Beats (4 page)

I picture Toombs coming to my rescue, sweeping open the curtain, dragging me into his arms, and apologizing for subjecting me to the humiliating scene.

But my realism circuits put an end to such nonsense, and I swallow hard over the dry, crusty rock lodged in my throat. It’s not Toombs standing less than a foot away with nothing but a flimsy piece of fabric separating us, hand closing in on the curtain.

It’s Rax.

Insert, Agitate, Release

The metal rings sluice across the rod, and the drape flies open. Rax bends to one knee and casually rests an elbow on it. He blows a saucer-sized bubble with his pink gum. It pops, and he sucks the deflated balloon into his mouth. He glances toward the front of the bus where Toombs and the groupie went, and then looks back to me with a brow lifted.

“So what do you say, Jinxie? You wanna party?”

Thoroughly uncomfortable with being cornered by Rax the snake, I shove him out of my way and roll out of bed. I’m too small before his six-foot frame and matching ego. I can’t let him perceive me as weak. All my weakness is for Toombs, not him.

I poke him hard in the center of his chest. Such a bluffer. “I get the feeling Toombs wouldn’t like that.”

Rax smirks and folds his arms over his naked, inked chest. It’s a struggle to keep my eyes on his, but I do.

“Toombs doesn’t have to know. We’ll keep it between us.” He grazes my cheek and hooks a finger under my chin.

I twist away. “No, thanks.”

“Then Toombs and me. I just want a taste of you, Jinx. You’re too fucking pure not to be mauled.”

“Right. So you can toss me aside afterward? Not interested.”

“I never said anything about that. But yeah, probably.”

“You nauseate me.” I clutch my drumsticks tighter.

“I get that a lot. So, banging. Yes?”

“No.”

“Let’s discuss this like the sex-starved, consenting adults we are.”

“I don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

“Holding you hostage? Now there’s an idea.”

My lip curls. Now I’m pissed. I slam a stick between his legs and hold it there. He suppresses a grunt, releasing his breath in a long hiss.

“Save the pain for Toombs, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m not the masochistic type.”

So, my suspicions about Toombs’s sexual proclivities are confirmed. All the more reason to leave Rax and Toombs alone. Can’t have one without the other, and I’m not into hurting people. Except maybe for Rax, who in this case, totally deserves it.

Rax grinds his hips against the wood. “Though, it’s nice to see a little fire out of you. I had you pegged as a prude.”

The door opens, and someone hops up the bus steps. “Honey, we’re home,” Letty calls.

Thank God.

She and Shades stumble down the aisle toward us, laughing and groping each other along the way. I remove the drumstick from Rax’s crotch.

Letty’s smile fades. “Everything okay?”

I nod.

“Just discussing some new beats for a thing we’re planning.” Rax backs up. “We’ll finish this discussion later, Jinxie.”

Not if I can help it.

Letty’s scowl chases Rax to his bunk and then she returns to me. “Outside.” She tips her head toward the exit.

I’m a living, pulsing, raw, exposed nerve. “Letty, I can’t—”

“Now.” Her stare means business. If I protest, she’ll make a big deal. That’s how Letty rolls. So I go outside to avoid more of a scene than I’ve already created.

It’s dark and humid. Lots of fog. Good for melting into.

Letty spins me around and grabs me by the arms. “Did Rax touch you? I swear to fuck, I’ll rip him limb from limb, starting with that big, tattooed cock of his—” She stops.

“What do you know about Rax’s…stuff?” I say.

I can see her backpedaling before she opens her mouth. “Kate told me.”

Letty’s guilty look confirms Rax’s ex, Kate, did no such thing.

“You had sex with him?” Oh God, please,
please
tell me she didn’t do him
and
Toombs. I don’t give a crap about Rax, but Toombs…

She glances to the bus windows behind us and pulls me out of earshot. “Okay, the truth is, Shades and I had a three-way with Rax. But it was only once. And it happened by accident. Toombs doesn’t know.

“But that’s not the point. I’m interested in what just went down with Rax. That cunt trumpet was all up in your shit, and you didn’t look happy about it. Talk to me.”

I heave a sigh of relief. Well, at least she didn’t do the guy I’m after. I don’t
think
. “When I got back, Toombs and Rax were…involved with someone. They kinda pulled me into it.”

Letty’s eyes widen and sparkle, smiting the shadows.

“No, it was nothing like that,” I stammer. “We didn’t…you know…
do
anything. Well, not really.” Why am I telling her this?

You’re telling her because you need advice, and Letty’s got more experience with men than most men have with
being
men.

“So, what? You sucked them off? Give me some details. I need to rub one out later, and any mental stimulation you can provide is greatly appreciated.”

“No, I didn’t suck anything. I’m not…like that.”

“Honey,
everyone’s
‘like that.’ They just don’t want to admit it.”

She has a point.

I shake my head. “I
might
have had an opportunity to get with Toombs, but I blew it by trying to kiss him. Oh, never mind. He doesn’t want me anyway.” It’s a struggle to meet Letty’s eyes. “I don’t want sex. I want something more.”

“Anybody can have sex. It’s a primitive bodily function. Hey, cock, meet pussy. Insert, agitate, release.
Love
is a completely different, much more complicated animal. Love is like music. You have to work at it. Love is ugly and dirty and painful sometimes. But it can also be pretty fucking awesome once you figure out how to play the right notes to the right rhythm.

“You gotta decide what you want, sweet cheeks. Can you settle for just sex if it opens the door to bigger possibilities later? How far are you willing to go for a shot at Toombs?

“I won’t lie. Nabbing him isn’t gonna be easy. He doesn’t strike me as the lovey type. And from what I understand, he and Rax are inseparable in the bedroom. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to sway him.”

I’m not so sure. The way he dropped me like a lead balloon when I tried to kiss him—God, the image still burns fresh in my mind. I’m nauseated all over again.

A cab pulls up near the bus, and our manager Jillian gets out. She swipes at her graying blond bob. Every strand is in place, as always. After paying the driver, she walks over to us, heels tapping hard on the pavement. She regards Letty and me coldly.

“Just wrapped up a meeting with Rick Johnson at Megaphonia. He wants the album written, rehearsed, demoed, and ready to record on March 1. He’s setting us up in New Orleans with a hot new producer there.”

“You’re shitting me.” Letty grins.

“I shit you not.” Jillian whips out a cigarette from a fancy case, lights it, and takes a long drag. Smoke and words blend together. “You haven’t heard the best part. Since you’ll be in the studio for a couple weeks, Megaphonia has rented you a six-bedroom house with a private courtyard in the French Quarter. They wanted to ‘ensure your comfort’ for the length of your stay. You can thank me later with a nice bonus when you hit the top twenty.”

Letty and I look at each other. Her face explodes into a mad smile, while mine implodes with fear.

I’m not ready for this.

Letty lifts her hand for a high five. I hit it weakly.

“Fuck yes. New Orleans, here we come.” Letty does a crazy rump-shaking number to whatever silent song plays in her head. I want to throw up.

“My only question is, will
you
be ready?” Jillian targets me with her sniper-scope eyes. More smoke pours from her nostrils.

I nod. “Absolutely.”
Not
.

“Good. Glad to hear it.” She surveys us both.

Out of the darkness and swirling fog, Toombs walks toward us, and a vehicle I didn’t even notice drives off. Must’ve walked the groupie to her car. What a gentleman.

The bile climbs higher up my gullet and waits for something to push its eject button.

Pointing her cigarette at us, Jillian says, “Take tomorrow off. Go do something fun.”

“Is that an order?” Letty says.

“Yes.” She drops her cigarette to the ground and crushes it with her expensive shoe.

Toombs moseys right past our conversation. He doesn’t utter a word as he makes his way to the bus. Not even a sideways glance.

I disarm the puke grenade with a hard swallow. My throat burns.

Jillian follows him up the stairs.

Letty makes a blowjob motion behind them and grins at me. “I’ve got the perfect plan for fun. If you’re ready to embark on step two of your journey toward seizing and squeezing Toombs’s cold, dead heart, I’ll get you fixed up.”

“Fixed up?” A new strain of dread sinks into my gut like a virus looking for a host to violate.

“Clothing. You want to attract Toombs’s attention, you gotta flash him some skin. Slut it up. Give him a reason to stare at those bodacious knockers.” She tweaks my boob.

I don’t like where this is going. I glance at the bus. “Uh…”

Letty slings her arm around me. “Tomorrow we’re going shopping.”

Oh boy.

Step Two:
Don Do-It-Yourself Whorewear

February 14 – San Antonio, Texas

I hate shopping. And shopping with Letty is a million times worse than normal shopping. She’s a stickler for details.

After an exhausting trip to the mall in San Antonio, she and I return to the bus with our arms full of bags. Thankfully, the guys are gone. I managed to avoid talking to Rax and Toombs this morning despite Rax’s annoying new penchant for filling up my personal space with his big, stacked body.

Since our discussion last night, he seems to have taken an interest in me. Why couldn’t I have fallen for him instead of his best friend?

Because that would have been way too easy.

I jinx everything. Hence my nickname.

Letty’s a ridiculous ball of giggles. She tosses her stash to the couch and tears into my bag. I only bought a few things due to lack of funds, but it’s all for the stage. I’ve been rotating through the same five outfits since we started the tour. I guess it’s time I added a few more options. A justified business expense.

“This,” Letty holds up a black pleather corset she found on the bargain rack, “is gonna blow his fucking mind. Take off your shirt and bra, and try it on.”

My shoulders involuntarily hunch as I look around the bus. “What, right now?”

“Of course, right now.” She grabs my T-shirt hem and tugs it over my head. Long blond strands flutter around me in the wake of the unexpected unveiling. I fold my arms over my breasts.

Letty rests her hands on her hips and surveys me. “Let me see those tits.”

“I’m not gonna show you my…stuff.”

“You gotta get comfortable with your own skin, Jinx. If you can’t show ’em to me, you sure as shit ain’t flashing your bazongas at Toombs.” Her fingers motion upward. “Come on. Lose the bra.”

Great. With a huff, I unclasp and toss my bra to the couch next to the explosion of bags. Letty’s eyes pop, and she leans forward.

“You…” She tears her gaze away from my chest and looks at me. “You have…
piercings
.”

I sigh.

“Jinx, you wild little banana muffin.” Letty cups my breasts, hefts them gently, and admires the barbells through my tight nipples as if she’s meeting Santa Claus for the first time.

Could lightning go ahead and strike me now, please?

“It’s no big deal.” I back away and hold the pleather before me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demands.

Because it’s none of your business.
“Why would I?”

“I dunno, I guess I thought I knew everything about you.”

I stifle a laugh. Not even remotely. Letty may be my only real friend, but we’re not
that
close. I liken our relationship to that of an irresponsible kid who took in a stray puppy. She hangs out with me when it’s convenient, and I follow her around because I’m too shy to venture out on my own. For the most part, it’s been casual, but we’ve bonded a lot more in recent months.

“It’s not something I advertise,” I say.

“Maybe you should. You’ve got the hottest tits ever, and I’ve seen quite a few in my time. A guy like Toombs probably gets off on piercings.”

I have to agree with her on that one.

She paws my arms down to get another look. I lower the stupid corset, toss it aside, and poke my chest out. “Happy now?”

Letty gropes me again, staring at my nipples as if mesmerized. Or jealous. Or both. For a second, I wonder if she’s going to lick them or something. Wouldn’t surprise me if she did.

The door opens behind us, and the guys mount the steps.

“…And then she says, ‘No, put it in the other hole—” Rax hits the aisle, and his jaw drops midsentence. He freezes, causing a rear-end collision with Shades and Toombs behind him. A slow grin eases from his mouth all the way up to his forehead. He, Shades, and Toombs wear identical, amused expressions. Like three curious cats quirking their heads in sync.

Shit. I cover myself with my arms two seconds too late and spin around.

“Wait, I wasn’t done with those,” Rax says.

“Fuck off, twat waffle,” Letty replies. “We’re trying on clothes. Get lost for a few minutes.”

“You
sure
that’s all you were doing? Looked mighty cozy to me,” Shades says, the grin evident in his voice. “I don’t mind giving you chicks an hour or two if you need it. As long as I can watch.”

Letty pauses. “Well…maybe…”

Heat rushes into my cheeks. I can’t face them.

“Can I have my shirt, please?” I say over my shoulder, nearly choking on the words.

While Letty, Shades, and Rax negotiate the terms of my “play date,” Toombs trudges past me down the aisle and flips the tee my way. No warmth. No pause. No eye contact.