Bearing Hearts (City Shifters: the Den Book 2) (15 page)

T
he wind whipped
around us violently, sending cold ripping through me, as Axel and I stood at the far end of the dock. The river frothed and seethed around the algae-covered wood below us. A storm blew in and kicked up dark clouds on the horizon, with the far-away promise of snow. In the dreary mid-afternoon fog, we couldn't see the other side of the river. I shivered.

Axel put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me tight to his side, and said, "We don't have to do this now. We can wait."

"It should be now." I swallowed around a knot in my throat. My hands shook as I set the urn with Ragnar's ashes in the wooden boat that Axel had carved and decorated. I didn't want to let Ragnar go, and the selfish part of me wanted to keep him with us forever. Especially for when Ragnar's child asked about his father. I cleared my throat and dashed tears from my eyes. "It's better now, in winter. He liked this weather."

"He did." Axel kissed my temple before releasing me, and leaned down to pick up the small wooden craft and its precious cargo. He held it a long moment, frowning down at it, then whispered something in the language of his homeland. The wind tore the sound away and tugged Axel's hat free as well, revealing the shaved head. Some of his locks rested in the boat with Ragnar's ashes.

Then Axel took a deep breath, his eyes a little red, and set the boat down once more. He stripped off his clothes despite the fierce wind and the sudden sting of icy water from the river, then shifted. A giant polar bear stood next to me, grumbling and nudging me with a worried look on his face, then he held out a paw. I placed the boat in his paws, though I didn't want to let it go, and watched as Axel slipped into the river and the frigid water. He carried the boat to the middle of the river and let it go, the small craft bobbing and swirling in the current.

The polar bear returned to the dock and shifted, shaking off the water like a dog even though he was in human form. Axel dressed quickly and took up the bow and arrows he'd brought. My hands trembled as I lit the end of one arrow and the bundle of gas-soaked rags on the end. The fire stung my eyes and hid the tears that escaped. Ragnar had been the first great love of my life, and I would always feel his absence. Even with everything I felt for Axel, I couldn't forget Ragnar.

The arrow burned as Axel lifted the bow and aimed, frowning more as the wind kicked up. The first arrow missed, disappearing into the dark water, and Axel's frown deepened. I lit the second arrow. It, too, flashed out as it hit the water. Axel's teeth glinted white as the storm drew closer, darkening the afternoon sky into night. He took a deep breath and said, "Come on, brother. Let me do this right."

As he raised the third arrow, the flames sputtering and flickering in the wind, everything calmed. The wind died down until the air remained still around us, and the boat tossing in the current seemed to hover in one place. I held my breath. Axel murmured something else, and released the arrow.

It floated up and up before hitting its apex and dropping, a blaze of orange, onto the boat. The flames caught at the dry wood and burned higher — impossibly high. Four feet, maybe even five feet, and the acrid smell of Axel's burning hair reached us as the wind returned. The river turned violent once more, but the boat continued to burn. My chest hurt and my sinuses stung and I couldn't take it. Tears escaped and sobs wracked me from head to toe. I would have fallen if Axel hadn't caught me, and he held me up as we watched the boat burn.

Icy snow started to fall as the boat rose and fell on the waves, and Axel spoke slowly, firmly, as if the words tore at his throat with every syllable. "Lo, there do I see my father. Lo, there do I see my mother, my sisters, and my brothers."

His voice cracked and he trailed off, and I held him tighter. I wanted to close my eyes against the sight of Ragnar's boat disappearing. I never wanted to see his flame go out.

Axel cleared his throat a few times before he went on, gaining volume until he shouted into the wind. "Lo, there I do see my people, back to the beginning. Lo, they do call to me! They bid me take my place among them in the hallowed halls of Valhalla, where the brave shall live
forever
."

He shouted 'forever' into the void, into the storm, into the universe, like a prayer. Like a promise.

I couldn't breathe.

Axel pulled a bottle of clear liquor out of his pocket and uncapped it. He upended the bottle and let the alcohol mix with the river churning near our feet; only the briefest hint of peppermint reached us through the stinging scent of snow. "I will see you in the halls of Valhalla, Ragnar Magnusson Isbjorn, and we will drink together. Rest well, brother."

He gathered me up in a hug and pressed his face against my hair, and we stood there as the storm raged and covered us in ice and snow and sleet. Axel kissed my cheek and turned us toward the car. "Don't look back."

I didn't.

I didn't have to. The image of Ragnar's boat, tossing on the waves with the storm clouds over it, would stay with me forever.

With the storm, the drive home took forever. I fell asleep a few hours in, only waking when Axel parked and turned off the engine. The disorientation played cruel tricks on me, until I wondered if everything had been a bad dream. But Axel sat next to me and the car still smelled a little like gas and the burning arrows, and my body ached from balancing on the icy dock. I tried to smile as he opened my door and helped me out, even though it felt like those muscles would never work right again.

"Let's get inside," he said, frowning and holding me close to his side, trying to wrap his coat around me as well. "You're cold. I have one thing to show you, then it's a hot bath and a fire and straight to bed."

I snorted and gave him a sideways look. "I'm not sick."

"I know." He still hustled me into the building via the side door, avoiding the gym, and then made me wait for the elevator even though the stairs were perfectly do-able. Regardless of how much I poked his ribs and told him I wanted to take the stairs, Axel remained unmoved.

I wasn't suspicious until he opened the door to his apartment and made me wait just inside the dark room, and he strode off to turn on lights and move things around. A new couch and loveseat dominated the living room, all comfortable and plush and clean, and my heart started to beat a little faster as I looked around and spotted other changes. Framed pictures on the mantle over the fireplace, plush throws on the back of the couch, a soft rug underfoot as I wandered into the living room. I thought I saw a shadow move in his bedroom and frowned, since Axel appeared from the guest room and held out his hand.

"What's going on?" I let him tug me toward the guest room but I still looked over my shoulder. I definitely heard giggling.

Axel took a deep breath and stood behind me as he turned me to face the guest room, his arms around my waist, and I froze. It wasn't a guest room anymore. It still smelled like fresh paint — a neutral soft gray — and all the furniture had been removed. And replaced with baby furniture. A nursery. He made a nursery.

Tears sprang to my eyes unbidden. Axel cleared his throat, moving nervously into the room to touch the dark wood crib, the dresser with small drawers, the rocking chair in the corner, a bookshelf already filled with thick board books. "Obviously we don't know if the baby is a boy or girl, so we can redecorate when we find out, but I wanted — I wanted you to have a place where you could prepare. So everything is ready and you don't have to do anything else. Just sit in your rocking chair."

He opened one of the drawers and pulled out a few diapers, then opened the closet door to reveal tons and tons of tiny baby clothes. I couldn't speak, watching him move around the room with more energy, more speed, more nerves. Axel ran his hand over his head, as if he still expected to find hair instead of the buzzed scalp, and fiddled with a small stuffed polar bear that sat on the rocker. "I know it isn't much. We can re-do it. If you —"

"It's perfect," I said. My hands shook as I touched the dresser and then the crib, still a little unnerved by the idea of being a mother. Part of me refused to believe I could be pregnant, regardless of the slight bump of my stomach. "Axel, thank you."

"I love you," he said, so sudden and loud I jumped. He caught my hands, squeezed my fingers. "Stay with me, Lucy."

I studied his face, my heart in my throat. "I will, Axel."

He grabbed me in a hug, tight enough my ribs creaked, and he buried his face in my hair. I dangled a couple inches off the ground, taking a deep breath. "But."

He went still, then carefully set me on my feet and took a step back. His expression grew guarded. "But?"

"But it might take me a while to get used to this. To get used to us. I don't think I've ever been in a normal relationship before." I gnawed at my lower lip, reaching for his hands. "So be patient with me, okay?"

"Always." He picked me back up and swung me around, exhaling a gust of a sigh that nearly deflated me as well. "For a second there, you had me worried."

I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, dreaming a little of the hot bath and fire and cozy bed he'd promised. It had been a long, emotional day. "Thank you."

He laughed. "For what?"

My arms linked around his neck and I didn't even care that my feet barely touched the ground. "For being careful with me."

"Always," he said, and kissed my neck again. He released me, and nodded at the door behind me. "There's one more thing I need to show you."

"I don't know if I can take any more of you being sweet," I said, poking his side. "What happened to the surly polar bear?"

He snorted but didn't respond, nudging me out of the nursery with his hands on my waist. And a good thing, too, because I nearly fell over my own feet when I saw the kitchen. Josie, Kaiser, the kids, Sasha, Mal, and Owen all stood there around a massive sheet cake, covered in candles, and yelled "Surprise!" as soon as they saw us.

And I started crying. Again.

Tyler raced forward to hug my legs, beaming up at me. "You're going to stay?"

Josie laughed and tried to pry him loose, though she looked a little teary as well as she gave me a one-armed hug. "Sorry to overwhelm you, Lucy. We just wanted to celebrate you staying in the family."

"I love it," I said, blubbering through the tears, and Axel made a snorty bear noise that meant he wanted to laugh at me but didn't dare.

He made me sit on the chaise part of the new couch and covered me in blankets before he retrieved cake and snacks and tea for me. Tyler and the kids hopped onto the couch next to me, talking a mile a minute, even when Josie tried to distract them with some of the new fancy things Axel had bought for the living room — including a basket of toys. The bears laughed and poured each other glass after glass of the mystery clear liquor that Mal brought up in a milk jug, but Axel crouched next to the fireplace, fussing with kindling and newspapers and matches. Tyler marched over to supervise, and I couldn't help but smile as Axel patiently followed the detailed instructions on where to put each log and shred of paper. Axel glanced back, a long-suffering look on his face, and caught me watching. He smiled, mouthed, "I love you," and turned his attention back to the fire and Tyler. "So where do I put this one?"

I leaned back on the couch, content to watch Katie and Leah nibble cake off my plate, and let the warmth and comfort of the noisy house roll over me. Josie squeezed my hand and laughed as she tried to rescue my cake. Kaiser staggered over, already half-toasted from the liquor, and gave her a plate with almost a quarter of the cake on it. The jokes continued and I exhaled a little of the terror that still gripped me. Having a baby terrified me to my core — I didn't feel ready. Maybe I would never feel ready. But I wasn't alone. I had a family to help.

Mal leaned on the kitchen island, demolishing a substantial piece of cake. "I know it's early, but have you thought of any names?"

"Sort of." Axel glanced over his shoulder at me, and waited to go on until I nodded. I didn't mind sharing. "If it's a boy, he'll be Magnus, after my father. Magnus Ragnarsson Isbjorn."

The Southerner chuckled. "That's a whole lotta name for a little guy."

"It is powerful name," Sasha said, raising his glass. "He'll grow into it."

The others toasted to my baby, and Owen raised an eyebrow. "And if it's a girl? What then? Magnusa? Magnellie?"

Axel scowled at him, but a smile cracked through as Sasha and Kaiser both started brainstorming names for a baby girl. 'Axelia' was the best of the group, and by a large margin. So clearly we wouldn't be asking the guys for help with names. The fire finally crackling in the fireplace, Axel sat on the floor next to my chaise and touched my hip and side, his palm sliding to my stomach. "You okay?"

"Yes." I squeezed his hand. Maybe the code wasn't a bad thing after all. We all needed help. We all needed family. It might not be the family we expected, but I didn't mind at all. "I'm great."

Except I started crying again, and he laughed, and Josie scolded him, and Kaiser passed more liquor, and Sasha started singing a Russian love song, and the chaos of family went on into the night.

T
hank you for reading
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Bearing Hearts
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Layla

C
ity Shifters
: the Pride

Thrill of the Chase

Chasing Trouble

Storm Chaser

Cut to the Chase

Chasing the Dream

A Chase Christmas

A Valentine’s Chase

C
ity Shifters
: the Den

Bearing Burdens

Bearing Hearts

Bearing Scars (Coming in March!)

Bearing Demons (Coming in April!)

Bearing Secrets (Coming in May!)

O
ther Paranormal Romance

His Bear Hands
(with Callista Ball)