Banished Love (35 page)

I unpinned my hat, and placed both the pins and the hat on the front stand. I studied my hair in the gold-trimmed mirror, stalling for time. As I turned toward her, I straightened my shoulders, smiling tightly.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Smythe,” I said in way of greeting. “As I am sure you received my note, I was with the Russells. They were delighted to see me again after so long.”

“You spend entirely too much time with the Russells. Your place is at your father’s home, helping me to run it,” she snapped. “I expect you to not leave this house again without my express permission, do you understand?” She breathed heavily, one hand over her slightly swelling belly.

“No, Mrs. Smythe, I do not understand nor do I agree. I am of age, and you are not my mama. If I decide that I want to visit my family, I will visit them.”

I turned to go up the stairs to my bedroom, but she grabbed my elbow in a crushing grip.

“Do you honestly think your father will take your side in this?” she hissed.

I shook my arm free, walking up the stairs, the picture of her gloating eyes remaining in my mind.

That evening after supper, as we all read in tense silence in the parlor acting as though we were happy to be there together, I heard a knock at the front door. I realized I had been so preoccupied waiting for Gabriel to call, that I had forgotten to inform Da that the family was to visit. I wondered if the caller was Gabriel, but, instead of his deep baritone, I heard numerous voices in the front hall, and realized that the aunts, Uncle Martin and Lucas had arrived.

I rose, walking into the hallway to greet them. Uncle Martin handed his top hat and walking stick to Mary, while Aunt Betsy and Aunt Matilda handed their light cotton wraps to Bridget. Lucas stood holding a folder and gave me a quick wink as he waited to enter the parlor. I slowly walked into the parlor arm in arm with Aunt Betsy, the
thunk
of her cane a counterpoint to each step we took. “Look who’s come for a visit!” I exclaimed.

“Hoorah!” cried Da, who jumped up from his chair and clapped Uncle Martin and Lucas on the back, then gave Aunt Betsy and Aunt Matilda hugs. “I am so glad you called. Please, you are very welcome.” He ushered them in, and soon the room was full of laughter and conversation.

Mrs. Smythe had remained in her chair, not rising to greet the guests. She sat stiffly, waiting to be acknowledged. However, in the riotous greetings that occurred among the family, she was greatly ignored.

Da and Uncle Martin stood near the fireplace discussing the state of the economy. Aunt Betsy and Aunt Matilda sat on a comfortable settee near me, discussing fashion trends. Mrs. Smythe remained sitting apart from everyone, left to watch us all interact. I felt a pang of pity for her but did not act on it. I thought it was good for her to see how close a family we were, and that it was better not to keep us separated. Colin and Patrick settled into their favorite chairs and soon began discussing politics or sports, I could not decipher which.

Mrs. Smythe spoke in a carrying voice, interrupting the aunts’ conversation. “Mrs. Russell, I am sure you are delighted with your Savannah’s fortuitous marriage.”

Aunt Matilda smiled, almost preening with her joy. “We are. Mr. Russell and I could not be more pleased.”

“I am sure you would understand my concern about Clarissa. Wasting away, day after day, with no decent callers. I fear she will never meet anyone worthy of marriage if she continues to work with those unfortunate children.”

“Mrs. Sullivan,” Aunt Betsy said, her eyes now icy blue, “I am sure you would agree that Clarissa is blooming. She is contented with her life. Aren’t you dear?”

I nodded, but before I could speak, Mrs. Smythe continued. “Yes, of course you would think so. You want to believe it. And yet I know how much that young man hurt her a few years ago. If only I had been her stepmother and able to impart all of my wisdom, she would now be a married woman.” She sighed, fanning herself as she studied me.

“Cameron, Mr. Wright, has no bearing on my life anymore. I am looking to my future, not my past.” I glared at her for suggesting otherwise.

“Oh, aren’t you brave, saying such things. I know you want to believe it. I just wish you would give Mr. Wright another chance. He’s such a fine upstanding young man from a good family. He would make you an excellent husband.”

“How would you know? You never met him,” Aunt Betsy demanded.

“Unlike my stepdaughter, I call on other like-minded, sophisticated women for tea. Many of the mothers speak of the quality of his family. On one occasion, I was fortunate enough to make his acquaintance. Such a refined young man.” She watched me with a cunning smile. “The sort of man one wishes for in a son-in-law.”

“But not in a husband,” I muttered.

“I agree. Rissa can do better than Cameron.” Lucas scowled at Mrs. Smythe as he joined our conversation. He tapped the folder he carried against his leg. “Care to join me?” He held out his hand, and I rose, walking with him toward the piano.

He sat on the bench and pulled me down next to him. He placed the folder on the piano stand but did not open it. He ably began to play the haunting piece of music he had used to taunt Savannah before her wedding, a Beethoven piece. I ignored Mrs. Smythe’s continued exaltations of Cameron, focusing on Lucas’s music.

“What’s it called?” I asked as he played.

“‘Für Elise,’” Lucas murmured. “It reminds me of you because it is calm and gentle.”

“I’d think you’d play a piece full of chaos for me,” I muttered.

“No, that’s not the real you, Rissa.” He continued to play even when he glanced up to see Gabriel at the parlor door.

I looked up, eyes flashing with happiness, blushing rosily at the sight of Gabriel entering the room. He stood tall, his broad shoulders tensed as he looked around the room at all present. He appeared to relax when he saw me sitting on the far side of the room. As Lucas continued to play, I watched Gabriel make his way around the room and attempted to wait patiently for him to come to me. I saw him speak with both Da and Uncle Martin. My eyes widened in surprise as he approached the aunts and Mrs. Smythe. He sat beside Mrs. Smythe for a few moments, and it seemed a rather stilted conversation ensued.

Finally he raised amused eyes my way, and I knew he would approach Lucas and me. He rose and walked toward me and soon stood next to the piano bench.

“Lucas, I can hear that your talents at the piano were not exaggerated.”

“Nice to see you here, McLeod. I will leave you to talk with Clarissa,” Lucas said. He rose, winked at me, and joined Colin and Patrick.

“Miss Sullivan, what a lovely piano. Are you a proficient player?” he asked with wicked amusement in his azure eyes.

I blushed, shaking my head. I scooted over on the bench, allowing him to sit next to me.

“I suppose I should ask you to play, but I don’t really want to spend our time together turning sheet music, unable to talk with you. Besides, Colin tells me that you’re not very talented. ‘Ghastly’ was the word I think he used.” His voice was teasing.

I laughed, nodding. “Colin does tend to be brutally honest. I am rather awful, though I do try.” I met his eyes. His were warm, a fathomless sea of blue that I could become lost in.

“Lucas doesn’t seem as angry toward me,” he murmured.

“He wants to see me happy but, at the same time, doesn’t want to cause me pain by being rude to you.”

“I am sorry for any distress I may cause in your relationship with him, darling,” he whispered.

I blushed more fiercely at the quiet endearment, finally meeting his eyes.

“I would never mean to cause you pain.”

“I am simply thankful he is attempting to like you.” After a few moments, I murmured, “Thank you for coming to the house tonight.”

“I said I would,” he replied, watching me. “Mrs. Smythe seems somewhat distant from everyone.”

“Yes, well, she and my da had quite an argument last night when Colin and I returned. Most of the truth came out as to your having come by and having been turned away. Da was furious.”

As Gabriel listened, he watched the groups in the room shuffle about until Da sat beside Mrs. Smythe, and Uncle Martin was with Colin, Lucas and Patrick. “She’s angry with me because she wants me to focus on acceptable men, like Cameron. Your being here will only annoy her.”

“She’s met him?”

“Yes, at least once, at an afternoon tea. I haven’t seen him since…well, for a while now.”

Gabriel tilted his head to one side as he studied me. “Since when, Clarissa?”

“Since he tried to talk with me when I was walking home. Well, and the wedding.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I pushed him away. Boarded a passing trolley.”

Gabriel’s eyes had narrowed as I spoke. “Pushed him away? He grabbed you? Touched you?”

“Gabriel, please.” I spoke in a low, urgent voice. “He’s nothing but a nuisance. Mrs. Smythe likes to anger me, to show me that she thinks you are unsuitable. Nothing more.”

“And the wedding?”

“He spoke with me as I stood to the side of the room. Taunted me really.”

“How?”

“He seems to believe we will marry. That I will overcome my infatuation with you.” I looked at the piano keys, fingering them, but not pressing down on them.

“He seems more determined than I had expected. You’ll tell me if you see him again?” The urgency in Gabriel’s voice caused me to meet his worried gaze.

“Of course.” I smiled in an attempt to banish the topic of Cameron. “What possessed you to sit by
her
tonight?” I was desperate to change the subject.

He smiled. “To show her that I don’t scare so easily. I don’t know if it worked. I refuse to allow her any control over my life. She seemed startled that I would sit next to her. I think she’s not used to having people confront her.”

Gabriel turned back toward me, concern in his eyes. “Be careful with her. She has a devious mind, like Aunt Masterson. And even more worrisome, an inability to feel regret or to acknowledge wrongdoing.”

“She tried to keep me separated from my family, the Russells, too,” I said in a soft voice.

Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I wonder why? What’s she playing at?” he asked, glancing toward Mrs. Smythe, studying her.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought her main goal was to keep the two of us separated. However, now it appears that her goal is to keep you separated from everyone you are close to. Why?”

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

He then smiled, with his dimple flashing and his eyes filled with joy, leaning toward me ever-so-slightly. “Enough about her. How are you, Clarissa?” he whispered.

“Happy because you are here.” I blushed, looking down.

I heard him chuckle. “I’m happy too, because I am here. I am only sorry that you ever doubted I would come tonight. You had to have known that I would come?” He stated the last as a question.

I looked at him, studying his eyes, which had turned serious. “I hoped you would come but was afraid that you would be unable to.”

“Why would I have been unable to?” he murmured, watching me with a confused expression. He leaned closer toward me.

“I worried that the doubts you expressed last night would seem more valid today, and you would decide it easier to avoid seeing me again.”

“Clarissa,” he whispered as he gazed into my eyes. “Never doubt my feelings for you.”

“Hey, Rissa!” Colin called out, causing me to start, jolting me from the moment. My head jerked up, glancing around the room, until I met Colin’s amused expression. “Lucas and I are going to take a stroll. Do you and Gabriel want to come along?”

I nodded, trying to gain my ability to speak. “Yes, that would be very nice. Mr. McLeod?”

“That would be lovely,” Gabriel replied.

He turned toward the room in general, nodded and took his leave. I followed Gabriel out, gathering my hat in the front hall. Colin and Lucas followed. The men gathered their outer coats, and I put on a light wrap. We made our way to the street as dusk began to fall. This would be a short walk, but I felt instant relief to be out of the stuffy parlor, away from the inquisitive eyes.

I looped my arm through Gabriel’s, and we followed Lucas and Colin’s lead. They seemed deep in conversation, and I was unable to hear their discussion. I focused my attention on the man walking slowly beside me. I gripped his arm, thankful for the contact.

“I’d give much more than a penny for your thoughts,” he teased, glancing down at me, placing his hand over mine on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Oh, it’s nothing exciting. Just wondering what Colin and Lucas are discussing,” I admitted.

“I think they are trying to act as though they are having a deep personal conversation so that we can have time alone,” Gabriel said.

After a few moments of silence, Gabriel looked down toward me. “May I ask you something, Clarissa?”

“Yes, of course.” I had slowly catalogued the subtle changes in the way he addressed me, finding plain
Clarissa
to be my favorite.

“Why did you start teaching? What was your childhood like? I feel like I have told you so much about me, yet I have had to piece together impressions and images of you.”

We continued to stroll in a slow manner, managing to keep up with Lucas and Colin. Colin intentionally walked slowly, rather than his usual pace of a forced march. I gathered my thoughts and began to speak.

“My first memories are happy ones. My mama was a wonderful woman who took great joy in being our mother.” I paused, smiling as I thought of her. “She was thoughtful, kind, generous, smart. She ensured that we received a good education, yet that we were able to think for ourselves. She rebelled against her parents to marry Da. She did not like conformity. I’m not expressing myself well.”

I sighed, searching for the words to explain the essence of Mama. “I don’t know how to explain the wonder of her. She taught us what we needed to know to be able to exist in society and the world, yet she wanted to ensure that the rules did not control us.” I paused before murmuring, “I remember happiness when I think of Mama.”