Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (6 page)

Chapter 8

Ren

If my life was a
cake, then Ash Fuller was the rotten cherry on top.

When he found himself
in asshole distance, he took every opportunity to wind me up with a word here
or there...or a look. He didn’t have to do very much to piss me off because I
wasn’t very happy to begin with. He did nothing to squash the stereotype that
all beautiful people were vapid beasts, not that I expected him to. He was just
another rung on the ladder that was higher than mine.

I suppose Dad tried
his best to make sure I was okay with things, but he never went over or above.
We spoke at the studio and nowhere else. No time for Daddy daughter bonding
time when you had a demanding drama queen for a daughter and a Golden Boy to
look after.

Speaking of drama
queens, when Monica walked into a room, I walked out of it. When I turned up in
her space, she did the same. And that’s how it went for a while. I just existed
and trained hard because that was the only tangible thing in my life. The one
thing I had complete control over. I went to classes and continued on during
the night when all the lights were out and I was alone.

The Twins noticed
that I was changing physically, but they were the only ones apart from Josie.
Fuck,
Josie
. If it wasn’t for Josie and our morning coffee ritual, I
would’ve flung myself in front of moving traffic weeks ago. We were so
different, yet as friends we just worked.

Despite all of that,
depression was only just a beat away and I didn’t know what to do about it. I
was hanging on by a thread.

Standing inside the
gym, I stared out into the studio, half day dreaming, half ogling Ash like I
had a death wish. He trained like the devil himself was biting at his heels. If
I was ever going to admire the guy for something, it'd probably be that. His
dedication to his sport. It showed physically in every inch of his body. It
made me want to vomit admitting it, but he was perfect. No wonder everyone with
tits and a vagina wanted to fuck him. I did. All the women in the self-defense
class did. I didn’t want to know what he got up to when he wasn’t here, because
he was fucking someone and that someone wasn’t me. Like I should give a crap.

He chose the moment I
was staring at his ass to glance up at me. Feeling a flush start to rise up my
neck, I shook my head as if it would stop it. It didn’t and when Ash saw, he
gave me a wink.
Asshole
.

Like a kick to the
guts for good measure, Monica prowled onto the scene from stage left and began
to put her poisonous claws all over him. Ash’s gaze met mine again and his eyes
narrowed slightly. I never thought I’d ever be in the position to hate my own
sister as much as I did. I never thought I’d have a sister, period. Bile rose
in the back of my throat and I realized it was jealousy.
Great
.

There was a loud
cough, and glancing up, I saw it was Dean who'd appeared to glare with me.

“Didn't take long,”
he said with a sneer.

“Don't sound so
overjoyed,” I replied with just as much enthusiasm.

“Look who's talking.”

“Why do I care? The
guy is an asshole to me twenty four seven.” I turned and looked Dean up and
down and he shook his head.

“Hell no,” he
exclaimed. “Don't even think of going there, Ren.”

“I don’t know what
you see in her.”

He rolled his eyes.
“Neither do I.”

Glancing back, I
scowled. I didn’t know what was worse. Knowing it or admitting it.

Ash was tall,
muscular and boyishly handsome. He was tattooed, driven and hard working. He
had these green eyes that just said it all. Just one look into them and you'd
know there was more to him than just those handful of things on the surface.

One look at him and I
didn't have to be a genius to know that he was out of my league. There was a
time of day and he would never give it to me. He wouldn't look in the first
place.

It's not like I was
one of those women who was pretty without knowing it. I wasn't pretty at all. I
was normal. Plain. I didn't exist on the radar of the outrageously beautiful. I
was the wait staff in his over-privileged, over-priced life. He was there
merely to remind me of my place on the bottom rung of the ladder, that even
though he was all of those things, I would always wind up alone in the end.

Plaything. Toy.
Invisible.

There was his
stratosphere and then there was mine. The two didn't intertwine. They never
even came close.

Now, Monica. She was
in his stratosphere. She was so completely in it that she may as well be the
bloody thing. She was the sun and he was the planets. Good fucking luck to
them.

Jumping on a bike, I
decided to go full tilt until I passed out, because unconsciousness was better
than watching that story unfold.

Chapter 9

Ash

I needed to do a few
sets on the weights before cutting out for the day, but Ren was still in there,
going hell for leather on a bike.

I couldn’t see her
face from out in the studio, but I knew her well enough to know her eyes would
be full of fire. Hate, dislike…jealousy? All for me. Shit, I shouldn’t lead
Monica on like I did, but she made it so easy. Everything she did was an excuse
to touch me. She was still a kid when I was here the first time. I was
twenty-two and I didn’t know what was good for me where women were concerned,
but I did know about jail bait. If I wanted to get all technical about it, at
twenty-six, I still didn’t know shit.

Monica was twenty-one
now, but she was still Coach’s daughter and the only way that that would go
down is if it was a relationship. Fuck that. Those kinda things needed to go
both ways.

When Ren finally
emerged from the gym, she looked like she was going to pass out. Her gaze never
left the floor as she stalked past me without a sideways glance and disappeared
into the back.

Dean and Linc were
already well into their sets when I went into the gym and they both eyed me
with I don’t know what. I never knew if it was jealousy or annoyance, but
either way, they weren’t glad I was back.

“What’s with her?” I
asked, dumping my water bottle and towel in the corner.

“Don't even think of
going there,” Linc said, narrowing his eyes.

“Fuck man,” I said.
“She's Coach's daughter.”

“Doesn't stop you
from leading on Monica,” Dean said, lifting his weight with a grunt.

“Ren appeared out of
nowhere,” I argued, ignoring Dean. Everyone but Monica knew he had a stiffy for
her. “Sure as fuck gunna ask a couple of questions about it. Never mentioned
her pussy.”

“Mate, Ren's one of
the good ones,” Dean said, starting to get all pissy. “Don't fuck with her.”

“Don't plan on it.”

Linc watched me for a
moment before he said, “She's a year older than Monica. Coach left her Mum when
Ren was five and she had to look after her.”

I frowned. “Look
after her?”

“Her Mum had cancer.”

Fuck. Leaving a five year
old kid with a Mum that was sick with cancer? That wasn't the Coach I knew, but
I could say the same for myself. Nobody knew the real Ash Fuller and that fuck
was capable of anything.

“Like I said,” Dean
grunted. “Don’t fuck with her.”

I couldn’t help
myself. “Or what? You’ll fuck with me?”

“
We
will fuck
with you,” Linc said, glaring.

Snorting, I turned to
setup the barbells. I didn’t
want
to hurt Ren, that wasn't the problem.
The problem was the fact that I couldn’t help myself. Just by being here I was
hurting her because I knew she was attracted to me, but what she didn’t know
was that I was attracted to
her
. I didn’t just want to fuck her, I
wanted to know her and that was a mind fuck in itself. Nothing good would come
out of that.

I couldn’t leave Beat,
because there wasn’t anyone else that wanted to take me on after my spectacular
disqualification. I was a loose cannon that was always on the brink of
exploding and nobody wanted to be collateral damage. Coach was the only guy out
there that wanted to take a chance on an ass like me.

I couldn’t leave that
and to an extent, I couldn’t leave Ren either.

What a fucking cunt.

Chapter 10

Ren

I stared into the
foam of my coffee like it was going to divine my bleak future. Or at least hold
all the answers that were forever out of my grasp.

Josie kicked me under
the table. “What’s with you?” she asked. “You’re all sad sack this morning.”

I shrugged. Meeting
Josie at the coffee shop had become the most normal, regular thing in my life.
She was the only one who listened and gave a crap and in turn, she told me
outrageous stories all related to her dating life which was like a non stop
party. Seriously, our morning ritual was like an episode of
Sex and the City
.

“Ren, seriously. You
can tell me anything. I’ve told you some pretty embarrassing crap for only
knowing you a few weeks.”

I cracked a small
smile. She was right. “Like the Jack Rabbit?”

“Oh fuck, don’t
remind me.” Covering her face with her hands she pretended to be embarrassed.
“The most memorable one night stand, like ever. All for the wrong reasons, mind
you. How could a guy think he could get a woman off fucking her like a bloody
rabbit on acid? Shit. It was totally pow, pow, pow.” She did the action with
her fingers. “I was bow legged for a week.”

I snorted with
laughter. “Oh my god.”

She widened her eyes
comically. “I didn’t say
that
. Not in a good way.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I
needed a laugh.”

“What’s up, though?
Is the mega bitch giving you problems? Do I need to come crack some skulls?”
Josie placed her palms on the table leaning close. “Please tell me I can come
to Beat and perv on some hotties.”

“They’re not
hotties.” They were.

“Ren, you’re holding
out on me. Not fair! From everything you’ve told me, they all sound like bloody
Calvin Klein models. And I want to see this Monica so I can see how butt ugly
she really is.”

“You’re really sweet,
Josie, but that’s a little much.”

“What about Ash?” She
wiggled her eyebrows up and down. “It sounds like he’s got you riled up in more
ways than one.”

God, Josie was sex
mad. “We’ve never gotten along. Ever since he turned up in the middle of the
night like he owned the joint…”

“What do you mean? He
broke into the place?”

“No, he knew the code
on the alarm. I thought he was a robber and tried to smack him out with a
cricket bat.”

“You did what?” she
shrieked, causing Seth the coffee guy to glance over and smile. “You never told
me you tried to conk him on the head.” She put down her glass and looked
thoughtful for a second. “Did you get him?”

“Josie!”

“From everything
you’ve told me, he’s an ass. If that bat connected, then good for you.” She
tapped her temple with a manicured fingernail. “That’s intuition.”

“No, I didn’t get
him.”

“Damn. Tough break.”

“Monica’s got her
hands over him all the time and it’s just…Ugh.” I slumped back in the chair
feeling totally defeated.

Thankfully ignoring
me, Josie declared, “So, when do I get to perv on some hot man meat?”

“You did not just say
hot man meat.” I rolled my eyes, reaching for the sugar. Serotonin, yeah, I needed
some happy chemicals bouncing in my brain.

“C’mon. I don’t have
to be into work until eleven today. Ren...” She suddenly became serious. “I
need this. Let me drink in the hotness with my eyes. I promise not to touch.”

Laughing, I shook my
head. “You’re too much.”

“Please.” She gave me
puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, okay.”

She clapped her
hands, a look of pure excitement on her face. Yeah, if this was an episode of
Sex
and the City
, then Josie would be Samantha.

“Goodie, let’s go
now.”

I had to give her
points for enthusiasm as we walked the short distance around the corner to
Beat. I held the side door open as she waltzed inside, eyes wide and excited
like a kid on Christmas morning.

My heart twisted as I
spotted Ash at the back, half hidden behind the row of bags. He shoved a
shoulder into one, obscuring everything but the line of his strong back and
perfect ass as Lincoln flexed his arms, getting ready to pound the shit out of
it. I hated how my body reacted around him. Hated it with all that I had.

“Oh my
lord
,”
Josie declared, her jaw dropping open. “It's all Greek God in here.” She fanned
herself with her free hand. “Seriously, Ren. I'm swooning. If I fainted will
one of them catch me?”

I started to laugh as
Dean walked out of the kitchen. He saw us standing by the door and gave us a
wink.

“Oooohhh, look at
that one,” Josie declared, beginning to foam at the mouth.

“You want to join a
class?” I asked and she made a face.

“Really? You just
asked me to do exercise? 
Voluntarily
? Ren, sweetie, if it involves
a complementary rubdown by one of those sexy, hulking twins, give me the
contract so I can sign my life over.”

“Hey, Ren.”

I glanced up to find
Dad approaching us. He looked like a proud father who’s socially retarded
daughter had just made her first ever friend. Way to go, Dad. Gold star.

“This is my Dad,
Andrew Miller,” I said dryly, nodding at him, my gaze fixed on Ash’s back. God,
I just wanted to be able to ignore him forever.

“Pleased to meet
you,” I vaguely heard in the background.

“You’ve got a nice place
here, Mr. Miller.”

“Oh shit, Andrew is
fine. I’m old enough.”

Laughter, then an
elbow in my side.

“Ow,” I exclaimed,
horrified that I was annoyed at Josie for snapping me out of my Ash induced
daydream. Dream? Make that
nightmare
.

“Give me the grand tour,”
she declared, her eyes narrowing.

Grimacing, I led her
through the studio, showing her the gym, change rooms, showers and the kitchen.
Unfortunately, Monica was standing over the stove, stirring something bland in
a huge pot, a tea towel flung over her shoulder. As we walked in, I stiffened
and Josie glanced at me, an unspoken question in her eyes. I nodded. That was
her
.

Monica glanced up at
our entrance and flung the wooden spoon on the bench with a dramatic sigh. “I’m
busy,” she hissed. “Get out.”

To my horror, Josie
stepped forward. “Oh, you must be
Monica
.”

“And who are you?”
Monica glared, venom dripping from her voice.

Josie looked her up
and down, sizing her up. When she seemed satisfied, she said, “Fuck, you’re a
bitch.”

My mouth actually dropped
open at the same time my heart swelled with pride at my feisty BFF. Monica
stared, her mouth equally agape.

Josie smiled. “You
better close your mouth, sweetie. You might catch a fly.” Pivoting on her heel,
she threaded her arm through mine. “What’s next, Ren? This room is
bland
.”

Biting my bottom lip
to stop from laughing like a crazy person, I yanked her out into the hall.

“I’m falling in love
with you,” I whispered in her ear.

Laughing, Josie
declared, “I like cock, Ren. Preferably one that’s attached to those bulky twin
beefcakes out there.”

Dropping her arm, I
collapsed against the wall, trying not to hyperventilate.

“FYI, she’s ugly
beautiful, Ren. No competition.”

I frowned. “Ugly
beautiful?”

“So beautiful she's
ugly. All surface, hollow inside. If she was a model, she’d do bikini shoots in
men’s magazines and suck cock to get an extra page.”

“Oh god.”

“Feel better?”

“Loads.”

“C’mon,” she said.
“What’s upstairs?”

“My glorious storage
closet and the office. You don’t really want to see that. It’s kind of pathetic
telling you about it, but seeing it is a whole new level of shame.”

“Free rent, state of
the art kitchen, free use of the gym, hot beefcakes to drool over… Ren, I’d
live in the closet if I got to see that all day.”

“Even with the
consolation prize?”

“Speaking of…” She
peered out into the studio. “Where’s the asshole? I’m dying to check him out.”

“Don’t know. Don’t
care.” Tugging Josie’s arm, I led her out and up the stairs into the privacy of
the office.

“It doesn’t seem so bad
here, Ren,” Josie said as I closed the door behind us. “Apart from Monica. Took
two words to come to the conclusion that she’s an epic bitch.”

I snorted. “It’s not
that bad, I guess. The dynamic is just off. And I sleep in the storeroom.”

She gave me a smile
and leaned against the desk beside me. “Do you like it? Fighting?”

“It gives me
something to do.” I glanced out the window and over the studio below. “After
caring for my Mum for so long, I kind of forgot about me.”

“It’ll take time,”
Josie said, placing a hand on my arm. “You’ve got it now. With your Dad, things
will either work out or they won’t. He seems like he cares, maybe he just
doesn’t know what to do either.”

“You always say the
right things,” I declared.

“I’m more than a
pretty face, you know.”

Shaking my head, my
gaze found Ash yet again. This time, I was in the safety of the office and he
had to physically seek me out to catch me staring. Not that that made it any
better.

“Ugh,” I said. “You
want to see Ash? There he is. You can tell which one he is from his aura of
bullshit. It radiates.”

Josie leaned over the
desk, pressing her hand against the glass to get a good look. “Holy crap,” she
gasped. “He’s huge.”

“I bet he likes to
think he is.”

“Ren!”

“Not everything’s
about dick, Josie.”

“Are you sure?” She
winked. “It’s a lot of fun.”

Peering out of the
office window, I watched Ash beat the crap out of a bag, sweat glistening on
his naked torso. Naked. Torso. Ironically, I began thinking about his dick. I
hadn’t had the guts to see what his tattoo said yet. Like I’d ask him.

“You’re into him,”
Josie stated.

“No, I’m not,” I bit
out.

Her mouth fell open.
“Yes you are. That denial took like a millisecond to come out of your mouth,
Renee Miller.”

“Give it up.”

“You like Ash. You
more than like him, you want to fuck him. Admit it.”

I snorted. “If he had
a total personality transplant.”

She looked thoughtful
for a moment. “Seth’s nice. He’s not a muscle bound fighter type, but he’s
sweet in his own way.”

My eyebrows rose.
“Seth? As in coffee shop Seth? Is this an episode of
Perfect Match
?”

“If Seth asked you
out, would you go?”

“Fuck, Josie. I’ve
got enough shit to worry about without going on a date.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

I felt like banging my
head against the wall. I did not need a date or worst case, a boyfriend. I
didn’t need more complications. I didn’t need that kind of scrutiny.

“Don’t you need to go
to work?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me.

Josie glanced at her watch.
“Oh, shit. You’re right. I better leg it if I want to get the train.”

“C’mon,” I said.
“I’ll walk you.”

As we clanged down
the stairs and crossed the studio, I felt his eyes on me. How couldn’t I? My
thoughts were superseded with Ash. I didn’t need a boyfriend. Ash. I didn’t
need a date. Ash. I didn’t need a date with coffee shop Seth. Ash. I didn’t
need to get laid.
Ash
.

This was my life and
it was a waking nightmare. I didn’t need anyone.

What I actually
needed was a direction and I didn’t care what one it was as long as it pointed
away from Ash Fuller.