Bearlebrity: (BWWM) Paranormal BBW Bear Shifter Romance Standalone (10 page)

“You always end it,” Janna said, stirring her coffee.

“I do not.”

“Yes you do. Just when they seem like they’re going to try to commit, too. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy that you have to see come true.”

“What? No, I can just tell it’s not going to work. And some of them just left me outright.”

“Hm, really? Who?”

Leslie tried to think about it. Aside from the one-time things, the only ones where they’d been almost dating, it was true, she had broken it off. But they’d as good as forced her to by not being committed or showing any signs they meant to stick around.

It was just part of living in a tourist town that Janna didn’t understand because she hadn’t grown up there. Men came through to pass time, looking for entertainment, not to stay. It was obvious even if they never said it.

She was just smart enough to know when to move on.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” Janna said, staring at her drink thoughtfully. “I think you should give him a chance.”

“Well he’s the one who’s afraid of commitment,” Leslie said. “He was just willing to stay and have fun with me and force me to fall in love with him just so he could leave me.”

“I don’t think he’s like that. Do you?”

Leslie hmphed. “I don’t know.”

“I think you’re afraid to. I think you’re afraid to wait and see what a guy is really like because you know your mom might be wrong.”

“I wanted my mom to be wrong, that’s why I—”

“No,” Janna said, cutting her off. “You didn’t. You wanted to stay safe and play by her rules. And her rules don’t include being vulnerable. And you don’t gain much in life if you never allow yourself to be vulnerable. Sometimes the best things in life happen when we open our hearts and give someone the opportunity to hurt us, and trust them not to, and they don’t.”

“But what if they do?”

“Then we learn not to open our hearts to someone like that again,” Janna said quietly. “But we don’t die.”

“Ah, like you and Scott?”

“Right,” Janna said. “I learned a lot from that. And it could have put me off men forever. But I’m glad I opened up with Ryder.”

“But how did you know how to?”

“I just did,” Janna replied. “It was just instinct.”

“She’s right, you know,” Kylie said. Her words were a little slurred and she was swaying slightly on her stool. Leslie gave her a little push to stay on balance. “If you always just lock it down and never allow yourself to get hurt, then you never learn.”

“I’ve been hurt.”

“You’ve hurt yourself,” Kylie said, poking a clumsy finger in her direction. “Dear me, how many martinis is that?”

“Only two, I think,” Janna said. “How are you such a lightweight?”

Kylie stuck out her fingers and counted. “No, I think it’s three, maybe. Stupid Ryan, stuck in my head. That man is driving me to drink.”

“That man is doing nothing to you.”

Kylie nodded sorrowfully. “That’s the problem.”

Leslie and Janna laughed, and Kylie raised a hand. “But that’s because I don’t have a choice in the matter. But you can bet, if I had a chance to be with him, even if I didn’t know how long or where it was going, I’d take it. Isn’t that how you felt with Riley before?”

Leslie nodded, thinking it over. “I guess so.”

“So when did things change?”

When he looked at me like he wanted me all to himself
, Leslie thought.
When he looked like he might want more, and I was afraid to hope for it.

“Ugh, what do I do now?” she asked her friends. “I already ended it. He didn’t even fight me over it.”

“Men are dumb that way,” Janna said. “They tend to be more afraid of making us angry than anything else. He probably just thought he was giving you what you wanted.”

“Well, he was.”

“So tell him it’s not what you want anymore,” Janna said.

“That’s right,” Kylie said, yawning.

“I think we better get you home.”

“Girls’ night is too depressing at the lodge,” Kylie said, looking up at the TV that was showing a replay of one of Ryan’s half pipe runs on one of the sports channels. When he finished, girls were cheering at the finish line. He bent down to let one of them kiss his cheek. “Dammit, I need to get some sleep. Work is getting to me.”

Leslie threw her arm around her friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry he’s too stupid to know a good thing when he sees one. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Kylie nodded. “I know. I just wish I could tell my heart that. Ever since he walked in, I felt it was him.”

Leslie felt an echo of that ache and wished she was as honest as Kylie in admitting it. Sometimes you just met someone who made you want to break all your rules. Made you want to be a different kind of person. Someone who believed in fate, or love at first sight, or just that things would work out.

She sighed.

Kylie stood, but was wobbly. Janna and Leslie walked out with her, but she didn’t seem too steady. As they exited the bar, Kylie bumped headlong into a tall man, and Leslie looked up to apologize to whomever it was and saw Rex.

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry, Rex. My friend here is a little…well, she’s had a hard day.”

Kylie nodded mournfully, and Rex looked her over in amusement. She swayed and he caught her in his arms.

“You guys leaving?” he asked. “Where’s your car?”

Leslie bit her lip as Kylie struggled lightly against Rex. “I think she can walk.”

“Really?” Rex said, setting her down. When she swayed again and flailed slightly, he caught her up in his arms again. She looked like she weighed nothing. But Rex’s eyes were on Leslie.

Was he another one that she had shut off without giving him a chance? He certainly seemed to want one.

“She drove,” Leslie said reluctantly. “Janna, can you drive?”

“Sure, I’ll borrow Ryder’s car,” she said.

“I can drive her. It’s no problem. I can take you down as well. We still have catching up to do,” Rex said.

“Oh,” Leslie said. Janna gave her an odd look, as if trying to deduce the relationship between them, and Kylie settled into his arms, looking as if she’d found a comfy hammock, and muttering something about Ryan.

Leslie sighed. It’d be better if Janna didn’t have to drive them, but then again, she didn’t know Rex that well. Should she trust him?

But he didn’t wait for her to respond. He just turned and started across the lodge lobby, leaving her and Janna to follow, exchanging puzzled looks, wondering how the night had taken such a weird turn of events.

Rex was a fine-looking man. Tall, buff. A nice butt, even if it was nothing compared to Riley’s. All in all, he was a shadow of how hot Riley was. A more ordinary kind of handsome, and the fake tan was slightly off-putting.

But he’d always been friendly and entertaining when he’d been in town and stopped at her bar. More often than not, he’d brought her take-out lunch and exchanged pleasantries. That had to count for something.

Maybe a little time with him wouldn’t be the worst thing. Except that she probably needed to get to Riley. Explain things. Do damage control. See if things could be salvaged. And if Riley saw her with Rex, he probably wouldn’t be too happy about it. Not that he had any right to be unhappy about it, of course. But sometimes the heart just felt how it wanted to, without regard to right or wrong.

Her heart definitely did. Her body did as well. Already she was craving his touch again.

They were almost to the door, and Leslie was still feeling fairly ambivalent, when Rex stopped suddenly, his path blocked by a fairly large, intimidating-looking snowboarder.

“
G
oing somewhere
?” Ryan said, folding his arms. His ice-blue eyes were as cold as the snow he made his living on.

“Holy shit, Ryan Hart,” Rex said, taking a step back and shifting Kylie’s weight so he could put a hand out to shake. “Wow, it’s an honor to meet you.”

Ryan kept his arms folded and nodded at Rex, who didn’t seem to notice the man’s hard glare and the fact that he was directing it toward the woman in his arms.

“Where are you going?” he asked, shifting his weight and standing to full height to look even taller.

Damn, Leslie thought. If she hadn’t already been in love with Riley…

Shit, love? She was in love? The thought struck her dumb, and she could only sit there and watch the awkward standoff between the two men.

Rex situated Kylie in his arms. “She had a little too much. I’m going to drive her home and then catch up with Leslie. We’re old friends.”

Ryan raised a blond eyebrow. “That true?”

Leslie bit her lip. “Yes. I mean, I know him.”

Ryan shook his head slightly and walked forward to take Kylie from the other man’s arms. He did it smoothly and assertively and the other man let go with a shrug. Then Ryan hugged his small burden tight to his chest. She snuggled in.

Leslie only wished the other woman was awake to see Ryan acting like this. Maybe they had more of a chance than she thought. Ryan was sure acting like a man protecting what was his. So why was he so cold to her when she was awake? He was a puzzle.

“I’ll drive her. If she got drunk here, she’s the lodge’s liability.”

“That’s really not…” Rex scratched his head and looked at Leslie. “Is that okay?”

Janna stepped forward alongside Ryan. “It’s fine, I’ll go with you. Leslie, didn’t you still have some stuff you needed to do?” Janna gave her a meaningful look, as if she needed to be reminded to go see Riley and get her stuff back.

And maybe get
him
back.

Ryan was waiting for her to answer. She shook her head. “She’s right, I have something to do. I’ll get a ride down later.”

“With him?” Ryan asked, narrowing his eyes at Rex. What was up with that? Why did everyone, at least everyone with the last name Hart, not seem to like or trust Rex?

“I don’t know.” She didn’t want to talk about needing to see Riley. She didn’t even know if she was ready to yet. Maybe she needed some liquid courage first.

“I’ll make sure she gets home,” Rex said, sliding an arm around her shoulders. She grated her teeth, a little tired of men determining what she did.

She shrugged his arm off, earning a surprised stare from both men. “
I’ll
make sure I get home safe,” she said. “Or I’ll get a room at the lodge.” She folded her arms and cocked one hip out. “But thanks, Ryan, I’m glad you’re taking Kylie home. She’d like that.” She gave him a knowing look and he looked away, not meeting her eyes.

“Does Riley know you’re up here?” he asked. “With him?”

“It’s not his business what I do,” she said.

Ryan looked surprised at that, raising one arched, blond eyebrow, but then he nodded. “All right. When I’m back, if you need a ride, you got one.”

She nodded and walked with them until the lodge valet pulled up Ryan’s Range Rover.

She waved them off, and when they were driving away, with Kylie safely buckled in beside Ryan, she let out a sigh of relief.

“Just us, then?” Rex asked. “Works for me.”

Leslie looked up at him. “I’m not sure I’m very good company right now.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing a little bit of wine couldn’t fix,” she said with a sigh.

“Well, I’m happy to help you take care of that. And definitely here to listen. I only get to see you like once a year, so I have to get all my Leslie at once.”

She smiled at that. “Okay. We can talk for a bit then.” A part of her wanted to procrastinate seeing Riley anyway.

When they were seated in a booth at the lodge restaurant, nursing glasses of wine, Rex gave her a questioning glance. “Is this about the guy that was in the bar today?”

She looked up in surprised. “How did you know?”

“You aren’t your normally sassy self, and I saw the way he looked at you, and me, today.”

“He was a little aggressive, wasn’t he?”

“He was just watching out for what was his.”

“I’m not his,” she said.

“Really?” he asked, a slight grin turning up the corners of his mouth. He really was a fairly handsome man. A pointed, prominent chin, high cheekbones, thin face. He was muscled and tan, though the tan was a pretty unconvincing tone. He was wearing a navy blazer over a tee shirt and jeans, almost something that looked like it belonged more at a club than at a small restaurant in a tourist town.

Then again, she’d gone out with the girls in a black wrap top and skinny jeans, so she wasn’t one to talk.

But there wasn’t the same chemistry between them that she had with Riley. She knew instinctively that he’d never be able to take her to the heights of ecstasy that Riley had.

She ran a finger along the tip of her wine glass. “Really.”

Rex leaned back in the booth with folded arms. “Hm. I wouldn’t have guessed that. You two are kind of a good pair, if you know what I mean…”

“What do you mean?” she asked, not following at all.

“You know, because you’re both…” he trailed off, waiting for her to catch on. He looked around, as if making sure no one else could hear. “You know…” She shook her head and his eyes went wide. “Wait, you don’t know?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He thumped his fist on the table a few times. “I wonder if he does know, then. If not, that’d be hilarious. I could tell his brother picked up on it immediately. Something must be wrong with your guy’s nose. And yours.”

“Our noses?” she asked.

He leaned forward on his hand, an easy smile on his face, his wavy brown hair overshadowing part of one eye. “Nah, I don’t think I’m going to tell you. Or him. It gives me the advantage. I just think the whole thing is hilarious. Makes it easier for me, though.”

“Easier for what?”

“To do this,” he said, leaning forward as if to kiss her.

She dodged, pulling to the side and putting up a hand to push him back. “Wait, Rex, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. I’m not really looking for anything like that right now.”

“I don’t think you understand,” he said. “I’ve been coming through town for years, always stopping to see you. You had to know I was planning to make a move at some point.”

“No,” she said. “I didn’t. Honestly, Rex, you aren’t really my type. Plus, I’m just getting out of something. It’s complicated.”

He stood and slid into her side of the booth, crowding her. He put a hand up to her hair and she batted it away. “Don’t fight me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, batting his hand again. “I think you’ve had too much wine. There’s nothing between us, Rex. There won’t be, either, if you act like this.”

He sat back slightly, tilting his head. “Don’t you understand? I’m like you.”

She gaped at him. “What?”

“You know,” he said, risking another look around them to make sure no one was around. “A bear.”

R
iley lay
on his bed in the deluxe lodge he’d rented for him and Leslie, flipping through the channels on the TV, restless for girls’ night to be over so that he could look forward to Leslie coming to visit him to pick up her stuff.

He was already in full-on get-Leslie-back mode, and he’d do whatever it took, seduction, promises, to get a chance to make it up to her.

He’d come to a conclusion while he’d been there in the room alone, going over the week they’d had together. Going over everything from the moment he first saw her smile, bright and flirtatious, from the balcony when he’d first walked into the lodge.

It all had been so warm, so fun, the best time of his life, but more than that.

He wanted her, his bear wanted her, and he couldn’t picture a life without her.

He still knew he could never show her his bear, but he had thought of a way around it. A way he could commit to her and let her know he was never letting her go, and yet not have to worry about hurting her the way he had hurt his innocent mother.

He’d just never let her know he was a bear. He’d kept his bear hidden long enough that it shouldn’t be a problem.

His phone vibrated on the bed next to him, and his heart jumped at the thought that it might be her. He grabbed it and flipped it open.

“It’s Ryan,” the voice on the other side said.

Riley sighed and flopped back down on the bed. “Fine.”

“Wow, no need to sound so excited,” Ryan muttered. Riley looked at the time on the clock. Wasn’t it a little late for girl time? Maybe he should get off the phone with Ryan and go check up on her.

No, that was called stalking. He frowned.

“What’s up?” he asked his brother.

“Thought you should know, I ran into Janna and the girls tonight.”

“As in, all three of them?”

“Yup,” he said. “I just dropped Kylie off at her place with Janna.”

Riley’s blood went icy. “Where’s Leslie?”

“Last I saw her, she was going off with some bear. I thought you should probably go check on that.”

“A bear?” He sat bolt upright. “What do you mean?”

“Some skeevy dude with a fake tan. I’m guessing a grizzly, or something big, from his scent. Leslie didn’t seem to pick up on it.”

“Why would she? She’s a human, and I didn’t even pick up on it.”

There was silence on the line, and then a long sigh from Ryan. “So, do you even scent my bear scent? Or Ryder’s?”

“No,” Riley said. “No, I don’t.”

“Damn, bro. What happened to you?”

Riley sighed, wanting the conversation to be over so he could go see Leslie. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does. Leslie can wait, I told Ryder to keep an eye on things, and he said they’re just at the restaurant bar together. But what the fuck happened to you as a kid? You stopped being your bear. You stopped acknowledging you were a bear.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did,” Ryan said accusingly. “After Mom died.”

Riley let out a long sigh as tears stung his eyes. The memory came back vividly. Scampering around the corner in cub form, expecting his mother to think he was cute, swipe him up, want to hold him. Instead, she’d screamed, backed against the door, run away, started the car.

And then the phone call. His dad screaming. His brothers crying. Him, alone in his room, wondering what about him was so monstrous.

Now he knew why their dad had never shown their mom what they were. Why their dad had made them swear not to change in front of her.

But Riley had never been great at following rules. So, as soon as he’d been old enough to shift, he’d wanted to show her. She was his mom, after all. He swiped away a tear, feeling stupid for crying now, after all these years, in his room alone.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said. “It was my fault.”

“That’s bullshit,” Ryan said. “What happened? You’re going to have to tell us what happened that night. We know something went down, we’re not stupid. You locked up after that, more than any of us. Totally traumatized.”

“I broke the rules,” Riley choked out. “I shifted, and…”

“You know that’s not why she crashed, right?” Ryan said, his voice firm but gentle.

“No, I know it’s why she did.”

“She was hit by a drunk driver, Riley. It wasn’t the way she was driving.”

“She wouldn’t have gone out if it weren’t for me.”

“Maybe she would have. She often went on drives when Dad was…gone.”

“I know,” he said. “I just know Leslie deserves better than a damn bear that killed his mother.”

“Look, that’s some serious trauma. But you’ll have worse trauma if you let a prime bear mate get away from you because you refuse to face and get through it.”

“Prime mate for a bear, you mean?”

Ryan hesitated. “Sure, that’s what I mean.” But he didn’t sound like he meant it. What did he know that Riley didn’t? “Plus, you know, bears are territorial. If you aren’t claiming her, I’m betting that Rex is planning to.”

“I don’t know, he’s been through town a few times, and they’ve never hooked up.”

“Probably just sowing wild oats before settling down. She’d make an awesome mate, Riley. Built like a—”

“You say it, and I’ll punch you.”

“Anyway, Mom’s death wasn’t your fault. And you saw Janna and Ryder. Are you just going to let your selective memory only remember the relationships that went bad? Not every woman would run, Riley. I have a feeling Janna wouldn’t.”

“Hm.”

“Well, while you’re thinking about it, you might want to head over to the bar. Ryder says they’re heading out.”

Shit. “Yeah. See you, bro. And thanks.”

“Sure, now get out there and get your mate,” Ryan said.

Riley hung up. It felt odd and achy to acknowledge her as such, but she was his mate. He couldn’t fight it anymore. She’d always been pushing him farther than anyone else. He needed to let her know that. Put himself out there.

He just wouldn’t show her his bear. He could give her anything but that.

He slid on his jacket and got ready to head out.

A
t Rex’s
announcement that he was a bear, Leslie’s eyes flew wide open, and she clapped a hand over his mouth. “We can’t talk about that here.”

“Of course we can. As usual, humans are too dumb to see what’s right in front of their faces.”

“Go sit on your side of the booth and maybe we’ll talk. I can’t think when you’re close,” she said.

He did, reluctantly. He intertwined his fingers and leaned over the table. “I’ve been watching you, Leslie. Female bears are extremely rare, you know?”

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. “So?”

“So, you should probably mate with a male bear, keep the bear race going.”

“I…” She shook her head, letting her curls bounce around her face. “No. Never a bear.”

“Why not?”

“My father was a bear. He left us.”

He nodded. “We do tend to be wanderers.” He leaned back in the booth again, appraising her. “But there are ways around that. I’d be willing to mate claim you for the chance of mating with a female bear.”