Bachelor Mother (14 page)

Bubba paid him absolutely no attention as he rolled back the cover of the hot tub and climbed slowly inside. He pressed the rubber button on the side and the water began to bubble up from the bottom.

Heaven.
He kept his eyes closed as his muscles began to relax. Resting his head on the edge of the tub, he let his mind wander. His patio was open, so the sun bathed his face and chest. In the distance he could hear the sound of an occasional car driving down the street, the laughter of children at play. Summer was coming to an end and soon they’d all have to go back to school.

He’d hated school, being cooped up on days like this. It had been pure torture for the boy he’d been. Recess had helped and later he made sure he staggered classes so he could sit in the sun for a few minutes at a time, to touch base again. He’d never understood either of his parents, his mother content hiding inside her house, his father behind a desk.

He wrinkled his forehead in concentration. What was that noise? A snapping, whipping sound. He turned his face in the direction of the noise at the same time he opened his eyes.

The rainbow sock.

Mel. She’s pregnant!

He vaulted out of the hot tub, sending waves of water surging toward the begonia. Henry shot out from underneath it but Bubba didn’t even notice as he ran inside.

* * *

Melanie was lying on her couch, sick to her stomach. She’d tried to fry an egg that morning but as soon as she saw it popping and sizzling in the frying pan, she’d turned off the gas and gone into the bathroom to throw up.

How had this suddenly happened to her? She’d been determined she wasn’t going to have morning sickness.

The knocking at her door sounded loud in her head.

“Just a minute.” She got up, wondering who it could be this early in the morning. Dressed in underpants and a T-shirt, she walked over to the door and peered out the peephole.

Bubba.

“Mel? Answer the door!” He seemed impatient.

She opened it, using it to hide her lower half.

“Hi, Bubba.” She knew she looked terrible but she didn’t even care.

“What’s wrong?”

She shrugged. “Nerves, I guess. I was a little sick this morning.”

“Can I come in?”

“In a second. Just let me get some clothes on.” For some reason she was suddenly shy with him.

He waited out on the front steps until she went up to her bedroom, pulled on an old pair of jeans, brushed and braided her hair and changed her T-shirt. Then she came back downstairs determined to put on a more cheerful face.

“Come in.”

He walked inside and they simply stared at each other for a minute.

Bubba made the first move. He simply reached out and pulled her into his arms, then wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Oh, Mel. Are you sure?”

She nodded her head.

“Then it happened over that weekend?”

She nodded again.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes.” Then she burst into tears.

* * *

Ambivalence. That’s what it is. Bubba had decided the minute she started crying that a day at the beach would do both of them good. He helped her lock up the house then bundled her inside his Honda and headed up Pacific Coast Highway toward Zuma Beach.

She seemed to be relaxing. He’d heard enough stories from his married friends of how women’s temperaments changed during pregnancy. Mel had always been an emotional child. Her feelings ran so strong he’d seen them literally make her sick.

Fresh air. I’m sure it’ll be good for her. Get her out of the house, stop her from dwelling on things too much.

The beach was the perfect place. There was nothing like getting close to the water to put both of them in a better mood. He glanced over at her as he drove, then smiled. She was sleeping. Pregnancy would probably be harder on her body than a marathon.

Support. Give her support.
He thought of her brother Donnie and his forehead wrinkled in concentration. He could be a bastard sometimes. If Donnie gave Mel too hard a time, he’d make it a point to fill her in on some of her brother’s youthful escapades. Donnie was no saint – that was why his unrelenting, judgmental attitude was so hard to take. And annoying as hell.

He hadn’t been that way as a child. Or maybe he had and it was just harder to take as they all got older. Sometimes Bubba wondered if they would've been friends at all if they hadn’t first met in grade school. Donnie had not aged gracefully.

He wasn’t selective about who he criticized and he didn’t always restrict it to his family. He’d had many choice words to say about how Bubba conducted his life. The secret was to face him down. Mel hadn’t been able to do that yet. Pregnancy would only make her more vulnerable.

Bubba let her sleep until they reached the beach. Then he gently woke her and they walked down to the shoreline without talking. He’d walked this beach a million times with Mel but this time it was different. It amazed him that they'd actually succeeded. It was awe-inspiring. It was also frightening now that it was real.

And how much more frightening for her.

“Can we stop for a minute?” she asked.

“Sure.” They walked up from the shoreline to drier sand and sat.

Melanie was concentrating on the waves, watching them as they crashed in and then hissed back out.

“You’re the only person who knows, Bubba.”

He didn’t say anything, waiting for her to go on.

“I’m not going to tell anyone else until my fourth month.”

“Okay.” He took one of her hands in his. Her fingers were cool. She didn’t squeeze back.

“I know what they’d all say if I told them now.”

He knew too, so he didn’t say anything.

“That was the hardest part, coming home yesterday and not being able to tell anyone.”

“You could've called me.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Bother me, okay? You can’t go through this alone.”

“But I want you to know – I mean I don’t want you to feel guilty or pressured or anything. Please, Bubba, this is so important to me. I don’t want to do anything to wreck our friendship.”

“You’re not going to wreck anything.”

“You’ll tell me if I’m bothering you, okay?”

He smiled. If there was anyone in his life who was likely to bother him, it wasn’t Mel.

“I’ll let you know. Come on, let’s head back. We have to celebrate properly. I’m taking you out to lunch.”

He helped her up but was careful to pretend he didn’t see the quick tears that ran down her cheeks before she brushed them away.

“What do you want to eat? Something that’ll sit well in your stomach.”

“Anything but eggs.”

He laughed softly and put his arm around her shoulders as they started back toward the car.

Why didn’t anyone tell me pregnancy could be so miserable?
  Mel thought as she leaned back against the toilet bowl, resting her head in her hands. She couldn’t keep anything down. The smell of food cooking evoked an automatic response – straight to the bathroom. She was tired all the time, her breasts hurt, her head never failed to hit the pillow by nine in the evening. Even Alicia’s tea rose perfume made her gag.

Some mother you are.
Pregnancy was nothing like she’d thought it would be. Though she was still forcing herself to go to work each morning and putting on a cheery face for Alicia, it was hard. The worst part was feeling so totally alone. After Bubba took her to lunch to celebrate, she’d been scrupulously careful not to bother him. He saw the false-faced, smiling front as well.

There were some good moments, usually when her stomach was completely empty. It amazed Mel to realize she’d never seen so many pregnant women in her entire life. Maybe she’d simply never noticed them. Now she felt she had something in common with every pregnant woman she saw. And babies – each time she saw one in its mother’s arms, she wondered what her child would look like.

Some days she was crazily happy she’d been given this precious chance. Others, she woke up and cried, staring at her ceiling, totally convinced she’d been insane to ever consider becoming a single mother.

One of her worst days had been when she’d read one of the small pamphlets her doctor had given her. It had described the trials of varicose veins and hemorrhoids. “But your husband will love you despite this, for the precious gift you are giving him.” She’d put the pamphlet down and cried for a solid hour, convinced no man would ever want her again after she had given birth. Her body would be a gigantic mass of sags and stretch marks. Never mind that the doctor had given her the go ahead on her regular exercise regime, she was convinced she was going to puff up like a soufflé.

Her cell's ringtone brought her to attention. Thank God it was Saturday and she didn’t have to go anywhere. Her plan for the day had been to force down some herbal tea and crackers, then sit out in the October sunshine and knit, maybe finish the sweater she’d started.

“Hello?”

“Mel? Bubba. I’m having some people over for a barbecue and I was wondering if you’d like to come by.”

Anything would be better than staying in the house and feeling sorry for herself. It wasn’t her normal nature to feel broody and self-centered. Perhaps this was just what she needed – a party.

“Okay. Casual, right?” She almost laughed.
Nothing
  at Bubba’s house was anything but casual.

“Jeans and sweatshirts. You remember Terry and his girlfriend Laurie. It’ll be just the four of us.”

She remembered meeting the couple at Bubba’s and liking them. This would be fun. “I’ll be there, Bubba. What time and do you want me to bring anything?”

“Seven and just yourself. How’re you feeling these days, Mel?”

“Terrific.” She was becoming an expert at lying through her teeth. “I’ll see you then, Bubba.”

After she hung up the phone, she lay down and closed her eyes.

* * *

As Melanie zipped up her jeans, she studied herself critically in the mirror.

Thank God for small favors. At least my jeans still fit.
In all the books on pregnancy she’d devoured in the past weeks, each had said a woman usually didn’t start to show until the second trimester. She was only eight weeks pregnant, so she still fit in her clothes.

Some of them, anyway.
She’d deliberately picked a baggy sweatshirt to hide her larger breasts. They made her self-conscious, the way they stuck out in front of her. She still looked good, though. The sweatshirt was a pale peach color, with palm trees silk-screened on the front. She looked very casual.

She’d washed her hair and pulled it up on top of her head in a casual topknot. She’d even applied a little makeup. She’d considered doing her nails but the minute she opened the polish bottle and smelled that scent she felt the familiar tightening of her stomach, so she recapped it quickly.

Now if you just stay downwind of the barbecue.
Evenings were usually better than mornings. She might even be able to eat.

Glancing at her bedside clock, she saw it read seven-twelve. Picking up her bag, she walked quickly out of the room before she had a chance to change her mind and remain hidden in her bedroom.

* * *

“Anyone for the hot tub afterward?” Bubba asked, expertly flipping hamburgers on the grill.

Melanie tried to smile. The smells were getting to her but so far no one had noticed how she’d edged closer and closer to Bubba’s back door.

“Sounds good.” Laurie, a petite brunette with short, curly hair and a quick smile, was dishing potato salad on to her paper plate.

“I’ll go for it.” Terry, lying in the hammock to the side of the large patio, was waiting for the ribs.

“Mel?” Bubba directed his gaze to hers.

“Fantastic!”
Boy, you’re getting good at this.
  She wanted nothing more than to go home and lie down.

“I think you left a suit here from last time, Mel. I put it in the back bathroom.”

“Maybe I’ll go change now.” She grasped the chance eagerly.

She was just in time. With quiet efficiency she threw up, then sat down on the bathroom floor and took deep breaths.

You’ll feel better now that your stomach is empty.
  One of the worst things about getting sick was that she had to face food again. She couldn’t just keep not eating. It wasn’t good for the baby.

The black suit was draped over a towel hanging on the shower door. Mel pulled it down and studied it. It was a slinky maillot, with high-cut French legs and a low-cut front. Quickly unsnapping her jeans, she wriggled into the bottom half.

So far so good.

The top was a disaster. The low-cut bodice barely covered her swelling breasts. There was something obscene about them, the way they looked ready to explode at any second.

Ugly. You look ugly.
She could feel quick tears gathering in her eyes. More than anything, just for this one night she didn’t want to be pregnant.

“Mel?” It was Bubba, knocking softly at the door.

She swallowed the tightness in her throat. “I’m okay.”

There was a pause, then he said, “You don’t sound so good. What’s wrong?”

She took a deep breath. “It doesn’t fit.”

“Let me see.” He started in the bathroom door and she turned away from him, embarrassed.

“Mel, what’s wrong with it? You look great.”

Sure – from the back.
  Slowly, her hands over her breasts, she turned and faced him.

He studied her for a moment. She was so glad there was nothing in his eyes but quiet kindness. If he’d made any kind of joke or told her she looked great from a guy’s point of view, she would've burst into tears.

“Why don’t I get you one of my T-shirts? You can just wear it over the top of the suit.”

“Why don’t I just sit in the hammock and watch the three of you?”

He put his arm around her, gently massaging her tense shoulder. “It’ll relax you. It’s okay. I turned the heat down this morning so it shouldn’t be too hot.”

Without another word he left, returning within a minute with a black T-shirt.