Be My Baby (3 page)

(Whatever, I suppose.)

I laced my arms around his neck, pulling his
face closer to mine. He lips and tongue hungrily devoured me. His
breathing was already getting faster. Perhaps it wouldn't last too
long tonight.

I lay on my back; my eyes had adjusted to
the darkness of our room. It was if I was someone else watching a
bad porn film. Trey was doing all of those things to me that I used
to love. His lips and tongue were doing magical things to my
breasts and below. His fingers were gently probing the folds of my
sex; I felt myself get wet for him. My body was responding; why
wasn't I?

"Does that feel good, baby?"

"Mmmm - oh yeah, Trey."

"Tell me what you want, Tylar?"

(To roll over on my side and go to sleep; to
not be so tired and sick all of the time . . .)

"I want you, Trey; I want you inside of me
right now."

He lifted his weight up and off of me; his
hand gently guided his manhood into me. He flexed in and out of me
a couple of times. I felt myself get even wetter.

"Ummm, Tylar - you feel so good. I've missed
this so much baby."

(What the hell is wrong with me? This is my
husband. This is who I love. Why do I feel like a corpse?)

I felt a tear run down my cheek; and then
another. Trey was busy, rocking in and out of me. He didn't
notice.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I
needed to feel something different than what I was feeling now.

Trey was moaning; his pace and rhythm had
picked up. I tried to meet his thrusts but at this point, I wasn't
sure if he would even notice. He was almost there. . .

"Ummm. . . oh yeah," he groaned as I felt
him stiffen; followed by the familiar throbbing as he emptied his
climax into me.

He rolled over onto his back; he threw his
arm over his forehead. He was winding down; his breathing
normalized.

"I love you Trey."

"I love you too, baby."

Several minutes later I heard his deep, even
breathing. He was asleep. I turned on my side, hugging my pillow in
my arms against me and wept softly until I finally fell back to
sleep.

___________________________________________________

When I awoke the next morning the sun was
streaming in through our bedroom window. Trey was already up and
gone for the day. I didn't believe that I had slept through his
morning ritual. My back ached something fierce. It would have been
nice if I had gotten that back rub I was promised. I looked at the
clock on the nightstand.

(Holy shit! It was 10:32 a.m.)

My cheeks felt flushed. I sat up quickly. I
needed to get going and get to the hospital to see Gina and the
baby. Wow - I felt dizzy. Maybe I needed to lay back down just for
a bit. I sank back down into the pillows and pulled the blankets up
under my chin. I was shivering now.

When I awoke again I couldn't read what the
clock on the nightstand said. My vision was all blurry. I put my
hand up to my face; my forehead and cheeks were damp with
perspiration. What the hell was going on?

I forced myself to throw my legs over the
side of the bed. I really needed to use the bathroom. My nightgown
was soaked. I must've peed the bed. I definitely had a fever going.
That is when I looked down and saw the blood all over the sheets
from where I had been lying.

I heard myself scream for Jean - over and
over again. I heard the bedroom door open. Everything after that
went black.

CHAPTER 3

When I awoke the first thing I saw was Trey
sitting in a chair beside my bed. He still had his work clothes on.
The sleeves on his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. He had
loosened his tie. His sexy five o'clock shadow had gone a bit
beyond that.

"Trey?"

He jumped up from his chair and came to
stand beside me.

"Tylar," he breathed, his eyes reflected his
pain.

"Wait - wait," I said, "Let me guess. I'm in
the hospital aren’t I?" I followed this with a sarcastic laugh that
even I didn't recognize.

I saw Trey's expression go straight to
'concerned.'

"I mean I couldn't possibly
be anywhere else, could I? It's all just so . .
. fucking
Tylar, isn't
it?"

"Honey," he said, quietly, taking my hand
into his, "I need to tell you what happened."

"No Trey. No - you don't get to tell me what
happened. I already know what happened."

I was on a roll not quite sure where all of
this was coming from. I was angry. I was angry at Trey.

Trey hit the button illuminating the light
for a nurse to come in. I was freaking him out apparently. His eyes
now had a hint of fear in them.

"You just had to have sex last night, didn't
you? It was all about you wasn't it? Just like always. Then you
fucking left me this morning burning up with a fever and bleeding
in our bed at home."

"Tylar honey - please?"

"Please what, Trey?"

"It was two nights ago. You've been in the
hospital one night already. You lost a lot of blood. You needed a
transfusion. It was a very freak and rare infection honey. You're
going to be fine, though. You will get out of here in a day or
two."

"And the baby?"

I hadn't had the nerve to look down at my
stomach yet. I already knew though. I knew as soon as I had
awakened.

Trey's eyes were filled with tears now. Were
they tears of guilt or tears of loss?

"We lost her, sweetie. I'm so sorry. We lost
our baby girl."

He laid his head down on my now flat
stomach. His tears flowed freely; he sobbed and cried. I placed my
hand on his dark, thick hair and ran my fingers through it
absently. I was trying to make sense out of all of this.

_____________________________________________________

The following days went by in a blessed
blur. My doctor explained the details of what had happened to Trey
and I; though I didn’t listen to any of it. The nurses told me what
I could and couldn't do once released from the hospital.

At home, Jean was crying and wringing her
hands. She watched me as if I was a fine piece of porcelain china
that had been set too close to the edge of the mantle; the
slightest jar or movement could send me crashing into hundreds of
pieces. Preston was told to 'let Mommy rest.' She didn’t understand
any of this. She was herded out of my room every time she tried to
sneak in.

Gina was at my bedside, inconsolable as she
cried and held me. My father did the encore feature of the same
after Gina had left. Trey was hounding me about names, caskets and
burial arrangements.

(Everyone - please! Leave me the fuck
alone!)

It was the second day after I had been
released from the hospital. It was the day of the graveside service
for the baby. Trey had insisted we name her. I named her Marley
Renaud Sinclair after my mother. Trey had made the arrangements for
everything else. He had purchased a burial plot in the 'baby'
section of the cemetery in DeKalb County, along with picking out a
casket and a grave marker. I had been ordered strict bed rest so I
wasn't able to assist him with the arrangements.

Susan and Clive had already flown in to
Atlanta right after Gina and Tristan's baby was born. They had
named him Reese Patrick Sinclair. I was sorry that my miscarriage
had served to dampen the joy of properly welcoming Baby Reese into
the family. I had said as much to Gina, Tristan and Susan. They had
all gaped at me with expressions that ranged from 'puzzled' to
'disturbed.'

Trey was in our room now helping me get
dressed for the memorial service. I slipped into a plain black
dress with a white collar. He zipped the back up for me, pulling my
hair out of the way. I couldn't even recall when or where I had
bought it. It looked almost Amish I thought to myself. Trey brought
my black heels out from the closet and my light weight black
coat.

"Tylar - we are going to be at the cemetery
a little early. If you want, you can have a couple of minutes with
the baby in the chapel. I know that you didn't get a chance to see
her after they delivered her and all. I mean, I got to hold her and
everything but you were under anesthesia so if you want to say
'good-bye' to her maybe."

"I don't think so, Trey. It wouldn't serve
any practical purpose. I've come to terms with it. These things
happen. Where's Preston?"

He was staring at me as if he hadn't heard
me and was still waiting for an answer.

"Where's Preston?"

"Oh - ah, I think your Dad has her. Do you
want me to get her?"

"Please."

I went to the bathroom and touched up my
hair and make-up. I looked very demure. I guess that was a look I
could handle for today. I put the pearl drop earrings on that my
father had given to my mother.

A few minutes later my father came to our
room with Preston. Susan had dressed her in a plaid wool skit, a
pullover sweater and tights. She looked adorable.

"Hey sweet girl," I said holding my arms out
for her. She leaned over and reached for me. I pulled her against
me breathing in her still-baby scent. My heart ached. I couldn't
breathe. Something was stabbing me in the gut at the moment.

I kissed her cheek and handed back over to
my dad.

"Tylar - are you up to this darling? Do you
want to talk about your loss?"

"Dad - why is everyone here so hell-bent on
seeing me go to pieces?"

"Darling - we all love you. This is a loss.
We are here to help you through it. That's all."

"I appreciate that Dad, but I look at this
as being one of those unfortunate things that happens for a reason.
I don't question my blessings so why should I question my
losses?"

"I suppose that is a
very
pragmatic
way of looking at it," he commented. "Still, if you should
need to talk about it, please know that I am here for
you."

"Thanks, Dad," I said, giving him a pat on
his arm. He was still looking at me warily. I guess everyone in
this house would just have to be satisfied knowing that I was
dealing with this in my own way.

The memorial service at the cemetery was
just family, though Amber managed to crash it. We were gathered at
the gravesite; Gina had contacted a priest at the church she
attended and he agreed to read some scripture and bless the grave.
Once gathered around the grave we heard a car pull up. I turned to
see Amber getting out of it to join the family.

"What's she doing here?" I hissed in a quiet
voice to Trey.

"She said she wanted to offer her
condolence, that's all," Trey said, "I told her we were having a
memorial service."

"Couldn't she have just sent a card?" I
replied, turning back around.

Amber joined the family circled around the
small, open grave. She was wearing a black pencil skirt, with a
black bolero jacket and a black fedora hat. The wind offered a bit
of a chill to the air; I rubbed my hands together for warmth as the
priest starting reading from scripture. Trey had his arm around me;
I heard the others sniffling behind me. I just wanted this to be
over and to go back home again.

When the service ended; we were all supposed
to go back to the house for lunch. I stopped Trey as he left my
side to thank Amber for coming.

"Don't invite her to lunch Trey. I mean
it."

He didn't say a word as he went over and
took her hand, thanking her for stopping by. She put her arms
around him telling him what a lovely service it had been.

(Oh - please!)

I went over to look at some of the flower
arrangements that had been sent; I could keep the two of them in my
peripheral vision while doing so. Trey moved on talking to Susan
and Clive. I saw Amber approaching.

"Tylar," she said with faux sincerity, "I
just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss."

She placed her hand on my arm. I looked down
at her hand, then back up into her dark brown eyes.

"Thank you Amber. These things happen for a
reason I've been told."

"Yes," she said, her eyes more alert now,
searching mine for understanding. "That is exactly right. I know
that it sounds so cliché, Tylar. But you're the one who said it.
You must realize that in the long run, it will make the break
easier."

"The break?"

"Yes. The break between you and Trey. He's
on the fast track, Tylar. That is exactly where I want to be. You
see, I intend to have him."

She turned and walked with confidence back
down the small hill to where her car was parked. She didn't look
back.

Gina approached me carrying Reese who was
all bundled up in a blanket.

"What did she say to you?"

"Nothing important. Let me see Reese,
Gina."

_______________________________________________________

Back at the house I managed to get through
lunch with the family. Preston was enamored with tiny Baby Reese.
She watched intrigued as Gina nursed him, changed him and cuddled
him. Gina let Preston see his tiny little face.

"That's your cousin," Gina explained to her.
She giggled and ran over to me.

"Baabby," she said, smiling.

She looked at my now flat stomach. I saw her
little mind trying to piece together what had happened. She pointed
over to where Gina was holding Reese.

"Mommie's baabby?"

"No honey. Reese is not Mommy's baby; Reese
is Aunt Gina and Uncle Tristan's baby. Remember when Aunt Gina's
tummy was big?"

"Unh huh," she said, nodding her head up and
down.

"Well now Baby Reese is out of Aunt Gina's
tummy and she is holding him."

Everyone had seemed to stop what they were
doing to watch my interaction with Preston on the subject of the
baby. She had not gone to the cemetery with us; she had stayed
behind with Jean.