Barefoot and Lost (22 page)

    She is altering a black blazer that looks the worse for wear it must be older than me. She says it is the only one that goes any where near to fitting me so it will have to do until something better comes along. The grey pair of trousers she has already finished, by letting down the turn u
ps, they are still very short.
She says I will just have to wear them down on my hips, I hope I am not going to look a freak.

     I am the only kid in the whole place, the younger ones over five, have gone to the village school, and the others have gone to Tonbridge either to TSM or the girl’s Secondary. I haven’t noticed Flynn for a couple of days, this would be a bad time to come across
him, when I am here on my own perhaps
he is on holiday.
Mr.
Simmons
is usually on duty two nights a week and helps out sometimes when there is Physical training or cricket, but now
he always seems to be here. I am in my bolt hole with
Sir
Kenneth
but can’t concentrate every creak has me looking in the mirror, expecting to see
Flynn
or Mam’s head appear over the top step of the stairs. I’m not so sure I can trust Mam, maybe I am safe maybe it is only little girls she likes.

     The
Kent
Courier
is not very interesting, no wonder
John
was happy to give it to me. I’m fed up and bored, can’t wait for the others to come home from school.

     I can hear Mam calling my name, my first reaction is to keep quiet, but then she calls, ‘
Phillip
, come out wherever you are, I want you to try on your uniform- where are you?’

     I look a freak, the blazer is hanging off my shoulders, one arm is longer than the other, and my trousers are so short there is about three inches of my socks showing. Mam is looking at me with her head cocked to one side as though she is lining up the angles, then with a smile and a reassuring nod she says, ‘My Phillip look how smart you are, here, turn around and look in the mirror.’ I can’t believe she is saying this she must be telling lies or she is blind. The reflection I see is someone, certainly not me, wearing a jacket that looks like it is draped over the back of a chair, my trousers are so short it reminds me of when Gran and me were at the Red Cross I was trying on long trouser she thought I was ready for them and should get them now for free, the first pair I tried on were short, she said ‘There is nothing wrong with them but your shoes will have to have a party and invite your trousers down to join them.’ My shoes would have to have a banquet to meet up with these trousers.

     There, don’t you look smart Mrs. James has really worked hard to get them just right, I want you to go down to the laundry and thank her.’

     ‘Mam, is this one of those mirrors you get in fairgrounds?’

     ‘
Phillip
, do you always have to speak in riddles, what are you talking about?

     ‘The mirror Mam, it must be different from when you are looking at me, all I can see is my trousers are three inches above my shoes, the blazer is hanging off me and one arm is longer than the other.’ She turns on me her eyes blazing,

     ‘You ungrateful little sod, we are bending over backwards to help kids like you, just because you’ve had a privileged upbringing you have to realize you are not now, in anyway, privileged. You have to accept what you get and that is all you are getting, like it or lump it, not another word from you on this subject, is that understood?’

     ‘Yes Mam, but I may come back from school black and blue because, the first kid that calls me the village idiot I will fight, and it doesn’t matter to me how big they are, I will fight.’

     ‘Don’t be smart with me
Phillip
Snell
, go to your dorm, and hang them up to keep your clothes neat.’

     ‘What about a tie Mam, am I not supposed to have a school tie, the boys at TSM yesterday were wearing ties?’

     ‘A tie, yes of course, go and see
Mrs.
James
, she will find you one and don’t forget to thank her?’ I’m not going to argue with her but there is no way I am wearing this tomorrow, I will wear my best trousers and the blazer. If they won’t let me go to school then I’ll stay here, even if it means getting a thrashing from the Reverend. Why do we have to wear uniform, I didn’t at my last school, I bet most of the kids do not have them, where would they get them from? Anyway the shops have hardly any clothes in them and you would have to have coupons to buy a uniform. I remember reading a few months ago, that the coupons were going to be cut and that the shops are not to make, or sell, clothes that aren’t necessary. Well school uniforms aren’t necessary so, if the Reverend wants to beat me I will tell him that the law is on my side, and I will write to
Winston
Churchill
and tell him I have been unfairly punished for being a good citizen.

    
The old Morris van spills its load of school kids around the back beside the dining room doors.
Jack
and
Brian
are in deep conversation, Toby looks cheesed off.
Enid
and
Doris
give me a wave calling me to them, ‘How come you didn’t go to school?’

     ‘I’m going tomorrow; it’s my first time there.’

     ‘
Phil
, what do you want us to do with the note, about Mam, you asked us to write?’

     ‘Have you done it?’

     ‘Yes we did it at playtime today, so nobody from here would see what we were writing.’

     ‘So, you have it with you now?’

     ‘Yes, I have it’
Doris
whispers.

     ‘Don’t hand it to me now, wait until we go through the door into the dining hall, then just slip it into my hand, then no one will see okay?’

     The note is folded up to the size of a plum stone, when I feel Doris’s hand touch mine, expecting something larger I very nearly drop it, just managing to get my fingers around the balled up piece of paper before slipping it into my pocket. Sitting at the dining table I have a moment of panic, is the pocket I have put it in the one with the hole in the lining. Trying to hide my rummaging in my pocket, the boy opposite me keeps giving me a nod as though he is trying to warn me. Suddenly I become conscious of someone standing behind me, turning in my seat I see a man
with a stern look, one
I have not seen befor
e,
peering down at me over
his
spectacles that are sitting on the end of his nose. ‘What are you doing boy I trust you are not secreting food from the table into your pocket?’

     ‘No sir not at all, I was trying to get my handkerchief.’

     ‘I think we’d better have a look don’t you?’

     ‘No sir, I haven’t got any food in my pocket.’
     ‘Then you won’t mind standing and turning your pockets inside out for us both to see?’

     ‘But I haven’t sir.’

     ‘GET UP THIS INSTANT’ he shouts, grabbing my shoulder, pulling me from the chair.

     Gingerly I pull out the lining but can’t prevent
Doris
’s note falling to the floor, pointing to the note, ‘What is that?’

      ‘Paper ball sir, some boys were firing them around the class at school today, it’s just a piece of rubbish sir.’

      ‘Now the other pocket let me see.’ I turn that inside out allowing my handkerchief to fall to the floor, bending down I scoop it up together with the note. Satisfied I haven’t any food, Spectacles says with a disappointed look, ‘What is your name?’

     ‘
Phillip
Snell
sir.’

     ‘Carry on with your meal, don’t let me catch you, or anyone else, stealing food from the table.    

     ‘Who the hell is he? Toby whispers.’

     ‘I don’t know, but I don’t like him.’

     Our pow wow tonight is about school. Toby is upset because he is still in first year and has only graduated to 1B. He is even more upset when I tell him I am going straight into 1A. I joke with him telling him I can only go down and he can go up or down. ‘Its not fair
Phil
, I know I started at TSM early, but I’ve had nearly two terms there and thought I was doing okay. The friends I made have moved onto second year and I’m stuck with a bunch of first years; bloody hell, your not even in my class it’s just not fair.’

     ‘Sorry Tobe, it’s not my fault; we can still be together at break times can’t we?’

   
‘Yeah
I suppose; hey, what was that all about with that weird bloke?’

     ‘Oh yeah
, I forgot about
Doris
’s note.’ Fishing it out of my handkerchief I start to unravel it. There are  two pages, torn from an exercise book, the writing is
so
big and spaced out they could have quite easily used one page,  Perhaps it is a good thing they didn’t, with the large print and spacing the note is still difficult to read. ‘There is nothing here they haven’t a
lready told me, so I will now
post it to Pop.’

     ‘Do you think it will do any good, what
about your friend Pop,
do you think he will do something about it?’

      ‘I know he will
Brian
, in fact I think he already has, because I haven’t seen
Flynn
for a few days; have you?’ I look at everyone in turn they all agree he has not been seen.

     ‘Perhaps he is in prison, he could be if your Pop got in touch with the police?’

     ‘I’m sure he would have done Brian
, because w
e has a friend who is a superintendent in the
Sussex
police, I just know he would.’

     ‘Bloody hope so, serves the pervert right, wonder if he likes bread and water.’ We all laugh, each of us with our own thoughts of what may be happening to
Flynn
.

     ‘Toby, do you have a school uniform?’

     ‘No, not really, I have an old black blazer and a tie that I wear to school.’

     ‘What about you two, do you have uniforms?’

     ‘Yes and no, we’re like Toby, we have old jackets and trousers which look a bit like a uniform.’
     ‘What about Lion, did he have one?’

     ‘Yeah
, he had a very old black blazer from the elementary school, from before the war, before TSM was invented, because all the kids had uniforms, then when they changed the name they kept the same uniform.’ 

     ‘Lion hated it, he hardly ever wore it, always carried it on his shoulder, he was always being told to put it on.’

     I walk to my locker and bring out my uniform holding it in front of me.

    ‘Is this it, is this Lions?’

    ‘If it has one arm longer than the other then yes, it’s his’ Quickly putting on the school trousers, pulling them up as high as I can, draping the jacket over my shoulder, I start to stroll up and down the dorm like a manikin. The clapping and wolf whistles from the others brings
Mr
Simmons
into the Dorm, ‘What are you doing
Phillip
?’

      ‘Nothing really
Mr.
Simmons
I am only modelling my uniform.’

      ‘What about the trousers, what have you done to them?’

      ‘They are a lot short but I just pulled them up to make them look worse, that’s all.’ I pull them down onto my hips, ‘that’s them right down now.’

     ‘I see what you mean; do you have other trousers that fit you?’

     ‘Yes, do you want me to put them on now?’

     ‘No, not now; wear them with the jacket to school.’

     ‘The jacket was Lion’s; it is a bit big for me.’

     ‘The jacket you will grow into, unlike the trousers, you could only grow out of them; Okay, it is time for lights out now so settle down.’
Mr.
Simmons
walks towards the door
Brian
’s deep voice stops him,

     ‘Where is
Mr.
Flynn
, is he in prison?’
Mr.
Simmons
swings around with a bewildered look,

     ‘
Mr.
Flynn
, he has had to go away. P
rison, why did you ask about prison, why would he be in prison?’ We all look at each other, none of us wanting to answer the question. The long silence is broken by
Mr.
Simmons
.
‘Is there something here I should know about?’

Brian breaks the silence  ‘We don’t know sir, who we can talk to about it; you could all be doing it for all we know, Flynn was and we know Mam is, we don’t know who else, maybe the Reverend is as well.’

     ‘For Gods sake
Brian
stop speaking in riddles, what are all these people allegedly doing?’

     ‘
Child
abuse sir.’

     ‘Child abuse, what do you mean, beating them shouting at them, that sort of thing? If so, that is what adults do to children to discipline them.’
Jack
speaks for the first time

     ‘No sir, nothing like that Brian means sexual abuse, Flynn was or still is, he was taking young boys, including Phil and Toby, and Lion when he was younger, and wanking them sir, and once he even forced his cock into Lion’s mouth sir, that is why he ran away and died because of it.’

    
Mr.
Simmons
is standing with his mouth open his jaw is moving but nothing is coming out, the colour has drained from his face.

     ‘When
Flynn
did it to me sir, Lion protected me, he hit
Flynn
. He ran away then, for the first time, because no one believed him. I wrote a letter to a friend about what Flynn did to me sir, I think he has passed it onto the police; Sir, I think you should read this, it’s from two girls here at St S’s, it’s, about Mam sir.’ I hand him the note from
Doris
and
Enid
.

    
Mr.
Simmons reads
it
slowly;
you can almost see his brain ticking over. 

He lowers the note, standing there staring into space, the note in his hands shaking, as he trembles; none of us dares to speak. With a small cough to clear his throat, he looks at each one of
us as though trying to read our
minds.

     ‘These are very serious allegations, I need time to think, I have to decide whether this stems from an over active imagination, or it is fact.’

     ‘It is true sir, we haven’t made it up, please believe us.’

     ‘First, trust me, I am certainly not part of anything that you say is going on, therefore I need to think and decide what I am going to do about it. We; that is, all of us here need to meet, away from here, to discuss what is the best thing to do. I suggest we get together at lunch time tomorrow, at TSM. I wish to keep this note is that okay?’ I’m reluctant to see it go, I wanted to send it to Pop, but I think we can trust
Mr.
Simmons
. I look at the others, each nods, or replies okay.
Mr.
Simmons
leaves the room then puts his head back around the door,

     ‘Trust me lads, I’m on your side. In the meantime not a word to anybody, goodnight, see you in the morning.’

     ‘How did that happen, I thought we weren’t going to tell anyone here and let
Phil
’s friend sort it?’

     ‘I think it was me that put my foot in it, asking about prison, I dunno it just came out.’

     ‘It’s probably not a bad thing he knows; now it’s out in the open. I’m sure we can trust him and, if he is not to be trusted, no harm done as Pop already knows. Or I could write again.’

     ‘
Phil
, do you think we should tell the girls that
Simmons
has their note?’

     ‘I don’t know, what do you all think?’

     ‘
Simmons
said don’t tell anybody, so let’s leave it at that.’ We all agree.

     I get off the van, my jacket over my shoulder; I haven’t gone two yards before I am told to put it on. At the entrance there is a notice directing first year students to the assembly hall, there are about a hundred other kids gathered there. Some are talking amongst themselves but most like me are looking lost, looking for a friendly face. The only one I recognize is skinny saucer eyes with the curly hair, I turn away before he recognizes me, and he certainly does not look my type. On three walls are signs, A, B or C a man is shouting “You know your forms go and stand by your respective letter.” After a head count and a brief introduction by our form master,
Mr.
Cockburn
, we are marched in crocodile to our classroom, 1A.

     At random, he selects where we sit, just my luck, as a desk mate I have a kid with a pimpled face and eyes that won’t look at you, they always appear to be looking over my shoulder.
Mr.
Cockburn
turns to the blackboard and writes in large letters MY NAME IS COCKBURN, PRONOUNCED CO’ BURN, TO PREVENT CONFUSION YOU WILL CALL ME SIR! ‘I will call all of you by your first name to assist me I want you to write your names in large print. Inside your desk will find a paper and pencil, on the reverse side you are to spend fifteen minutes in writing a brief history of yourself.’ There is a clatter of desk lids being opened and shut, “I will instruct you when to commence, remember, name first I will warn you at fourteen minutes, then I will tell you to stop. If you are in mid sentence you stop there, turn your sheet of paper over, and place it on the desk in front of you, with your name facing so I can read it. You may start.’