Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (12 page)

He glanced up at me
and in the light it looked a hell of a lot worse than I first realized. His
eyebrow was split, it didn’t look deep, but it’d been a bleeder. The blood had
dried and was flaking on his skin as if the simple notion of washing hadn't
seemed to have crossed his mind.

When the hell had
this happened? When he was at that magical alternate reality that he
disappeared to every night? It had to be.

“How'd it happen?” I
asked, dabbing the cut in his eyebrow with a swab. He didn't even flinch when
the alcohol seeped into the open wound.

He shrugged. Fuck, I
hated his shrugging. It was his answer to everything, like a petulant little
child. I pressed the swab into his cut a little too hard and he winced.

“Did you get beat up
on purpose?” I asked.
Give me an answer, any answer
.

“Not exactly,” he
murmured.

“But you’ve been out
fighting?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” He didn’t have
a pro Championship to train for, he could fight whomever he wanted. But why
would he just go out and fight random guys for kicks? Something wasn’t adding
up and Ash didn’t seem the kind of guy that did anything at random. His
thoughts were calculated, all of them.

He started grinding
his jaw. Probably deciding what lie to tell me.

“Does she like it
rough?” I spat.

“Fuck, Ren,” Ash
cursed, leaning closer, eyes blazing. The cut and all the dried blood only made
him look fiercer than usual and my heart sped up.

“Do you realize how much
I want to beat the absolute shit out of you?” I asked, shoving the swab back
into its packet, trying not to get caught in his web.
Too late
.

“I'd like to see you
try.” He chuckled, leaning even closer.

“You won't tell me
where you go, you won't tell me why you train, you won't tell me why you come
back here every night,” I said, worrying the hem of my dress. “Give me
something else, then.”

“Like what?”

I glanced up into his
green eyes and my breath caught when I realized how close he was. “Who are you?”

“What do you mean?”
he whispered.

Our noses brushed and
it would’ve been so easy to lean forward and press my lips to his and make him
give me what I’d been hot for for weeks, but I wasn’t so sure it was what I
wanted anymore. Even after that terrible date with Seth.
The date you spent
fantasizing about the man right in front of you.

Shit.

Ash’s gaze dropped to
my mouth, asking a silent question and I jerked backward, turning away.

“I’ve gotta go,” he
murmured, his voice full of an emotion I didn’t want to acknowledge.

I couldn’t bring
myself to speak, let alone look at him, so I nodded and started shoving
everything back into the first aid kit.

“Ren?”

Automatically, I
glanced up into his eyes and my breath caught. He’d pulled his shirt back on
and shoved his feet into his shoes. So, he was really going then. Why was I so
disappointed?

“Thanks,” he said,
pointing to his eyebrow. “For that.”

I smiled thinly,
hugging the first aid kit against my chest. “You’re welcome.”

Scrambling to my feet
I padded across the studio and into the kitchen so I didn’t have to sit there
and watch him walk away…again.

A small voice chimed
in the back of my head.
You shouldn’t have given him an ultimatum. You
should’ve just let him do whatever he wanted and then he’d been sleeping next
to you tonight. Maybe he would kiss you again
.

But I was fooling
myself. I wanted all of those things, but it was nothing without the ‘more’. I
didn’t just want more. I needed it. I needed someone. I needed Ash…but did he
need me?

Chapter 22

Ren

Ash and I had called
yet another truce, but who knew how long this one would last.

I thought back to
last night, the awkwardness between Seth and I, and I couldn’t help but feel
disappointed. He was such a nice guy, definitely not complicated in any way. He
was sweet, held doors open for me and asked questions he genuinely seemed
interested in hearing the answers to. Shit, he
answered
them, too.

Watching Ash as he
pushed open the outside door and sauntered in like he was king of the ring, my
heart skipped a beat. That was the thing I was hoping for last night. It was
the thing that was missing. The racing heart, the tingling skin...the
need
my body felt.

“What happened to
your face, dude?” I heard Lincoln exclaim as Ash took his place out in the
studio.

“None of your fuckin’
business,” he drawled as he shucked his shirt off.

Yep, asshole Ash was
on the prowl today. Rolling my eyes, I decided to sit this one out in the gym.
I’d forever be asking questions where he was concerned and never understanding
any of them.

“Ash,” Dad called
out, “phone.”

Lost in thought, I
was only half aware I was staring. Ash picked up the portable from the wall and
pressed the button to answer. Turning away and breaking the spell, I took the
opportunity to escape into the gym while the beast was distracted. There was no
way I was dealing with his dramatics today.

I'd just gotten to
the door when Dean pushed past me, a panicked expression on his face.

“Shit,” he hissed.

There was an ear
splitting crash, followed by shattering glass and I spun on my heel to see a
chair and shards of mirror fall to the floor. Ash stood seething, his entire
body coiled in seek and destroy mode. What the hell had happened in the space
of two minutes?

Dean sprinted across
the mats, but was too slow as Ash started on what could only be described as a
rampage. He flung the bench, smashing it into the mirrors, cracking even more
glass. He flung medicine balls and dumbbells and when he couldn't get a hold of
anything, his hands fisted into his hair.

He wasn’t a bull in a
china shop. He was a nuclear bomb.

Dean grabbed him from
behind as Dad thundered down the stairs at the commotion, but Ash was too
strong for him. He threw the Twin like he weighed nothing, making him fall flat
on his ass.

Monica was in the
doorway of the kitchen, staring on in horror as Dad came forward trying to calm
the beast before he did more damage.

“Ash, calm down mate.
What's wrong? Let's talk this out, huh?”

Ash turned at the sound
of his voice and for the first time since he'd snapped I saw his face and it
was like he wasn't there at all. He looked
vacant
. The Twins had warned
me that he had an anger issue, but stupidly I never thought it was quite like
this. I'd disregarded it as hearsay.

Was this why he was
kicked out of pro? He had one of these...
episodes
? Was he too great a
risk to take on, or had he hurt someone when he wasn't himself?

My heart raced in my
chest as Ash stepped toward him, fists clenched at his sides. If he decided to
punch, he'd put Dad in hospital with a single blow. I didn't like the guy that
much, we'd never really worked through all our baggage, but I couldn't let Ash
flatten him.

I stepped out of the
gym and slunk across the mat toward the two men, my heart firmly lodged in my
throat.

“Ren, stay back,” Dad
exclaimed, holding the flat of his palm out at me.

Ash's gaze snapped to
mine and it was empty. It should've scared me more than it did, but I wasn't
the same Ren who'd walked into Beat almost three months ago. I wasn't the same
Ren who'd let the world walk all over her.

Ash and I had shared
something all those nights we'd trained together. I didn't know what it was to
him, but every night since he'd slept over, it was like I'd been a part of a
place that he found solace in. Maybe it would be the thing to bring him back
now.

I let out a shaky
breath and took another step forward. I had no idea what the hell I was doing,
but I had to try something. I couldn't see anyone cracking out a tranquillizer
dart, so what else was there to do? Get the cricket bat?

I held up my hand,
stilling my movement. “Let me try.”

Dad swallowed hard
and nodded. He didn't have a choice and I wasn't asking for permission. Turning
my attention back on Ash, I inched forward and blocked out everything and
everyone
else.

He stared at me,
chest heaving and eyes unfocused like he was on pause. The moment I did
something he didn't like it would be game on and I'd better be ready to run or
stand and fight. My heart thumped erratically in my chest, but I didn't back
down. I couldn't.

“Ash,” I murmured and
his jaw started to grind like he was waging an internal battle. “You wanna take
a beat?”

He jerked forward a
step and Dad went to grab me, but I held up a hand.

“What's going on?” I asked,
not taking my eyes off him. “I know you don't like to talk, but shit. Did you
have to smash the mirror?”

His mouth opened and
closed as he struggled with whatever demon was unleashed inside of him.

I held out my hand. “
Ash
.
Please.”

His entire body coiled
like he was going to strike and I rushed forward grabbing his face in my hands.

“Don't,” I whispered
as his hands clamped down on my waist. It was risky on my part, but it was a
risk that paid off as his expression started to melt.

Ash half slid and
half fell to the mat, taking me with him. Oblivious to all the eyes trained on
us, I stroked his face as beads of sweat trickled down his skin. Yeah, I was
kinda worried he'd forget I was right there and go for round two, using me as
his next accessory to mayhem, but one look into his emerald eyes and there was
no way I was moving.

My legs were tangled
through his, his taped hands clutching at my thighs, his chest heaving with
exertion...

“Time to hit the
showers, Maverick,” I whispered so only he could hear. I didn't know where that
came from, calling him that, but he nodded, his grip loosening. Suddenly, I
remembered the photo upstairs. He did look a little like a young Tom Cruise in
Top
Gun
. Maverick suited him, the cocky bastard.

Ash hauled himself to
his feet, his whole demeanor exuding exhaustion. He was running himself to the
point of no return, with training every day, going wherever it was he went
afterwards, then coming back to train with me. He might like to think he was a
god, but he was only human like the rest of us. I had no idea what was going on
with him, but I knew what a death wish looked like.

Glaring at everyone,
who were still standing around staring as us like I’d sprouted a second head, I
gently pushed Ash toward the showers. I had every intent on following and
making sure he came out in one piece, but Dad grabbed my arm as I passed,
stopping me mid-stride.

“Be careful with him,
Ren,” he murmured, his gaze leveled with mine.

Shaking free, I bit
down on my own rising anger. “I'm a big girl, 
Dad
. I've been
looking after myself since I was five.”

His eyes narrowed in
disapproval, but I didn’t give a flying fuck.

Next in line was
Dean, who put a hand on my shoulder. “If he hurts you, just say the word.”

“I’ve got it, Dean.”
I shrugged his hand away. “But thanks.”

“I worry about you,
Ren.”

“
Dean
,” I
scolded.

“Okay, go.” He sighed
and nodded toward the showers.

As I crossed the
mats, I guess the gig was up. Everyone now knew something was going on between
us other than a raging love hate relationship and now Monica would have even
more reason to hate me. I didn’t see her running head on into the danger zone
to try and calm down the man she wanted so much. I guess the target had gotten
bigger on my back and retribution was going to be a bitch. If it came at all.

Monica had seemed to
accept my presence at Beat, but it wasn’t without its problems. I just knew she
was biding her time, but I had too much going on to even think about it.

When I padded into
the showers, Ash was sitting on the bench, holding his head in his hands. At
the sound of my entrance, he glanced up, a frown creasing his forehead.

“You need to stay
away from me, Ren.”

Games. He kept
playing the cryptic bloody crossword.

“Be straight with
me,” I said, sitting beside him. “Stop playing games and just tell me what’s
going on.”

“I-”

“I just put myself in
the line of…whatever the hell that was out there and you can’t give me one
little thing?”

His shoulders rose as
he took a deep breath and fell as he let it out in one long whoosh. He didn't
move or say anything and I had no idea what to follow that one up with. I
supposed it was better if Monica was here, I mean she was the one he wanted,
right?

“Do you want me to
get Monica?”

“No,” he snapped. “I
don't fuckin' want her.”

Before I could stop
myself, I flinched.

“Shit, Ren,” he said,
leaning against me. “If you'd just let me tell you the other night...I never
did shit with her.”

I think I stopped
breathing for a full thirty seconds. “I saw you,” I muttered.

“Saw me what?”

“Right there.” I
pointed to where I'd seen him and Monica heavy petting. “She-”

Ash's eyes narrowed
as his lip curled into a sneer. “Then you didn't see the part where I pushed
her away and told her it wasn't hers to touch.”

I glanced away,
biting my bottom lip. Yeah, I felt good about that but it still wasn't mine,
either.

“What are we doing?”
I whispered.

“I don't know,” he
replied, staring at his hands.

I decided to go with
the obvious. “Why did you snap out there? Who was on the phone?”

Ash started grinding
his jaw, a trait I’d pegged to be a nervous tick. He did it when he didn’t want
to tell me something and it drove me absolutely bonkers.

“Are you going out
with him again?” he asked.

“Stop changing the
subject,” I snapped.

“Are you?” This time,
he turned to look at me, his emerald eyes piercing into mine. They were
brighter now, but I wondered how far I could push him considering it had only
been a handful of minutes since he’d Hulk-smashed the studio to pieces.

“Ash,” I murmured.
“It’s complicated.”

He shoved his bulky
frame to an upright position. “Why should I give you answers when you can’t
give me any, either?”

He thundered into the
closest shower and slammed the door closed, leaving me sitting there in stunned
silence. Me giving him answers? I was an open book where he was concerned. He
knew my entire pathetic story, he knew how much I’d wanted him…still wanted him
to an extent, because someone who didn’t give a shit wouldn’t have done what I
just did out there. Calm a wild beast who could’ve smashed me apart.

One thing I was sure
of was the fact that I had to be straight with Seth. I wasn’t over whatever
this thing with Ash was and I wasn’t sure I was going to be any time soon. That
wasn’t fair on him and I didn’t just wake up one day and become a heartless
bitch. I had to suck up my pride and tell him the truth.

Swallowing hard, I
left Ash to sulk in the shower. I’d given him enough of me for one day. I just
hoped it wasn’t too much.

That night, Ash
didn’t turn up to train.

I couldn’t blame him,
but I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him. Was it anger, annoyance,
humiliation, avoidance or a mixture of all of the above? Either way, I was glad
for the breathing space. There were so many unanswered questions and so much
tension between us, it was eating me from the inside out. Seeing him on a daily
basis did nothing to stem any of it.