BABY DADDY (23 page)

“Sandro used to be my father’s most trusted right-hand man. He came into my father’s employ in his early twenties and has never left. He was my companion whenever I traveled or go out of the island when I was younger. My father trusted no one but Sandro when it came to my safety. He’s my second father. He’s proven that many times, that’s why I was so happy when he and Mother fell in love after father died. Or maybe Sandro was already secretly in love with her even before that. He has never married before Mother.”

I blink rapidly, my throat constricting. No wonder he’s so idealistic. He was lucky enough to be surrounded by good people who know how to really love. He’s been inspired by his parents, raised well by them.

I’m afraid I’d be the first not-so-good person to get close to him and disillusion him. I really don’t trust my fucked-up self around him.

“Sandro is the CEO of our company, the one that runs this island. Mother’s the chairman of the board. I’m lucky I don’t have to be bothered by those things too much. Leaves me a lot of time for my other endeavors, though he’s been hounding me to take over his post.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I can do that. Been a member of the board since I was eighteen. But I’m really an artist, not a businessman. Sandro is only 55 anyway and sharp as a hawk. He’d be bored out of his mind if he retires now. He can run the company for another five years. Maybe then, I’ll take over.”

“I’m a businesswoman. Hard to the core.”

He grins. “You and Sandro will have a lot to talk about then.”

By the time I meet Sandro,
I feel like I already know him. He’s a good-looking man with a really nice goatee and longish salt and pepper hair and a kind, ready smile. He’s tall and well-built and if one didn’t know better, he could easily be taken as Raiden’s real father.

It clicks to me now. In the eyes of the people they let into their private lives, this man is Raiden’s father. But I do believe, very few people are welcomed into their innermost sanctum. I’m one of those privileged souls who know the truth.

Sandro cooked Italian food for dinner. I wistfully watch him with Akiko and I can see, the man is very much in love. I can feel his gentleness with Akiko. I really wonder, what does it take to hold a man’s attention like this, make him fall madly in love with you he will practically abdicate his throne for you and never want to leave your side, love you in all your shapes and sizes, would never cheat and would never hurt you?

“You must come back here, Ella. We need to hang out longer, the four of us,” Sandro tells me.

“I…uhm…”

Raiden caresses my back. “She definitely will.”

I pick up my wine glass and take a gulp.

I’m definitely not sure about that.

I spend a quiet moment with Akiko
at the balcony. I’ve never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d have these precious moments with my idol. She was just an image before, an inspiration, but she’s standing beside me now, not as tall as I imagined, not even as beautiful, but her aura is so powerful. She’s a slight of a woman that can mesmerize you with just a look. Few people have that kind of charisma. It’s really just reserved by the gods to a few special mortals.

“My son looks quite taken with you.”

Uh-huh. A woman who cuts to the chase, too. Like me.

But I feel like running away now, especially when she turns to gaze at me and I feel like she’s peeking into my soul. Raiden share’s this ability, too.

“I can feel. You’re afraid.”

I know that. I don’t need to be reminded by other people. I hate it when they can read me. Only God can read people’s minds.

“My son is a good person. He loves like nature. Pure, wild and free. He sees the goodness in everything.”

I know. I really know. And I have nothing to say to that.

Akiko lightly touches my cheek and smiles at me.

“Please, be gentle with him, Ella.”

God, what can I say to that? Is it just a mother’s instinct that Akiko knows what’s going on in my mind?

“I’ll try, Akiko. I’ll try very hard,“ I reply. That’s the most honest I can be under the circumstances.

“That’s all I want to hear.”

I smile at her wanly, wishing we had more time to get to know each other. But time is not on my side right now. Days passed like a blur in this island and yet I can say they were all filled with great memories. Memories I’ll never forget. “If you’ll ever visit New York, you’re always welcome in my home.”

She nods and smiles back serenely. “Thank you.”

He made love to me that night
like I’m the most fragile china. Slow. So slow. As if he wanted it to last all night.

He kissed me from head to toe, literally, making me feel revered.

I came twice before he took his own pleasure.

He didn’t pull out of me. He stayed inside me as we talked, his head buried in the crook of my shoulder, while my limbs are wrapped around him.

“Do you think you’d like living here?” he asks me after our heartbeats have returned to normal.

I know where this conversation is going.

“I need to go back to New York.”

“I know. But…how…what’s gonna happen to us after you leave?”

This is probably where our age gap shows the difference in how we view relationships. He doesn’t even hesitate to ask about our future. I don’t even want to think about it, for so many reasons. I need time to think about it and decide.

“I really don’t know. I can’t think beyond that yet. I really want to get pregnant. That’s what I came here for and I’m so lucky I found you, that you agreed to do this with me. I can’t thank you enough for…for helping me.”

“I’m not helping you. I really want you. I’m crazy about you. I haven’t enjoyed coming inside a woman’s body before. I was careful with these things. My genes are special.”

I smile. “You can say that again. You’re genes are indeed special.” They’re made of kings and queens.

“Making love to you is incomparable. I want more, baby. I don’t think I’ll get enough of you.”

I hug him tighter. “If I get pregnant, we won’t need to do that anymore.”

“We sure can. They say pregnant women are hornier.”

I’m glad he’s not being too serious about this. He’s not making it hard for me. “I really hope I’m pregnant now. Then we can think of the baby, how we’re going to share him…or her. But beyond that…I really don’t know, Raiden.”

He sighs deeply and my chest constricts painfully.

“Then I’ll make sure you’re already pregnant when you go back to America. I’ll have reason to see you again.”

“Sounds like a good plan. One more for the road?”

He chuckles and raises his upper body on his arms. “Are you kidding me? Three more tonight and some in the morning.”

I giggle. “The more, the merrier.”

He made good of his promise. I came twice more and he, thrice.

We slept in each other’s arms at past midnight.

Raiden flew with me to Singapore
and drove me to Changi airport.

His wan smile as I boarded the chartered jet I leased to bring me back to America will probably haunt me in the coming days.

He was holding back his tears as he hugged me goodbye.

“I love you. Don’t forget me,” he’d said and kissed my forehead.

But I saw his eyes glitter like diamonds as I turned away.

They weren’t of joy.

Tears turn me off. Even my own. In a man, it’s a major turn off. In my book, a man who weeps is a freakin’ loser. I’m done with losers. That’s my old book.

I’m not turned off. Not one bit.

He shed tears for me because he’d miss me.

Imagine that.

Someone will miss me so bad.

I can’t get over that fact.

Be gentle with him.

Akiko’s voice echos in my mind as the plane starts taxiing on the runway.

I wish I’m strong enough to be gentle with him.

I touch my belly and close my eyes, uttering a silent prayer.

The plane takes off, carrying me back to my old life as the Style Empress of Sixth Avenue.

FIFTEEN

___________________________________________________________

25 CONTROVERSIAL QUOTES FROM THE STYLE EMPRESS

On finding true love:

Love is a volatile commodity.

I gotta call my financial adviser if I want to invest in it.

But based from past experience,

it’s not a profitable endeavor. Big investment, unstable returns.

Sometimes, you luck out but most of the time, you go bust.

Stella Rhodes

__________________________________________________

I’M NOT PREGNANT.

The blood test doesn’t lie.

It’s even more accurate than a urine test.

It’s negative.

Almost two weeks of fucking my Baby Dada non-stop didn’t yield a baby. Nada.

Maybe I’m barren, after all.

“It doesn’t happen right away, Stella,” my good doctor tries to placate my feelings. “You need to be patient. Try again.”

I don’t reply.

Try again? That was my one and only chance with an actual penis to get pregnant. The only chance I’ve allowed. Never again. There’s just too much at stake in that procedure.

“Or we can go to your second option which is preserving your eggs now and try for IVF once you’ve found a donor.”

I just nod.

“Stella…”

“What really happened there? Why didn’t I conceive?” I ask her, my face, stoic.

“Well, let me ask you first. Are you sure that the man you uhm… had sex with was fertile? Maybe he didn’t have enough sperm count—”

I expel a hallow laugh. “No, doctor. I’m sure, he was very fertile. Tell me frankly. Are my eggs not healthy enough to survive fertilization?”

“I will run tests on your cervical mucous. It could be too acidic that it kills the sperm or too thick for the sperm to swim towards your uterus comfortably. If it’s too scanty, then the sperm won’t survive, too.”

I’m trying to hold it together. The disappointment is about to overwhelm me any moment now and I need to get out of there.

“I think IVF is best for you.”

I just can’t think of other options right now. “I’ll come back later to discuss that, doctor.”

“Of course. Call me when you’re ready. We have to prepare your body for the procedure. I suggest that we do it as soon as possible.”

My doctor’s voice is just a buzzing sound around me and can’t get past the roaring rush of disappointment coursing through every part of me. I feel crushed. To the bone.

I leave her clinic still dazed.

I board my limo and I sit there, staring in space, thinking of Raiden, of all the things we did. All the beautiful things.

He made love to me everyday for fourteen days, filling me with his life-giving essence every time, even several times a day.

And nothing.

My body rejected his seeds.

A sob escapes my throat.

I’m horrified. Oh no! I will not cry! No no no no!

But I can’t stop it. It’s like a tidal wave washing over me.

The pain in my chest is just too much. My head will explode if I don’t let it go.

I let it go.

For the first time in a decade, I cry. Not just cry. I’m sobbing my heart out. Was it too much to ask?

Just a baby.

Thousands of babies are conceived everyday. I just want one. Why is it so hard for me to have one?

I wanted to have someone I can really call my own. Someone I can belong to, irrevocably. Someone who would take me, all of me without question. Someone who would love me unconditionally.

That baby. That precious baby.

I feel like I’ve lost it. The baby I wanted so much.

Raiden’s baby.

NOT PREGNANT.

I stare at the words on my cellphone’s screen.

Two words. In capital letters.

I feel shell-shocked for a few minutes.

Finally, the number she gave me made a sound but it’s not her telling me she misses me and can’t wait to see me again.

Instead I get this.

THIS!

So, this is all I’d get after waiting for almost two weeks for her to make contact?

It’s like a death knell.

A door slamming shut.

An end.

I respected her request not to make any contact until the time she’s been tested for pregnancy. She’d be the one to call, she’d promised.

I agreed, but only to give her peace of mind so she’ll not be stressed after she left the island.

It’s been a nerve-wracking two weeks. I’m an even-tempered person but after meeting Ella, I found out I can be upset badly.