Bearlebrity: (BWWM) Paranormal BBW Bear Shifter Romance Standalone (8 page)

R
iley held
Leslie in his arms until the water started to cool. Then he ran some more water and held her until they were both pruney from staying in the tub too long.

He looked down at her reluctantly. “Think we better get ready for bed?” he asked.

“Hm,” she said. “I suppose.” She yawned, stretching her arms and giving him a fantastic view of her naked breasts.

Just a few days ago, he’d been watching her, wondering when they’d come together and do something about the incredible chemistry between them. Now she was lying in his arms after their second time together. It was unreal.

And a little uncomfortable.

It was as if the fact that it felt right made Riley feel not right. He shouldn’t be getting used to something like this, not when he knew it couldn’t be long term. He studied Leslie’s face as he helped her stand. When their eyes met, sparks sizzled between them.

“Les,” he said.

“Yes?” She looked up at him, eyes sparkling. She had such beautiful dark eyes, such a deep, rich brown with almost a hint of red, and they seemed to catch and reflect a little bit of light no matter how dark it was.

He thought he could look into those eyes forever. Then he thought that that was a stupid, sappy thought.

But it was true.

“You get enough to eat?” he asked, as he got out of the tub, wrapped a towel around his waist, and then held out a hand to help her out. She stepped out gingerly, keeping her weight on one foot, since her brace was still by the door.

He caught her up in a towel and carried her to the bed. Each step with her in his arms felt more right than anything in his life, and he found he was actually excited to go to bed with her. To just sleep beside her. He knew he couldn’t keep her, but he wanted to let himself enjoy the sheer pleasure of knowing she was safe beside him where he could watch out for her.

He’d told himself that protecting her would get addictive, and he’d been right.

He handed her the pajamas she wanted and let her change, then helped her on with her brace. Then he changed, all too aware of her warm gaze on his body. He turned back to see her grinning up at him widely.

“Hm?” he asked.

“Just a nice view,” she said. “You know, I never thought I’d be here with the Riley Hart.”

He tilted his head curiously. “Does it matter?”

She snorted. “Oh come on, you aren’t sensitive about that, are you?”

He pulled his shirt over his head. It was soft and worn-in and perfect for sleeping in. He usually slept naked, but he wasn’t sure that was such a good idea with Leslie in the bed. He pulled on some loose boxers and a pair of plaid pajama pants. He hopped onto the bed, and she bounced with a gasp.

“So, would it be bad if I was?” he asked.

“Like what, you want me to tell you I like you for you, and not because you’re famous?”

He nodded.

She quirked an eyebrow at him, as if surprised by that, and then grinned at him. “I like you for you. You’re great in bed, you’re fun to talk to, and you’ve been really good to me since I’ve been injured.”

“Well, it was sort of my fault.”

She shook her head, large curls bouncing. “It was that asshole’s fault. And you took care of him, so…”

“Damn right I did. And I’d do it again.”

She looked at him sideways. “But not if it was someone I wanted around me, right? You aren’t going to go getting all possessive on me, are you?”

He frowned and bit his lip. “Um, yeah. I sort of am.”

“But…” She gestured between them. “This isn’t going anywhere, you know? I’m having fun with you, but I’m not going to make promises when there are none on your side.”

He tried to keep himself from growling as the words spilled out of him before he could think them over. “What if I wanted to make promises?”

Her eyes widened and she leaned back against the pillow. Her long, curvy body looked relaxed, but he could tell there was a lot going on in that sharp mind of hers as she thought it over.

She bit her lip and looked at him with what looked like regret in her eyes. “I don’t know, Riley. I’m not looking for that right now.”

He frowned. He didn’t understand it. “Is it because I’m a celebrity? You think I’d cheat?”

“Come on, Riley, where do you think this would be going? Eventually you’ll have to go back to your life, and you’ll be leaving me here with mine. Are you honestly saying you could promise to stay?”

“No,” he said reluctantly. “But I don’t see why we can’t be exclusive and see where it goes while I am here.”

She squeezed her eyes tight and shook her head. “No, that doesn’t work for me. I’ve had too many guys leave. And that’s fine with me, as long as we both know where we’re going and that that’s going to happen. What makes it not fine is when it’s unfair. When it’s up in the air like it’s something I should hope for, when really the man just wants me all to himself and slobbering all over him, while he can get up and abandon me when he wants.”

“I’d never abandon you, Leslie,” he said, wishing he could promise more. “I can’t…be with someone like that. But we’d always be friends.”

“Be with someone like what?”

“Marriage. Commitment, long term. You know.” He rolled his shoulders and stretched out on his back on the bed. “I’m just not cut out for it.”

“Yeah, that sounds like the type of bullshit men usually say. I don’t get why any of you thinks you’re so unique with this free bird shit. I get it, you don’t want responsibility. That’s fine. But you also don’t get to claim me, and you also don’t get to tell me what to do.”

He fought back another growl. She was right. He was asking the type of things he’d ask as a husband or fiancé or boyfriend. And he was none of those things. But damn, did he want to be.

Could he possibly overcome his fears surrounding that, if it meant being with her? No, he couldn’t risk hurting her like that. Couldn’t risk letting her pair up with a monster like him without even knowing what he was.

Lately, he didn’t seem to be able to push his bear back. He could feel it in his mind and body, urging him toward her, telling him she belonged to him, roaring at the thought of her being with any other man ever again. The thought was impossible.

But how to get what he wanted without being able to offer her marriage?

If only she was a bear, it’d be so much easier. But he’d never even heard of a female bear, let alone met one. He’d wondered about it as a kid, wondered if that was the only type of woman he’d be able to show himself to. But as he’d grown, he’d realized what an impossible dream that was.

And then he’d pushed his bear aside, and then he’d stopped being able to smell or sense other bears.

He looked over at Leslie, who was humming as she put bobby pins in to keep her hair back while sleeping. She was unlike any woman he’d ever met. They usually tried to get something from him. An audition, an introduction, a commitment. She was happy to just take her pleasure where she wanted. Something he loved when it came to him, but hated when he thought of it applied to other men.

“Leslie?” he said, scooting over to her, wrapping his arm around her.

“Yes?”

“I don’t know what this is between us,” he said, curling a lock of her hair around his finger. “But it’s making me consider things I’ve never considered before. I never thought I’d feel this possessive. I never thought I’d be thinking of being with only one woman.”

Her eyes glowed and she bit her full lower lip as she listened to him. He could tell she wanted it to be true. She wanted to believe him, but she’d been hurt by other men. Beneath that sassy, passionate exterior was a wounded heart that was slow to trust. Maybe he was the wrong man to trust.

But maybe…

“But I do,” he said. “I do only think of being with you. It’s never happened to me before.”

She took a deep breath and let it out, staring up at him. “I understand. It is what it is.”

“And what is it?” he asked, feeling taken aback. Feeling taken off guard by this curvaceous, amazing woman.

“A fling,” she said, shrugging her beautiful shoulders. She burrowed under the covers. “Let’s not make it more than it is, Riley. Like you said, you aren’t cut out for that. And I’m not a woman who sits there wishing for something that isn’t happening.”

He frowned. For some reason, he didn’t like how low her expectations were of him, after what they’d just done.

And she could really be that okay with it? Like, okay Riley, I’m fine if I lose you forever.

Hmph.

Yeah, right.

“We should get to bed anyway,” she said, yawning. He had a feeling she was feigning more tiredness than she felt just to get away from the conversation. But he didn’t know what else to say. They were at an impasse. She was right: as much as he wanted to possess her, a fling was really what this was.

Then why didn’t it feel like a fling deep inside of him?

“Okay,” he said, getting under the covers. It felt a little odd going to sleep like this. Knowing both of them were physically satisfied, but both a little emotionally off guard.

But there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t offer commitment like she deserved, and he didn’t know if she’d want it or believe him if he did. So he just lay there.

“There’s a tourist bus coming into town tomorrow. We’ll need all of our rest to deal with it.”

“Right,” he said. “Wait, a bus?”

“Yup, lots of people.”

He gritted his teeth. “Lots of guys?”

She laughed. “Maybe. Lots of girls, too.”

That rankled. It didn’t sit well at all with him. He wanted to say something, anything, that would let her know how he felt about the other men. He wanted to mate-claim her right there and make sure she was his and no other males could even look at her.

Dammit!

“Riley,” she said, “you’re free to flirt too.”

He gritted his teeth some more. “What if I don’t want to?”

She sighed. “Don’t be difficult. I’m enjoying this.”

He fidgeted with the covers, twisting the sheets in his hands. “Well, I’m not.”

She sat up and gave him a glare. “What do you mean?”

He sat up with a loud sigh. “I don’t like this open relationship. I don’t get why you need it that way.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear, frustrated. “Well, I just do. Look, I’m being a lot cooler about this than a lot of other women would be. I’m willing to have fun, to just live in the moment with you, and all I ask is that you not get controlling on me. Is that too much to ask? I don’t know. But it’s my life and my rules. Take it or leave it.”

“So I’m supposed to make love to you at night, hold you in my arms and have the best sex of my life, and accept that you could just walk into another man’s arms the next day?” he asked, feeling a dark sensation of grief roll through him. For the first time, he was feeling just how angry he was at what happened to him as a kid. What made him feel like relationships weren’t possible? Like he didn’t deserve love.

The thought of another man’s hands on Leslie made him want to deserve love. Made him want to throw his guilt and his duty out the window and take her for his own.

Mate
, his bear whispered. Riley wanted to ignore him, but the bear’s presence was threaded through him, present in each bone.

“Yes, yes, you are supposed to,” Leslie said. “That’s what happens when you’re not in a relationship. And we’re not.”

“We’re living together,” he said.

“Yeah.”

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t be,” he said bitterly, regretting the words the minute he said them. The only thing worse than having to watch her with another man, would be having her shut him out, right here right now.

“Fine,” she said.

“Wait, no,” he said, reaching for her as she gingerly started getting off of the bed. He wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so selfish. You’re so gorgeous, Leslie. You make a man want you all for himself.”

She sighed. “Yeah, but not for keeps.”

He swallowed at the hurt in her words, but didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell her that a normal man would stay, but that he just had issues. Issues like turning into a bear that would terrify her. And he couldn’t tell her that. So he just stayed silent, holding her in his big arms and hoping it was enough.

She sighed. “All right. You going to cool it on the sweet talk?”

“No,” he said. “But I’ll cool it on the possessiveness. You’re right.”

“Fine,” she said, letting him pull her back into bed. She sighed and lay under his arm. “But I’m only allowing you to be so difficult because you’re so fantastic in bed.”

He laughed and squeezed her tight against him. “Good to know.”

“Riley?”

“Yes?”

“I do have one request, though. I sort of want to try one of those movie kisses in the rain that you always do.”

He lifted an eyebrow in the darkness. “Complete with ripped-open flannel shirt?”

She leaned over and drew her finger down the center of his chest. “Yes.”

“How’s your foot doing?” he asked.

“Better, since it’s in the brace. I think I’ll be right as rain in a few days.”

“Well, you still need to be careful, stay off it, and not re-injure it,” he replied, nipping at her lips lightly.

“And you just want an excuse to stay around me.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, loving the idea of pulling her against him and kissing her passionately as rain fell all around them. “Well, if I’m still here in the spring, I’ll make sure and give you a rain kiss.”

As he said it, he winced. Silence fell between them, and the reality of the inevitable separation that would come seemed to sober the good mood, ruining the moment.

“Riley?” she asked quietly.

“Yes?”

“Goodnight,” she said. She placed a kiss to his forehead and then rolled over and away from him, balling up in the covers before he could respond.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he said. The second word,
sweetheart
, was so quiet from his lips that he wasn’t sure if she heard it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to.

All he could do, as he lay there listening to the steady in-and-out of her breathing, was hope that there weren’t too many men on that damn tourist bus that was coming into town.