BANKS Maya - Undenied (Samhain).txt (3 page)

“Payton, wait.”

She stopped and slowly turned, giving him a long, measuring stare. He stared back at her, his eyes thoughtful, a hint of regret simmering in the depths.

“Give me a minute to get dressed, okay?”

Silence fell between them. She shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and rocked back on her heels. “Okay.”

Wes watched her for a long second before he turned and walked back to his bedroom. She was here. On his doorstep. Inviting him to lunch. And he was acting like a complete chicken shit.

“Suck it up and take it like a man.” Get this over with. She’ll leave town. It’s just like Gracie said. I’ll probably never see her again.

He glanced down at his embarrassingly flat shorts. “A lot of help you are,” he muttered. “A drop-dead gorgeous woman throws herself at you and all you can do is lay there like a fucking pussy.”

God, now he was talking to his dick. What a pansy.

He yanked on a T-shirt then fumbled for his tennis shoes which were shoved under the bed. Turning to go, he thought better of it and hurried

to the bathroom. There, he yanked up a toothbrush and did a quicky job of brushing his teeth. Hell, she might try to kiss him again. Oddly enough, that idea wasn’t as terrifying as it should be.

As he passed through the living room, he grabbed for the keys on the hook by the door and walked outside. It was hot, but he was already sweating, and he hadn’t even gotten close to her yet.

He paused at the porch steps and looked at her. Really looked at her. Without all the discomfort her sudden appearance had caused, without the desire to see her vanish into thin air.

The truth was, she was beautiful. The sweet, young girl he’d known had blossomed into one hell of a gorgeous woman. She seemed confident yet relaxed, and she didn’t seem like a bullshitter.

He walked toward her and she looked up, meeting his gaze. She didn’t immediately smile but then the corners of her mouth turned upward and she straightened her stance, one hand on her hip as if she was waiting for him to make the next move. Fair enough, she’d made the first one. And the second.

“Want to go in my truck?” he asked.

“Sure, just let me get my purse.”

He waited as she retrieved her bag from her car, then opened the passenger side door of his truck for her. She moved past him in a soft swirl of floral-scented air. He sniffed, enjoying the feminine smell.

She reached for the door handle, and he gently shut the door behind her before walking around to get in on his side.

“So where are we going again?” she asked as he backed out of his driveway.

“This was your idea,” he said. “Where are you taking me?”

“What are my choices?”

“Well, you can have a burger, Mexican or barbeque. Unless you want to drive into Beaumont, in which case, you can pick your poison.”

“We can do Mexican,” she said.

He drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel as he stopped at the one red light in town. He glanced over to see her staring out her window, her expression one of supreme “I don’t give a fuck”.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. He got out and waited for her in front of the truck then walked behind her inside where they were seated by the hostess.

A waitress dumped a basket of chips with salsa in front of them and stood waiting for their drink order. Wes waited until she’d returned and had taken their food order before relaxing in his chair and looking over at Payton.

She munched on a chip, glancing curiously around the room every once in a while. Then her gaze settled back on him, and for once he didn’t look away. He stared into her pale blue eyes, eyes that currently sparkled with challenge.

“Why are you so uptight around me?” she asked.

He blinked. Well, she definitely didn’t have any inhibitions. “Uh…”

She picked up another chip and dunked it into the salsa. “I can’t figure you out,” she continued. “I catch you looking at me, and I can see the interest, but then the next second, you’re running away so fast, you’re tripping over your feet. Am I that unappealing?”

“Good Lord no,” he muttered, still reeling over the direct line she’d taken.

She arched one eyebrow. “Then what is it? Got something against brunettes?”

“Honey, I like all women,” he drawled.

She snorted. “That’s bullshit. If that was true, you and I would have ended up in bed last night instead of you pulling a lame-ass hat trick to escape.”

He coughed as a piece of chip went down the wrong pipe. He wheezed and reached for his water. A mournful sigh escaped him, and he briefly closed his eyes. Surely this was a guy’s worst nightmare. A gorgeous, vibrant woman offering herself on a silver platter and his mind and dick weren’t in unison.

“Payton, you’re a beautiful woman—”

She held up a hand in annoyance. “Good God, if you’re going to give me that brush-off speech, save it please. I don’t need you to patronize me. Contrary to what you may think, you don’t hold my ego in your little palm. Yeah, I’m attracted to you, yeah, we have a history, but that doesn’t mean you’re the only guy in the world I’ve ever wanted to sleep with.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face and groaned. This was such a cluster fuck. “That’s just it, Payton. Our history is what’s the issue here.”

She looked at him in confusion. “What?”

He glanced around at the nearby tables, cringing at the idea that he’d be overheard by someone. Then he looked back at Payton who was still staring at him with a crinkled brow.

“Look, can we get out of here? Go somewhere else to have this conversation?”

“Uh, okay, I guess.”

He stood abruptly and reached for his wallet. He peeled off a twenty and threw it on the table, not bothering to wait for their food. If he was going to have this come-to-Jesus moment with Payton, he damn sure wasn’t going to do it in a place where he could be overheard by people he had to face on a daily basis.

He reached for her hand before he thought better of it. She hesitated a brief moment before sliding her fingers into his palm. They walked out of the restaurant, him tugging her behind him in his haste to get out.

“Where are we going?” she asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Somewhere private,” he muttered.

She shrugged and focused her attention out the window as he drove through town and hit the highway north into the country. A few miles out, he turned onto a dirt road leading up to an old logging site.

“This must be pretty serious,” she said dryly. “Planning to off me and hide the body?”

He pulled off and cut the engine before turning in his seat to face her. “Very funny. I don’t remember you being such a sarcastic wench.”

She eyed him angelically, the baby blue eyes a fitting accompaniment for her look of innocence. Though he was fast finding out, she wasn’t the sweet little sixteen-year-old he’d known.

“So why is our history such a big issue?” she asked.

With her sitting across from him, looking expectantly at him, he suddenly felt like a complete moron. It was obvious that she didn’t have the same hang-ups he did.

“Payton, I hurt you. Badly. I was clumsy, inconsiderate and I ruined what should have been a terrific experience for you. It was embarrassing as hell, and it’s something I would have just as soon liked to have forgotten. When I saw you again, my first instinct was to run as far as I could in the other direction.”

“You did run in the opposite direction,” she pointed out.

He huffed in irritation. Did she take nothing seriously?

She stared at him a long moment, her face scrunching up more with each passing second. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Knowing there was only one way to get his point across with the least amount of chitchat and skirting around the issue, he reached across the seat and grabbed her hand. He guided it between his legs, ignoring her expression of surprise.

“Let me put it into terms you can’t possibly misunderstand. You feel that? Nothing. I may as well be a fucking eunuch. You’re a gorgeous woman. I should be a walking hard-on around you, instead I’ll likely have to shove my finger up my ass to push my dick back out of hiding.”

She giggled. First a stifled sound like she was trying valiantly to control her mirth. Then she lost all control and began laughing uncontrollably.

“I’m glad you find this so damn amusing,” he said through gritted teeth as he released her hand.

She wiped tears from her eyes then dissolved into laughter again. Wes heaved a long-suffering sigh and stared out the windshield as Payton attempted to collect herself.

She wheezed a few times then tucked her hair back behind her ear. “Wes, tell me you haven’t been worked up all these years over the first time we had sex.”

He shot her a dirty glance. “Of course I haven’t been hung up on it for the last twelve years. It’s just that, damn it, Payton, I hurt you.”

The laughter disappeared and her eyes softened. She reached out a hand to touch his arm. “Wes, it was my first time. Of course it hurt. But that’s not what I remember about it.”

His eyebrows went up. “It’s not? What do you remember then?”

Her eyes twinkled merrily and she smiled that sweet smile that made his gut ache.

“So that was what all that was about last night? You were embarrassed because of what happened between us in high school?”

“It wasn’t one of my prouder moments,” he defended. “I realize it sounds stupid, but it was pretty humiliating.” Hell, he still cringed when he thought too long about it.

“It’s not stupid. I think it’s sweet,” she said, her smile growing broader.

Sweet? Hell, he’d almost prefer humiliation.

Her face took on a dreamy look, and the smile turned wistful. “What I remember is that we were young. I was nervous and excited all at the same time, and you were so sweet and patient with me.”

Patient? Clearly they were remembering separate events. He’d acted with no finesse, and premature ejaculation didn’t even begin to cover the description of his performance.

He cleared his throat. “Uhm, Payton, are you sure you’re remembering the time you had sex with me?”

She laughed. “A girl remembers her first time, and she certainly remembers the guy who was her first.”

“I wasn’t patient,” he said gruffly.

“Yes, you were,” she chided. “You were incredibly sweet. You said all the right things. That I was beautiful. You made sure I was with you every step of the way.”

“I did?”

She nodded. “I don’t know what kind of messed-up event you remember but it’s obvious our perceptions of it are very different. Was it the best sex I’ve ever had? No. But it wasn’t a disaster. In fact, for it being my first time, I don’t think it could have been much better.”

He swallowed the knot in his throat and went for the final humiliating factor. “It was my first time, too,” he said grudgingly.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Really? I was your first?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled. “I think that’s—”

“If you say sweet, I swear I’ll push you out of the truck,” he growled.

A peal of laughter rang out. “Okay, I think it’s cool. That better?”

He smiled for the first time. “I guess you think this is completely ridiculous.”

She reached over and cupped his cheek in her palm. “I think a lot of things. I think I’m flattered by the fact you were so concerned that you’d hurt me. I think you’ve turned into a great guy, not surprising since I always thought you were positively dreamy.” She winked before continuing on. “But ridiculous? No, I don’t think you’re ridiculous.”

Her eyes narrowed until they became half-lidded. She viewed him under a veil of thick lashes, and her tongue came out to wet her lips. She was going to kiss him again.

Not if you kiss her first.

And why not? So far she’d made all the moves. He wanted to taste her, wanted to remember how good she felt in his arms. And damn it, he wanted some kind of reaction from the lower half of his body.

He eased his head forward, meeting her halfway. She raised her other hand to cup his other cheek and pulled him closer. He slid his hands up

her shoulders, over the curve of her neck until they rested just below her ears. His lips met hers. Cautiously at first.

A soft mingling of flesh. Kiss and retreat. Kiss again. Longer this time. His tongue darted out. He wanted her taste, wanted to remember, wanted to replace the undesirable memories with better ones.

This time, the urgency of youth was absent. Instead, there was a slow, sensual exploration, a gentle seduction. This is what she should have had the first time. Not his clumsy attempts.

That thought sent a jolt of reality over him. With a ragged sigh, he pulled away and leaned back against the headrest of his seat.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

It would seem his humiliation knew no bounds. He gestured downward with a casual flip of his hand. “Nothing. That’s what’s wrong. My mind says yes. Unfortunately, my mind and my body are on two different wavelengths.”

“I guess this is where I get the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech,” she said.

He laughed. He couldn’t help it. It was either that or die a slow death from embarrassment. “I think it’s definitely safe to say it’s not you, Payton. Apparently I have more issues than Time Magazine. Who knew I was so fucked in the head over something that happened twelve years ago.”

She rotated her wrist up to check her watch. “Not that I don’t enjoy dampening a man’s ardor, but I really need to be getting back. I have the rehearsal supper this evening, and I have to drive back to Beaumont to the hotel to get ready.”

He saw through her flippant front. He knew he’d hurt her. Again. Not physically this time. His chest felt heavy with regret.

“Payton?”

She looked up.

“You don’t know how much I wish…how much I wish that things were different.”

She grinned, though her chin trembled just a bit as she spoke. “So what you’re saying is that you wish like hell your cock would cooperate so you could prove to me what a stud you’ve turned out to be.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have put it like that exactly,” he muttered.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Maybe we’re better off just being friends and calling it good.”