Back to Reality (14 page)

Emanuel
asked, “Where are you scared of me hurting you, Sahara?”

He held my gaze and I
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t answer the question.  My chest felt tight and I was afraid I might have a panic attack…or cry.  Preemptively, I closed my eyes and went through my breathing exercises. 
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Exhale,
I coached myself before I opened my eyes again.

I
forced a light laugh and brushed the hair off of his forehead.  “Don’t mind me. I’m tired.”

“Sahara… Answer the question,” Emanuel demanded. He sat up so I sat up too.  I wrapped the sheet around me securely and avoided his stare. “Look at me.”

I looked up at him and I felt my eyes stinging. “Can we not do this?” I asked faintly.  My voice was barely a whisper. 

Giving me a quizzical look, Emanuel
blunted stated, “No. Now talk.”

Taken aback,
I didn’t immediately respond. Emanuel sighed and shook his head.  He ran his hands through his hair and growled in frustration. Startled, I jumped slightly and put my hand against my chest.  He got out of the bed and pulled on his basketball shorts.
Oh shit,
I thought when he walked around the bed to grab his shirt, heading to the door.  I scrambled off the bed, pulling the sheet off of the bed and wrapping it toga style around me.

“Are you leaving?” I asked defensively.
My heart hammered in my chest.
Please say no. Please say no. Please say no,
I prayed silently.

“No. I just
need some fresh air,” Emanuel grumbled and stalked out of the room.  I followed him into the living room as he looked around for his shoes.

My eyes watered and I pulled the sheet tighter around my body. 
“Emanuel, wait!”

“
What?” Emanuel walked toward me with his hands twisted in his hair. His voice sounded resigned and he looked as hurt as he sounded.

“I’m afraid
of getting hurt.” Unable to stop them, two tears fell and I wiped both eyes hastily.

Emanuel moved quickly across the room toward me.
“Why would you think I would hurt you Sahara?” he asked as he gripped my shoulders. “You are everything to me. I would never hurt you. Never.” His eyes searched mine as he wrapped his hands around my neck and used his thumb to wipe the tear the trickled down my cheek. “I love you. Don’t be scared beautiful.”

I
peeked at him through my lashes. With a rush of air leaving my lungs, I whispered, “I love you.  Too much. If things don’t work out with us…or if something else I did caused you pain, I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t survive it. I won’t survive you if this doesn’t work,” I choked out before the sob erupted from my chest.

Walking me back to the guest room with his arm around my shoulder, we climbed back under the covers.  For the first time, we were completely open with each other about feelings, thoughts, fears, and everything in between.
We spent the entire morning in bed talking.  I told him everything. He told me everything. We went through a range of emotions.  We spent hours talking and at the end of the full disclosure session, I felt closer to Emanuel than I had to anyone else.

That afternoon, s
itting across from Emanuel at the Old World Italian Bistro up the street from Emily’s neighborhood, I smiled shyly after we placed our lunch order. Rubbing my hand across my belly, I tried to settle the rumbling.  Our talk was so in depth that we didn’t even bother to get breakfast.

             
“Sounds like you’re hungry,” Emanuel observed as he buttered one of the slices of bread from the basket in the middle of the table.

             
“You did not hear that!” I groaned, dropping my head back with a smile.  I wasn’t embarrassed, but it was just like him to call me on my stomach making weird noises. His picking on me felt comfortable, familiar.

Chuckling lightly, he joked, “Yes, I did hear it. I think everyone heard it.”  Breaking off a piece of freshly buttered bread, he leaned forward. “Open up,” he whispered before placing it between my lips. He fed me all four bites in silence. The sexual tension between us was thick and each time he fed me, his fingers lingered a little longer on my lips.

“Thank you,” I said after I swallowed the last piece. I licked my lips and watched his throat as he drank his sweet tea.  Thoughts of last night entered my mind as I eyed his thick black hair and the way his barely there beard highlighted his chiseled features.  I had to take a sip of water to cool down.

After finishing half of his drink, he sat it down with a gentle thud. “I want to know everything about your life. Everything I missed out on,” Emanuel informed me suddenly.

Flustered, I asked slowly, “What do you want to know?”

With a serious expression and his eyes flashing passionately, he said, “Everything.”

My heart skipped a beat at the intensity of his gaze. I opened my mouth and no words came out.
I can’t think straight! It’s those eyes,
I concluded as I closed my mouth and licked my lips again. “It’s hard to focus around you,” I said, fighting the smile that played at my lips.

His face gave way to a slow, sexy smile. “That’s how I felt when you kept kissing my fingers when I fed you.”

“No I didn’t!” I laughed causing him to laugh too.

Once we stopped laughing, he repeated, “Now,
tell me everything. What have you been up to?”

“I work at Red Inc. and—”

“Red Inc.? That’s an IT dream,” he whistled. “Good for you! How do you like it?”

His excitement about my job renewed my excitement as I told him all the ins and outs of working with the company.  He was nodding and asking questions.
Generally, talking about work is very mechanical…but not with Emanuel,
I thought as he hung on to my every word. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” Emanuel asked suddenly.

“Because of you,” I replied as the waiter appeared and sat down our large pasta plates.  My eyes went wide as I eyed the amount of lasagna on our plates.
There’s no way I’m finishing all of this,
I thought after we thanked the waiter and he departed.

I smiled sweetly at him before saying,
“I hear you are quite adventurous these days. I guess long gone is the shy, basketball star.”

“Don’t get it twisted, Sahara. I’m still a basketball star.” He winked.

I tilted my head to the side and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now what’s with the rock climbing and base jumping and all of that? That’s so dangerous!”

“It is. But it’s an adrenaline rush. Only one thing compares to the feeling I get from it.”

My heart started beating faster as I chewed my lasagna.  The way he looked at me as he said it made me feel lightheaded. “But you could get hurt.”

“It’s a risk worth taking,” he responded with his eyes burning into mine.

“Maybe you could do something less risky?” I suggested with quiet trepidation.

“It wouldn’t be the same.”

I don’t think we are talking about rock climbing anymore,
I thought as the butterflies flooded my belly. 

“Maybe instead of rock climbing outdoors, you could do it at one of those indoor places.” My voice was coming out shakily.

“Nothing compares to the real thing.” The way he emphasized the word ‘nothing’ squeezed at my heart and I couldn’t look away from him. We were both silent for a minute.

“What do you do in your free time beautiful?” Emanuel asked before taking a bite of his lasagna.

Clearing my throat, I answered, “Anything involving art. I love going to museums, art shows, galleries, concerts, performances of any kind really. And I also spend a gross amount of time listening to music. My collection of music is extensive.” I shook my head. “The money I spend downloading music is ridiculous!”

“So I guess not much has changed there,” he observed with a laugh. “I’d like for us to compare playlists later.”

“Let’s do it!” I exclaimed.

“Please tell me you still sing.”

I looked away from his face briefly before finding my way back to him again. I gave him a sad smile. “Only when I’m alone.” 

“You have the most incredible voice I’ve ever heard,” Emanuel revealed. “You should be singing.”

              My face heated with his praise. “Thank you, but I am more comfortable watching. Like on Friday.” My eyes dropped from his eyes to his full lips and then back. “You have the most incredible voice I’ve ever heard,” I repeated his words back at him.

             
He leaned forward and held my gaze. “Thanks to you.”

             
“Me?”

             
“You are my muse.”

For two hours, we laughed, talked and flirted as if no time had passed between us.  We exchanged suggestions for music, movies, and TV shows to watch.  We discussed current events, news stories, and politics. Over the ten year span our tastes and interests changed, but remarkably, they evolved and complimented one another.  By time the waiter brought us to-go boxes, Emanuel had even convinced me to go for a hike with him early Monday morning before my flight. As we walked out of the bistro hand in hand, the happiness that filled me radiated through my pores and I felt light.

Everything just clicks with Emanuel. I don’t have to explain the accident or the hole it created in my heart. With him, I can be myself…my whole and complete self. I’m able to be the version of myself that I thought died in the accident and also the version of myself that I’ve become.  And he accepts it all. And he forgives me. And if I work hard enough, just maybe, I can be worthy of his forgiveness,
I thought as I smiled up at him while we stood beside his motorcycle.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, Emanuel kissed me softly. It was a sweet, gentle kiss that made my stomach flip.  Pulling away, he pressed his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes.  The grey mesmerized me and I couldn’t do or say anything.  I was putty in his hands.  Without warning, he crashed his mouth into mine passionately, taking my breath away.  His hands slipped over my hips and as he cupped my ass, he lifted me in the air.

Pulling away from his lips, I laughed giddily. I wrapped my jean-clad legs around his waist and ran my fingers through his hair. Tugging gently, I pulled his head back and kissed his neck, trailing kisses up toward his mouth.  Just as I was about to bite at his bottom lip, my phone rang loudly from my Michael Kors crossbody bag.

Sitting me on the back of the motorcycle, Emanuel watched me as I search
ed through the bag for my phone. Seeing Emily’s name, I picked it up immediately.

“Hey
Em!” I greeted her. Standing beside me, Emanuel moved random hairs that escaped from my up-do and fell onto my forehead.

“Don’t hey me! I don’t want details, but did you finally get your lifelong wish?”

Looking up at Emanuel, I answered, “Oh yes…yes…yes!”  He smiled as if he knew what I was talking about which made my face flush.

“Okay
,” she said slowly, “That was disgusting. A simple yes would’ve sufficed!”

“Sorry!” I laughed my apology.

“Anyway, are you guys close? Mom and Dad want us all over there for a cookout.”

“We are three minutes away. We just ate.”

“Okay good! Hurry! Anthony and I just ate too. We are going to head over and watch football and just chill out until dinner time. We should all ride together.”

“Okay we are on our way.”

We concluded the phone call and once my phone was secured in my bag, Emanuel put his helmet on my head.  Climbing on to the motorcycle, he started the engine and revved it twice before pulling off. I squeezed him tightly the entire ride to Emily’s because I was afraid to let go.
Things are finally starting to look up for me,
I thought as we pulled into the driveway. 

Chapter 16    

Ben Sullivan:
You okay? Everything going well?

Sahara Lee:
Things are great! Just got back from a cookout at the Mills house and now we’re hanging out at Emily’s.  How’s everything up there? Happy Labor Day!

Ben Sullivan:
Happy Labor Day! Good and good. The art exhibition has been rescheduled for next Friday. Are you still able to go?

Sahara Lee: Yes.

Ben Sullivan: Just making sure. I’ll be at the airport at noon.

Sahara Lee: Thanks! See you tomorrow.

             
I put the phone on the charger and changed into my pink lounge pants and fitted white T-shirt.  I hummed a happy tune as I walked into the living room.  Emily and Anthony argued over the lyrics to a song and tried to get Emanuel to determine who was right and who was wrong.  Both Emily and Anthony were wrong, but their back-and-forth was too adorable to interfere.  I sat down beside Emanuel on the couch and laughed as they walked into the kitchen singing.

             
“You’re both wrong. Now, sit down and let’s watch this movie,” Emanuel laughed as he put his arm around me.  I snuggled up against him and smiled contentedly. 
Today—scratch that—this weekend has been a rollercoaster ride. But I would do it all again to have an afternoon like today, to have right now,
I reflected silently as I interlocked my fingers with Emanuel’s. 

             
Contemplating the events of the day, I sat up and smiled. “I’m so in love with you,” I whispered in Emanuel’s ear without reason or provocation. I just wanted him to know.

             
He grabbed my face and kissed me lightly on the lips. “And I’m so in love with you beautiful.”  Then he pulled me into his lap.

             
“Awww,” Emily cooed as they walked into the living room. “Anthony, look how cute they are!”

             
We laughed and they put the snacks on the coffee table.  “The pizza and wings were ordered.  Should be here in an hour,” Anthony announced after eyeing our spread.  After they got comfortable in their seats, we started the movie.

             
“This movie is my all-time favorite! I can’t believe you’ve never seen this, babe,” Emily chattered happily. Popcorn, cookies, and movie theater candy was spread on the table. We decide to have a movie night and the first movie was Emily’s pick, Black Swan.

             
“I think I was finishing up my residency when this came out. I didn’t have much time then,” Anthony responded as he fed Emily a piece of popcorn.

             
“You still don’t have much time!” Emily poked out her lip and Anthony leaned over and kissed it. She broke into a happy smile. “But we will make the most of the time you do have.”

             
“Awwww, Emanuel… look how cute they are!” I playfully mimicked Emily. She threw a piece of popcorn at me and giggled.

             
“I’m so happy right now,” Emily sighed blissfully.  “This hot man is going to be my husband.”

“We will ring in the new year as husband and wife,” Anthony interjected adoringly.

“Yes! I get to start planning my New Year’s Eve wedding to my hot piece of man candy with my best friend in the whole world… who is here and happy and in love… with the best big brother a girl could ask for. And my opening went well. And Mom and Dad are good.  And we have Monday off. Life is good!”  

             
We raised our drinks and clinked bottles of water as the opening credits rolled.  I snuggled down in Emanuel’s lap so that my head comfortably rested against his head.
Life is good,
I thought dreamily as I truly absorbed myself in my new reality. 
I’m in the town I grew up in…which I thought I would never return to, with the people I grew up with…who I thought hated me. But as it turns out, nothing was what it seemed.

             
“Pizza is here!” Emily sang as the doorbell rang almost an hour later. I leaned forward off of Emanuel’s lap and hit pause on the movie.

             
“I’ll get it,” Anthony announced, removing Emily’s legs from his lap and making his way to the door.

             
“Thanks babe!” Emily called to his retreating back.  She turned to look at me and said, “Sahara, come help me with paper plates.”

             
I gave her a questioning look as I slowly said, “Okay…?” I let the word drag out as I tried to get off of Emanuel’s lap. 

Emanuel wrapped his
arms around my waist tighter and held me captive in his embrace. I laughed as he kissed me Pepe Le Pew style up and down my arm.

Emily rolled her eyes and groaned, “You guys are the worst! Get a room!”

Giving Emanuel a peck on the lips, I got up and quickly followed Emily into the kitchen.  The paper plates were sitting on the kitchen table and it was clear she didn’t need help.  I picked up the plates between my thumb and pointer finger and said, “Really Em?”

We
both burst out laughing.

“
Emily, you have a guest!” Anthony’s announcement interrupted our laughter.

             
We heard the door close and her eyebrows shot up, crinkling her forehead. I shrugged and opened drawers until I found the plastic utensils and extra napkins.

             
“What are you doing here?” Emily’s voice was a mix of shock and horror.
What is going on?
I wondered as I closed the drawer with my hip and listened. 

             
“I need to talk to your brother,” the woman said angrily. “He’s not answering my calls. He’s never home when I stop by. So I decided to drive by here and lo-and-behold, his motorcycle is out front.”

             
“And?” Emily’s tone was defensive. I walked out of the kitchen and stopped in my tracks.

             
“Of course you’re here.” Ashlyn’s tone was calm yet she glared at me hatefully.  Her face was slowly becoming as red as the flowing sundress she wore.

             
“Yes. I am. Why are you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. When she didn’t immediately respond, I walked into the living room and immediately noticed Emanuel was not there.  I put the paper products on the table and peeked down the hall.
Since he’s in the bathroom, maybe she’ll leave before he gets out,
I thought as I walked back to the front door.

             
“I’m here to speak to Emanuel. And I’m not leaving until I do,” Ashlyn spat out and folded her arms over her chest.
Well so much for her leaving unnoticed,
I thought as I rolled my eyes.

             
“You need to leave my house. Now,” Emily countered through gritted teeth. 

Anthony looked from Emily to Ashlyn to me and then back to Emily.
He scratched his head and stared at Emily. 
His puzzled expression would’ve been comical under different circumstances,
I thought.

We all whipped around when we heard him moving down the hallway. 
“Em, did Mom call you? She called me three times. I called her back but—” Emanuel’s voice trailed off as he stopped in his tracks.

             
“Hello Manny,” Ashlyn said haughtily. The maniacal laugh that followed gave me chills.
This is not good,
I thought looking from Emanuel to Ashlyn.

             
“Ashlyn,” Emanuel greeted flatly. “Why are you here? I thought I made myself clear when I told you I didn’t want you to be a part of my life anymore.” His tone was cold. He walked up beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.

             
Ashlyn narrowed her eyes, glancing from me to Emanuel. “That’s a harsh thing to say,” she replied sweetly. “Especially since I have been trying to be civil.”

             
“I’m asking you nicely, Ashlyn. Leave. Now.” Emanuel’s jaw clenched and I felt the tension in his body. “We are done. There’s nothing left to say.”

             
“I’m calling the police,” Emily broke in and walked past us to grab her cell phone in the living room.

             
“No need Emily. This won’t take long.” Ashlyn’s saccharine tone grated on my nerves. Continuing, Ashlyn said, “I just want to give Manny something.”

             
Emily walked back up with her phone in hand.  I nervously glanced at Anthony who was standing somewhat behind Ashlyn.
People are crazy…she could have a gun,
I thought as episodes of Snapped replayed in my mind.
Is she a woman scorned ready to extract revenge on her ex?
My eyes swept over Ashlyn. 
I don’t see a gun and that small crossbody bag couldn’t possibly hold a gun. Right?
I considered as I tilted my head and analyzed her bag.

             
Taking a step forward, Ashlyn said, “Manny, I have a question. You said you loved me, but you weren’t in love with me… because you’re in love with her.” She sneered at me before looking back at Emanuel. “Is that still true?”

             
“Obviously. What do you want? Why are you here?” Emanuel growled; his temper was hanging on by a thread.

             
“I’m here because of something your mother told me,” Ashlyn stated with a smile. There was a long pause and she seemed to revel in it as her smile grew wider. The house was silent as we all waited for her to continue. 
What would Mrs. Mills have told her to make her think barging into Emily’s house was appropriate?
I wondered.

             
“Either say what you have to say and then leave. Or just leave. It doesn’t matter to me either way.”

             
“Well earlier this year, I ran into your mother at the mall.  We made small talk and then she noticed the bag I was holding. I was shopping for myself and also for my cousin Jessica. You remember Jessica right?”

“Get to the point, Ashlyn,” Emanuel demanded.

“You didn’t used to be in such a rush to finish,” Ashlyn said cattily. She winked at me in case I didn’t catch her double entendre.

“Watch it,” I replied calmly.

“That’s it,” Emily pronounced as she hit three buttons on her phone. “I will hit send and I will have your ass arrested for trespassing on private property.”

Never taking her eyes of Emanuel, she unzipped her bag and continued as if Emily hadn’t spoken. “S
he said that you are a good man, an honorable man. She said that you were just like your father and that they raised you to do the right thing.”

Suddenly, a voice erupted from Emily’s speaker phone. “9-1-1. What’s your emergency?”

“Hang up the phone Em,” Anthony whispered as we all stood in stunned silence at the sonogram in Ashlyn’s hand.