Tell him you're with me.”

I closed my eyes. “I can't be with you, Travis.”

“Why the hell not?” he said, letting go.

I shook my head, afraid of his reaction to the truth.

He laughed once. “Unbelievable. The one girl I want, and she doesn't want me.”

I swallowed, knowing I would have to get closer to the truth than I had in months. “When America and I moved out here, it was with the understanding that my life was going to turn out a certain way. Or that it wouldn't turn out a certain way. The fighting, the gambling, the drinking … it's what I left behind. When I'm around you … it's all right there for me in an irresistible, tattooed package. I didn't move hundreds of miles away to live it all over again.”

He pulled my chin up so that I would face him. “I know you deserve better than me. You think I don't know that? But if there was any woman made for me … it's you. I'll do whatever I have to do, Pidge. Do you hear me? I'll do anything.”

I turned away from his grip, ashamed that I couldn't tell him the truth. I was the one that wasn't good enough. I would be the one to ruin everything, to ruin him. He would hate me one day, and I couldn't see the look in his eye when he came to that conclusion.

He held the door shut with his hand. “I'll stop fighting the second I graduate. I won't drink a single drop again. I'll give you the happy ever after, Pigeon. If you just believe in me, I can do it.”

“I don't want you to change.”

“Then tell me what to do. Tell me and I'll do it,” he pleaded.

Any thoughts of being with Parker were long gone, and I knew it was because of my feelings for Travis. I thought about the different paths my life would take from that moment—trusting Travis with a leap of faith and risking the unknown, or pushing him away and knowing exactly where I would end up, which included a life without him—either decision terrified me.

“Can I borrow your phone?” I asked.

Travis pulled his brows together, confused. “Sure,” he said, pulling his phone from his pocket, handing it to me.

I dialed, and then closed my eyes as it rang in my ear.

“Travis? What the hell? Do you know what time it is?” Parker answered. His voice was deep and raspy, and I instantly felt my heart vibrating in my chest. It hadn't occurred to me that he would know I had called from Travis's phone.

My next words somehow found their way to my trembling lips. “I'm sorry for calling you so early, but this couldn't wait. I … can't go to dinner with you on Wednesday.”

“It's almost four in the morning, Abby. What's going on?”

“I can't see you at all, actually.”

“Abs …”

“I'm … pretty sure I'm in love with Travis,” I said, bracing for his reaction.

After a few moments of shocked silence, he hung up in my ear.

My eyes still focused on the pavement, I handed Travis his phone and then reluctantly peered up at his expression. A combination of confusion, shock, and adoration scrolled across his face.

“He hung up,” I grimaced.

He scanned my face with careful hope in his eyes. “You love me?”

“It's the tattoos,” I shrugged.

A wide smile stretched across his face, making his dimple sink into his cheek. “Come home with me,” he said, enveloping me in his arms.

My eyebrows shot up. “You said all that to get me in bed? I must have made quite an impression.”

“The only thing I'm thinking about right now is holding you in my arms all night.”

“Let's go,” I said.

Despite the excessive speed and the shortcuts, the ride to the apartment seemed endless. When we finally arrived, Travis carried me up the stairs. I giggled against his lips as he fumbled to unlock the door. When he set me on my feet and closed the door behind us, he let out a long, relieved sigh.

“It hasn't seemed like home since you left,” he said, kissing my lips.

Toto scampered down the hall and wagged his tiny tail, pawing at my legs. I cooed at him as I lifted him off the floor.

Shepley's bed squeaked, and then his feet stomped across the floor. His door flew open as he squinted from the light. “Fuck no, Trav, you're not pulling this shit! You're in love with Ab …”—his eyes focused and he recognized his mistake—“…by. Hey, Abby.”

“Hey, Shep,” I said, setting Toto on the floor.

Travis pulled me past his still-shocked cousin and kicked the door shut behind us, pulling me into his arms and kissing me without a second thought, as if we had done it a million times before. I pulled his shirt over his head, and he slipped my jacket off my shoulders. I stopped kissing him long enough to remove my sweater and tank top and then crashed into him again. We undressed each other, and within seconds he lowered me to his mattress. I reached above my head to pull open the drawer and plunged my hand inside, searching for anything that crackled.