Be Good (18 page)

I gave a small, and what I hoped would appear to be a di
smissive, shrug. “That didn’t work out.” I was trying to maintain a neutral tone.

Jay’s gaze now had some heat to it.
“His loss.”

I nodded.

We looked at each other for a few moments. When God created Jay, he was certainly as close to perfection as he could get. He was a flawless specimen of the human male.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He was still staring into my eyes.

I grinned. “It’s an open bar.”

“Good line, though, right? I made you smile. I heard a few rumors that making you smile isn’t easy to do.”

My first thought was about Brett and how much he managed to make me smile. I glanced over at his table and his eyes were fixed on me and Jay. Sweater Vest had her arms crossed over her chest and she looked like she was fuming.

I turned my attention back to Jay. “We can get drinks over there
.” I pointed to the bar with the flirty bar tender. 

I was surprised when Jay grabbed my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. It was an act that felt almost too intimate for just having spoken a few words to each other. No guy I had ever hooked up with held my hand that way. Brett was the only guy, who ever held my hand that way. Holding hands that way was
something that guys did with their girlfriends, not with one-night stands.

The huge room suddenly felt like it was closing in on me. My heart began to race. Was I panicking? Why? I had been with more
guys than I could ever count. Why was I suddenly nervous about being with Jay? He was gorgeous and seemed more than willing, what was the problem?

I could hear a tiny voice in the corner of my mind say: the problem is that he’s not Brett.

That tiny voice had to go. Quickly. Brett wasn’t coming back and I had to get over him and get on with my life. The best way to get rid of the tiny voice was to drown it in alcohol. Tonight, liquid courage was going to become my best friend again.

As we approached the bar, the flirty bar tendered looked at me
, gave Jay the once-over then looked back at me with a sly grin.

“So, more of the same?”
I knew he was referring to the drink. If only he knew how much more there was to that line. Jay was going to be more of the same, probably the first of another endless string of drunken one-night stands.

I nodded. “Better make it a double.”

“Two are always better than one.” This time the double-meaning was not subtle at all. He was looking at me like he wanted to take me right on the bar with Jay watching.

When I glanced up at Jay, he gave me a huge smile. He didn’t seem to be picking up on anything between the bartender and me. It made me wonder if he was a little on the dull side.

The bartender handed me the drink and winked at me. When I looked at Jay, he was still oblivious. It made me wonder if it was possible for a guy to be the stereo-typical “dumb blond.”

“And what are you having?” the bartender asked Jay. You mean besides me, I thought.

“A beer,” Jay replied.

“Bud?” the bartender suggested.

Jay shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

The bar tender poured Jay a glass of beer from the tap. “Thanks, Man,” Jay said as he placed a few dollars in the tip jar.

“Have fun,” the bar tender said eyeing me.

“I always do,” I said and the bar tender gave me a sly grin in return.

***

Jay had only taken a few sips of his beer by the time I downed my drink. It didn’t even taste good. I just wanted to feel something different than what I was feeling and I knew alcohol well enough to know exactly how good she could make me feel. We were quickly getting reacquainted with each other and I was managing to drown out that little voice that kept nagging me with:
what about Brett?
I wanted to scream:
Brett’s living happily ever after with Sweater Vest, so shut the fuck up, Little Voice!

Jay picked a table with a terrific view of Brett and Sweater Vest.
Great! I noticed that Brett was still gawking at me and Jay. Sweater Vest was now talking to a girl, who had sat down next to her. I vaguely recognized her from school. She was another one of the brainy bunch that they hung out with. 

I noticed right away that Jay wasn’t a master of conversation. I decided to break the ice. “So, where are you working?”

“I started a business with a couple of guys from school. We do pest control.”

“You don’t drive around in those little cars with the bug a
ntennas, do you?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s another company. And we don’t actually do the pest control. We hire guys to do that. We run the business.”

I nodded. Where do you go with a conversation about killing bugs?

There were a few moments of awkward silence. I found it odd that he didn’t ask me where I was working. It didn’t seem to occur to him. I wouldn’t call Jay intellectually curious.

I tried with another topic. “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”

“Country.”

My least favorite. I’d rather listen to cats wailing. “No rock music?”

He shook his head.
“Nah.”

Okay, then. This was going to be a long night. When I glanced in Brett’s direction, I noticed he was still staring at us. That made me angry. He didn’t want to be with me but he clearly didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Fuck that.

I placed a hand on Jay’s thigh and I could see him gulp. Then a small grin formed in the corner of his mouth. I thought I heard him whisper, “Higher.”

I moved my hand up his thigh a bit.

“Higher,” he whispered again. Seriously? Did he think I was going to give him a hand job under the table at a wedding?

He got close to my ear. “Come on, Babe,” he whispered. “It would be so hot.” Then he kissed me. I didn’t feel a thing. It was like kissing the wall. When he gave me a little tongue, I felt like I might gag.

I never let lack of feeling bother me before, why now? Because he wasn’t Brett. When I kissed Brett, I felt electricity through my entire body. Brett made me feel all kinds of wonderful things. When I kissed Jay, I felt nothing. I heaved a sigh. If I ever hoped to spend the night with Jay, I’d need to spend a little more time with my friend, Southern Comfort.

“I need to go to the ladies room,” I said to Jay. “Would you mind getting me another drink while I’m gone?”

“Sure, Babe, no problem.”

As I hurried toward the bathroom, I snuck a peek at Brett and I saw that he was rising from his seat. Shit, was he following me?

I tried to quicken my pace but it was nearly impossible in my fuck-me pumps. Brett caught up to me right outside the ladies room door. He grabbed my elbow and turned me to face him.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said.

“Do what?” I snapped.

“Hook up with some guy just to hurt me.”

I let out a single laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself. Jay is the best looking guy in the place. Why wouldn’t I hook up with him?”

Brett’s gaze bored into me.
“Because you don’t have feelings for him.”

“What makes you think that?”

Brett grabbed my other elbow. He was now gripping both of my arms, as if for emphasis. “I saw the way you looked after he kissed you. You didn’t feel a thing.”

I let out another laugh.

He continued. “I know what you look like when you’re turned on. Jay didn’t make you look like that. Not even close.”

“And just how do I like when I’m turned on?” I taunted.

Before I could stop him, Brett kissed me like I had never been kissed before. There was so much fire and passion in his kiss, it completely took my breath away.

“That’s what you look like when you’re turned on,” he said.

I stepped back from him, still in a haze from the kiss. Brett and I stared at each other for a long minute. Then I said, “What about Becca? How do you feel when you kiss her?”

Before he could respond, I heard her voice behind me.

“Brett,” she said as she took her place next to him and grabbed his elbow. “What’s going on?” She gave me an icy glare.

“What is going on, Brett?” I said coldly.

He gulped. He looked from me to Sweater Vest then back to me. I gave him another few seconds to respond and when he didn’t say anything and didn’t make any move to remove himself from Sweater Vest’s grasp, I figured his choice was made – again. I was still the loser.

“Well, there’s a gorgeous guy waiting for me and he’s horny as hell and ready to rock and roll, so if you’ll excuse me…” I turned and left Brett and Sweater Vest standing there. I didn’t turn back to check but I was pretty sure they were both gapping at me.

“The bartender remembered your drink,” Jay said as I sat back down at the table with him.

“I bet he did,” I
muttered under my breath.

“He asked me if I thought you’d like a double.”

“And what did you say?”

“Yeah, sure, why not?”

“Did he tell you what time his shift ended?” I added because I was in a foul mood and couldn’t help myself.

Jay looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Why would he tell me that?”

I wanted so badly to tell him that the
double
was more than just a drink but I held my tongue. Jay couldn’t help it that he was so clueless. “Never mind,” I said instead. “Let’s dance.”

The DJ started playing and a few people were floating t
owards the dance floor. I grabbed the drink that Jay had gotten me and downed it one big gulp. Then I grabbed Jay and pulled him on the dance floor.

The DJ play
ed some hard-hitting rock. The alcohol was starting to hit me and as I moved to the music, I felt myself getting lost in the beat. I could feel Jay behind me. He grabbed my waist and started pushing himself against me. We were both moving like we were having sex on the dance floor. I might have been embarrassed if I hadn’t downed the equivalent of five drinks on an empty stomach.

I closed my eyes and tried to
lose myself in the beat of the music and the feeling of Jay touching me and moving his body with mine. His desire for me was more than evident. The more our bodies moved together on the dance floor, the more evident his desire became. Yet all I could think about was Brett. I wanted it to be Brett’s hands touching me. I wanted it to be Brett’s body pressed against me. I wanted Brett to want me but he wanted Becca.

When the song ended, and the DJ said he was taking a five minute break, Jay and I stopped moving. I suddenly felt awkward with his hands on my hips and his body so close to mine. I took a few steps away from his and he released his hold on me.

When I glanced over toward Brett and Sweater Vest, I could see he was headed in my direction and she was following close on his heels. I was definitely not in the mood for another confrontation.

Brett grabbed my elbow. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked as he tried to pull me from the dance floor.

“Dude, what’s up?’ Jay said. He was trying to be casual but I could hear some strain in his voice.

Brett didn’t respond to Jay verbally. He just glared at him. That made me angry because Jay wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I ripped my elbow from Brett’s grasp. “I have nothing to say to you,” I spat.

Now it was Sweater Vest, who grabbed Brett’s elbow. “I’m getting tired. I want to go back to the hotel.”

Brett looked at me. Then he looked at Jay. Then he looked back at me. “You don’t have to do this,” he reminded me. He looked miserable and I could feel what was left of my little heart breaking. Misery of Brett’s own making, I reminded myself but it didn’t make me feel any better.

“Let’s go,” Sweater Vest whined as she pulled on his elbow. Brett nodded but he didn’t take his eyes from mine.

“You’d better go,” I mocked. “You don’t want to keep Becca waiting.”

She glared at me until Brett allowed her to pull him away.

“What was that all about?” Jay asked. His tone wasn’t angry, he seemed confused and even a bit concerned.

Before I could respond, the water works started and I began to sob uncontrollably.

“Are you okay?” Jay asked.

“No,” I managed to get out between sobs. “I’m not okay.”

“Can I get you another drink? Jay was trying to help but failing miserably.

I just
cried harder. “I’m going back to the hotel.”

“Do you need a ride?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to ruin your evening. I’ll just grab a cab.”

“Okay,” Jay said but he didn’t sound like he agreed with the plan. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

I nodded. “I’ll be fine,” I lied. I was anything but.

***

I couldn’t get to my room fast enough. I knew my eyes were already red and swollen from crying but I felt like I wasn’t even close to being cried out. The first thing I did when I got inside was to grab the tissue box from the bathroom and take it to the bed with me. I blew my nose then put my head down on the pillow and inundated the poor flat thing with tears.