Back to the Fuchsia (17 page)

“My parents were tenants on his land. One year, the crops failed and they couldn’t pay the rent. He used the opportunity to threaten them with prison for failing to pay their debts. Of course, he would be gracious enough to forgive their debts if I agreed to marry him. I had no choice. I was the eldest of seven children, they would have become beggars. My parents would have languished and died in prison. I did it for my family. So I married the duke, but I told him I would never love him. I would never truly be his. He hated me for it.”

“So he killed you?”

“Oh no, not right away. He was too cruel for that. I had to suffer being his wife. Then a young man came along, a good man. He was a merchant and when he came to the estate, I would spend hours upon hours listening to him talk about all of the wonderful places in the world he’d been to. I begged him to take me away, but in the end, I couldn’t go. After all, my family still lived on the farm. But I was clever. I took jewelry, gold, anything I could find. Eventually, I had enough to move my family to London. They were free and I planned to be as well. The next time the merchant came, he tried to take me away. In a fit of rage, Charles killed him. As you can see, my fate was the same.”

“Poor girl! I’m so sorry.”

“I spent a long time haunting this cave. About a year ago, something magical happened. A hole in the bottom of the deep chasm opened up. Strange things appeared: shoes, hats, stationary sets, all sorts of marvelous things I’d never seen.”

“The other end of my magic tote!”

“Yes, I think we learned that together after hearing Cosmos discuss the magic involved. Of course, the whole time it acted simply as a miraculous little fountain of goods.”

“Then I’m glad my lost things did something good for someone. What about Ezzy?”

“Like I said, I haunted this place, and dreamt up all sorts of diabolical ways for vengeance. Not long ago, a witch named Esmeralda contacted the spirit world. She was looking for a tour guide for some silly tour in her city. In the spirit world, word gets around fast. When I heard she was a witch, I was interested in what abilities she had. After all, I’d never met a real witch.”

“So that’s why you were so interested in my wand and broom?”

“Yes, you’re right. Anyway, imagine my surprise when this witch actually reaches her hand into the spirit world. Into my spirit world! Right down there in the chasm, her hand reached up out of that hole. I touched her hand. I thought she would tumble through, like the shoes and things. But she didn’t. Slowly, parts of her did come through, invisible parts of who she was, her memories, her opinions, her loves and hates, all the invisible things that make up the mind of a person. And this witch’s mind was powerful, strong, and free. She had the ability to be cold and cruel when needed. I was frightened, I didn’t want her to lose such admirable traits, and I needed some way to keep them. You can’t just bottle feelings and thoughts. So, I went to the field and found a little flock of geese. I brought them down into the chasm and they absorbed all of her lost traits.”

“Ah ha! So that’s how she forgot who she was.”

“Yes, but I didn’t know at the time you accidentally created a way to time travel. I guess she must have gone to pay you a visit and fell right through. Right to this time! Now, here is the part I am truly sorry for. I could have restored who she was, I had all the geese. But I didn’t. I let the cruel Duke Charles find her, take her in. I knew he’d try to make her his property. I wanted him to feel like he owned her, like he did with me. Then I would restore this witch and you can just imagine the hell she would unleash on a controlling monster like Charles. It would be perfect. Then all of you started falling through. It was practically raining time travelers. I never expected your boyfriend would become Ezzy’s obsession. But it worked. I didn’t need my plan anymore. You all destroyed Charles’ world more than I could have hoped for. You devastated him and everything around him.”

“Again, it rings true. There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.”

“Plus, we rescued the dragon and stopped the earthquakes,” Brad pointed out.

“So what about Ezzy? Can we fix her now?” Randy asked.

“I don’t see why not.” Katherine gathered her geese and paraded them in front of Ezzy. One by one they hopped onto her lap and stuck their bills in her mouth. During the process, she passed out cold, completely unaware of the way the poultry violated her.

Eventually, all of Ezzy’s essences were returned. “Well, how about the big reveal? Let’s untie her. I don’t know if she’s going to remember anything, but why take a chance. I, for one, have no desire to explain why we tied her up.”

Brad loosened the ropes and patted her face. “Ezzy. Hey, Ezzy, time to wake up.”

She stirred, her face looked like she was in pain. “I’m in hangover hell. What’s going on here? Who the Hades is this?” She pointed at Katherine.

“This is Katherine. She’s a ghost,” I replied.

“Ghost? You know very well I never meet with those creatures face to face. Be gone, ghoul. Don’t let the doorknob sodomize you on the way out,” Ezzy said, her voice tinged with disgust.

“Yep. The bitch is back,” Randy said.

“Gertie, tell your creature to fuck off,” she replied.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to give her the full bear hug, complete with kisses on the cheek. “It’s so good to have you back.”

“Back from where? If I get one more of those touchy feeling things from you, or any of you slack-jawed imbeciles, you can send me back.”

“Goodbye, witches. I have a duke to haunt.”

“Wait! What about the merchant Charles killed. Is he with you in the spirit world?” I hoped to hear if the dead lovers found eternal bliss.

“Oh, him. Meh. I was just using him to get away from Charles. I see him around here and there, but you know how those sales types are, always on the road.” Katherine walked right through the cave wall. It was the last we saw of her.

With the bitter taste of Ezzy’s soul still fresh on their beaks, the geese wandered out of the cave entrance.

“What in the world is taking you so long? You think I’m getting any younger?” Cosmos shouted.

“Get a grip on your staff, old man. We’re coming down now,” Randy answered.

“Do you remember anything that happened here?” I asked Ezzy.

“No. And from our surroundings, I think it’s best.”

We joined Cosmos, Jessica, and the Sasquatches in the chasm. Just like the dragons had done, we traveled back through the transporter hole and arrived in what used to be the kitchen.

I say “used to be” because two dragons suddenly making an appearance in your kitchen will leave it in ruins. They’d reduced it to rubble. A small price to pay to come home.

Just a Fantasy

“
T
oo bad Cosmos and Ezzy didn’t stick around to celebrate our homecoming,” I said, resting my bare legs across Brad’s lap. The sunset painted the sky with the most beautiful palette. I sipped my iced tea, pondering which of the hues I would like for my kitchen.

“Stop it, Gertie. I know you’re eyeing up those colors. When the kitchen is finally rebuilt, leave the interior decorating for me.” Randy didn’t even turn around to see Brad and I lounging on the wicker couch. I guess he knew me well enough to know how my brain worked. He just leaned against the handrail of the back porch where we relaxed.

Jessica sat in the yard, which isn’t so much a backyard as it is a sea of tall flowers and grass. Behind her sat Kate, meticulously grooming Jessica’s hair. Wills, with his strap-on head gear still attached, groomed Kate’s fur. I was glad Jessica agreed to stay at the plantation for a while. I really needed female companionship.

Although the light was fading, we could see Olaf and Rebecca making love in the marshy area down toward the bayou. Their soft cooing made my heart melt. The new dragon didn’t seem lonely at all. She stretched out in the mud next to Rebecca. I guess dragons aren’t shy about that sort of thing.

Love was in the air. Brad discreetly slipped his hand under the hem of my dress. The warmth of his palm and cupped fingers moved lightly and slowly between my thighs until he could go no further. He massaged me there. His other hand, open and palm down, pressed lightly over my dress, concealing what he was doing.

We didn’t say a word. My breathing turned heavy and I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning in ecstasy.

Still, Randy didn’t turn around. It was erotic trying to maintain control out in the open. I would have died had we been noticed, but I didn’t want to stop Brad either.

Randy sipped his drink, never looking back. “Spelunking. Funny sounding word. I suppose that’s why you thought I meant something entirely different.” He was silent for a couple of minutes. “You know, it’s perfectly normal, fun actually, to have fantasies. To even entertain them. But, many times, it’s best they stay just that. Fantasies.”

Brad adjusted his angle. His fingers slipped under the sheer silk, penetrating me. I gasped quietly as he withdrew them and repeated his movement again and again, adding a finger each time. I wanted so badly to reach down and unleash his hardness pressing against me. My eyes were closed, feeling everything.

I blinked enough to know it was dark by then. I could have sworn I heard Brad mumble something, but I was completely drunk with passion. Brad’s other hand swept across my breasts, up my neck, and he lightly dipped a finger between my lips as I panted. I didn’t care. It was dark enough. I met his finger with my tongue before closing my mouth on it. Sucking it sensually, I indulged in my wildest fantasy.

It was quiet for several minutes. I guess I figured Randy had left us for the night from the bold manner Brad was handling me. Then Randy spoke, but Brad and I didn’t stop and I kept my eyes closed.

“I wonder, though. If you’ve thought it all through. Not everyone has the same fantasies. We all have our own tastes, our own desires.” His voice was right next to us. I refused to look and I couldn’t stop. An incredible orgasm tore through me. Brad’s hands slowed and finally stopped. It wasn’t until both of his hands, once again, rested on top of my legs that I opened my eyes.

Randy was standing right next to us, right up against us, in fact. He had put one hand on Brad’s shoulder and the back of his other hand brushed against my face. “Well, goodnight, you lovebirds. And just keep this in mind about spelunking, I’m not entirely opposed to the idea, but there are many things to consider. Also, I’ve got to meet the guests, they should be returning from Marie Laveau’s Voodoo tour.”

Brad and Randy both laughed like they were the only ones in on a joke.

I never admitted this, but when Randy touched my face, I swear his index finger was wet. I seriously think it was his finger in my mouth.

That was weeks ago now and everything is completely normal. I have a sneaking suspicion Brad and Randy set up that little situation because of what I’d said back in the cave. They wanted to give me a little fun and that was as far as it would go. Not another word has been said and it hasn’t been the least bit awkward. It was just enough to be incredibly hot, but I can’t even confirm it was nothing more than my imagination. Maybe it’s best that way.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that there is no blueprint or owner’s manual for the most precious things we have: life and love. Nobody can tell you what’s right or wrong, because if you truly value those things, you will care, you will know.

So that’s where we’re at on the Paranormal Plantation. We’re friends, we love each other and the life around us. We take each other as we are: sometimes happy or sad, kind or rude, sarcastic or passionate. These, I think, are the true elements of magic, no matter where or when you are.

“
W
hat do you think, Sunshine? Now that you’ve figured out a way to time travel, is that going to be a thing for us?”

“I’ve given it serious thought because there are times when I wonder what it would be like to meet my parents. But, in all honesty, it would be very hard. Like Cosmos said, you can’t change the course of events, no matter what you do. Why relive heartaches when we have so much happiness around us right here, right now?”

“I suppose you’re right. Another thing we need to talk about is Ezzy. We never dished out any payback for the Sexlax she slipped you, or setting us up with the kinky sex outfits.”

“We didn’t. Still, after seeing what she went through in another time, I think it’s safe to say Karma took care of that for us.”

“It was an experience for all time. I’m not sure Olaf is the rescue animal I hoped for, but maybe the answer is to pick the creature according to the rescue. We can use any of them.”

“Brad, you’ve had a few college classes. Maybe you can answer a question I have. Max Kovacs gave me one of his lectures once. He was talking about Occam’s Razor and Maslow’s Hammer and some bludgeon. What the hell was he talking about?”

“Hmm. Well, I’m no Phlebotomist, but I think Occam’s Razor isn’t a razor you shave with. It’s more of a way to look at a problem and come up with a solution. Specifically, it means that the solution is usually the one that’s the most obvious. Forget all the wild possibilities, the low percentage things or conspiracies. Just focus on the most direct, simple causes and solutions.”

“And Marlow’s Hammer and that bludgeon thingy?”

“I remember reading about those. They’re theories about problem solving. Let’s say the only tool you have in your toolbox is a hammer. So, no matter what you try to fix, you use a hammer. You’re used to it. Even if other tools become available, you go after it with your hammer out of sheer habit. It’s in your comfort zone. Same with the bludgeon.”

“I get it. He was talking about me. I tend to bounce around and think of too many possibilities. I overwhelm myself by chasing things down that aren’t even an issue. And as far as solutions, I know I use magic way too often. I use it even when I shouldn’t. But it’s right there. It’s what I’ve become used to using.”

“Like creating the magic tote bag, or the magic paint?”

“Exactly.”