Bane (30 page)

I woke up with the sun high in the sky when I glanced out the windows. Bane sat at the kitchen table with his laptop, doing who knows what. “I feel like I could give the dead a run for their money with how much I’ve been sleeping lately.”

Bane closed the laptop and gave me a smile. “You’re creating a life. It’s normal until the first trimester ends.”

“How do you know all this?” Bane constantly seemed to know more than me when it came to this sort of thing even though I read about what to expect all the time.
Faith.
Instantly, I felt like an ass. “I’m sorry. I forgot. That was insensitive of me.”

Coming to sit on the coffee table in front of me, Bane grew serious. “I wasn’t a part of Jasmine’s pregnancy except for two days. I’ve been reading up on everything while we’ve been here this last week, making sure I’m doing everything I can for you.”

The warmth spread inside me as a smile spread across my face. “You’re showing me up already.”

He chuckled and his voice resonated. “There’s nothing I could do to show up the mother of my child.”

I sat up and Bane took this as an invitation to sit beside me. Against his shoulder, I asked. “Can we talk?” What I wanted to ask was,
are we safe?

“Yes, we’re safe. We’ll be monitored from afar, but we are safe. Alex asked why we were here with security. I explained you were pregnant, we were dating, and that I wasn’t taking any chances this time around given my history. He understood and wanted to know how I’d explained it to you.”

Oh, I was glad that Alex hadn’t pushed for information from me. Bane coached me on the standard answers, but I didn’t want to be questioned by someone at Black Division. After my experience with Sarge, I had a rather dismal view of the group. “What did you say?”

“What I’d told you—that I’d made some questionable enemies while I worked for an oil company in the Middle East. That I lost my first child and all you cared about was keeping the baby safe.”

How many lies had Bane told Jasmine? Or did she know the truth? It wasn’t my place to ask. If Bane wanted to volunteer the information, he would. “Did he ask anything else about Sarge?”

“Yes, he wanted to know what happened. He knew about my communication with Sarge. I told him Eric Thornhill came after us and you believed it was someone from the Middle East. Sarge had been contacted. Originally, I’d been set to meet them, but I received a message from Sarge that Eric had been eliminated. I never left your side, saw Eric or Sarge.”

Everything seemed too easy. Maybe Bane and Hampton’s incessant planning paid off. The answer was obvious, but I had to ask. “What happens if they find out we’re lying?”

“They won’t, angel. Hampton and I have covered our tracks. We’ll be fine. If something goes wrong, we’ll disappear.” Being on the run wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that. “How about I cook you something? We could talk.”

That was an abrupt change of topic. Talk? We always talked, but I enjoyed spending time with Bane. Talking helped lessen me missing the intimacy we’d once shared. “I’d like that. What do you want me to do?”

Bane led me over to the bar where he directed me to sit at one of the two high-backed chairs. “How about grilled cheese?”

I giggled. “Really? Grilled cheese?”

“It’s one hell of a grilled cheese.” He wagged his eyebrows.

My stomach rumbled. “I can’t wait.”

Bane moved around the kitchen with ease. Grabbing the bread, mayo, butter, cheese, and a skillet he got to work. “When I was a boy I loved grilled cheese. They were easy to make.”

“Did your mom or dad teach you?”

Bane grimaced. “I never knew my father. My mother could hardly be considered one.”

My heart hurt for Bane. So much pain in his life. Was this his way of opening up to me? “I’m so sorry, Bane.”

“It’s in the past. I’ve dealt with it. I’ve made a vow to make sure my kid knows what unconditional love is like.” He paused as he prepared the sandwiches. “As soon as I was old enough, I left and joined the marines, which led me to the Black Division. Seems the group that saved me nearly destroyed me also.” The pan sizzled with butter. I couldn’t believe how open Bane was being. “No one ever knew this except now you.”

No one? Jasmine was having his kid. Surely she knew. I couldn’t bring myself to ask. It was trivial. She was dead and he’d loved her. I understood, but it made it hard to navigate these conversations at times knowing I wanted to be the center of his world. The damn hormones kicked in as I tried to keep back the tears.

Bane placed the grilled cheese in front of me. I took a deep breath as he knelt beside me. My heart hammered. “Maren …” I focused on the sear marks of the bread. The last thing I needed to do was cry. “Maren, please look at me.” I did. “Not even Jasmine knew about all that. She didn’t know any specifics about the Black Division. She didn’t know about the darkness that’s inside of me. Only you.”

“Bane—”

He put his finger to my mouth. “I wanted you to have a little more of my past to explain why I reacted the way I did. Love doesn’t come easy for me. Giving myself to someone is even harder. I’ve lost everything I’ve ever loved or wanted … except you and the baby. I’m terrified if I get too close or don’t stay focused that the same thing will happen to you.”

Removing his finger, I stayed silent as the tears fell down. Bane sat beside me and took a bite of his grilled cheese. I followed suit as he watched me. The flavors burst across my tongue. “Oh wow, the sandwich is delicious.”

The cheese melted in my mouth with the savory butter bread.

He gave me a wink and I saw the carefree side of Bane that was rare. “It’s all in the mayo that’s used.”

I giggled again. “Well, I can see these being in high demand through the pregnancy.”

Bane beamed. “I’d like that.”

A few days passed since Alex paid us a visit. No one triggered any of the alarms that surrounded the property. My mind eased, but maybe that was what they wanted. It was tiresome constantly wondering what was going to happen.

Bane tirelessly checked everything and kept in contact with the security. They had to be making a pretty penny being with us nonstop. Money wasn’t an issue with Bane. It was hard to imagine me being in my apartment with all the bugs. So much had changed … for the better.

The security team had been on regular scouting trips to check for snipers. Every time I heard the word I felt queasy knowing that was how Jasmine was killed while Bane felt his child die in her womb. There were no words to describe the pain I would feel if I was left without Bane or our child.

Through the days and nights, Bane and I continued to share more about ourselves on a more personal level. We knew all of the surface level stuff about each other, but he was going beneath the surface. His mom had been a terrible person with what she’d done to him. I knew it all and it only drew me closer to him.

Not leaving the house made me stir crazy as I tidied the living room for the hundredth time this morning. Bane was outside on the porch talking to one of the men. I never saw them except occasionally out a window. On the mantle, I straightened and angled all of the decorative pieces a new way to see if I liked it better. Getting out of the house was about to become a necessity instead of a want. Bane walked back in the room wearing a short sleeve black T-shirt and jeans. “Want to take a walk?”

I froze as I adjusted the throw pillows. “Are you serious?”

There was more to Bane than I ever realized and I was falling for him. Dangerously falling for him as my heart became engulfed with the feeling. It was dangerous to feel this way and I was terrified of being hurt again.

“Yes, I thought the fresh air would do all of us some good. I know you’re going stir crazy.” Eyeing the pillow in my hand he suppressed his chortle.

Nothing more had been said about Jasmine. I was also scared that Bane wanted me around simply because of the baby. I wasn’t sure where we stood or what we wanted out of this. Maybe Bane was thinking it all through deciding what he honestly wanted.

“I’d love to.”

Slipping on my shoes, I followed Bane out the front door excited to feel the sun against my face, the wind in my hair, and hear the birds chirping. It was a beautiful day. Bane grabbed my hand as we walked down the driveway with the gravel crunching under our feet. Holding hands felt intimate with Bane over these last few days. When we slept together at night, he would hold my hand. I loved it.

The citrus smell filled the air as I filled my lungs.

“What scares you about being with me?”

I momentarily paused and looked up at Bane. His dark eyes showed the raw pain he exposed himself to. The truth needed to be out there in the open. “That you are only trying to be with me because of the baby. If the baby wasn’t here, you’d have left me without a second thought or would leave me if something happened.”

Bane shook his head. “It’s not about what I’ve done. The innocent people I’ve accidentally killed. The chaos I’ve caused. The deaths I’m responsible for.”

We’d spent hours talking about Bane’s past. “No, none of that scares me. You survived, but you never strayed from the line.”

He took a deep breath. “Maren, there is only the line. It doesn’t matter how far you cross it. The line is the line.”

I thought for a minute on how to respond. “I get what you’re saying, Bane, but if you really believe you crossed the line … I believe the reasons matter. You’ve saved so many lives. The world is a better place because of you.” We kept walking in silence as we approached the edge of the grove. A blanket laid out on the grass. “What’s this?”

“I thought we could sit out here and talk like we have been.”

Laying on the blanket, I looked up at the sky. Bane followed my actions. Peace. I felt peace. The clouds were plentiful as they danced through the sky like white cotton balls. Moments like this made it easier to get through the more stressful situations.

Reliving a memory, I said, “During the summer, my dad would lay a blanket out in the back yard with Frankie and me. We’d stare up at the sky and make shapes out of the clouds that passed by. Dad always said you could tell a lot about yourself with what you saw.”

Bane stayed quiet as he looked up at the sky and grabbed my hand. That excited nervous butterfly like feeling came over me. In the last few days, the small touches seemed more intimate than all the sex prior to Eric capturing us. Something changed between us. If things became more intense than they had been and Bane decided to walk away, I would be shattered.

Bane brought me out of my inner thoughts as he asked, “What do you see today?”

Gazing up at the clouds, I waited for one of them to take shape for me. “I see a giant bowl of ice cream loaded down with chocolate syrup and sprinkles.” I laughed. “I guess food is starting to always be on my mind.”

His thumb caressed mine. More clouds lazily passed by. “I see a dad reading a story to a child.”

I rolled over on my side. “Bane, you deserve to be happy.”

His dark, penetrating eyes looked at me without saying a word. So much emotion passed over his face as his thumb caressed my cheek. “I’m afraid that it’s all going to be taken away from me again. I’m falling for you, Maren. Over these past few weeks you’ve seen the real me. No one has ever seen the real me.”

Something inside of me needed to feel Bane as I moved closer, our lips a breath apart. “I’ve fallen for you too, Bane. But we have to be sure we’re together for the right reasons—not because of our great chemistry or the fact that we have a baby on the way. We’ll only end up hurting the baby if we’re together for convenience or out of obligation. It’s easy to be lost in our feelings while we’re isolated from the world. Now, that you’ve opened yourself up to the possibility of being happy, you may not know what you want yet.”

It was hard saying the words and I wanted to retract them. The truth was I didn’t want to share Bane with anyone, but for this to work he had to be free to choose and not feel pressured. Bane’s lips came out and touched mine. “I’ll prove it to you.”

His tongue touched my lips. I missed his taste as need raced through me. Deepening the kiss, our tongues danced with each other. Bane moaned a deep reverberation that reached my core. Snaking his hand up my shirt, I wanted him inside me. I pulled him closer to me and Bane positioned himself in between my legs. It didn’t matter that we were in the middle of an orange grove, I didn’t care. All I wanted was him, inside me.

Tender lips caressed my neck as I arched into him gasping for air from the intense kiss. Bane’s hardened length ground against me through his jeans. Desperate, I clawed at his shirt to bring him closer. Then, everything slowed. I tried to speed him up, but he pulled back. “Angel, I want you.”

“I want you too.”

He put a little more distance between us, enough to help clear the fog. “I won’t let this be about sex. When we have sex again it will be because you know I want you for you—not because I can’t control my dick. There will be no doubt in your mind that I’m in this for the long haul.”