Azure (Drowning In You) (32 page)

Taking deep breaths, she turned back toward the hotel. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want it. I don’t want you.” She’d never been more sure about something. “Go back to your life, find yourself a wife and have a happy life.” She strode up the path as quickly as she could. “Goodbye.”

She looked for Kai at the pool but he wasn’t there. As she approached the hotel, she thought she heard a shout, but when she entered there was only Panos, looking pissed and disheveled, his shirt half hanging out of his pants.

“You,” he said, sounding disgusted.

She eyed him, her heart still racing. What else was this day going to dump on her? “What now?”

“I say make him laugh,” Panos said. “I say break the spell, not break his heart.”

She tried to make sense of this. “Kai?” She glanced around. “Where is he?”

“Kai leave.” Panos slammed his hand on the desk. “He leave and he upset...”

She couldn’t hear the rest. Her ears roared and her head felt about to explode. “Where did he go?”

“Not say. Nothing. Just leave. You have boyfriend. Of course he leave.”

Oh Christ
. “Justin is
not
my boyfriend. We broke up weeks ago.”

Panos shook his head, not looking convinced in the least. “He talk to your boyfriend, see you together.”

What had Kai seen? She suddenly felt sick when she remembered Justin grabbing her hand and dragging her to the bar, saying he wanted her, that it had all been a minor misunderstanding born of anger. “How much did he hear?”

“Hear enough,” Panos bit out the words. “And they talk.”

Wait a sec...
“Kai talked to Justin?” She’d been gone less than half an hour to shower and everything had gone to hell.

“They fight.” Panos muttered something in Greek. “Kai strong before. He never sick before, never down. Never desperate. You come, he change.”

“I haven’t done anything,” she whispered. But she had, hadn’t she?
Break him and then put him back together.
Well, she’d broken him alright, and now?

“Only a vacation to you. But Kai live here.”

God, what a mess.
“I must find him.”

“No,” Panos said. “Must not. Leave him. Better.”

“How can you say that? He was sick, and now he’s running off to god knows where...” To swim, most probably. “What if the sea doesn’t protect him anymore? What if he dies out there?”

“He will be okay,” Panos said firmly. “You go home. Kai strong again. Never laugh, never cry.”

But it wasn’t true anymore, was it? Kai had laughed, and then he’d cried, even if Panos didn’t know it. Panos had never pushed Kai to talk, had never broken through his defenses, never felt what Kai felt. He was too different. Wouldn’t have understood, Kai had said.

Kai.
God, she was afraid for him. “Please help me find him. I need to explain. There’s nothing between Justin and I, and I have to say—”

“You leave tomorrow.” Panos jabbed a finger at her. “You make him care and break his heart, and now you go.”

“And what about my heart?” she whispered, feeling as if shards of glass were pushing into her chest. “What about what I feel?”

Panos just shook his head. “Go home.”

***

Olivia stared at her clothes strewn on the bed. Kirsten was there, helping her pack. They were leaving early the next morning. They’d had dinner at the closest taverna — or rather Kirsten and Markus had, and had tried to force-feed her something. She couldn’t even remember what they’d had.

Kirsten said they’d found Justin shouting at Kai in the gardens of the hotel. Justin had obviously seen them together the previous day, upon his arrival, and had decided to make it clear to Kai he didn’t approve of any man touching his future wife.

Jesus H. Christ.

So Kai had stormed off but had stuck around long enough to see Justin drag her to the bar and declare his intentions to be with her. Probably not long enough to see her leave or hear her parting words.

Because her timing always sucked. She was never there when she needed to be, and let people down.

She caught glimpses of Justin by the pool when they’d returned to the hotel. He was with a woman Olivia had never seen before, laughing and drinking cocktails. And quite frankly, Olivia didn’t give a damn.

Kai hadn’t shown up. Over the afternoon, she’d checked his hut and the nearby beaches. He wasn’t anywhere she knew where to look.

Panos insisted he didn’t know where Kai was, but he didn’t seem overly concerned which meant he knew, just didn’t want to tell her. They’d passed Rita on the way back to the hotel and she’d pretended not to see Olivia, her face set in angry lines.

If you hurt my cousin...

Yeah, right.
Olivia swallowed past the lump in her throat. The need to see Kai, smell him, hold him was a physical pain, a cold ache inside her chest.

There was some good news: her mother had sent her a message telling her she’d been accepted by the college in
New York City
she’d applied to. She’d emailed the counselors to ask if she’d be given credit for the classes she’d already taken, and they’d said yes and included a list of books she’d need.

Kirsten had more good news: she and Markus had been selected for the exchange program of their university and would spend the next semester at the same college as her. It was amazing. She should be thrilled. She should be dancing with joy.

She stared down at a crinkled blouse and couldn’t imagine herself anywhere without Kai.

It would get better, Kirsten had insisted. The first few days would be hard but then she’d forget how it had been with Kai, forget about him. She’d meet new people and have tons of fun.

It didn’t seem possible. Or desirable. Why should she move on when she wanted to be with Kai?

You barely know him
, she thought. Despite his confessions, despite knowing about his past, what made him sad and what made him smile, despite knowing his only living family.

Come to think of it, she knew him quite well.

Didn’t change the fact he wasn’t there. He hadn’t asked her to stay, had in fact said a few times he lived here, with no hint he might be changing his mind at any point in time — and she was leaving far away.

Moving as if through the cobwebs of a nightmare, she packed her things and lay in bed, unable to sleep. She stared at the ceiling for hours, until she gave up and went out to the balcony. The sea stretched calm and dark. Olivia sat there, watching it, hoping for Kai to show up, hoping for something to happen.

Dawn broke, a vein opening on the horizon, drenching the sea in blood.

Tears in her eyes, she got stiffly to her feet and stumbled back inside.

It was time to go.

***

The hotel lobby was empty. Bitter-sweet memories assaulted her as she stood there with her suitcase — the day she’d bumped into Kai, making him drop his packages, the way he’d asked if she was okay. The way he’d said she looked sad and that he wanted to see her smile.

God, stop it.

Kirsten and Markus who were standing at the door called for her to come out. Their taxi was there.

This was it. She was leaving.

She stared at the piece of paper in her hand where she’d scribbled her full name and phone number, addressed to Kai. She placed it on the reception desk, glad Panos or Rita weren’t there, and hoped Kai would get it and call her.

Hope seemed frail.

They packed their things in the back of the taxi and rolled into the dim morning, leaving the hotel behind them. The light over the sea was brightening, the clouds reflecting in its mirror.

So he’s chosen you
, she thought.
You’re here and I’ll be far. It makes sense somehow.
Or maybe the curse had never been broken.

Or maybe she’d fucked up royally, after all. Probably even from the start — seeking Kai out, trying to help him, being with him, falling for him. She’d always known she was leaving, but maybe he’d hoped she wouldn’t.

Just like she’d hoped he’d go with her.

Selfish, like Justin had said.

She wept as they drove away from the hotel, silently and hiding her face from the others. She couldn’t recall ever feeling such pain, except when
Andria
had died. It was a pain similar in intensity, only sharper. Maybe because Kai wasn’t dead, and hope still refused to go out.

She looked around at the airport, half expecting to see Kai there. But he wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and their flight was called for boarding. She went through the motions, the pain inside flaring time and again.

Kai would be working at the beach bar of the hotel again. He’d probably run into Justin more than once. Would they talk? Would they fight? Would they ignore each other?

Would Kai forget her easily, go on as if he’d never met her? All those revelations, the changes in him — would they last? Had the spell really been broken or was he still tied to the sea? Still standing on the cliff with nobody to catch him?

In the end, she had failed him, too.

They boarded the plane. Took off. They landed in
Frankfurt
, and Kirsten’s mother was there, waiting with the rest of Olivia’s things. She’d be boarding her flight to the States in a few hours’ time.

Going back home.