Bacacay (20 page)
Authors: Bill Johnston Witold Gombrowicz
To carry forward: 31 s.
6 d.
6 d.
To the above reckoning I appended the following note: “I pay because it’s mine.
If it weren’t mine, I would not pay.
I shouldn’t have rubbed shoulders with that character (Thompson)—now they all keep approaching me, one after another.
There’s nothing worse than entering into contact with riff-raff who prattle without thinking and fawn idiotically, solely in order to extract money.
I’m sure that among themselves they make fun of the fact they managed
to tap the passenger, and that they repeat the same words in a vulgar manner—roaring with laughter and holding their bellies.
I’m curious, though, where they got those words from.
It has to be admitted there’s a blatant lack of discretion on board; in this respect I could hold it against not just the seamen but also the ship’s pipes, which enact some sort of bizarre flourishes, including my own.
The men ape and twist, and turn everything instantly into such filth or foolishness that one has to blush.
If it weren’t mine, I would not pay.
I shouldn’t have rubbed shoulders with that character (Thompson)—now they all keep approaching me, one after another.
There’s nothing worse than entering into contact with riff-raff who prattle without thinking and fawn idiotically, solely in order to extract money.
I’m sure that among themselves they make fun of the fact they managed
to tap the passenger, and that they repeat the same words in a vulgar manner—roaring with laughter and holding their bellies.
I’m curious, though, where they got those words from.
It has to be admitted there’s a blatant lack of discretion on board; in this respect I could hold it against not just the seamen but also the ship’s pipes, which enact some sort of bizarre flourishes, including my own.
The men ape and twist, and turn everything instantly into such filth or foolishness that one has to blush.
“The situation requires immense tact.
The captain possesses too much nautical imagination, and Smith knows how to give a warm handshake—so much so it’s even pleasant.
At any moment they could throw me overboard.
When I set off I was forgetting the absolute power of a captain, and that’s an important point that should not be forgotten.
I also forgot that at sea there are only men (I’m not referring to the large passenger steamers).
They’re all men, and the sock came at the right time.
As for the crew, it’s composed of old stagers, older than I thought even, and one needs to temporize with them, because for them nothing is sacred—they’re like fraternity boys or soldiers in their barracks.
You can see it by looking at them.
It’s just as well that Smith has them by the throat.
Today, as I stood in the bows I saw an unfamiliar animal the size and shape of an anteater, which slipped out a long tongue narrow as a tape and tried to use it to lick a piece of wood that was floating a few meters away—and so I went to the stern, but there in turn there was a host of oysters—and these snails are swallowed live and perish torn from their shells in the dark cavity of the stomach.
No one can be more consumed alive than they are, and they are afraid of nothing so much as of lemon.
(To be afraid
of lemon!) At that point I turned from the sea and looked in the direction of the deck, but here one of the deckhands put down his brush, raised his leg, and scratched himself on the heel, exactly like a little doggie relieving itself behind a bush.
In the end I locked myself in my cabin once again for several hours, ostensibly because of the damp.
There is a need for immense tact; one should not be surprised at anything, one should show no surprise, surprise would be entirely out of place, since everything is this way—everything is this way, and I have no grounds for surprise, and if they throw me overboard I’ll go without surprise—surprise in such circumstances would without a doubt be a huge impropriety, a glaring lack of tact.
In any case one must be circumspect and avoid disputes and move very cautiously, since boredom is pressing down and the sun is burning.
I wish, I wish we would arrive in Valparaiso—alas, the wind is blowing against us.
The captain possesses too much nautical imagination, and Smith knows how to give a warm handshake—so much so it’s even pleasant.
At any moment they could throw me overboard.
When I set off I was forgetting the absolute power of a captain, and that’s an important point that should not be forgotten.
I also forgot that at sea there are only men (I’m not referring to the large passenger steamers).
They’re all men, and the sock came at the right time.
As for the crew, it’s composed of old stagers, older than I thought even, and one needs to temporize with them, because for them nothing is sacred—they’re like fraternity boys or soldiers in their barracks.
You can see it by looking at them.
It’s just as well that Smith has them by the throat.
Today, as I stood in the bows I saw an unfamiliar animal the size and shape of an anteater, which slipped out a long tongue narrow as a tape and tried to use it to lick a piece of wood that was floating a few meters away—and so I went to the stern, but there in turn there was a host of oysters—and these snails are swallowed live and perish torn from their shells in the dark cavity of the stomach.
No one can be more consumed alive than they are, and they are afraid of nothing so much as of lemon.
(To be afraid
of lemon!) At that point I turned from the sea and looked in the direction of the deck, but here one of the deckhands put down his brush, raised his leg, and scratched himself on the heel, exactly like a little doggie relieving itself behind a bush.
In the end I locked myself in my cabin once again for several hours, ostensibly because of the damp.
There is a need for immense tact; one should not be surprised at anything, one should show no surprise, surprise would be entirely out of place, since everything is this way—everything is this way, and I have no grounds for surprise, and if they throw me overboard I’ll go without surprise—surprise in such circumstances would without a doubt be a huge impropriety, a glaring lack of tact.
In any case one must be circumspect and avoid disputes and move very cautiously, since boredom is pressing down and the sun is burning.
I wish, I wish we would arrive in Valparaiso—alas, the wind is blowing against us.
“The order, discipline, and cleanliness on this ship are a thin membrane that could burst at any second and is ever more likely to do so.”
After writing this I burned the paper.
Before long it transpired that my concerns were well founded—and I had been wrong to hand out money to the sailors, since this had a provocative and emboldening effect on them.
One takes money and then—ever onward, now with money in one’s pocket!
(Once, a long time ago now, I gave out caramels in the same way, and with no better consequences.) —One day, strolling astern, on the boards of the deck I noticed a human eye.
No one was around except for a sailor standing by the helm and chewing gum; the whole deck was bathed in
subtropical sunshine and criss-crossed by a bluish network of shadows from the rigging of the foremast.
I asked the helmsman:
Before long it transpired that my concerns were well founded—and I had been wrong to hand out money to the sailors, since this had a provocative and emboldening effect on them.
One takes money and then—ever onward, now with money in one’s pocket!
(Once, a long time ago now, I gave out caramels in the same way, and with no better consequences.) —One day, strolling astern, on the boards of the deck I noticed a human eye.
No one was around except for a sailor standing by the helm and chewing gum; the whole deck was bathed in
subtropical sunshine and criss-crossed by a bluish network of shadows from the rigging of the foremast.
I asked the helmsman:
“Whose eye is that?”
He shrugged.
“I don’t know, sir.”
“Did it fall out, or was it removed?”
“I didn’t see, sir.
It’s been lying there since this morning.
I’d have picked it up and put it in a box, but I’m not allowed to leave the helm.”
It’s been lying there since this morning.
I’d have picked it up and put it in a box, but I’m not allowed to leave the helm.”
“Over there by the rail,” I said, “there’s another eye.
But a different one.
Belonging to a different person.
Have Barnes pick them up when he leaves the helm.”
But a different one.
Belonging to a different person.
Have Barnes pick them up when he leaves the helm.”
“Yes, sir.”
I continued my interrupted walk, debating whether to tell the captain and Smith—the latter had appeared on the steps of the forward hatch.
“There’s a human eye on the deck over there.”
He pricked up his ears.
“I’ll be f ...
sp ....
Where?
Is it one of a pair?”
“I’ll be f ...
sp ....
Where?
Is it one of a pair?”
“Do you think, lieutenant, that it fell out, or that it was removed from someone?”
We heard the captain’s voice from the upper gangway:
“Has something happened, Mr.
Smith?
Why did you curse?”
Smith?
Why did you curse?”
“Those ...
dr ...
da ...”
Smith replied angrily, “Those ...
ba ...
pr ...
they’re starting to play the eye game.”
dr ...
da ...”
Smith replied angrily, “Those ...
ba ...
pr ...
they’re starting to play the eye game.”
“Do you mean to tell me,” I asked, “that out of boredom the sailors have invented a game that involves one of them catching a
second unawares and trying to poke the other man’s eye out with his thumb—more or less the way schoolboys trip one another up?”
second unawares and trying to poke the other man’s eye out with his thumb—more or less the way schoolboys trip one another up?”
The captain’s voice rang out from above:
“Don’t forget, Mr.
Smith, that independent of the punishment the guilty party should eat the eye that was poked out.
Nautical customs require it.”
Smith, that independent of the punishment the guilty party should eat the eye that was poked out.
Nautical customs require it.”
“Damnation,” swore the lieutenant.
“Once they’ve begun there’ll be no peace.
One time, in the waters of the southern Pacific, while we were becalmed we lost three-quarters of the eyes of the entire crew in this way.
They’re scared to death of it, but once they begin they can’t stop themselves.
I’ll show them—now then, good gentlemen—they’ll remember me, they’ll remember me, those good gen ...
en ...
gen ...”
“Once they’ve begun there’ll be no peace.
One time, in the waters of the southern Pacific, while we were becalmed we lost three-quarters of the eyes of the entire crew in this way.
They’re scared to death of it, but once they begin they can’t stop themselves.
I’ll show them—now then, good gentlemen—they’ll remember me, they’ll remember me, those good gen ...
en ...
gen ...”
“It’s more along the lines of tickling,” I said.
“A schoolboy is terrified of tickling and for that reason he can’t refrain from tickling his chum; then the chum starts tickling and an all-around tickling commences.”
“A schoolboy is terrified of tickling and for that reason he can’t refrain from tickling his chum; then the chum starts tickling and an all-around tickling commences.”
“I’ll tickle them,” muttered Smith, seething and roughly patting his pockets.
I merely added sadly and almost painfully: “I’m sorry.
It’s a flimsily attached organ, a sphere inserted into a socket in a person, nothing more.”
I merely added sadly and almost painfully: “I’m sorry.
It’s a flimsily attached organ, a sphere inserted into a socket in a person, nothing more.”
I went to my cabin, lay on my bunk, and wrote with my finger on the wall: “A fine business.—Now Smith will tickle them, and they’ll tickle Smith in return.
It’s much worse than I suspected.
It seems to be dreary and foolish, but it’s growing ever more pressing and more cramped—these are already personal provocations —things are dangerous.
I’m like a sheep among wolves, like an ass
in the lions’ den.
It’ll be necessary after all to have a serious talk with Clarke.”
It’s much worse than I suspected.
It seems to be dreary and foolish, but it’s growing ever more pressing and more cramped—these are already personal provocations —things are dangerous.
I’m like a sheep among wolves, like an ass
in the lions’ den.
It’ll be necessary after all to have a serious talk with Clarke.”
An opportunity to talk arose that very evening on the bridge.
Clarke was leaning on the rail and conferring with the lieutenant; both wore extremely concerned and disgruntled expressions.
They were evidently discussing the situation, since I heard Clarke saying: “Yes, but if things go on like this, there may be a shortage of eyes.
Something must have stirred them up—someone must have roused them—they’d never have started of their own accord.
Now there’ll be no peace.
Clarke was leaning on the rail and conferring with the lieutenant; both wore extremely concerned and disgruntled expressions.
They were evidently discussing the situation, since I heard Clarke saying: “Yes, but if things go on like this, there may be a shortage of eyes.
Something must have stirred them up—someone must have roused them—they’d never have started of their own accord.
Now there’ll be no peace.
“Who stirred them up?”
he roared, waxing angry.
he roared, waxing angry.
The sea was pellucid—the setting sun had not yet managed to sink below the horizon, yet darkness was already enveloping the waters with great rapidity.
Storks appeared in the sky, on their annual journey from northern Scotland to the eastern shores of Brazil.
These familiar birds are in the greatest trouble when, at the time of their departure, their young are not sufficiently practiced in the art of flying—on the one hand a powerful migratory instinct drives them to sea, whereas on the other hand an equally powerful maternal instinct binds them to the poor juvenile fledglings—at such times they emit terrifying cries.
Storks appeared in the sky, on their annual journey from northern Scotland to the eastern shores of Brazil.
These familiar birds are in the greatest trouble when, at the time of their departure, their young are not sufficiently practiced in the art of flying—on the one hand a powerful migratory instinct drives them to sea, whereas on the other hand an equally powerful maternal instinct binds them to the poor juvenile fledglings—at such times they emit terrifying cries.
“The eye is almost the most sensitive organ of the body,” I mentioned after a short pause.
“It’s very easy to remove an eye.”
I added further that on the subject of the eye I was particularly sensitive.
“Personally I can’t stand it even when someone shoots a straw at my eye.
It seems that the crew is a little restless.
It seems that things are a little cramped or uncomfortable for them, that
they’re lacking something—could they not be calmed down a little?”
“It’s very easy to remove an eye.”
I added further that on the subject of the eye I was particularly sensitive.
“Personally I can’t stand it even when someone shoots a straw at my eye.
It seems that the crew is a little restless.
It seems that things are a little cramped or uncomfortable for them, that
they’re lacking something—could they not be calmed down a little?”
“Now this one!”
shouted Clarke rudely, in the unexpected voice of a man with more important problems.
“Dammit.
Have you lost your spine?
At times you give the impression of being a bold mariner, and at others you look like a weepy woman.”
shouted Clarke rudely, in the unexpected voice of a man with more important problems.
“Dammit.
Have you lost your spine?
At times you give the impression of being a bold mariner, and at others you look like a weepy woman.”
He was most irate.
“The crew has gone mad, and you’re wasting our time.
What are you—a woman?”
What are you—a woman?”
“No, I’m not,” I replied resentfully.
“But if women get involved in all this, things will be even worse.
I only want to mention that I know a conspiracy is being hatched on board.”
“But if women get involved in all this, things will be even worse.
I only want to mention that I know a conspiracy is being hatched on board.”
“A conspiracy?”
he exclaimed in astonishment.
he exclaimed in astonishment.
“A general conspiracy is being hatched,” I said reluctantly.
“There is without doubt a conspiracy, though it appears there is not; everything is scheming and plotting behind our backs.
I know in advance how it will end.
It will end very badly.”
“There is without doubt a conspiracy, though it appears there is not; everything is scheming and plotting behind our backs.
I know in advance how it will end.
It will end very badly.”
“What?
What?”
cried Clarke inquiringly.
“A conspiracy?
On the
Banbury?
You know something.
What do you know, Mr.
Zantman?
A conspiracy?”
What?”
cried Clarke inquiringly.
“A conspiracy?
On the
Banbury?
You know something.
What do you know, Mr.
Zantman?
A conspiracy?”
I looked him in the eye.
“You know as well as I do,” I replied.
“There’s a problem of cleanliness and modesty—my cleanliness and modesty.”
“There’s a problem of cleanliness and modesty—my cleanliness and modesty.”
“What do you mean?”
he asked.
he asked.
“I know,” I replied.
“It’s because I am clean and modest.
If I weren’t modest, there wouldn’t be so much immodesty.
I know you all,” I added, “you’re all thinking about the same thing.
You have a yen for goodness knows what, and I’m in the way—I’m a
hindrance, isn’t that the case?—my modesty is a hindrance.
That’s why everything around here either fawns or threatens, peeps or mocks; that’s the reason for the constant importunings and the fact that there’s only one unchanging thought—oh, one unchanging thought!”
“It’s because I am clean and modest.
If I weren’t modest, there wouldn’t be so much immodesty.
I know you all,” I added, “you’re all thinking about the same thing.
You have a yen for goodness knows what, and I’m in the way—I’m a
hindrance, isn’t that the case?—my modesty is a hindrance.
That’s why everything around here either fawns or threatens, peeps or mocks; that’s the reason for the constant importunings and the fact that there’s only one unchanging thought—oh, one unchanging thought!”
“What?”
said the captain, his mug agape.
“Indecent, you say?
Immodest?
My, you’re a....
Come on, let’s have a drink; I have a first-rate drop of brandy,” he shouted in his excitement.
I was most disgusted by the captain’s behavior, for he had turned red, and his beady little mariner’s eyes shone like lighted cigars; I realized that in my fervor I had said too much and, embarrassed, I quickly walked away.
3said the captain, his mug agape.
“Indecent, you say?
Immodest?
My, you’re a....
Come on, let’s have a drink; I have a first-rate drop of brandy,” he shouted in his excitement.
I was most disgusted by the captain’s behavior, for he had turned red, and his beady little mariner’s eyes shone like lighted cigars; I realized that in my fervor I had said too much and, embarrassed, I quickly walked away.
The wind was blowing hard; thin, tattered little clouds were racing overhead—the masts and the parts of the rigging made of steel were moaning, gulls were struggling against the air current, which carried them windward, and on board there could be heard plaintive, doleful exhortations and songs....
I had said, had I not, that I knew how things would end—and for that reason I was not surprised to see something like the beginning of the end.
I had even said, it seemed, that if women were to become involved things would get even worse.
And if you please: the sailors scrubbing the boom-pulleys were crooning:
I had said, had I not, that I knew how things would end—and for that reason I was not surprised to see something like the beginning of the end.
I had even said, it seemed, that if women were to become involved things would get even worse.
And if you please: the sailors scrubbing the boom-pulleys were crooning:
“I’ll be true, so love me do!”
And from the stern they were answered by a wild and passionate cry from those who had remained by the buckets and brushes:
“Kiss me!—Kiss me!”
I shouldn’t have mentioned women.
That subject should never have been raised.
Walls have ears.
That subject should never have been raised.
Walls have ears.
The bow of the ship was plunging in large, fleecy combers; it rose and fell, but did not retreat an inch, despite the fact that the sea wind was blowing directly from the front to the back.
The songs of the crew did not cease.
True, Smith had warned them that if they didn’t stop he would make sure they were forced to eat their words and they would swallow them—but the old stagers, the old hands, knew how to handle this.
Instead of singing obvious love songs, they put their entire souls into their ordinary nautical callings, and the result was the same.
It was embarrassing.
Passing the rope they called into the wind: “Loop it, loop it!”
Bending over their bucket and brush: “Wash, scrub—clean, rinse!”—unrestrainedly, with heartfelt yearning.
Smith could not forbid them this, since maritime law permits sailors to utter nautical cries.
A male whale was circling the ship furiously, spouting fountains of water higher than the mainmast; the sharks were cowering in fear, and a sea dog brought its offspring out onto a wave, and the whole family stared at the vessel.
The songs of the crew did not cease.
True, Smith had warned them that if they didn’t stop he would make sure they were forced to eat their words and they would swallow them—but the old stagers, the old hands, knew how to handle this.
Instead of singing obvious love songs, they put their entire souls into their ordinary nautical callings, and the result was the same.
It was embarrassing.
Passing the rope they called into the wind: “Loop it, loop it!”
Bending over their bucket and brush: “Wash, scrub—clean, rinse!”—unrestrainedly, with heartfelt yearning.
Smith could not forbid them this, since maritime law permits sailors to utter nautical cries.
A male whale was circling the ship furiously, spouting fountains of water higher than the mainmast; the sharks were cowering in fear, and a sea dog brought its offspring out onto a wave, and the whole family stared at the vessel.
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