Bad Intentions (32 page)

Morning comes sooner than expected, but I’m grateful as I pull myself off the ground and make a dash for the door. I find Zoe wrapped in the arms of one of my old schoolmates. Using my foot, I nudge her. She stirs to life with a happy grin on her face. I’m sure that only one of us had a happy ending last night.

“Come on, before they wake up,” I whisper.

Zoe detangles her limbs from his and starts to get up. My eyes widen when he says, “You down for a quickie this morning?”

A blush breaks out over her face. I find it hilarious, because I’ve never seen her turn a brighter shade of red before. This is one for the books. Zoe caught in the act.

“How about later, baby?” she asks seductively. He nods and closes his eyes again. She looks up at me and gestures her thumb toward the door.

Before we make it to the car, I burst out into laughter. Last night was too disappointing to keep to myself. “So…I got deflowered last night.”

“What?” Her head snaps back. “You were a virgin?”

I nod.

“And you chose to give it up to ole Marky Mark?”

I nod again. This time my face turns crimson. “It was awful. Nothing at all like I thought my first time would be like. How long are they supposed to last?” I ask, curiosity overcoming embarrassment. Maybe losing my virginity gave me a new-found confidence that I didn’t possess before.

“Tony lasted for about thirty minutes last night.”

“Thirty minutes? There’s no way Mark and I went at it for that long. More along the lines of thirty seconds.”

Zoe wraps her arm around my shoulder. “Now that is a very sad story. Come on, let’s get you home to pack your bags. You my friend, are in desperate need of a more experienced penis.”

The thought of going back to Braxton doesn’t make my throat constrict like it did just a day ago. “I was going to stay gone a week. I needed time away, but after last night, I need time away from here too.” I almost laugh at the humor of it all.

The drive back to my parent’s house isn’t nearly as depressing as the drive there alone had been. With Zoe by my side, we walk inside, into an ambush that I wasn’t expecting.

“Where were you all night? We’ve been worried out of our minds.” My father stands up with his hands on his hips and stares in our direction. Neither of us answer him. “Am I talking to myself? You come home and are all distraught about some boy, wave off Mark, and go out all night doing God knows what.”

“If you want to know the truth I was with Mark, and guess what? He’s not as innocent as the two of you believe!” I shout as Zoe stands behind me, quiet for the first time in her life. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be disrespectful to my parents, but right now, I need some back up. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re getting our stuff and leaving.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” his voice rises. He’s reached a whole new level of angry—one that I’ve never witnessed. Ever.

I press my lips together in anger. “I’m an adult now, Dad. I know I didn’t act like it by running from my problems, but I am. Please understand that I need to go back and handle them the right way. It’s what I should have done the first time.”

“Let her go, Tim,” my mother pipes up from behind him. “She’s made her mind up, and there’s nothing we can do or say to change that.”

My father stares aimlessly into the room, refusing to meet my eyes.

Zoe and I walk past him and hurry into my room. Behind the door, we both let out a breath. “I thought he was going to ban you from leaving,” she says, while stuffing her make-up back into her bag.

“I thought so too, but he can’t force me to stay. I’m of legal age.”

“Is he why you left in the first place?” Zoe’s question catches me off guard. As close as we’ve gotten, we’ve never fully had a heart-to-heart.

I sit down on the floor and start to fold my clothes. Stuffing them back into my duffle I say, “I wouldn’t blame it on him. It was a cluster of things. After the accident, I realized everything that I had been missing because I was so focused on being the prefect athlete. I didn’t drink, smoke, or cuss. I was practically the ideal model of what the preacher’s daughter should be. Hell, I never even attended prom. It just got to me. I realized that I wasn’t truly living, and it ate at me until it wore
me down, and I decided that transferring colleges was the only way to free myself.”

“I respect what you did. I’m too chicken to tell my parents that I’ve lost love for the sport. I just play now because I’m on a scholarship, not because my heart is in it.”

It saddens me to hear her confession. I’d do anything to compete again. And she’s right about needing your heart to be in it. I believe that it should be in anything you do, which is why I know sleeping with Mark was a giant mistake. Not only was my heart not in it, my mind barely was. Now, I’ve given away the most precious gift I have, to someone who didn’t deserve it.

That gift was meant for Ryle. Now I have to go home and face him sans my V card. I’m sure he’ll never want to touch me again. Why would he?

“What’s running through that head of yours?”

I cross my arms beneath my chest. “Just thinking about what a mess I’ve caused. What’s Ryle going to think of me when I go home? He already accused me of being a druggie, now add
whore
to that list. I’m doomed either way. Are you sure we have to go back?” I stick my bottom lip out and pout. Maybe she’ll feel sorry for me, and it will sway her decision.

“How about we go, but we’ll go slow? We can stop at all the touristy attractions and gorge on gas station cuisine.”

I sigh loudly. “I think this sounds like it’s going to be an epic road trip.”

I scribble down a note, telling my parents that I’m leaving and that I love them dearly. I hope they understand that I have to do this – I have to go back. I know in my gut that it’s time to face the facts. I just don’t know what’s going to happen when we get there, or how much courage it will take to confess what happened with Mark.

I’ve truly dug myself into one hell of a hole.

It had been a long time since Ryle felt the urge to drink, since there isn’t much in this world that he despises more than a substance abuser. But since he’d walked away from a hysterical Adaley, he’d brought a bottle to his mouth on more than one occasion. If it were possible for him to kick his own ass, he would. Luckily, his good friend Tank, took the liberty to do it for him.

Ryle feels like is on the verge of losing it as he sits on his bed, blankets sprawled around him, practically taunting him like a noose. He knows he looks pitiful. Bringing the bottle up to his lips, he takes another swig and falters, nearly knocking the bottle to the floor. Music blares into his ear buds, but it does nothing to drown out the frantic beating of his heart. With each swig, he sinks deeper into a depression that he knows he caused.

Adding to the scars that lace his body and adorn his heart already, he chalks this up to his loss. Hell for all he knows, she’s never coming back.

Y
ou haven’t lived until you’ve visited a mermaid exhibit. We can now mark that off our bucket lists. “Ariel was always my favorite Disney character,” I say as we pile back in my car and take off toward the highway.

“Really?” Zoe questions, as she pulls apart strands of Twizzlers, dangling them above her open mouth like noodles. “I would have pictured you as a Cinderella chick.”

“Of course you would have.” I roll my eyes. “Tell me who you liked most when you were little.” I veer to the left and head toward the on ramp.

“Honestly, with Taylor always around, I cared more about monster trucks than princesses.”

“Has he always been bisexual?” I ask curiously, throwing us off topic.

“He hasn’t always admitted it, but I’m his sister—I knew something was different when we got to high school. I caught a boy sneaking out of his room once, and that sort of sealed the deal, but he didn’t come out for a while. I think he felt alone for a long time. It really hurt my feelings that he didn’t feel like he could confide in me.”

“I’m sure he thought he could lean on you. It was probably just really hard for him to admit it to himself at first. You’re a good sister and a good friend. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I smile, thankful that we’d met. She really has been not only an awesome roommate but also a wonderful friend. It’s funny, because I would have never pictured us buddying up—not that I have much experience in the friend department.

We blare the radio for hours. It seems to make our trip a little less boring and surely adds to our amusement. Off and on one of us will spark up a conversation leading to another subject that turns into a deep conversation. Like the time she lost her virginity. She said that it was so awful, and the dude kept going after he got off in the condom. She’d finally asked him if he was done, and he said, “Yeah. A long time ago.” I feel a smidge better about my epic virginity fail after hearing that one.

The sad thing is, I never even asked if Mark was still a virgin. I assumed he was, since we dated all through high school, but the Mark he’d become wasn’t nearly as dorky as the one I’d left. It leads me to believe that he had a least a little more experience than I did, which is embarrassing because he got off faster than a kid at prom night.

“What are you going to do about Ryle when we get back?” Zoe asks the ultimate question.

“I don’t know if I should go to him and try to straighten this all out, or if I should let him come to me. I’m confused and embarrassed. Kaiser probably hates me for running out on him when he needed me at the gym.”

I turn to see Zoe peering at me with a bleak expression on her face. “Screw what Kaiser thinks of you. Screw what anyone things. You had something to deal with, and if people don’t understand that then—.”

“Fuck ‘em,” I finish her sentence.

“Atta girl.”

I press on the accelerator when we pass the exit before ours. With two miles left in our road trip, I know they’re going to be the most agonizing yet. Jitters swallow my body and hold it captive. My brain becomes mush, and I start to ramble. “We’re almost there. Are you sure we can’t turn around and go back to apply for jobs as a mermaid? They were so pretty and got to swim all day. It sounds fantastic. I know we’d get hired. We’re both cute. They’d be stupid not to hire us on the spot.”

“Adaley, I’m going to need you to chill the heck out. We’re just getting back to campus. You don’t have to rush over to him. Let’s just get back, go up to our dorm and chill. Okay? Calm down.”

She’s right.

I take a deep breath and turn onto Braxton Drive. It’s amazing how much three days away feels like. The trees are no longer adorned with fiery orange and red leaves. They’re now bare and lonely with nothing but twigs remaining on the bigger branches. Fall must’ve waived goodbye to Biloxi while we were gone. It’s bittersweet pulling into my lonesome parking space and looking around at a campus where I know I belong, yet had abandoned.

The sound of Zoe’s door swinging open draws my attention, and I follow her out of the car. A gust of chilly air hits me in the face and blows pieces of my hair out of the loose bun on top of my head. Pushing hair out of my face, I am irritated at how I can’t keep my mind off of Ryle. On autopilot, I grab my duffle out of the backseat and walk toward the dorm. I remember when Ryle said he was turned off by me because I’d been throwing myself out there. Maybe this was a perfect time not to chase him again, and instead, allow him time to come to me. After all, he was the one who pushed me away. I don’t know why I feel like this is all my fault. He’s to blame too.