Azure (Drowning In You) (31 page)

And before she left
Crete
. It made as much sense as anything in this mad world.

They took the path down to the beach. “This is where the sea almost killed me,” she said.

“Be nice this time,” said the professor. “It seems to sense you, perhaps through the scale. Be respectful. She’s a goddess of old.”

“And what should I do?”

He was pensive as they skidded to the sand where they’d found Kai only an hour or two ago. “Just say what you desire. Try to keep your feelings clear, your voice low and calm. And I think you should give back the scale.”

“But you said it’s Kai’s.”

“The sea gave it to you.”

She stared at his hunched shoulders, his glasses that reflected the blue. “You’re playing by ear, aren’t you? You have no idea what I should do.”

“It’s never happened before,” he admitted. “There are stories of fishermen who found such scales and asked for favors, but no mention of how they went about doing it, apart from the usual ritual: gold, wine, blood and tears. No details are given.”

Panos skulked after them, hands in his pockets, his face a thundercloud. “Now?”

“Now she does her thing and we wait,” said the professor.

My thing.
She took off her sandals and walked stiffly down to the water’s edge, fear making her shake. What if the sea didn’t listen? What if it got her again and nobody could save her this time?

Taking a deep breath, she unclasped the pendant’s chain and pulled off the pebble. She stared at it.

 
For you, Kai.

The waves lapped at her bare feet, cold and ticklish. She knelt on the wet sand and held out the pebble.
Be
calm. Be clear. What do you feel?

“I’ve brought it back,” she said, feeling goddamn weird sitting there with the two men watching her, talking to the water. “I didn’t know what it was.”

A wave crashed, sprinkling her with foam, wetting the pebble. It glittered in the palm of her hand like a jewel.

Be respectful. Be honest.

“Thank you for giving it to me. I’m afraid of you. I don’t understand you.”

Smaller waves, licking her knees.

“You love Kai.” She paused. “I think I love him, too.” She lifted the pebble, feeling like a pilgrim of old kneeling in an ancient temple. “I want Kai to be free to choose. Free to live as he likes. Let him go. Please.”

The sea heaved a few feet away. Deeper inside, the water moved as if forms frolicked and arched up right under the surface, swimming up and down.

Behind her, the professor exclaimed in surprise. She did her best to ignore him, focus on the pebble in her hand. It seemed heavier now, so heavy she let it drop and roll on the beach. Pain streaked up her arm. She clutched it.

“I know you want him,” she said. “He’s your blood. You tried to take him but took everyone he cared for instead. Maybe you don’t realize how much you hurt him. How that tore him apart.” The tears that had been stinging her eyes all morning slid down her cheeks. “You hurt him, but he’ll never stop loving you. Don’t you see that? He’s your child, but he’s also of the land, and you keep dragging him back, tightening the leash. He needs to live and be happy. Let him go.”

Her arm throbbed as if she’d been hit with a club. A sob caught in her throat as she reached for the pebble which shimmered among the other stones, a deep blue.

She thought of the blue streaking Kai’s eyes, of his laughter, of his faint smile.

“I know you want him to be happy. Maybe that’s why you gave me this. I was told I should give it back to you. So there you go. Take it and release Kai.” She drew back her aching arm and flung the pebble into the waves.

It sank without a sound or ripple. The sea spread flat as a mirror, the waves ceasing their come and go on the sand.

Olivia held her breath.

Nothing happened.

She turned toward the professor, not knowing what to do. He looked puzzled, too, and a little sheepish.

“Maybe this wasn’t how we were supposed to do it,” he said quietly. “Maybe—”

“Maybe, maybe!” Panos threw his hands in the air. “No use. No work.” He turned to go.

She sat, exhausted and drained. She’d thrown back the pebble — Kai’s scale. She didn’t have leverage anymore. Should she dive into the waves and find it? Her goggles were at the hotel. Tears kept sliding down her cheeks and she wiped them on the back of her hand. She scooted closer to the water and washed them off.

The sea stirred. A wave rose in the bay and rolled toward the shore, coming right at her. Olivia blinked at it, stunned, as it reared higher and fish jumped out of it, twisting in the air and splashing back into the sea.

Fear rooted her to the spot. She couldn’t feel her limbs. Suddenly, hands were on her arms, pulling her up.

“Back,” Panos hissed, hauling her on the beach.

It wasn’t the wall of water she’d seen earlier that morning. This one was smaller. The wave crashed on the beach, drenching her, then withdrew, another wave following it, and another. The middle of the bay was boiling, the water rising and falling.

Then the waves died out and the water calmed.

Something glittered on the beach — a heap of gems.

“I’ll be damned,” the professor breathed, stepping toward it. “Never thought I’d witness something like this.”

A pile of mermaid scales, light blue and crystal bright. She let the professor touch them, scoop them up, examine them in the sunlight.

She thought she knew what they were. The sea had returned Kai’s scales, and she wasn’t sure what it meant, but she had a faint hope that it was good news.

That Kai was now free.

***

The professor carried off the scales to study them, and Panos drove her back to the hotel.

When she entered the room, she found Kai sitting in bed, propped on a mount of pillows. He looked pale and dazed, but he smiled at her.

God, she loved his smile.

 
“How are you feeling?” She went to sit by his side.

He grimaced. “Like hell warmed over, and nobody will tell me what happened.”

She felt his brow and it was cool. Relief made her light-headed. Good thing she was sitting. “What matters is that you’re all right now.”

“
Marina
said you found me on the beach.” At Olivia’s uncomprehending look, he added, “
Marina
is Panos’s mother.”

The matronly woman. “Together with Panos, yes. We were worried when you didn’t show up for work.” She took his hand and stroked his fingers. They were skinned and scratched. “What do you remember?”

He frowned. “I went to swim. I remember that. I remember pain.” He looked down at his bare chest. “I don’t know anything after that.” Panic entered his eyes and he tugged on her hand. “Is everyone okay? Did anyone—?”

“Everyone’s okay.” She smoothed down her blouse. She’d changed after the strange ritual on the beach and combed her hair, but she felt like she couldn’t get the grit out of her eyes.

“But you’re not,” he said, his hand lifting to cup her face. “Were you crying?”

“It was nothing.” She couldn’t help leaning into his touch. “I was worried.”

“You cried for me?” He sounded incredulous.

“Of course I cried for you, dummy, I’m...”
In love with you, and you scared me to death and I didn’t know what to do.
“You had a fever,” she said instead, “and you were in pain and the doctor didn’t know what was wrong.”

“It doesn’t hurt now,” he whispered, his gaze soft and warm, and she had a feeling he was talking about something else, something far more important that the strange bout of illness.

She smiled. “I’m glad.” So glad, and bone tired and empty like a bottle out of which someone had shaken the last drop of wine.

He tugged on her hand. “Rest with me.”

She didn’t need much persuasion. She toed off her sandals and curled against his side, her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. He was all right, she hadn’t fucked up, hadn’t let him fall. He was alive and warm in her arms.

Everything was fine with the world. The thought made her shift uncomfortably, because she had a feeling there was something she should be doing, something not fine with the world yet — but he kissed her and she melted, losing her trail of thought. She lifted her hand to his face and traced the curve of his jaw, and he deepened the kiss, drawing her closer until she was lying halfway on top of him.

She jerked back. “I’ll hurt you.”

“You can’t hurt me,” he said, his voice rumbling in his chest underneath her, and he stroked her back. His eyes were hooded and dark, smiling.

Couldn’t she? There it was again, the feeling she was forgetting something important.

Then he tilted her face up and covered her lips with his mouth once more, erasing the world.
   

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Shakespeare

To gain love, he may choose to lose the world.

Myra
Crow

Voices woke her up. Familiar voices, which was why they’d managed to pierce the dark fog of sleep hanging over her. Groggily Olivia raised her head from her warm and nice smelling pillow, which turned out to be Kai’s shoulder.

Kirsten’s voice. And Markus’s. And a male voice she was sure she knew, but couldn’t place.

Fully awake now, Olivia sat up. Kai was fast asleep, his face slack, his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids. Dreaming.

She shifted bit by bit until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She should go out and tell everyone to be quiet before they woke Kai up. He looked worn; he needed his rest.

When she stood up, though, his dark eyes blinked open, staring right at her. “Liv?”

“Hey.” She smiled, feeling warm under his gaze. “Go back to sleep. I’ll just go take a shower in my room and change.”

“I need to move. My joints feel rusty.” He grimaced as he sat up. She moved to help him but he managed and swung his legs off the bed, the sheet bunched over his lap. “Um.” His cheekbones colored. “Do you mind finding me some clothes before you go?”

She covered a snort behind her hand, and nodded. “Wait here.”

“Good idea.”

Oh god, he looked delicious like that, half-naked, flushed and smiling. Maybe she should pull that sheet off him and...

Bad girl. Behave.
Kai still looked exhausted and shaky. “I’ll be right back.”

She crossed the hall and glanced around. Her friends weren’t there. Had they stepped in to check on her before heading back out?

Panos’s mother didn’t seem to be about, either.

A door gaped open at the far end of the living room, into a kitchen. Inside she found a round table and chairs, and an ironing board topped with a pile of carefully folded clothes. Men’s clothes. Panos’s most probably. She quickly grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of black slacks and returned to Kai who still sat primly on the bed, wrapped in the sheet.

“I’ll go walk by the pool,” he said, accepting the clothes with a raised brow. “See you later?”

“Yeah, I won’t be long.” She kissed him lightly on the lips and left with quick strides, before she changed her mind and unwrapped him from that sheet like a Christmas present.

Grabbing her key from Rita who manned the reception desk, she took the elevator and entered her room. It felt weird to be back there, after all that had happened — the panic and the magic and the relief in the end.

She didn’t linger in the shower, only scrubbed the salt and sand off her skin, and let the warm water sluice through her tangled hair. She combed it through with her fingers. With a towel around her head, she brushed her teeth and sorted through her last items of clean clothing, choosing randomly a white cotton shirt and shorts. She slipped on underwear, clothes and shoes, then rubbed her hair with the towel and deemed herself ready.

She wanted to be with Kai, talk to him, try to figure this out. Wanted to know if he thought those shiny pebbles Professor Skein had gathered were scales —
his scales
— and what he should do with them. If he believed it was important that the sea returned them, and what it might mean.

Loud voices greeted her as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. Kirsten and Markus arguing with Rita.

Jesus, what now?

She found them in the lobby. Kirsten’s face brightened when she saw Olivia, then fell again. What the hell was going on?

“We looked everywhere for you,” Markus said.

“Why?” Alarms went off inside her head. After what had happened today, anything was to be expected. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

“Nothing bad,” Kirsten glared at Markus. “It’s just that Justin is here. He says you knew he was on his way.”

“Justin?” Her ex boyfriend? She gaped at Kirsten. “Are you serious?”

“He’s at the beach bar. He says he sent you a message telling you he’d be coming. He’s been here since yesterday.”

This made no sense. Although, trying to think back, there had been this weird text she’d received from him on the way to
Balos
Beach
, saying something about a flight. She’d erased the message from her phone and her mind in one stroke.

“What is he doing here? I thought he canceled his flight.”

“No idea.” Kirsten huffed. “He says he wants to talk to you.”

“And he came all the way here to talk?”

“Says such things can’t be worked out on the phone.”

There was nothing to work out. And yet... perhaps talking to him would be a good idea. Get some things clear. Forgive and be forgiven. Move on.

“Okay, fine.” She set out across the lobby and found her friends rushing to keep up. She stopped. “If you don’t mind, I want to talk to Justin alone.”

“Liv...” Kirsten looked like she wanted to say something more, but Olivia didn’t want to hear it. “Fine.”

Rita harrumphed, and Olivia ignored her, too. This was her business, her life to put in order. Rita seemed generally unhappy with Olivia’s decisions. Well, she couldn’t please everyone.

As long as Kai was happy, she didn’t give a damn.

It was late afternoon, she realized when she stepped outside and the sun hit her eyes, sitting low on the horizon. Where had the day gone? Then she saw Justin coming up the path to meet her, the light catching on his golden hair, and stopped in her tracks.

Talk about surreal. That morning she’d woken up in Kai’s arms, had found him half-dead on the beach, had gone through an ancient magical rite and now she was meeting the man she’d dated before coming here, the man who’d insisted on marrying her and then berated her and yelled at her when she wouldn’t reconsider.

A human reaction.

Kai was human, too. But he was infinitely different. And she liked him as he was.

“Livvy.” Justin reached out for her hand and she stepped back.

She only wanted Kai to hold her hand. “Justin. Kirsten tells me you want to talk.” She swallowed hard. “You paid a flight just for that?”

“I just postponed my flight,” he said, his hand dropping to his side and his brows knitting in a scowl. “I never canceled it.”

So cool and collected. After their passionate argument and the insults that had flown back and forth, he’d thought about everything and decided not to waste his vacation. “I thought with these cheap flights, changing the date would cost as much as buying a new ticket.”

He shrugged. “Money’s not a problem.”

It had never been, had it? A rich family, anything he’d ever wanted always within reach. Not that hers was poor, but still. There was rich and rich. “So you’ll be here for a week?”

“Yes.”

“Alone?”

“You’re here,” he said.

Whatever
. “Let’s get this over with. What did you want to talk about?”

“Don’t be like that, Livvy.”

“Olivia.” She licked her dry lips. “It’s Olivia.”

“Why are you so mad at me? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Right.
She was the one in the wrong, because she’d rejected his offer, which made her the bad guy. Nothing new there. “You called me a selfish idiot and a waste of your time, Justin.”

“I was upset. I didn’t mean it. And you said I was pushy and arrogant and didn’t care about you.”

Problem was, she’d meant the things she’d said. Now more than ever. But she didn’t want to start another argument. “I was upset, too,” she muttered.

“I see you still are,” he said quietly. He grabbed her hand before she could react and pulled her toward the bar. “We need to talk.”

She was so shocked she didn’t jerk her hand loose until they were in the shade of the thatch roof. “What’s wrong with you?” She backed away, anger heating her neck. “Don’t touch me again.”

“I only want to talk.”

“Well, you know what? I don’t, and you can’t always have what you want. You’ll eventually learn to live with that.”

Her heart thumping too loud in her ears, she turned to go. She thought she saw movement up the path, partly obscured by the ornamental plants. Was someone there?

“You’re leaving
Crete
tomorrow, Olivia,” he called from behind her. “Do you want to go back alone?”

Leaving tomorrow. That had been the bad thing she’d been trying to remember.
Oh god.
“I’m not alone. Kirsten and Markus are with me.”

“Stay.”

She blinked and slowed to a stop. “What?”

“I’ll buy you another ticket. It’s not a problem.”

“Maybe not for you.”

“Come on, Olivia. We fit like hand and glove. We know each other so well.” He cleared his throat. “I still want you.”

Want, not love. He still wanted her. She’d been a bad girl, but he’d give her another chance.

Seriously?

She glanced back at him. He looked earnest, his light eyes intense, his golden hair sticking up. His lips tilted up as she observed him, that arrogant little smirk she’d come to know so well, the one that said he knew he looked good in his expensive sports clothes, with his expensive haircut, his handsome face and the hold he’d had on her since she’d met him. She’d been lost when she’d arrived to
Germany
, and he’d been nice and comfortable to be with. And then he’d become a habit. A crutch.

Her fault, too, for not letting go as soon as she’d realized she didn’t love him. She’d been with him for half a year, and although he knew what she liked for breakfast and what sort of music she listened to, he’d never gotten to the core of her. Never found out what made her tick, what made her laugh and cry. What could break her and make her whole again.

Unlike Kai, with his hermit’s hut and his mother’s poem collection under his bed, his brilliant smile and the pain in his eyes that matched her own.

“You don’t know me,” she said, willing him to understand. “I don’t know you.”

“We need more time, that’s all. Stay this week with me, and then we can go back State-side together. We can make this work.”