Beat of the Heart (31 page)

Perched on the side of a hospital bed at Scottish Rite’s Children’s Healthcare, I drummed out a

hard-core rhythm on the Guitar Hero drum-set. With his IV shackled hands, the teenage leukemia

patient I was visiting kept right up with me during the more difficult parts. His name was Manuel, aka

Manny, and when he’d heard a member of Runaway Train was visiting the oncology floor, he’d asked

to meet me. So after I’d made some quick rounds, I went to his room so I could spend the most time

with him. I was stoked as hell to see him sitting there in a Runaway Train T-shirt. He had been the

drummer in a band until cancer had sidelined him. Even on the shitty Guitar Hero set, I could tell he

had talent. But of course, I had to ride his ass a little.

“Manny, you’re slacking, dude.”

A grin stretched across his chalky face. “It ain’t me, man. You’re the one dragging on the triplets.”

“Ha! So you caught that?”

With a smirk that outrivaled mine, he replied, “You ain’t got nothing on me, Ese.”

I laughed. Visiting sick kids and teenagers in hospitals was one of the hardest and most rewarding

parts of my job. I mean, it’s a hell of a mind-tripping, ego-bend when you’re the one to put a smile on

the face of a kid who was bald from just going through a round of chemo. Or out of all the famous

people in the world, they’d wanna hang out with you.

Today, however, was an unexpected visit to Scottish Rite. I’d been lounging on the couch with a

beer in my hand, waiting to drink myself into a mindless stupor, when Abby had called me. I knew the

moment I picked up the phone that she wanted a favor from me by the sugary-sweet tone of her voice.

After what had happened at the farm with Mia, I’d been on her shit-list for a long time. Especially

when I continued to be in her words, ‘a stubborn asshole’, for not reaching out to Mia.

What I had failed to tell her, or any of the guys for that matter, was that I had tried for days to call

and text Mia, but she had never returned any of them. Finally the prideful side of me had said screw

Mia and her stupid stubbornness. Unfortunately, my sappy-ass heart hadn’t quite gotten the message.

Even though I sounded like a total pussy admitting it, the past four months had been the most

miserable ones in my life. I played it off around the guys, acted like things were fine, and that I was

the happiest motherfucker in the world. Whether they were truly buying it, I don’t know. I mean, they

had to notice I wasn’t hooking up with any chicks. A few weeks after Mia left me, I took a blonde

bombshell back to the bus with me. Even with all her assets and hard work, I couldn’t get it up. All I

could see was Mia in my mind. I ended up getting the chick off as fast as I could to get her the hell

away from me. After that nightmare, I hadn’t attempted to try again.

There was a part of me that felt like I needed some kind of penance for what I’d done. I mean, if it

hadn’t been for my past with Kylie and the other chicks, maybe Mia wouldn’t have felt she couldn’t

be with me. Not to mention the ugly truth that I’d used a lot of women over the years. That fact was

one of the reasons why I’d told Abby yes. Plus, I wanted back on her good side, so I’d agreed to

come along with her and her brothers as they made a charity stop at Scottish Rite, which wasn’t too

far from my house.

I had a feeling there was more she wasn’t telling me about why she was recruiting me, rather than

Jake, but when the limo came by to pick me up, I didn’t press her for any details. I figured if she

wanted to talk about it, she would. I just hoped she didn’t mention Mia. That was a subject I refused

to talk about with anyone other than Jose Cuervo.

“Hey man, is your head in your ass or something?” Manny demanded.

“Huh?”

“You totally just screwed up. Like epically.”

“Sorry.” Fuck, I felt like a major asshole letting my mind wander to Mia when I should have been

focusing on Manny.

“Yeah, well my problem might be that my head is in my ass, but I think yours lies in your sticks,” I

said.

“Ain’t nothing wrong with these bad boys besides being a little banged up,” he countered.

I held out mine to him. “These are for you.”

His eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Yep. But you gotta promise me you’ll practice.”

His head bobbed furiously. “I swear I will.”

I pointed a finger at him. “You better.” I took a card out of my pocket and gave it to him. “You’ve

got my number now, so you better call me and let me know how it’s going.”

“Dude, I will. Thank you. That’s awesome.”

“Let’s say the next time we jam, we do it at your house and not this shitty place?”

He laughed. “I’m down for that.”

A nurse appeared before me, signaling it was time to go. “All right, Ese. I gotta hit the road. You

take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will.”

We gave each other the traditional guy hug, or pat on the back, before I went to meet the nurse in

the doorway. I waved good-bye one last time to Manny.

“Ms. Renard and her brothers are in 305,” the nurse informed me.

“Thank you,” I replied.

Peering at the wall, I started counting down the numbers to 305. But then I heard Abby’s sweet

voice floating back to me, and I knew exactly where to find her. She had just finished singing when I

reached the doorway. I wasn’t too surprised to find her in the bed, snuggling with two bald, little girls

who were absolutely enraptured by her and her singing. She kissed both their cheeks good-bye before

rising out of the bed. As she powerwalked by me, I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. While her

brothers started making their goodbyes to the girls, I left to go to Abby.

She hadn’t gotten far down the hall. “Mi amor,” I said softly, as I caught up to her.

“I’m okay,” came her weak reply.

Side-stepping in front of her, I drew her into my arms. “Hey, it’s okay to cry. This shit is hard.”

Fisting the front of my shirt in her hands, she sobbed into my chest. Although I knew the little girls

had gotten to her, I could tell that this was about more than just them. It most likely had to do with

Susan, Jake’s mom, and the grief that both she, and Jake, were still experiencing.

The sound of her brothers behind us caused her to tense in my arms. At their questioning

expressions, I said, “Go on down to the limo. We’ll be down in a few.”

Micah nodded. “See you there.”

When they were safely on the elevator, she pulled away. “Sorry about that,” she sniffled.

I cupped her chin, bringing her gaze to mine. “Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. Okay? You

know I’m always here for you.”

After wiping her eyes, she gave a quick jerk of her head. “I know.” She leaned up on her tip-toes to

kiss my cheek. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

Her words caused my chest to clench. “I’ve missed you, too.”

That was all that had to be said for me to know that everything was fine between us. As we started

down the hallway to the elevators, Abby slid her arm around my waist. She peered up at me and

smiled. “Thanks again for coming with me today since Jake had to bail.”

“Hey, I was glad to do it.” When I punched the down arrow button, I kissed the top of her head.

“Jake’s still having a hard time with hospitals, huh?”

She nodded as we stepped onto the elevator. “I don’t know how to help him, AJ.”

“Just be there for him. That’s all you can do.”

“I will.”

“You mean everything in the world to him, and he’s lucky to have you and your love.”

“Thanks, AJ.”

I smiled at her. “No problem.”

We stepped out of the hospital into the bright sunshine. Gabe, Eli, and Micah were standing outside

the limo waiting on us. “Ready to head back?”

“Yep,” I replied.

As I waited my turn to get inside the limo, I gazed ahead. When the realization of where we were

washed over me, I felt like someone had sent a roundhouse kick straight to my gut. St. Joseph’s

loomed tauntingly at me from across the street. Like a sappy-ass chick, a rush of memories flooded

my mind of meeting Mia for the first time.

A gentle nudge caused me to snap out of my thoughts. Abby stared up at me with a knowing smile.

“Go see her,” she urged.

I shook my head. “That’s ancient history.”

“Give me a break, AJ. You were just staring at a hospital building with a sad, lost puppy dog

expression. Mia can’t be history when you obviously still care for her.”

“She handcuffed me to a fucking shower,” I countered.

“In her mind, she had a good reason.”

“Oh really?”

Abby nodded. “Regardless of whether it was a misunderstanding or not, your past indiscretions

with women came back to hurt a very vulnerable woman.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil.”

Abby narrowed her eyes at me. “Watch it, Resendiz. Don’t forget I know you better than you think I

do. And that forty-five minute drive to Mia’s house gave me a lot of time to get to know
her
and

exactly how
she
was feeling.”

I raked my hands through my hair. “It’s too late. I didn’t tell you at the time, but I did try to call and

text her. She wouldn’t answer.”

“Maybe what you need to say should be said in person.” Abby reached over to palm my cheek.

“You know I love you, AJ, and I want more than anything for you to be happy. And while you may

think that what happened wasn’t that big a deal and Mia should have forgiven you, I disagree.”

My brows shot up in surprise. “Do you?”

“Yes, I do.” Abby’s gaze went to the glittering diamond on her hand. “Most people would have