Beautiful Burn (The Maddox Brothers #4) (27 page)

“Oh, so you were doing him a favor,” I deadpanned.

He shrugged. “At least he didn’t get kicked in the balls.”

I paused and then looked down, unable to stop from smiling. The rest of the crew burst from the door, half of them laughing, the rest pulling their still-swinging brothers out.

Liam and Jojo were holding hands, the fight giving them an excuse to break the personal boundary barrier. After a few drinks, one touch was all it took for most, and Jojo couldn’t have been happier.

Jubal exhaled. “That was a much-needed release of tension, I guess.”

Fish frowned. “Wick’s not going to let us back in until next season. Some of us live here.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I said. “So will Jojo.”

They all grinned, patting and hugging me as they passed. “Thanks, Ellie,” each of them said. “See you next season.”

Liam kissed my cheek, winking at Tyler. “Take care, you two. Quit fuckin’ around, would ya?”

Jojo jingled her keys. “Need a ride?”

“I’ve got her,” Tyler said.

I glanced up at him, appreciative. He hadn’t given up on me. No matter what I said or did, he was right there, waiting to take care of me.

Jack patted Tyler on the shoulder, and the crew walked out to the cars parked in the street, chatting excitedly about the brawl.

Tyler waved to them and then turned to me, beginning a full minute of silence in the alley in front of Turk’s. I folded my arms across my middle, feeling the sweat on my skin chill in the autumn air.

“You cold?” Tyler asked. “My jacket is in the truck.”

“I’m fine.”

“So … I’m confused,” he began. “Liam and Jojo?”

I laughed out loud, holding my hands out to my sides and letting them fall to my thighs. “I guess. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

“Watts said he asked you to go on a road trip with him.”

I nodded.

“What did you say?”

“A road trip costs money that I don’t have.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“Tyler...”

His shoulders sagged. “It doesn’t matter what I do, does it? I just can’t…” He gestured to the space between us. “Get past whatever’s in the way.”

I pressed my lips together and clamped down with my teeth. I’d been doing so well staying away from him. It would only be cruel to admit the truth.

“What?” he said with a half-smile. “Say it.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t be a pussy, Ellison. Say it,” he repeated.

“I shouldn’t.”

“Yeah. You should.”

“I miss you,” I blurted out.

He scanned my face, a new light in his eyes.

I closed my eyes. “I think about you all the time … mostly wondering why you put up with so much of my shit.”

“You and me both.”

I looked away, trying to find something that warranted my attention so Tyler wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes.

“But, when I’m around you, Ellie … it doesn’t matter why. It doesn’t matter what you did to piss me off or push me away. I can’t explain it. I can’t shake it. Some days I wish I could. I come from a family of proud men, but I’m not the first to falter when it comes to the one woman he can’t walk away from.”

“You should … walk away from me.”

He chuckled. “You think I don’t know that? You’re the female version of me.”

I glanced up at him, pleased with his confession. “When you showed up tonight, I was happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

He didn’t hesitate, taking my cheeks in his hands. He leaned in, but I pulled back.

He furrowed his brow. “Then what? What do I have to do?”

My eyes burned as I clutched the mid-section of his shirt with both fists. “I’ve already told you. I’ve told you a hundred times. I’m fucked up. I’m drinking again. I’m taking spiked coffee to work.”

He shrugged. “So we start over.”

There was that word again.
We
. It didn’t sound so foreign anymore, and that scared the hell out of me. “It’s not that simple. I’m not in any shape to try to manage a relationship.”

Tyler looked into my eyes, and then yanked his shirt from my grip and walked away with his hands on his head, breathing hard.

“I know I’m a dick,” I said. “You don’t deserve this. But I tried to warn you.”

“Warn me about what?” he yelled, holding his hands in front of him. “That it feels amazing to be with you? That it’d be incredible to watch you give up everything and fight your ass off just on the hope your sister will notice from half a world away? Or maybe you warned me that you’d make me laugh like an idiot?”

I used my sleeve to wipe away an escaped tear. “You could find that with any nice, normal girl.”

“I don’t want a normal girl, Ellie. I want you,” he snapped.

A laugh tumbled from my lips, but my smile quickly faded. “I warned you that I would make you feel like shit. I warned you that you were too nice to get involved with someone like me.”

“Someone like
you
?” he said, both frustrated and desperate. “You should have warned me that I’d smile every time I think about you—which is all the damn time! You should have warned me about that, too. You should have warned me that you’re beautiful in the morning, in the moonlight, just out of the shower, or with ten days of dirt on your face.”

“It’s not funny.”

“No! It’s not! Goddamn it, Ellie, I’m standing here saying I wanna be with you and you want it, too. I know you do. Your reasons don’t even make sense.”

“They don’t have to make sense to you.”

He breathed out a laugh. “All this time I thought you were a masochist. You’re a fucking sadist.”

“I warned you!” I cried.

“You didn’t warn me that I’d fucking fall in love with you!” Tyler’s veins bulged in his neck, and he put his hands on his hips, catching his breath.

“What?” I choked out.

“You heard me,” he growled. Immediately the anger extinguished from his eyes, replaced with remorse.

“I’ve been trying to stay away from you, Tyler. I really have. I don’t want to drag you down with me.”

“Too late!” he yelled. He rubbed his forehead. “I didn’t come here to fight,” he said, exasperated. “I’m so tired of trying to hate you.”

His words cut deep, the pain settling in my bones. I could barely form the words. “Then why did you come?”

“To see you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had to see you.”

I reached for him again, this time slower, testing the waters. Tyler kept his hands on his hips, his gaze bouncing everywhere but on me. I pulled him close, sliding my hands under his arms, hugging his middle, and then pressing my cheek against his chest. His body heat radiated off him like a fever, a thin sheen of sweat dampening his skin. I breathed him in, knowing if I just gave in we might be just a little less wounded, a little less broken, but I was stuck between being too selfish to let him go and too contrite to let it go too far.

The door to Turk’s was opening and closing in a steady rhythm. People were walking by, quiet and curious. Until that instant, I hadn’t noticed we’d gained a small audience. Tyler acted as if we were the only two people in that alley.

“I’m glad you came,” I whispered.

He’d been frozen since I first grabbed him, his arms held stiffly at his sides. After a few seconds, he hugged me back. “Are you sure about that?”

“I miss my friend.”

His chest rose and fell as he inhaled and then breathed out, letting go of whatever he was holding on to. “Your friend.”

“I know. I know it’s so fucking selfish,” I said, closing my eyes.

“I guess I’ll take what I can get.” I couldn’t see his face, but he sounded crushed.

“You promise?”

He touched the back of my hair, and then kissed the crown of my head. “No. No, I don’t promise. Fuck this, Ellie. I don’t want to be just friends.”

I took a step back, fidgeting. “Yeah. I get it. I mean … of course. Who would after…? It was a stupid thing to say.”

“I told myself I wasn’t going to push it, and I pushed it. I know you’re fucked up. I’m fucked up, too. I have no clue how to navigate this, and you … goddamn, you make this a thousand times harder than it has to be. But I’m not going anywhere. I can’t. I don’t want anyone else.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Too fucking bad. We can figure it out later when you’re ready. I’ll back off, but we’re not just friends, Ellie. We never were.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, hope glistening in his eyes. “I’ve seen what you’re capable of when you wanna be. I think you will be.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked in disbelief. “I’m a lost cause!”

“Then so am I.”

I covered my eyes, trying not to cry. “It’s like talking to a fucking wall! You’re not hearing me, and I’m not that good of a person to pretend I don’t want you in my life. I’m trying to do you a favor, Tyler. You have to go away. You have to be the one to do it. I’ve tried. I can’t.”

“I’ve already told you,” he said. “I’m in love with you. That’s not going away.” He cleared his throat. “Are you going to Wick’s for Thanksgiving?”

I blinked, shaken by the sudden swing in conversation. “What? No.”

“Not home? Not somewhere with your family?”

“Finley asked. I’m just not … ready.”

“Why don’t you come home to Eakins with me?”

“Come home with you.”

He breathed out a laugh, frustrated. “It’s going to be tough. It’ll probably be awkward. But no matter how hard it is, it’ll be easier than you being alone—and easier on me than worrying that you’re alone on Thanksgiving.”

I considered his offer. “I feel like this is a crossroads.”

He grinned, holding out his hand. “So cross with me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked, nudging my knee with his.

I shook my head, staring at the back of the driver’s head. Travis’s window was cracked while he smoked and chatted with his wife, neither of them thinking to adjust the heat while the frigid air filled the car.

Travis was too big for the tiny silver Toyota Camry he was driving, smiling far too often at his wife. They were holding hands, chatting about their break from their sophomore year of college, and how this Thanksgiving would be better than the year before.

She lifted their hands and slammed them down on the console, feigning insult. “Really? You had to bring that up.”

He grinned, smug. “If it gets me some sympathy points, baby, you’re damn right I’m bringing it up.”

She made a show of settling back into her seat, failing miserably at pretending to be angry. “No points for you. Be nice or I won’t marry you again.”

He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers, staring at her as if she were the most beautiful star in his universe. “Yeah, you will.”

The two of them were engulfed in their own world, barely noticing Tyler or me, even though Travis had nearly tackled us at the terminal. He and his wife, Abby, had picked us up from the airport in Chicago, and I was freezing in the backseat, dodging the occasional flicked cigarette ash. The handholding and incessant happiness was making me slightly nauseated, and I was beginning to regret agreeing to come.

“Hey,” Tyler said, gently patting my knee. “It’s going to be great.”

Travis rolled up his window, and
then
turned up the heat.

I fantasized about flicking the back of his ear and blaming it on Tyler.

“Are you nervous?” Abby asked, turning around to face me. She looked me directly in the eye, beautiful and confident. Her caramel hair was long and effortlessly beautiful, her gray eyes so intense anyone else would have squirmed under her stare. I wondered if it was because her husband was the most intimidating person I’d ever met, or that she had her own badassery to offer.

“No. Should I be?” I asked.

“I was a little nervous at my first Maddox Thanksgiving.”

Tyler punched the back of her seat. “That’s because you were pretending to still be with Travis.”

“Hey!” Travis said, reaching back to swat at his brother.

“Quit! Stop! Now!” Abby commanded. She reminded me of me at the barracks with twenty misbehaving boys.

“Oh, you weren’t together last year?” I asked. “I thought you were married this past March.”

“We were,” Travis said, a ridiculous grin on his face.

Abby smirked, inviting me to judge them. “We got in a huge fight—a lot of huge fights, actually—broke up, and then eloped to Vegas. We’re renewing our vows in St. Thomas in March on our anniversary.”

“Ellie’s coming to that, too,” Tyler said. “She’s my plus one.”

“We talked about it,” I said quickly. “I don’t think I’ve RSVP’d just yet.”

“Is that a camera?” Abby asked, looking down at the bag in my lap.

“It is.”

“So are you a professional photographer, or is that just to capture the Maddox family Thanksgiving shenanigans?”

“She’s the photographer for the magazine in Estes Park. She follows the local hotshots around—did a whole write-up.”

“I’d like to see your work,” Abby said. “We need a photographer for the wedding. What do you charge?”

“I don’t,” I said.

“You don’t charge?” Travis asked. “You’re hired!”

“She’s really good,” Tyler said.

“Now you have to come,” Abby said.

Tyler elbowed me, satisfied.

Abby narrowed her eyes at her brother-in-law. “How did you two meet?”

“At a party,” Tyler said, clearing his throat.

“What kind of party?”

“My party,” I said.

“So you live in Estes Park?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Did you graduate from there?”

“Abby, for fuck’s sake. What’s with the third degree?” Tyler asked.

“I’m just making conversation,” Abby said with a relaxed smile. She was very good at something. I just wasn’t sure what.

I lifted my chin. “My parents have a house there. I lived there until recently. Now I work at the magazine and have an apartment in Estes Park.”

“How did you end up at her parents’ house for a party, Tyler? Are they clients of yours?” Abby asked.

“Nope,” Tyler said, staring out the window.

Abby glanced over at Travis. “He’s lying.”

Tyler shot her a look.

“Okay, Pidge,” Travis said, amused. “Enough detective work for one day.”