Badass (10 page)

I made love to her that night, not once, but twice.  She had been teaching me. For once I was learning. We had reversed the roles. It scared the fucking daylight out of me, but also gave me a rush I’ve never known.

T
his shit’s all fucked up.  Every fucking day I wake up wanting her in my bed.  If I wake in the middle of the night and she’s not there, I start to panic like a fucking starving baby needing to be breastfed.  She’s a light sleeper and at times spends the night catching up with her friends on the Internet.

I didn’t fucking want her in my bed the first time. Why do I need her in it all the time now?  My head is in constant turmoil. I hate it, but I can’t resist her.

What the fuck is your problem, Alex? Not being able to resist a woman?  That’s fucking unheard of.  They normally can’t resist me.

They beg me to stay with them.

They want me to be in their bed each and every night.

It’s never the other way around.

A few times we’ve gone out to dinner.  We talk and have real conversations about what happens in the movies, in life, when she went to college and about some new recruits at the gym.  We’ve even been on double dates with Tina and Carl. Tina claims she’s good for me and the last month has been a life changing experience. I feel like a new man.  A better one, possibly. But one thing is for sure, she is changing me.

How can someone who stops me from going to the gym half the time, keeping up with my records and watching out for my gym, be good for me?

We’ve even had a couple of trips to the sex shop for fun.  The last visit was funny. When I wanted a demonstration on the new vibrator she took a photo. Now, each time it’s mentioned, she brings it out and says, “You want another demo?”

I can’t get over that night. It was the first time I’ve laughed in a long time. That’s one reason I like her. She makes me laugh. I don’t even know where we’re going from here. I don’t plan a future for myself, especially not with a woman.

It’s always been me, myself, and I.

The only exception, as with all things, is Tina.  She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted to protect. I want her to be safe, and now that she’s officially seeing Carl, I have to take a back seat. I warned him that if he fucks around on her, he’d have me to deal with.

She’s too close to family for comfort.

Her words were, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

She made it sound so simple.  I know I love Tina, there is no doubt about that in my mind. This thing with Mia, is it really love or simply lust?

T
onight, Steve is holding his presentation on the Omega Biggest Loser. I can’t believe that he ended up with over a thousand applicants. I thought it was a joke at first, but then I saw the list. It’s fucking unbelievable.

The prize isn’t two hundred and fifty grand, but at ten grand it’s still a good sum. I’m scared about tonight, because I’m taking Mia out as my girlfriend yet again.  I’m really driving myself fucking crazy about this to the point that last night I couldn’t even participate in sex.

It was a fucking joke.

Me, not able to have sex? What the fuck!

Steve pissed me off and said something along the lines of if the Loser thing works out, he would be expecting a promotion. I know it was a fair thing to say, but he’s really an arrogant prick. He could be my twin brother, as much as I hate to admit it. The more time I spend with him the more I see a reflection of myself, just like Tina said. I suppose that’s why I’ve lightened up on him a little. I’m not bad all the time.

We arrive in the garage under the gym.  As we get to the elevators, Tina rushes up to me. 
Shit, what’s lighting a fire under her ass? Has she been standing there waiting for us to arrive?

“Mia, I hope you don’t mind, but can you give us a minute? I need to speak to Alex, alone.”

“I don’t mind.” She winks at me and makes her way into the gym.  I stand, worrying about the words that may come out of Tina’s mouth.

“I got my results. I should have told you earlier, but I couldn’t because of all the commotion today.” She shrugs while looking me in the eyes.

Is she fucking trying to kill me? This is worse than the game show,
Who
W
ants
t
o
B
e
a M
illionaire ,
when the contestant’s face drops dead in the water trying to figure out if he’s won or not on the final question. 

“Shit, are you dying or something? You’re killing me.”

“Alex! Come on now, it’s not that bad. I would have told you. Well it sort of is, but not that....”

She hesitates and starts shifting her weight from leg to leg, playing with her fingers. It feels like my heart has stopped beating, just waiting for the words to come out.

I lift her up so we’re eye to eye and say, “If you don’t blurt it out you’re going to wish you were dead because I’ll fucking kill you anyway.”

She laughs and wraps her hands around me. “I’m going to be okay. I just have some problems with my hormones.  They’re.... Anyway, I need some hormonal treatment and nothing is cancerous.  Also, there are a couple of problems with my ovaries, which are causing them to act abnormally.  I may not have any children,” she whispers sadly.

“Shit, that could be a blessing rather than a curse if it’s with Carl.”

She hits me on the shoulders and we laugh while I practically squeeze the life out of her. Mia comes back down and sees Tina and I hugging each other. One thing I know about women is what it looks like when they’re jealous. Mia’s face turns red as she exits the elevator, but it’s the words that fly out of her mouth that shock me.

“I knew you’d been fucking her. That’s why you couldn’t get it up last night, isn’t it?” Is she fucking kidding me? She knew about Tina’s problems. She knows that I love Tina more than my own fucking life.  If she is about to start asking me to choose, then she will lose big time and with what just came out of her mouth, she better prepare for what I’m going to do next.

I look at Tina, who I can tell wants to defend herself, me, and our relationship, but she stops as I shake my head at her, ignoring all the obscenities that come out of Mia’s mouth. 

I hop into the elevator and leave her standing there like a complete and utter fool.  She should have the fucking decency to ask me instead of making assumptions, which make her look like an ass. The worst part is I’m so mad that I’m not even thinking straight. Shit, that’s what that bastard Nathan did to her. Of course she’s going to think the worst. I may lose her, but Tina is my fucking family. She’s earned the right to always come first.

When she doesn’t follow me I’m relieved.  It’s the first time in the few weeks we’ve been together that we have argued.  I didn’t want to introduce her to everyone because I didn’t want people to make assumptions.

Shit, that’s completely fucked up.  You’re such a prick, Alex.

This is a big change for me. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Everyone who knows me is fully aware I don’t date. After this, every time I go out they’ll be asking, “Where’s Mia?”

This whole relationship feels one sided. I am supposed to give her everything, but I don’t see her jumping to introduce me to her friends and family. I’m not Nathan. I have not given her a single fucking reason not to trust me. She has no right to make accusations about me. Fuck her. In a way, I’m glad it’s over.

––––––––

“S
o, are you going home then?” Tina is mocking me as she pushes me out of her bed.  I stayed over at her place last night again.  Carl was pissed that he had to go back to his, and thank goodness they don´t live together.  The last thing I needed and wanted to do was to hear Mia go on and on. Part of me was hoping if I stayed then maybe she would just leave.  My first and last relationship was driving me nuts.

“You know you’re kidding yourself, right?” She stands and makes her way to the bathroom. I never slept.  Hell, I never heard a word of the presentation last night. I just clapped my hands whenever Tina signaled for me to do so. The entire time was spent with her on my mind. I’d checked my phone a dozen times, but she never even fucking called to apologize. That just pissed me off even more.

I heard all this shit last night. Tina’s repeating herself like a broken record.
Alex, why didn’t you tell her the truth? I could have told her, why did you not want me to? I know you, Al; you love her. When are you going to stop lying to yourself?

That last statement sent a shiver up my spine. Love a woman who isn’t Tina? I’m not sure I know how.  She’s family. Shit, we’ve spent so many nights on the same bed.  The idea of fucking her feels incestuous and just wrong.  We have a bond that can never be broken.

I get up and follow her to the kitchen as she exits the bathroom.  “I’m out of it. It feels like a big relief,” I say as I stretch, wondering when I turned to a fucking sheep.  I am such a wimp, what is wrong with me?

She laughs. “So, why does your face look like you ate a sour grape?”

She holds my hand and leads me back into the bedroom in front of the mirror.  I look at my face and the reality kicks in that I never slept last night. The idea that I would go home and Mia wouldn’t be there weighed on me like a ton of fucking bricks; no one to bitch to about the people at work.  Tina’s in a relationship, officially. It’s not like we can carry on like this. It was obvious that Carl wanted to come home with her and she told him that I needed to stay.  I can’t have people feeling sorry for me.  I need to get my shit together and move on. I’m supposed to be the fucking cold, hard stallion women love, but right now I feel like a slave to my own emotions.

No matter how many different ways I try to convince myself, I come up with the same answer. She’s right. I’m kidding myself. I need to go back home and hope that Mia’s still there. If not, I need to beg her to come back.

***

T
he penthouse feels so cold and empty. I don’t even know if she’s here.  Tina gave me a pep talk about the joys of being in love and how much I need it, but most of all I need Mia. 

For once the hard emotionless Alex is warm and tender. It suits you. You need love. You can’t keep living like this.

That was the last thing Tina said to me before pushing me out the door, sending me home to finally come to terms with my emotions.

The truth is, I’m not getting any younger.  I definitely don’t want to end up like the sixty-year-old men in the club, chasing the same fucking young women night after night. This is the path I’m going down if I don’t change.  I pick up the pace as I go from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom.  I pause at my bedroom door when I see her sitting on the edge of the bed with the same air of innocence as the first day I met her, the same innocence I wanted to fuck, and the same innocence I fell in love with.

“Mia, I’m—”

I move towards her and kneel in front of her.

“I told you my story about Nathan. I thought you would know the last thing I needed was for you to cheat. Do you know how hard it is to put yourself back out there after something like that?”

She is holding my head, running her fingers gently through my hair. 

“You act like this big tough guy, but deep down there is more to you than that. I know this is new to you. I shouldn't have been so dramatic.  I was acting like a big baby.”

The temptation to turn it round and let her know that I don´t take that kind of shit all the time was strong.

“I know; Tina called and told me everything.”

“I may be new to a relationship, but from what I’ve heard, communication is a big part of it. You should have talked to me, not accused me.”

“You’re right. We both did things we shouldn’t have, I shouldn´t have walked away like that. I should have listened, but then you shouldn’t have flipped out like that.  You fucking scared me.”

I’m at a loss for words. I don’t even have to try and talk my way out of this one.  She’s going to let it go. There’s only one thing I can do and I intend to show her that I love her and care for her. I intend to let her know that I’ll never run out on her again.  I need her to know how much she means to me.

I lift my head and rub my lips against hers.  I place gentle kisses across her face, from her forehead to her nose, and eventually back to her lips.

She responds with gentle moans.  I stare at her for a second, taking her beauty in as she looks at me, wanting me to take her, needing me to be with her once again.

“Sorry,” I whisper as she opens her mouth and I put my large hands into her gentle fingers.  I embrace them as I start to flick my tongue inside her mouth.  I want to taste her saliva; it always tastes of her sweetness and most of all her love.

We moan as my length starts to rise, but I want to take her slowly. I’m not in a rush. I break away and place her gently in the middle of my bed. It’s king sized and she seems lost when she’s alone on top of it.  It was my sanctuary because it was the one place I kept sacred and no one had ever ventured onto, until now.

I start to take her jeans off slowly. As I take her socks off one by one, I start to gently suck on her toes. She laughs as I do it and I run my hand gently down each leg as I start to take off her underwear.  I inhale the sweet scent of her pussy on her undies for a second before I flick them to the side. 

She sits up and I take off her white shirt and then her bra.  I want her naked on my bed.  I take in the beauty of her body. I’m not ready to fuck her. I’m tired of fucking. I want to just make love to her.  I’m taking the day off and it’s going to be spent loving Mia.

She starts to shiver as I use one finger to circle around her lips, then down her shoulder, and across her body.

“Am I the only one that’s going to be naked?” She looks at me questioningly as I use my fingers to trace her body, not touching her breasts or her pussy. I’m kneeling between her open legs and I’m watching her reaction to every move I make.  I replace one of my hands with my tongue.  I point it and dash it around taking the same patch down her body. She starts to moan.  I can’t resist her anymore. I use my fingers, dipping them inside her, and begin to circle inside her cunt.