Away From the Sun (25 page)

I loved how tightly he held my hand. I didn’t want him to let go. Seeing his excitement, his need to show me whatever it was he wanted to show me, made me feel giddy. I hadn’t really felt giddy about anything since I was a little kid. Somehow Gilbert brought it out of me.
 

Naturally, precaution took over me as we continued through the woods. “Jerome’s going to be mad that we’re playing around when we should be looking for supplies.”

“Sometimes the best supply we can own is a happy memory,” Gilbert said. “I’m taking you to one of mine.”

I couldn’t guess what he was taking me to until I started to hear it. It was the sound of water, but not like the sound of a small stream, rather a wild rushing sound that engulfed the senses.

When the branches and bushes started to clear, we came up on a small bank next to one of the most spectacular sights I had ever seen. To our left, about fifty feet up, was a waterfall. The gushing water looked like salt pouring over the side of a cliff until it sprinkled into clouds of misty vapor, pooling at the bottom. A stream that was traveling away from the waterfall was as clear as crystal.
 

Gilbert squeezed my hand tighter and turned to look at me. “I grew up not too far from here. I used to come here by myself all the time to be alone. It’s my favorite place in all the world.”

The sight of the waterfall and the look of happiness on Gilbert’s face brought tears to my eyes. “I bet you brought all your girlfriends here,” I said, wiping the moisture from my face.
 

“I’ve never brought anyone else here,” he said, staring up at the waterfall.
 

We set our weapons on the ground and took off our shoes. The water was cold when we stepped into it, but it was refreshing. As we walked, I would occasionally pick up a pebble that looked particularly shiny, but then toss it back into the water, watching the tiny fish scatter. I tried to think about making a home here. There was plenty of water, and surely bigger fish came through, right? I pushed the thought from my head. That’s not what this place is for. This is just for today. Just for now. For us.
 

“I found an arrowhead in here once,” Gilbert announced as he waded behind me.
 

I smiled at him, thinking about all the times he must have been here in his own little world—a world that, if even briefly, he allowed me to enter.
 

“You look a little hot,” he said with a devious grin.

“Why, thank you,” I said, lifting an eyebrow.
 

“No, I mean I think you could use a dip.”

“Don’t you dare!” But it was too late. He rushed toward me and before I could run away he picked me up in his arms and I was at his mercy. “Don’t dip me, Gilbert! It’s cold!”

He lowered me to the edge of the water, pretending like he was going to drop me but then pulled me up in the last second.
 

“If I’m going under, you’re going with me,” I said.
 

He stood there, seemingly thinking about the prospect. Then he shrugged. “Sounds good.”

I barely let out a scream before we were both completely submerged in the icy stream. At first I felt shock and I wanted to swim up immediately, but after just a second, the water didn’t feel so cold. I decided to stay under and I opened my eyes to find that Gilbert was staying under with me. His mouth spread into a huge smile and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. I wished I could breathe under water because I didn’t want to go back up. This underwater world was safe from everything that haunted us on the outside. Here in this pool we were happy…alone…at peace.

We decided to build a fire and try to somewhat dry off before heading back to the others in our group. We sat in full view of the waterfall. I marveled at how the water just kept pouring and never stopped. It felt infinite and alive.
 

“This is what gives me hope,” Gilbert said.
 

“The waterfall?” I asked.
 

“The sense of it,” he answered. “To know that there is a place where I can feel completely safe and not worry means that other places can be that way too. The virus isn’t everywhere. It isn’t here. This is my happy memory.”

I smiled, trying to think of my own happy memory. “I guess mine used to be my treehouse.”

“Where you used to live?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I haven’t even been in it for years, but I loved that place when I was a kid. It was my spot to get away from my little sister mostly, but from the whole world too. Of course, it’s probably not safe anymore like here.”

“You never know,” Gilbert said with a grin.
 

“It can’t be.”

“Well, make this your new place of hope,” he said. His hand reached to my wet, cold back and he pulled me in closer to him. “Make this your happy memory.”
 

Our lips touched and despite the chilled clothes that clung to my skin, I never felt so warm. I never felt so safe. I never had so much hope.

One Year Ago

“But we aren’t that far,” I pleaded.
 

Jerome looked at me and then shook his head. “It’s been two years, Remi. Your family won’t be there. And unless we’re going on a supply run, it would be suicide. Oakridge is more overrun than the Epicenter.”

I found it hard to believe that he really knew that. Sure, everyone assumed that because Oakridge was a giant residential area that it was more overrun, but none of us had been there since the outbreak. I guessed it was something that I had to do for myself. I looked at Amy and Gene, but they averted their eyes. Only Gilbert agreed with me, but that wouldn’t help my case. All the others knew how he and I felt about each other.
 

“I think we should go,” Gilbert said. “She has a right to know what happened to her family.”

“Not all of us get that luxury,” Jerome said coldly.
 

The night was cool, and the group was eager to fall asleep. The summer heat had been so terrible and tiring. At least we’d all be able to sleep better. The five of us had found a small house in the middle of nowhere. I knew we were only about twenty miles from my home, but Jerome’s plan to head west instead of north was not going to change.

That night, I took first watch. I was always glad when I got first watch. That meant I would be able to sleep through the rest of the night without interruption. The only downside was that the person who got first watch would get last watch on the next night. And to me, last watch was the worst. I always had a feeling that Gene and Amy cheated a little whenever they had a shift in the middle of the night, sleeping when they were supposed to be alert.
 

There had only been a few times over the past few months that we’ve had to wake the entire group over something moving in the distance. A couple of them were false alarms, but one of the instances set us on the run.

Of course, recent times had not been nearly as bad as the beginning. Gilbert and I found Jerome, Amy, and Gene about a week after our meeting at the convenience store. The decision to join up with them was an easy one. Basically, they asked us if we had weapons and did we know how to use them? When we answered
‘yes’
then we were in. But all of us felt that five was enough. We were a small enough group that we could travel virtually unnoticed, but large enough to make shifts through the nights bearable.

For the first little while, it seemed that we were all traveling without much of a purpose. There had been rumors of refugee camps and safety centers, but anytime we got near one, we learned of a new outbreak from within. The ‘safety’ centers seemed more dangerous than the outside world.
 

But for the past two years, that was our life. We scavenged for food, fought off raiders, took out greyskins, but mostly we searched for safe haven. And we never found it.

I held my rifle close to me as I sat on the porch swing at the front of the house, staring out into the darkness, ready to see anything move. I was happy for the moonlight because it allowed me to see much farther. Without it, there was hardly a reason to keep watch.
 

I jumped when I heard a door creak behind me, but sighed when Gilbert walked out.
 

“My shift isn’t over yet,” I said.
 

He held a crowbar in his hands—not expecting a fight, just prepared for one. He sat in the porch swing next to me and we rocked gently.
 

“I know,” he said. “I’m just making sure you are okay.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “I don’t need to go to Oakridge. In this world, two years is an eternity. I bet my family has moved on even if they are still alive.”

“I’m willing to go with you,” Gilbert said.
 

I turned my head toward him. The moon lit only half of his face, but I could tell that he was being sincere. I reached my hand out and rubbed his shoulder. It traveled from his shoulder to his neck, and then I pulled his face to me. Our lips pressed together and the warm feeling of the kiss seemed to make everything better. He kissed me back, his hands reaching my waist. I rested my forehead against his and I felt a single teardrop fall down my cheek.

Gilbert reached up and wiped it away. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re good to me,” I said. “I’ve needed you from the beginning and you’re here. You’ve been here the whole time. That means everything to me.”

“The others have been here the whole time too,” Gilbert said with a grin.
 

“I’m grateful for them too.”

“I couldn’t believe you still wanted me around after shooting at you that day at the convenience store.”

“I just imagine you missed on purpose,” I said. “Otherwise, your shooting was terrible.”

“I missed on purpose.”

“Oh, I see…” I pull away from him, leaving my hand resting on his. It was weird to feel this way about a guy. At least, I’m sure it seemed weird to the others. Life was about surviving, not petty relationships. But this wasn’t petty at all. Gilbert and I had been a team from day…three, I guess. And that meant something.
 

“I’m taking you to Oakridge,” he said.
 

I shook my head at him. “There’s no point. Jerome is right. It would only be an unnecessary risk.”

“Maybe not with just the two of us,” he said.
 

“But really, if things are as bad out there as people say, then my family is long gone—whether they’re dead or undead.”

“It would be a good chance for you to show me your old treehouse,” he said, standing from the swing.
 

I look away from him, staring out into the night. “There’s no point.”

“Yeah there is. I’ll talk to them in the morning. It’s only a day trip.”

He left the porch before I could say anything else. I knew he was just trying to be nice to me, but I really didn’t want him to talk to the group. I had made my case and the decision had been final. We weren’t going to Oakridge. The next morning, despite my objections, Gilbert brought it up.

“Not only would it be good for Remi to explore her old home,” he said, “but there are tons of houses which means there are tons of supplies.”

“I disagree,” Gene said. He scratched at his blonde beard nervously. “It’s been two years since the outbreak. You know as well as anyone those houses are most likely ransacked.”

“And if they’re not,” Amy added, “then they are too dangerous to try.”

“I still agree with the others,” Jerome said. He looked at me. “I’m sorry, Remi. It’s three-to-two.”

“Four-to-one, actually” I said, shaking my head. “All of you are right. There’s no point. If I haven’t found my family now, I probably never will.”

The look Gilbert gave me sent daggers into my stomach. I betrayed him. All he wanted was to help me, but I made him look like the desperate one. I looked down at the floor, averting my eyes from his.

We traveled in a caravan of vehicles. Jerome led the way in one, while Gene and Amy traveled in the third vehicle behind me and Gilbert. All the backs of the vehicles were filled with supplies like blankets, clothes and tools. None of us knew where we were going. I mean, we had an idea of what towns we wanted to hit up, hopefully ones with solid shelter and more supplies. I was driving the middle car with Gilbert in the front passenger seat and I could tell he was mad at me. We were supposed to be a team and he had tried to be on my side.
 

“I’m sorry I went against you earlier,” I said.
 

He stared out the window, saying nothing.
 

“It’s just…I don’t know…part of me doesn’t even want to see if my family is there. What if I went and found the greyskin versions of my parents and sister? That would be far worse than not finding them at all. And I’ve already given up hope, so why bring hope back?”

“How very cynical of you,” he said.
 

“Have you seen the world we live in, Gilbert? Wake up! There’s no point in chasing after dreams. All we can do is our best to survive.”

“You’ve changed,” Gilbert said, still staring out the window. “You used to be upbeat. Hopeful. You had a spark. You wanted more than to just survive. You wanted to try and build a life.” He turned his head to look at me. “What about the waterfall? Our happy memory? Have you just given up hope?”

I don’t answer him for a long time. It might have been two minutes before I finally whispered, “Yes.”

He let out a sigh. “I was afraid of that. I’ve seen it on the others’ faces. They’ve all given up hope of finding a place to settle. Of building a life. I hadn’t seen it on your face until this morning. Until right now.”

“Then I guess you’re next,” I said. I instantly wished I hadn’t said it. It was like poison dripping out of my mouth. Here Gilbert was trying to talk of hope for the future and the only response I could think of was to tell him that he will one day give up that hope. I felt ashamed.
 

We didn’t say another word to each other until we stopped the cars a few hours later. All of us got out to stretch our legs and survey the area. We were on the outskirts of a small town that seemed empty, but likely wasn’t.