Awakening (13 page)

‘Yes.’ Evan cleared his throat when the word came out as a croak and tried again. ‘I’ll be right there.’

He shoved his dick back in his pants and stooped to pick up the remnants of Claire’s thong. He brought the scrap of silk to his nose and inhaled the soft, feminine musk that was now for ever seared into his senses. Shoving the fabric into his pocket, he went to help his customer and try to marshal his thoughts and find some order in the maelstrom of emotions surging through him.

He reached for the stack of books he’d left on the table and only then did the book she’d been reading draw his attention. Fuck! His heart clenched hard even as his cock wanted to come back to life. It was
The Story of O
. The quintessential story of submission. Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck!

Chapter Nine – Surrender

K
NOCK
. K
NOCK
. K
NOCK
.

The sound of the brass knocker on the loft’s door startled Claire out of her sullen wallow. No one visited her without calling first. Hell, no one visited her. Period. The last thing she wanted was to deal with a stranger right now. Her nerves were still vibrating after what had happened with Evan. Not even a shower and a shot of whiskey had calmed her.

Maybe if she ignored them, they’d go away. She pulled her robe tighter and hunched over on the sofa, where she perched with her arms wrapped around her knees as she rocked back and forth.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

So much for them going away. If anything, they were getting more insistent. Chester had made his way over to the door and was snuffling and mewling a bit, but he wasn’t barking, at least. She might still be able to get away with pretending to be out.

‘Claire!’ Evan’s deep baritone sounded through the heavy steel door.

At the sound of his voice, Claire’s heart set up a pounding rhythm that stole her breath. Her heart was thunking in her rib cage like an inmate at the penitentiary demanding freedom. Her limbs went liquid as she shuffled to the door. Her stomach twisted in a knot and her chest constricted. Breathing was becoming next to impossible. Her hand was surprisingly steady as she opened the door. The sight that greeted her, however, was not reassuring. Evan filled the doorframe, looking anything but happy. Grim. That was the word. He looked like he was facing a firing squad.

‘Evan?’ She knew she was gaping, but she was stunned. ‘Why are you here? Wait? How did you even know where I lived?’ Her voice was growing shrill as her nerves reasserted themselves.

‘May I come in, Claire?’ His voice was flat and low and he didn’t meet her eyes.

‘Why?’ She still couldn’t wrap her mind around him being at her door.

He squeezed his eyes closed and huffed out an exasperated breath before saying, ‘Because this isn’t a conversation we need to be having in your hallway.’

Claire’s blood went cold at that statement. What in the hell could he possibly intend to say to her? She didn’t bother to speak as she moved aside and waved him in. He stopped short as Chester made his presence known, but to his credit he just stood there and let the dog sniff until he gave a satisfied snort and went to lie on his bed at the end of the cream, leather sofa. Evan took up residence in one of the red, suede club chairs that flanked her sofa at either end of the antique chest she used as a coffee table. He set something on the chest and then settled back into the chair and, finally, looked directly at her.

His dark chocolate eyes were almost black and the grimness was even more pronounced as she noted lines of stress that hadn’t been there earlier. He was wearing the same clothes he’d worn before and looked as if he’d just come from the shop, which, from a quick glance at the clock on the cable box, would have closed about 45 minutes before.

‘Please sit down, Claire.’ He waved vaguely in the direction of her couch.

She felt rooted to the spot she was standing on. Some strange misgiving washed across her and made her want to walk the other way, not toward him. It was only then that she comprehended what he’d placed on the table. It was her book. The one she’d planned to take as her prize.
The Story of O.

She remained where she was and felt the heat suffuse her body as she flushed deeply. He knew. Knew that she was exploring submission. Oh. Jesus Christ. How could he not after what she’d done in the store?

‘Claire.’ Evan’s voice was soft but firm, and her eyes snapped to his. ‘Sit down.’

His tone brooked no argument, and this time she complied. Moving to her sofa and sitting deliberately in the very middle so that she was as far away from him as was reasonable, but close enough that they could talk in normal tones. She started to reach for the book, but dropped her hand into her lap instead.

‘Evan, why are you here? And how did you find me?’ She couldn’t wait for him to continue at this point. She was bursting with nervous energy.

‘First, you’re registered at the shop; I have your address in the system. As for why am I here … I’ve been asking myself that question the whole way over here.’ His tone was distracted and he was staring off toward the door. ‘I think this conversation is way past overdue, but I’m not at all sure how to have it.’

‘Look,’ Claire interjected. She didn’t want to wait for him to let her down easily. She didn’t need the rejection. ‘About what happened at the store. You don’t need to concern yourself –’

She stopped abruptly as Evan narrowed his eyes and drew his eyebrows together in a fierce scowl.

‘I don’t need to concern myself with what, Claire?’ he asked in a low, harsh voice. It was as if all that smoky scotch had just frozen. ‘The fact that I took advantage of you? Or the fact that you submitted to me?’

Hearing him voice the true nature of that act caused her body to go into hyperdrive. She could feel her nipples tightening and the flesh of her pussy quivering, but she was determined to handle this like an adult.

‘Whether I …’ She fluttered her hand in his direction, unable to say the words. So much for handling this like an adult. ‘You know or not,’ she continued lamely, pushing imaginary strands of hair out of her face, ‘is not relevant. The only thing that matters is that we handle ourselves like adults. You don’t need to concern yourself –’

Claire fell back into the sofa as Evan growled and stood, snatching the book off the table and thrusting it in her direction.

‘What exactly is your dom going to think about that little interaction? Hmm? Or are you planning on keeping it from him?’ He stood over her, speaking through gritted teeth. His ribcage rose and fell with each tortured breath.

Claire gaped at him as she tried to make heads or tails of the words.
Dom?
What in the hell?

‘I have no idea what you are talking about.’

Evan squeezed his eyes shut briefly, then looked directly at her. Claire had no idea what to make of the look of pain that crossed his face. When he spoke again it was with the tortured slowness of an adult talking with someone who was a bit slow. The anger that began to burn in Claire’s belly was anything but slow, however.

‘The man you’re seeing? Given your propensity for D/s erotica –’ he waved the book in her face again ‘– I’m assuming this man is your dom. Were you my sub, I’d expect you to be telling me everything with no exceptions. So again, I ask you, are you going to tell him and, in which case, how do I not have to concern myself with overstepping such a boundary?’

All hesitancy left Claire as she realised the gross assumptions he was making. He could be such an ass! Shooting to her feet, she pulled herself up as straight as she could manage in light of her petite stature to his gargantuan size and said, with as much dignity as she could muster, ‘You’re a complete ass, you know that?’

Evan’s eyes went wide and his mouth gaped just a little bit as Claire’s unexpected response registered.

‘Sit down and listen.’ Claire pointed at the chair he had vacated and was immensely relieved when he cooperated, albeit very reluctantly. ‘You have absolutely no idea what the hell you are talking about. Why is it that you make so many fucking assumptions where I’m concerned yet can’t be bothered to ask one fucking question?’ She caught the raised eyebrow at her colourful language but she really didn’t care. ‘Drop your eyebrow, I know I’m cursing, but you’ve really pissed me off. Again.’

She stopped and took a deep breath to calm herself down. It wouldn’t do any good to just rail at him; she needed to ratchet it back. Returning to her seat on the sofa, she continued, ‘I am not seeing anyone and I don’t have a dom. So you
don’t
need to concern yourself with anything. OK. Got it?’

He didn’t answer but just looked at her, his face unreadable for long, uncomfortable moments. She refused to give in to the urge to fill the silence, and returned his gaze despite the fact that it felt as if all her secrets were writing themselves across her forehead like one of those scrolling, digital tickers they had on all the news shows.

Finally, he tilted his head slightly in the direction of the table that backed up against her sofa and said, ‘Who is he then?’ He indicated a photo of Claire and Marcus that she’d only recently added to the collection of knick-knacks and framed photos of Chester that adorned the table. ‘I’ve seen you with him.’

Something in the tone of those words had Claire’s eyes shooting back to Evan’s face, but she saw nothing. Not one little twitch of an eye muscle even. Well, two could play the “you can’t read me” game.

Schooling her face to blankness, she said, ‘That’s Marcus.’ She waited two beats, just enough time to take a small pleasure in the narrowing of Evan’s eyes, and added, ‘My brother.’

His eyes flared briefly before he schooled them back to impassivity and said, ‘Your brother. You two must be very close then. I mistook you for lovers the night I saw you at dinner.’

Claire almost laughed out loud, but she saw that he was completely serious and, again, something in his tone warned her now was not the time to push him too far. He seemed – raw.

‘At Luna Bella?’ she asked, and took his sharp nod as confirmation. ‘I hadn’t seen Marcus in ten years before that night. That was a reunion of sorts.’ Her voice trailed off as she thought back to that night and how good it had felt to reconnect with Marcus; she didn’t try to control the smile playing around her lips. ‘Yes, I guess we were rather affectionate given the circumstances.’

‘So you aren’t seeing anyone?’

She shook her head.

‘Answer me properly, Claire.’ The words came out clipped and sharp.

Claire felt her body respond immediately to Evan’s command. She squeezed her thighs a bit more tightly and considered whether to answer him or not. She knew if she did she was taking a step down a path that
she
wanted, but she wasn’t at all sure he did.

‘No, I’m not seeing anyone.’

Evan’s lips quirked briefly, but he said only, ‘And you have no dom?’

‘No, I don’t have a dom.’

‘But you want one.’ This last was no question.

She remained silent.

‘Answer me, Claire.’

Her eyes snapped once again to his, but she said only, ‘I fail to see what business of yours that is.’

‘The minute you submitted to me in my store it became my business. Do you think submission is a joke? Something to be taken lightly?’

‘No.’ Her chin rose a smidge higher as she strove to rein in her growing annoyance. ‘I do not. If I did, I would have already found a willing man to dominate me, I’m quite sure.’

‘You’ve been looking.’ Again, not a question. He really was quite arrogant.

‘No.’ She didn’t elaborate.

‘But you want a dom.’

She remained silent.

‘Answer me, Claire.’

‘No. You are not my dom, I do not owe you my obedience. So you answer me. Why do you care?’ She was fuming now. ‘You show up on my doorstep and start drilling me on things that are none of your business. You
tell me why
or I don’t answer shit.’ She crossed her arms over her chest, even knowing how childish it seemed. Evan’s laugh caught her completely off guard.

He leant forward, chuckling and shaking his head as he rested his elbows on his knees. ‘OK. Fair enough.’ Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through his hair, leaving him tousled and sexy as ever, but it was his words that stole her breath. ‘I’ve been watching you and even making sure to leave out selections for you to read. After what happened in the store, I’m convinced more than ever you are a submissive, but you need a dom to take you down this path. You say you don’t have one. I’m offering to be that dom and teach you what you need to know.’

What in the fuck had he just said? That was not what he came here to do. He came here to set things straight between them. To apologise for his loss of control. To put to rest this weirdness between them once and for all. And, now he was offering to dominate her? To initiate her into BDSM?

He waited for the pain, the suffocating grief, the recriminations, but he felt strangely blank. Maybe he was supposed to do this? He
was
very concerned for her safety if she was poorly initiated. It didn’t have to be sexual. It could just be about teaching her. He didn’t have to fuck her. He wouldn’t fuck her. Yes! He wouldn’t fuck her.

‘Did you hear me?’ Claire’s voice broke into his rationalisations. He took in the confused look on her face.

‘Huh?’ He could’ve smacked himself. Great recovery.

‘I said –’ she cocked her head to one side, giving him a speculative glance ‘– did you hear me?’

‘No.’ He saw no use in dissembling. ‘My thoughts ran away with me.’

‘So, I’m supposed to let a man dom me who can’t even keep his concentration in a basic conversation?’

That stung.

‘Sit properly and pay attention.’ The order was snapped out in a flat tone; he didn’t even raise his voice, but was very pleased that she instinctively complied.

He could see the look of consternation on her face at having responded to the command, but refrained from giving into the urge to smile. She was testy with him, and rightfully so.