B00CQUPUKW EBOK (18 page)

The boy was intelligent, and she deserved that scolding.  “Your dad was right, Jason.  I wouldn’t spend my time regretting what I should have done, but you have to know that I did love your mom.  
Yes
, I did love her,” Kaya repeated on a tremor.  

She loved her sister
.  She’d been so happy when Lauren had started writing to her.  Every day she would hurry home hoping they’d be a letter from her.  Even though she never responded, Lauren had kept writing.  It was as if Lauren knew why she couldn’t write back—except when she’d agreed to  come up for Michael’s birthday—and had not held it against her.  Why hadn’t she been able to let go of her foolish jealousy and reach out to her sister?  They had both been robbed of a close relationship by their parents.  She should not have taken out her jealousy on her sister.

“I hope to get to know your mom through you, Alyssa, and Anastasia,” Kaya said, joining Jason at the window.

He stood rigidly, staring out the pane, looking very lost and sad.

“Your mom and dad will always be close to you,” Kaya told him.  “You’re a part of each other forever.  Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not with you.  You carry them in your heart, and in your blood, Jason.”

Jason placed his hand over his heart, his face twisting with grief.  “Why does it hurt so bad, right here?”

“Because that’s where love lives.  When we lose someone we love, our hearts hurt because there’s a big, empty hole where all the love used to be.”

“Is it going to hurt forever?”

“No, honey.  Over time, the pain will fade, and as you remember all the wonderful things about your mom and dad, you’ll be able to smile with the memories.”

“How long is it going to take?”

“It’s different for everybody.  But you can take as long as you want.  And when you’re ready to trust me, I’ll be right here.”  Kaya dared to place a hand on his shoulder.  He flinched, but didn’t shake her off.

He gazed at his fist.  “Do you know your heart is as big as your fist?”

“Yes,” Kaya whispered on a sob, knowing where he was going.  She reached up and clasped the locked at her chest.

“Mommy used to say that she— that she—”

“That she has a fistful of love for you.”  She imagined her father must have said those words to Lauren every day, just as he used to say them to her before he walked out of her life forever.

Fat tears rolled down Jason’s cheeks.  “I don’t want my heart to hurt, Auntie Kaya.”

Kaya pulled him into her arms, her heart filling with his pain. 

“No.”  He struggled to break free from her.

“I love you, Jason.”  She held him fast.

“I don’t want you to love me.”

She cupped one hand under his chin, raising his face to look into his tear-filled eyes.  “It’s okay, baby.  It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.  I’m not your baby.  I don’t want you to love me,” he cried in a hoarse voice.

“I can’t help it, Jason.  I just do.” 

“I hate you!”  He pulled back and punched her in the stomach.

Kaya winced, holding her breath and his ambivalent glare.  She’d thrown the same words at Nadine.  If her mother had only taken the time to look beyond those three words, she would have found a heart flooded with love for her, aching to be loved by her.

Jason punched her again.  “You’re not my mother.  You
can’t
be my mommy.”

“I know, Jason. Just let me help you get through the hurting.”  She pushed the words through the pain in her stomach his fistful of love was inflicting.  “Just let me love you, honey.”

“I don’t want you to love me.  I don’t.  I want my mom.  I want her—”

He punched her one last time, then collapsed against her, sobbing.

His agony pulled Kaya back into her own childhood memories of crying herself to sleep every night, calling for her daddy, wondering where he’d gone and why he didn’t love her. 

 All she’d ever wanted was a safe home where she was loved, for someone to take care of her.  She still wanted it.  Perhaps fate was giving her a second chance to build that home with Jason, Alyssa, and Anastasia.  As long as they stayed together, she knew they would be just fine.

“Auntie Kaya, why’s Jason crying?”

Through her tears, Kaya peeked at Alyssa standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips.

Jason pulled away and, turning his back on his sister, wiped at his tears.

Kaya blocked Alyssa’s view from him, giving him time to regain his composure.  “He’s just— Where’s Uncle Bryce?”  No need to start Alyssa thinking about her parents.  She seemed to be in a good mood.

“He’s downstairs.  Jason, guess what?”  She ran over to her brother.  “Webster’s here.  He’s gonna live with us.”

“Who’s Webster?” Kaya asked.

“He’s a cat,” Jason yelled on his way out the room.

Kaya sent up a prayer of thanks for her breakthrough with Jason.  She hadn’t expected it so soon, nor had she expected to tell him she would stay in Granite Falls, either.  As she walked the long corridor and passed the elegantly decorated sitting area with the fire glowing in the marble fireplace, one thing became clear to Kaya: she couldn’t stay in Bryce’s house.  She had to find a place for her and the children as soon as possible.

Last night, Bryce had offered to support her, but Kaya wasn’t prepared to pay the price for such luxury.  If she’d had any doubts about what Bryce might want in return for his financial support, their heated encounter in the library had cleared them up.

As she descended the stairs, her locket bounced against her chest.  Kaya wrapped her hand around it.  She would have to sell her gem.  Perhaps Eli had seen the future when he gave it to her eighteen years ago.  Maybe this was the reason she was destined to have it.  It was a good thing she’d never told Jack about it.  Judging from his recent behavior, she had no doubt that if she’d married him, he would have one day stolen it from her and disappeared.

You really don’t know people
.

Kaya stood at the entrance of the playroom and watched Jason and Alyssa on the floor, thoroughly engrossed in petting a large animal with fur as sleek and black as sable.  

She looked across the room at Bryce standing near a built-in bookcase with Anastasia over his shoulder.  An empty feeding bottle sat on one of the shelves, and from the motion of his right hand under the blanket that was draped across Anastasia, Kaya guessed he was trying to coax a burp out of her.

“So this is Webster,” she said, strolling into the room.

Bryce shot her smile.  “Yes, this is Webster.”

Kaya was surprised that the tension she’d anticipated at being alone with Bryce had all but dissipated.  The children’s presence was the buffer between them.  She would have to make sure that at least one of them was always around when she was with him.  
But of course, silly.  What other reason would you have to see him
?

Kaya felt a touch of sadness at the thought of not having Bryce in her life, not being alone with him like they’d been last night.  She’d run from the library—not because she was afraid of him, but because she was afraid of what she was feeling for him.  It was a feeling she had to resist.

“Isn’t he pretty?” Alyssa asked, with an animated smile on her face.

“Boys aren’t pretty,” Jason stated.

 “Uh-huh.  Uncle Bryce is pretty.  Right, Auntie Kaya?” 

The mockery in his eyes dared her to agree with Alyssa.

“Yeah, he’s pretty.  Pretty thoughtful,” she said, thinking of all the wonderful things he’d done for her sister and her family over the years, of how he’d hired a nanny so she would get a good night’s sleep last night, and of bringing his pet over to take the children’s minds off of the absence of their parents.  He was pretty thoughtful. 

She came to a stop beside him, and gazed up at him.  He looked haggard, as if he hadn’t slept all night.  The tight skin of his jaw and chin was shadowed with morning stubble, and he was still wearing the tux he’d worn to the funeral yesterday.  He exuded a raw masculine scent she wouldn’t mind waking up to in the morning.  Kaya shook her head, squelching the vision of waking up with Bryce’s arms around her, his muscular thighs pinning her slender ones to the bed.  “It was nice of you to bring them your cat,” she said.

“It was my mother’s idea.  She said the quickest way for someone to get over a loss is to fill the void with something or someone else.”

Kaya wondered if that was the reason he’d gone through so many women since Pilar’s death.  Was he trying to fill the void she’d left in his heart?  “I must remember to thank your mother if I ever have the opportunity to meet her.” 

She glanced over at the children.  Webster didn’t seem to be having any fun, but had the look of a trapped cat, desperately looking for a way of escape.  His temporary discomfort was a small sacrifice for the joy Kaya saw on Jason and Alyssa’s faces.  Alyssa hadn’t even hugged her since she came home.  She felt like an old doll that had been tossed aside at the novelty of a new one joining the brood.

She would never have guessed that Bryce was the feline kind of man.  He looked more like the canine type.  German Shepherd or Doberman.  Something large, powerful, and fearless, like him.  “How long have you had Webster?” she asked.

“He was Pilar’s cat.”

She took a moment to let that information register.  “Then you’re going to miss him a lot.”

“Not really.  I imagine I’ll see him every day.  There’s a lot more roaming room here than in my penthouse.”

The steely edge in his tone indicated that he was still determined to keep the children in Granite Falls.  She wondered if he would abandon his threat to take her to court if he knew she’d made the decision to stay.  Would that be enough for him, or would he want more?

“You’re not allergic to cats, are you?” he asked with a hint of anxiety in his voice.

“No.  Why do you ask?”

“Lauren had a terrible allergy to animals.  She couldn’t be anywhere near them.”

“Well, it happens that I like cats,” Kaya said.

“Good, then it’s settled,” he announced with a satisfied grin.  “Webster has a new home here with the kids.”

Now would be a good time to tell him that she was staying in Granite Falls, but that she was moving the children out of his house.  “Bryce—” 

She was interrupted by Anastasia’s infamous burp that made everyone chuckle, even Jason and Alyssa.

“I hope she grows out of it,” Kaya said when the laughter died down.

“Who knows,” Bryce stated, humor lingering in his voice, “maybe she’ll meet a boy who finds burping like a pirate an attractive trait in a girl.”  He moved the baby into the crook of his arm and wiped her mouth with the edge of the blanket.

“That’ll be the day.  Men are so— What are those?”  Kaya stared at a cluster of bruises on the knuckles of Bryce’s right hand.  She took his hand in hers and inspected the area closely.  “These weren’t here when last I saw you.  What happened?”  She gazed up at him, surprised that an injury that small could trigger such concern for him.   

His eyes narrowed as he met her gaze.  “I banged it against something.”

“That must have been a pretty hard bang.  Looks to me like you were in a fight.”

He winced when she touched her fingertip to the raw wounds.

“Your knuckles are swollen. You might have broken a bone.  You should have it looked at right away.”

A muscle twitched in his jaw.  “I’m fine.  I’ve already iced it, but if it’ll make you happy, I’ll ice it again.”  He pulled his hand free, and his eyes softened as they roamed down her body.  “You look better today,” he said, his lips parting on a smile.

“Gee, thanks.”

“What I mean is that the bags under your eyes are gone.  You look refreshed, like you had a good night’s sleep.”

Even at the height of her concern for him, Kaya felt color rise to her cheeks at the simple compliment.  “I did.  Thanks.”  She wished she could say the same about him.

“Even though Alyssa joined you?”

“I didn’t even know she was there until I woke up in a bed, damp and rancid with pee.”

He sighed and glanced over at the children.  “Samantha will be stopping by later this evening to check up on her and Jason.”  He paused.  “How did your talk with him go?” 

“Better than I expected.  He did a complete three hundred and sixty after I told him I’m staying in Granite Falls.”

His mouth opened in shock.  “Really.  For how long?”

“I told him I’d stay forever.”

“Wow.  Of all the things I was prepared to hear, this wasn’t one of them.  What caused you to change your mind so quickly?”

“You.”

“Me?”  He cleared his throat and said in a lowered voice.  “Kaya, I hope you’re not taking what happened between us last night as—”

“Oh don’t be so conceited, Bryce.  My decision has nothing to do with
that
.”

He let out a breath of relief.

He could have at least pretended to be hurt by her negation that what happened between them was not that important to her.  “Jason needs you, and he needs his friends.  I made the decision for him and his sisters.  I just want them to be happy, and if that means staying here permanently, then that’s what I will do.”

“Uncle Bryce, can we take Webster upstairs?” Jason called from across the room.

“You don’t have to ask.  This is Web’s home now.  He’s allowed everywhere.”

Jason scooped up the cat.

“I wanna hold him,” Alyssa whined, trying to take Webster from him.

“You just had a turn.”

Webster snarled and struggled to make a break for it.

“Hey,” Bryce growled.  “I don’t want you fighting over Webster.  If you can’t learn to share him, I’ll take him back home with me.”

One pair of grey eyes and one pair of brown stared at Bryce then at each other.

“You can have him, Jason.”  Alyssa released her hold on the cat’s front paws.

“No, you hold him.”

A very pleased Alyssa took Webster.  “Let’s go show him our rooms.”

“Mine first.”

“No, mine—”

Bryce cleared his throat.

“Okay, yours first,” Jason said, trudging behind Alyssa.

“You’re good with them,” Kaya said.  “I would not have known how to settle that spat.”