Beast (17 page)

Shadow is already sitting at the bar when I walk into the dim pub. He’s flirting with the bartender, a redhead with huge cleavage, colorful tattoos and skater-girl style. She’s a strange-looking but attractive girl.

As I approach the counter, she turns to me and gives me a gap-toothed smile. “Ah – didn’t know
you’d
be here today, stallion,” she purrs.

I narrow my eyes at her, pointing my finger into my chest. “Who? Me?” My facial expression must give away how surprised I am that she’s noticed me before and that she remembers me. I don’t recall ever seeing her face. Which isn’t saying much since Jasmine is the only woman I pay attention to.

She smiles, whipping a towel against the counter. “Yes,
you.
” She tosses the towel aside and works on getting me a mug of beer.

Shadow looks at her and frowns. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Debbie. I thought me and you had a thing going on here. Then my brother shows up and you’re jumping ship?”

“You’re jealous. It’s cute.” She pats his cheek condescendingly. “You, your fate is already sealed for the night. I’m taking you home,” she says to him. “But your friend?” She turns her attention to me. “The other bartender, Vanessa – blond with bangs. Cute. Just like Jennifer Lawrence – she’s been crushing hard on you. She gets really excited anytime you come in.”

I furrow my eyebrows at her. She must be mistaken. “
Me
?”

Debbie tosses her head back and laughs. “Yes,
you
,” she insists. She turns back to Shadow. “What’s the deal with your friend? Does he have an inferiority complex or something?”

He shrugs with a grin as he tosses back a gulp of his beer.

She looks at me. “Anyway, Vanessa won’t stop talking about the ‘big, burly guy with the beard’. I think she has a thing for sulky ex-marines. It might be the scars and all that emotional trauma.” She shrugs. “I don’t know.” She reaches for one of the bar’s business cards sitting on the edge of the counter. She flips it over and scribbles something on the back with the pen she pulled from behind her ear. “Anyway, here’s her number. She’s kinda shy but she’d totally come in her pants if you gave her a call.” Debbie snickers to herself as she slides the card into the breast pocket of my suit jacket. She tosses Shadow a wink.

“I’m waiting for you till you get off your shift,” he calls after her as she walks away to serve another patron.

“You’d better,” she says flirtatiously.

Shadow turns his attention to me. “Y’see, man? Life isn’t all that bad. You walk around sulking all day and here, you have some totally hot chick secretly lusting after you.”

I shake his words out of my head. “That’s not why we’re here,” I remind him in a glum voice.

He rolls his eyes as he grabs his beer and slides off of his barstool. “Let’s move somewhere a little more private.”

I follow him to a booth tucked into the corner of the pub. He pulls a manila envelope from the inside of his black leather jacket and looks around paranoid before sliding it across the table to me.

I snatch the file off of the table and open it hurriedly.

“There really isn’t anything earth-shattering in there. A few credit card bills, some bank statements. Nothing seems abnormal. You haven’t given me much information about what exactly you’re looking for so I’m kind of shooting in the dark here.” He brings his beer to his lips and tips it back.

I huff as I scan the documents.

There’s nothing here.

He leans across the table, his voice low. “Tell me what you’re looking for on Davidson, man. That’s the only way I can help you find it.”

I grunt, rubbing my hands over my beard. I never wanted to hear myself say these words. “That asshole’s got the woman I love and I need to know if I should take her back.”

I slide off of the couch and grab my glass of wine from the coffee table. I move down the short hallway to my bedroom turning off the lights as I go. I set the wine down next to my bed and light the cluster of scented candles sitting on my dressing table before climbing under my sheets.

My apartment is eerily quiet tonight.

Chess is in Denver. We video-chatted a few hours after it was announced that he’d secured his party’s nomination for president. It’s a two-man race now and he’s the clear frontrunner.  I’m excited for him. I told him so. Despite his quirks, he’s so passionate about politics and I fully support his stance on the big issues.

My mind randomly goes to Liam. I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s okay. It feels like an eternity since I’ve spent time with him. I hate admitting it but I miss seeing him everyday, going jogging with him, falling asleep beside him.

When I cut him off, I didn’t expect it to suck this bad. I didn’t think that it would be so hard to get over. Was settling for ‘just friends’ with him really so bad after all? Because being nothing to him feels like absolute garbage.

I toss and turn under my sheets for a while before grabbing my Kindle and trying to read a legal thriller I bought a few days ago. When that fails to hold my attention, I flick on the television hoping for something entertaining. But really, all I want is to talk to him, to hear his voice, to feel his heat in the bed next to me.

I’m about to do something stupid.

I climb out of my bed and throw on some jeans and a chunky sweater. I grab my phone and my keys and my purse. I run out of my apartment and hail a cab on the sidewalk.

“Where to?” the cab driver asks in a terse accent that I can’t quite place.

I inhale deeply. “Battery Park.”

I spin the tumbler around on the table in front of me. Fuck me if I don’t feel like shit right now. I just had yet another unproductive meeting with Shadow. Chess Davidson is clean. Absolutely fucking clean. Not a single stain on his record.

It looks like I’ve lost Jasmine for good. There’s no way I can pursue her now knowing that she has the perfect man in her life.

So, I’ve been sitting here, drowning my sorrows in glass after glass of whiskey ever since Shadow left two hours ago with his red-headed, skater chick. I should probably get back to my loft before my words start to slur and my eyesight starts to blur. But I don’t want to sit alone in my big, lifeless, echoic apartment tonight. I don’t want to spend the night strapped to my bed, letting the demons have their way with me. So, I sit alone here in this shadowy booth all the way at the back of the pub.

Shadow’s words replay in my head. “I don’t get it man – if you want this woman and she wants you, why don’t you just take her? Who cares if Davidson is a good guy or a bad guy? If you want the woman, take her.”

Sounds pretty simple. Except that I don’t just
want
Jasmine Santiago. I
love
her. And taking her would be selfish if I know that she’ll be better off with someone else. It hurts to let her free but it’s for the best. At least, so it seems.

Every time I look up, I catch the blonde with the bangs and high ponytail stealing glances at me. Veronica is her name. I think that’s what her friend said. She’s been keeping my glass topped up all night, hand-delivering measure after measure of liquor.

Just before 11:30, she comes over to my table.

“Hey,” she says. I look up at her and in the dim lighting, her eyes look nervous.

I nod in acknowledgement. I’m in no shape to speak right now.

She fidgets with the pen and small notepad in her hand. “My shift is ending now. I was just wondering if you’d like another drink or…something.”

I shake my head ‘no’, tipping my half-full glass at her.

She inhales dramatically before pulling off her apron and dropping it into the seat across from me. “Look, my name is Vanessa and…Hi.” She waves awkwardly.

I nod to her again, giving her my best attempt at a smile.

She rakes her fingers through her bangs. “Do you think I can maybe have a drink with you?”

Although Vanessa’s anxious energy is grating on my nerves, I think that having some company right now might do me some good. I shrug a shoulder sluggishly. “Sure.”

Vanessa sits opposite me and gets one of her co-workers to bring her a vodka tonic. She begins to drink and after a while she begins to thaw off just a bit although her nervous rambling continues. I honestly don’t think she’s realized that I haven’t contributed a word to this conversation since I gave her the green light to sit down.

Eventually, I order another whiskey. Vanessa has a second drink and a third and then she’s scooting awfully close to me, slurring her words. The saccharine fragrance of her cheap vanilla-scented perfume burns the back of my throat. “I think you’re so fucking hot,” she says, her words bumping into each other. “If I didn’t work here, I’d totally take you to the bathroom…and suck your cock. But I work here and somebody…might see me. But if I didn’t work here…I’d suck your cock…In the bathroom.”

I look at her, falling over on me, barely able to keep herself together. And I’m not much better than her. My feet feel like lead and I’m seeing doubles. “Let’s get out of here,” I bumble as I help her stand. Her body is tight and warm under my hands. She wobbles in her tall, tall heels and short cut-off jeans. I slip my hand around her waist to steady her, not that I’m steady myself but I’d hate to see this girl fall and smash her pretty, freckled face.

As we stumble out of the bar, a poster hanging near the front entrance grabs my attention. “Chester Davidson for President,” it reads.

I scowl at his pretty boy face smiling down on me.

Narcissistic son-of-a-bitch!

He stole the girl of my dreams and now he has the nerve to smirk at me as I stumble out of a pub, drunk off my ass with a random, meaningless blond tucked under my arm.

I hurry Vanessa out onto the sidewalk outside of the bar. Her arms are locked around my neck and she’s slurping sloppily at the stubbly flesh of my throat, whispering obscenities that would make a call-girl blush. I feel my cock stirring ever so slightly.

The yellow cab can’t pull up to the curb fast enough. I haul the door open and Vanessa climbs in. I lean towards the cabbie. “Get this lovely lady home safe,” I slur as I shove a $50 bill his way. “Good night, Vanessa.”

“Wait! Where are you going?” she protests loudly as I close the door. She clings to the window. “I thought we were fucking tonight!”

I lean forward, slumping against the side of the car and cup her face in my hand. “Maybe in another lifetime, pretty girl. I can’t give my body to you when my heart belongs to someone else.”