Beats (7 page)

“It’s time for dinner,” he says.

“Okay. Tell Mom and Dad I miss them. And I miss you too, little brother. Thank you for the song. I’ll never forget it.”

“Bye, Gianna.” And the screen freezes.

I wipe my eyes, huff a deep inhale, and let it out. My gaze wanders to the building near the bus. A line of excited fans winds around the venue. A van boasting a Houston rock and roll radio station logo pulls up and parks. Cool-looking chick gets out with a microphone and some other equipment. Must be the DJ.

My phone vibrates, and I look down. The text from Jillian reads:
Time to get dressed. You have an interview in an hour.

A Clash song fills my headspace: “Should I Stay or Should I Go.” Question of the year, isn’t it? I had my answer ten minutes ago when Toombs pissed me off. Then Mikey had to go and change my mind for me.

Across the parking lot, Letty dances down the steps of the bus, Shades right behind, goosing her butt. They head for the growing crowd of Killer Buzz Float fans. The women squawk and giggle over Shades. The men smile appreciatively at Letty in her short skirt. My bandmates look happy, high-fiving people, posing for pictures, and signing autographs.

Letty was right. I’m happy too when I’m onstage, living the beats and my dreams.

I should stay.

For Mikey. For the band. For my parents.

And maybe even for me.

Steps Four and Five:
Fan the Flames of Jealousy to Make Him Your Bitch
, and
Turn Inanimate Objects into Sex Toys

February 19 – Lake Charles, Louisiana

After playing sold-out shows in Houston and Beaumont, Texas, we follow Interstate 10 east and cross the state line into Louisiana. Our first stop is Lake Charles. Our driver Freddie halts the bus at an RV park near the civic center where we’ll play tomorrow night.

“We’ve got all of today and most of tomorrow free,” Jillian says to the band members sprawled around the couches in the front of the bus. “If you’re good little girls and boys and work hard for a couple hours on your new songs, I’ll let you have tonight off. You’ve got ten days before we start recording.”

Great. Exactly the reminder I didn’t want to hear.

Groans fire off all around. I guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to work.

Beside me, Letty leans close to my ear. “I’ll help you set up your kit. We can
talk
.” She shifts her gaze to Toombs as he heads toward the bunks, wearing a more-pissed-off-than-usual grimace. Rax follows him without a word. Of course, he skims me from top to bottom, nice and slow so I can see him.

I’m so frustrated by Toombs’s lack of interest, I’m almost ready to say yes to Rax, just to get some relief. I mean, how bad could he be? The guy is smoking hot. If it weren’t for his obnoxious personality, blatant disregard for women, and flippant attitude, I’d be all in.

Well, maybe.

I glance at Letty. She did Rax. I bet she has some insight. “Okay.” I exit the bus with her on my heels.

As soon as we clear the door, she says, “Still nothing happening with Toombs, huh?”

We walk around to the trailer hitched to the bus’s back end. I unlock it. “He’s not interested.”

“Time to implement the next stage of attack. You need to make Toombs jealous. Rax is hot for you. I’ve seen the way he ogles your ass and tits. Even Shades made a comment about it. You do Rax, it will totally piss off Toombs, and he’ll have no choice but to make his affection known.”

I laugh bitterly as I haul two drum cases out of the trailer. “There
is
no affection. Did you not hear me? Toombs isn’t interested.”

Letty grabs the snare drum. “Well, if you’d look at him every once in a while, you’d notice he isn’t just interested. He’s enamored. He can’t keep his fucking eyes off you.”

I snort. “Bull.”

She grabs my upper arms. “Truth. I’ve been watching you two. You have this weird avoidance dance going on, and neither of you knows it because you’re both too busy looking away every time the other tries to make eye contact. It’s fucking comical. You guys are an award-winning movie short in the making.”

I don’t believe her. Toombs
never
looks my way. Well, except to visually deride me when we try to write songs, and I come up empty.
Hello, salt. Meet raw, gaping, infected wound.
I rub my forehead.

“You’ve got him right where you want him. All you gotta do is implement step four: fan the flames of jealousy. Hook up with Rax. That’ll make Toombs your bitch.”

“I don’t want to hook up with Rax.” I don’t
think
.

“Then, flirt with him. In front of Toombs. Hard and heavy.”

Flirting is slightly more doable. “But how?”

Letty snatches a random drumstick from the trailer. “Turn inanimate objects into sex toys to draw his attention to your assets. That’s step number five, by the way.” She points the wood at me, then lazily slides it over her breasts like a bow easing across violin strings. Her nipples hop to attention beneath her shirt. “See? Easy.”

She turns up the butt-end of the stick and lowers her lips over it, sucking and swirling her tongue over the grain, leaving behind a sheen of glistening saliva.

I lift a brow. Wow. She does that to Shades’s junk? No wonder he hasn’t so much as glanced at a groupie since the two of them got together. That’s some serious talent.

Letty removes the wood from her mouth, slides her tongue along its length, and passes it to me with a smile. I clear my throat and take the improvised penis by the dry end.

“You can do shit like that with almost anything. Food especially. Guys love to see women fuck with food. Just imagine you have a big, hot cock in your hand and go to town. Picture Toombs getting off on it while you stare at Rax. That’ll really rile him up.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want Rax to think I’m a tease. It’s not him I want.”

“Rax is a tool. Use him. Let him fuck you. What’s the big deal? It’s just sex. That’s damn sure all it is to him. Guys like Rax don’t do commitment. Trust me. I speak from experience. You bang him once, and he’ll be over you before he even busts his nut on your ass. Which reminds me…” She reaches into the butt pocket of her jeans and holds out a handful of square packets. “I saved these for you. Use them. And double up. Ain’t no telling what kind of cooties Rax has.”

“I don’t think five condoms are really necessary.” Hell,
one
may not be necessary. For all my brave thoughts, I’m not even sure I can
do
casual sex. It’s not that I’m opposed to it, but the only kind I’ve ever had was “relationship” sex. I don’t know if I can shut off the emotional part of my brain while engaging in the physical act. For me, the two have always been intimately connected. Another part of my problem, I guess.

“Rax is…prolific. It’s better to be safe than sorry.” Letty closes my fingers around the condoms.

Prolific? I’m not even going to ask.

Toombs rounds the corner and picks up a couple of the cases we set on the ground. I stuff the packets into my pocket and sneak a peek at him through my hair. I catch him looking as he turns away and heads for the door, carrying my hanging tom-toms.

Letty hisses. “See? I told you.
Totally
checked you out.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she’s right. Maybe I should take her advice and play it up with Rax. Flirting doesn’t
have
to lead to sex. And even if it does, what’s the worst that could happen?

I nod. “Okay. I’ll pay more attention to Rax.”

“Awesome. I’ll back you up. Now, let’s get cracking on the new music so Mommie Dearest will give us some free time. That’s when you make your move with Rax. When Toombs sees you together, it’ll drive him mad with jealousy. You’ve got this one in the bag, my friend.” Letty slaps my shoulder and grabs a couple of cases.

I follow her to the bus, passing Toombs again on his way to pick up the next load. Our eyes meet for a second, and I regret my vow to make him jealous. Buried under his harsh, ashen gaze lies a tiny ember of warmth. I’m not sure if it’s understanding, acceptance, remorse, or just an “I get you,” but it’s clear. And intentional.

An asteroid crashes the pit of my stomach and jostles loose an explosion of unfulfilled desires. What I wouldn’t give to spend one day with him, just
talking
. I want to understand what makes him tick. Why he’s made the choices he has. Not to pass judgment or drive decisions about where to go—if anywhere—with him, but because I yearn to know him as a
person
. He means more than a dick that can pleasure me or a guitarist/drummer who helps pay the band’s bills.

I’m drawn to his darkness. I think it’s a cover for his light. Maybe he feels as misunderstood as I do. Maybe he’s never had someone care about him. Maybe he needs somebody to tell him he matters.

Or maybe I’m humanizing him too much, and he really is the cold, dangerous bastard his persona projects. Either way, I’m willing to step into his shadow and find out.

I choose to believe in my ideal of him. There’s much more to Toombs than meets the eye. I know it. I may have to dig through lots of shit to unearth the gentle man entombed beneath the threatening façade, but he’s there. I’m certain.

Our song-writing session goes about as well as I predicted. Rax and Toombs produce badass guitar hooks for our latest tune. Letty belts out crazy but catchy lyrics. And Shades does his best to hold the rhythm section together without me.

Yep, I’m still stuck. Worse, everyone knows it, and no one wants to admit it out loud, least of all me.

Jillian observes from her perch on her upper bunk, legs dangling, sizing me up like the hawk she is. She’s gonna make a meal of me as soon as everyone else is gone. The clench of her jaw and the repetitive tapping of an unlit cigarette on her case confirm it.

“All right, guys. I think that’s enough,” the Queen Bee says at last. “Go grab yourselves some dinner. Leave the drum kit for tomorrow. We’re done.”

I wait for an admonition that doesn’t come. I actually give her the opportunity to call me out, but Jillian only jumps down and exits the bus without so much as a glance my way. Great. I must’ve
really
pissed her off.

Rax pauses on his way out. “Hungry?”

Toombs stops behind him and looks at me as if waiting for an answer.

I startle. “Uh, yeah.”

“Come on.” Rax waves me toward the door.

Letty grins widely and flashes a thumbs up.
Grab his ass
, she mouths and gropes the air at waist level while thrusting her hips.

I shake my head and smother a smile.

She holds up her phone.
Text me.

Fat chance. I nod and follow Rax and Toombs outside.

Rax pulls up on my right and digs in immediately. “Have you thought about our proposition?”

“No,” I lie.

Toombs settles on my left and looks straight ahead as we walk toward downtown. I feel like a handcuffed prisoner being escorted through the police station.

These two probably get off on using cuffs on their women. I shudder.

“But let’s talk about it.” Not sure where that bold demand came from—most likely straight from my ass—but there’s nothing like putting it all out there.

Rax’s lips curve into a crocodile smile. Toombs shows no sign of emotion.

“Over dinner,” Rax says. “And drinks.”

Okay, maybe drinks are a good idea. I’ll need to loosen up to get through the next hour alone with them.

We walk in silence until we hit the main drag where the restaurants are. We agree on a Mexican place, settle into a booth—Rax beside me and Toombs across from us. Rax orders a pitcher of margaritas and sets his sights on me.

“So, when are we gonna fuck, Jinxie?” He nabs a chip, dips it in the salsa bowl, and crunches down.

Toombs backs him up with a smug smile. How I wish I could get him alone, away from Rax for just a few hours. I’ll bet he’s a different person when Rax isn’t around.

I reach deep inside myself for strength to face the situation head-on. “I need to know exactly what you have in mind.”

“That takes all the fun out of it.” Rax’s hand falls to my thigh and rubs.

I bite my lip. Toombs blinks slowly.

“Details or no deal.” I say it with much more conviction than I feel.

The hand slides upward toward my crotch. I cross my legs and push him away.

Rax leans in. “We want one night with you. The only rule is there are no rules. Leave your inhibitions at the door, and let us take care of you.” His exhalation tickles my cheek. His words, backed up by Toombs’s heavy-lidded stare, seduce my resolve and throttle it into submission.

“I don’t need taking care of.” But damn, I sure as hell want it. I look at Toombs.

“You need it more than anyone,” Rax breathes in my ear.

That does it. Panty melter.

Dear God, what am I doing?

Negotiating a contract for prostitution, that’s what.
Staring at Toombs with Rax hanging on my side, I come to terms with what my heart wants versus what my body craves. I’m done agonizing over this. A switch engages with a tight little click, and the decision is made.

God help me. I’m going to have sex with them. Together.

Well, maybe.

“No strings attached?” I say.

Rax makes a scissor cutting motion with his fingers. “When the sun comes up, you’re free. We go our separate ways and never speak of it again.”

“When is this going to happen?” I say.

Toombs wakes up and straightens, his attention apparently piqued. He didn’t think I’d agree to it. Standing amid a field of delicate eggshells, I smile. About time I had the upper hand with him.

“We can start now.” Rax takes my palm and grinds it on his bulge. He’s as hard as a steel blade and probably sharper.

My stomach flutters, and now I’m ready to backpedal like crazy. Toombs can clearly see what’s going down on my side of the table. Pulling away, I struggle for purchase on the hill of practicality.

“In the middle of a restaurant? I don’t think so. And I’m not into doing it on the bus.” I have my limits. I refuse to degrade myself to the level of Rax’s throwaway trash. I have nothing against groupies, only the way Rax treats them.