Babylon Confidential: A Memoir of Love, Sex, and Addiction (18 page)

There was a positive energy amongst the cast and crew. Everyone was really enjoying themselves, and any awkwardness with my male lead was forgotten by the time we wrapped my first episode, “Midnight on the Firing Line.”

I was beginning to sense that not only was this going to be a fun job, but Susan Ivanova had the potential to be a rewarding, complex character.

Born in St. Petersburg, Russia in 2230, Ivanova had a passionate, fiercely loyal temperament, combined with a sardonic wit and cynicism that is as much a part of Russian life as vodka and borscht.

If nothing else I was glad to have a chance to wear less makeup, pull back my hair, and kick some ass. Finally, my height and authoritative demeanor were working for me. I’ve always been a tomboy at heart and this was the first time I hadn’t been told to soften my style for a part:

Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova, Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me.
²

When the second season started up we discovered that the studio had replaced Michael O’Hare. There’d been too many conflicts between our male lead and the cast and crew. Bruce Boxleitner was our new commander, and I couldn’t have been happier. Bruce and I got on like the best of friends. He’s a great guy, very genuine and caring, not unlike John Sheridan, the character he played. And I’d started settling into the character of Ivanova. In the first season she was extremely uptight, she had a pole up her butt, but by the second season there was more Claudia in her. She developed a sense of humor and started developing relationships. The steel was still there, but now it was wrapped in velvet.

And we do have a lot in common, Ivanova and I.

She had lost a brother and a mother (although I’d been fortunate enough to get my own mother back). I used to wear one earring in memory of my brother Patrick, and when I discussed this with Joe he was happy to allow Ivanova to do the same. Like me, she’d built a wall to deal with the loss she’d endured, her family tragedies, and the conflict she faced between love and career. Those were strong themes in my own life, and that energy, those past personal experiences, seemed to shine through in Ivanova and I think the audience responded very strongly to that.

There are even similarities between our sex lives. One time, when I passed on some character notes to Joe, I inadvertently turned Ivanova bisexual.

Andrea Thompson played the ship’s resident telepath, Talia Winters, my lesbian lover on the show. Andrea is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. Aside from starring in
Babylon 5
she’s been a CNN reporter, the star of multiple TV series, a high-end real estate investor, and a jewel trader. And if that weren’t enough she’s beautiful, a gourmet chef, and a single mother with two kids. I should be insanely envious, but she’s also absolutely lovely, and we have the same sense of humor.

Joe had written an episode in which a sleazy ex-boyfriend of Ivanova’s visits the station, and that just didn’t sit well with me. Having worked in television for over a decade, I suspected that if there was one ex-boyfriend then others would follow, and I couldn’t see Ivanova banging her way across the galaxy while forging her military career. She was driven, and I didn’t think that she had time for relationships. I objected, and in a throw-away line, told Joe that if it came down to it I’d rather be with an alien or a woman.

Andrea and I both thought it was funny when Joe started up the whole lesbian thing, but I didn’t mind. Ivanova’s sexual confusion—her love for Talia despite her hatred for the Psi Corps, the evil agency that Talia was bound to—added another layer of complexity to the character and also reflected my own sexual attitudes. I don’t really differentiate between a man or a woman when it comes to love. Physically I tend to prefer men—that’s what makes me heterosexual—but I’ve certainly had my flings with women. I’ve never thought of myself as gay or even bisexual; I prefer omnisexual. Love is part of life, and, man or woman, we’re all stuck playing the same game.

So while my character was having an affair with the station’s resident telepath I was having one with the show’s director of photography, John Flinn.

Things were starting to fade with Rod by then. We were heading in different directions, and I had almost no spare time outside of filming the show. I still had a major crush on John, but he was very careful not to start anything until after his divorce. It was hard to wait. But we did. And once he was available we were free to do as we pleased. Sex with John gave me something to look forward to at the end of the day. When shooting was over and everybody went home we had fun in my trailer. I’d keep a six-pack handy, and sometimes we’d have a couple of beers. Then I’d have to get home and start learning lines for the next day.

Dating a man I’d had a crush on for so long was exciting in itself. Dating the director of photography when you’re the female lead comes with certain perks. After all, the director of photography is the one who makes you look good, and a man in love is certain to take care of his lady. John was a complete professional to all of the actors on the set, but looking back at old episodes I do notice that I’m particularly well lit.

Despite the occasional near-death experience, like the aforementioned earthquake incident,
Babylon 5
was a career highlight.

Every day it was fun to go to work, because everybody was always in a good mood. I think it had a lot to do with John and his crew. The director of photography and the director set the tone of the set and we had very nice, very competent directors the majority of the time. Except for this one Italian guy who didn’t have a clue what
Babylon 5
was about. He kept telling me, “You have to be more sexxxy. Be more sexxxy.”

“Have you ever watched the show? Ivanova doesn’t do sexxxy.”

Years later, at conventions, I’d hear from actors on other sci-fi shows about personality differences between cast members. That didn’t happen on
Babylon 5
. We didn’t want anyone to spoil our fun. Joe Straczynski would listen to the cast and crew and keep his finger on the pulse of the production. If you were a prima donna, your character got reassigned or killed off, the preferred method being getting sucked out of an airlock. At the end of the day we had a group of people who meshed together extremely well, and I think that shows in the final result.

Every actress hopes to be famous one day. If nothing else, you land better roles, and you don’t have to worry about where your next paycheck is coming from. When
Babylon 5
came along I already had a certain level of recognition because of my eleven years in TV and movies, but being on
Babylon 5
took my career to a completely different level. For the first time, I had loyal fans who knew me by name. It wasn’t stardom of the same wattage as Julia Roberts’s or Tom Cruise’s, but it was (and still is) a constant pleasure to be recognized and acknowledged for my work. Even when I went overseas to the UK, France, or Germany, people on the street would call out, “Ivanova!”

We all knew we were onto something good, but no one had any idea that
Babylon 5
would become such a phenomenon. It would last five seasons and spawn six films, countless novels, short stories, comic books, and a spin-off series. It won two Emmy Awards, Hugo Awards, and dozens of others. Today, eighteen years after we started,
Babylon 5
is still going strong, racking up more than $500 million in DVD sales and gaining fresh momentum on digital platforms. During my years on the show, from 1994 to 1997,
SFX
magazine
voted me “the sexiest woman in sci-fi,” and I was named one of “The 25 Women Who Shook Sci-Fi,” as covered by the
Los Angeles Times
.

When the show went on hiatus for a few months at the end of season two the producers flew me to London to do some television ads for
Babylon 5 Uncut
. So I called my old friend Dodi Fayed to let him know I was coming to town.

We’d kept in touch over the years. At one point I heard his mother had died suddenly of a heart attack, and I remembered how he used to call her every day. I found an antique silver cigar case with his initials on it and had it delivered with a note of condolence; even while he was in mourning he wrote back expressing his gratitude. He said that very few people had reached out to him after her passing, and that it meant a lot to him. He would later say to me, “If it meant giving up everything I have—cars, wealth, and women—I would do it to bring my mother back.”

Dodi was glad to hear from me and invited me to stay with him in his Kensington apartment. Things were going well with John, but he was my on-set lover, a part of the show, and after two years of hard work I needed to get away from it all and let off some steam. As I flew into London I thought back to the pleasant times I’d had with Dodi when we last traveled around Europe and breathed a sigh of relief. This was just the thing I needed, a well-deserved break.