Badass Zombie Road Trip (21 page)

When the music wasn’t at full blast, she talked. A lot. At first, Jonah worried that she was too chatty, but in the natural pauses of her conversation, either Jonah or Dale would find themselves prompting her for more. She was free with her life story, up to the more recent years, at which point she sketched only a vague image of the events that drew her all the way to Nevada from the Deep South. When the conversation rolled around to her reasons for leaving, she became reserved, electing not to go into detail about her father’s so-called illness or her need for a speedy return.

With a fresh face to tell his stale tales, Dale was in his element, spending hour after hour one-upping Candy’s stories with yarns of his own. Jonah put the kibosh on a few of the brasher tales, trying to curb the zombie’s naturally crude tendencies and spare Candy’s feminine sensibilities. (Though, based on what she had shared already, she certainly could take anything Dale could dish out.)

Dale insisted on stopping every few hours so he could stretch
 
his stiffening muscles. Jonah kept a wary eye on Dale, sure that the dead man also intended to cop a quick feel of their fellow passenger if given the chance. But Candy proved able to take care of herself, deflecting Dale’s eager advances with a laugh or a turn of phrase or, in one case, a light smack.

As Dale walked a few times around the car to stretch, Candy leaned across the front seat to ask, “Is Dale sick or something?”

“What makes you say that?” Jonah asked.

“Well, he seems kind of peaked. And he gets cramped up real easy.”

Jonah shrugged. “He’s always been that way.”

“Really? You know, my mom suffered from low potassium. She had the same symptoms. Maybe he just needs a banana.”

Jonah looked out at the zombie circling the car in wide, loping steps. “I don’t think a banana is going to fix what’s wrong with Dale.”

Candy was the first to laugh, which triggered a snigger fit in Jonah. They both devolved into a heap of giggles that had Dale rushing back to join them just to see what was so funny. To Candy’s credit, she declined to answer. Jonah marked this as a score for himself. Not that he was counting.

Aside from Dale’s frequent stretching requests, the three of them made good time. Candy was as eager as they were to keep on the move, and offered several times to help with the driving. But Jonah refused to allow her behind the wheel, unsure of how her assistance would affect his deal with the Devil. He also hadn’t forgotten their hasty retreat from the law, but the farther they slipped away from Nevada, the less likely it seemed that their supposed crime would catch up with them. Just after sunset, as they neared the opposite edge of Utah somewhere near Green River, a low growl rolled across the Focus. It was a growl Jonah had been dreading all day.

After a giggle, Candy turned in her seat to ask, “Boy, was that your belly?”

Dale leaned into the back seat, rubbing his stomach and nodding his head.

“I ain’t surprised,” Candy said. “You haven’t eaten a thing since I met ya. Fool.”

Jonah glanced up to the mirror with a smile, unable to hold his mirth at her open teasing and Dale’s discomfort. Dale’s belly growled louder, and the zombie intoned a brief moan. Jonah cut his eyes at the dead man, who moaned again. Moaning was new, and worrisome. What would come after moaning? Gnawing? Biting?

“Dale?” Jonah asked. “Are you okay?”

“I’m hungry, man,” Dale said.

Candy, basking unknowingly in blissful ignorance, continued to verbally prod the zombie. “That’s what happens when you go all day without eating. They don’t teach you kids much out here, do they?”

Dale hunched up in the back seat and moaned again, accompanied by another loud, deep grumble from his stomach.

“Dale?” Jonah asked. “Is it like before?”

The zombie lifted his face to shoot Jonah a desperate look via the mirror. “This is worse. I feel really empty this time.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Candy said. She unzipped a side pocket of her mysterious bag and pulled out a pack of crackers. “My dad used to say there wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed with crackers. Or was that duct tape? I forget.” She dangled the packet over her head, offering it to the starving man behind her.

Jonah cleared his throat and pushed Candy’s offering back into her lap. “He can’t eat that. He’s …” Jonah paused, trying to come up with a suitable lie. “He’s on a special diet.” Which wasn’t a lie. Not really.

Dale’s stomach growled in agreement.

“Oh,” Candy said. “I see. My uncle had the same problem.”

“He did?” Jonah asked.

“Yeah. IBS is a bitch to deal with. But I’m sure we can find him something to eat that won’t set his bowels a-running.”

“We better find it fast,” Dale said. “I feel like I could eat a horse.”

Jonah shuddered at the visual. “I’m sure we won’t have to go that far. Why don’t we see what’s available at the next stop? It’s getting late, anyway. We can find someplace to eat and maybe put our feet up for the night.”

“Good,” Candy said. “Because I could use a shower and bed.”

“Me, too.” Jonah thought about her words for a moment, then weighed her previous statements against them. He lost his worry for Dale in the face of a new concern. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Candy?”

“Hrm?”

“When you said you don’t have a whole lot of money …” Jonah let the question trail off, embarrassed by the idea of what he was asking.

Candy didn’t let his embarrassment linger for long. “Don’t worry, hon. Since I didn’t have to spend my last dime on that run-down clunker, I reckon I can come up with enough to get my own room.”

“I’ll buy your dinner, of course.”

“You will not,” she snapped. “I can pay my own way, thank you very much. I don’t need you to take care of me. I just need a ride. I’ll even get the next tank of gas.”

“I appreciate that, but it’s not necessary.” The words were out before he could stop them, and Jonah could have kicked himself for saying as much. They needed her gas money badly, but here he was playing the chivalrous hero. Yet there was a simple truth in his words. “We were going this way anyway.”

“Look, Jonah,” Candy said, her voice dipping into a serious tone for the first time since they had picked her up. “Let’s just get something straight right now. I don’t want to travel the whole way feeling like I owe you guys something. Something I ain’t willing to pay. Do you get me?”

At first he didn’t. He just stared at the onrushing road and mulled over her words, unsure what she meant. All at once he understood. “Oh! No! No! You don’t owe us anything. Nothing at all. Just … oh wow … umm … you don’t owe us anything. I mean, Dale is a bit of a flirt, but we really don’t expect anything from you. Not like that.”

Candy sighed, a soft, delicate sound, punctuated by Dale’s growling stomach and weak moans. “I’m sorry if I seem like a bitch, but it seems like guys always expect something like that from me.”

“No,” Jonah said. “I’m sorry you feel you have to expect that from guys. Dale and me, well, we might be a little on the weird side, but I can promise that you’re safe with us.”

Dale growled from the back seat, “If you don’t find me something to fucking eat, then neither of you will be fucking safe. Now stop making out and find me some goddamned food. Now!”

Candy craned her neck to look back at Dale. “You know, I don’t think you suffer from irritable bowel syndrome. I think you’re just irritable all over.”

Even a very hungry Dale laughed at that.

Green River was the next stop. The only stop, really. Between Salina and Green River were over one hundred miles of nothing. Not a service station. Not a house. Not a thing. Just wide open highway and nothing else. Jonah supposed he was lucky Dale held out as long as he did, or else they would be on the side of the road waiting for Dale to find that horse.

A run-down Motel 6 was the first place they came to, which suited Jonah fine. Again, he didn’t care about quality or prices, just getting a few hours’ sleep. It struck him as strange that the simple act of driving could wear a person out so much. Candy recommended they go a bit farther, but Dale was very clear about his need to eat right away, snarling at her suggestion. Jonah wondered how Dale was going to do his business without attracting attention. They had to approach this cautiously. Carefully. Differently.

But first they had to ditch the girl.

No sooner had Jonah parked than Dale rolled out of the car and began to pace the blacktop, rubbing his grumbling belly and eyeing the dumpsters on either side of the lot. From the dead man’s desperate look, Jonah knew the zombie wasn’t going to last much longer without eating something. Or someone.

“Candy,” Jonah started. “I’m sure you’re tired after such a long day. Maybe we should just say goodnight here. We’ll meet you in the morning. Okay?”

“Oh,” she said, clutching her bag to her. “I was hoping we might all grab something to eat—you know, together.”

“Yeah, well, Dale and I have to unload all this stuff, anyway. I don’t like to leave luggage in the car overnight.”

“I don’t mind helping out,” she said. “Like I said, I want to pull my weight.”

“No. It’s not fair for you to travel light and then get stuck carrying our junk.”

Candy ignored his pleas and started to unload their luggage. “Really, it’s not a problem—”

“Candy,” Jonah said, a little too loud.

She dropped the bag and looked up to him.

He hated to be so heavy handed, but he was desperate. “I need to talk to Dale for a while. Alone.”

“Ah,” she whispered. “Guy stuff?”

He nodded.

“Okay,” she said. “I guess I’ll see you guys back here in the morning. Seven good for you?”

“Yeah,” Jonah said.

“Goodnight, then.”

Jonah watched as she disappeared into the brightly lit lobby behind them before he turned his full attention to Dale. “Okay, she’s gone. How are we going to do this?”

Dale looked at Jonah, his face tense with restraint. “’We’ aren’t going to do anything. You are going to get our room and unpack and go to fucking bed. I am going to find something that will stand still long enough for me to eat it alive.”

Trying hard not to focus on that last bit, Jonah said, “No way. I want to help you. It’s my fault you’re like this. I can help.”

“I don’t need your help. I can manage this on my own.”

“Dale—”

“I don’t need you to hold my hand, Jonah. What I need is for you to leave me the fuck alone.”

“But—”

“Go away, man. If you’re so desperate for attention, go talk to your fucking girlfriend. I’m sure she’s better company anyway.”

The zombie left Jonah standing alone in the Motel 6 parking lot. And Jonah didn’t follow him. Part of him wanted to, but the rest of him didn’t. He just stood there and watched Dale lumber off into the shadows. Alone. It was almost a full minute before Jonah found the wherewithal to drag himself into the lobby, where a familiar face greeted him.

“Heya, pal.”

Jonah frowned at Satan, who sat behind the clerk’s desk. “What are you doing?”

“Working. What are you doing?”

“Resting. Again. And before you go into it, yes, I do have plenty of time left and I will do with it what I see fit. So there.” Jonah resisted the urge to emphasize this childish remark by sticking out his tongue.

“Fine by me.” Lucifer tapped a few keys on the computer, asking, “Will that be a room for two, sir? Or have you already lost our dearly departed friend?” Satan raised an eyebrow and looked past Jonah to the parking lot.

“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, ugh! A room for two, and no, I haven’t lost him. He’s gone off to … eat.”

“Ah,” Satan said. “Grotesque, isn’t it?”

“You can say that again.”

“I do believe I will.” Before Jonah could ask what that meant, Satan handed a plastic card across the desk and said, “Here you are, sir, room one fifteen. Right next to the young lady who just checked in. A friend of yours, perhaps?”

Snatching the key card from Lucifer, Jonah barked, “None of your business.”

“You know, it’s awfully odd. Yesterday you wouldn’t let Dale out of your sight for more than ten minutes. But today, you just let him wander off on his own. Why do you think that is?”

“I’m sure I don’t know.”

Satan tapped his chin, smirking at Jonah, as he asked, “You think maybe, just maybe, it’s because you’re hoping for a moment alone with that tasty dish of candy?”

“That’s none of your business, either.” Jonah spun away from the desk and stormed toward the doors.

“Jonah,” Satan said, in a voice as soft as falling snow, but with all the command of a king in its authority.

Halting in his tracks, Jonah found himself compelled to turn about. He found Lucifer only a few steps behind him, smiling as wide as ever.

“Jonah,” Satan repeated, “You should know I have nothing to do with her.”

The hairs on Jonah’s arms stood on end. “I didn’t think you did.”

“Of course you did. You’re a bright kid. I’m sure it crossed your mind several times. Little coincidences. Lucky flukes. Broke down on the same deserted highway as you? Just happens to be going your way? All the way? What are the odds?”